A.N Wow you've probably all forgotten all about me and this story its been so long since I updated...I want to give you all a huge apology for that...Sometimes real life just gets in the way of the fictionalworld I create here thatI would prefer to be losing myself in...Well unfortunately I can't promise any more updates any time soon as I'm moving house this weekend and have to have the internet connected at my new apartment which they are saying could take up to a month...But hopefully that will just give me lots of time to work on some new chapters for you all...Hope this one was worth the extraordinarily long wait...I did make it a really long one to try and make up for that...So enjoy and I promise the next one will include some of that man we all love...Ahh Nathan...Where on earth do I get one of him?...Lol...
A Time Best Forgotten
Part One
A Woman Scorned
Brooke dropped the book to the ground the urge to scrub her skin overwhelming. What she had just read went above and beyond anything she would ever have dreamed possible. She felt as if the words had somehow coated her in their filth, the nature of the torment Haley had endured not merely confined to the page but tainting the air around her. She was finding it difficult to breathe and knew she had to get away from it. Turning she walked briskly into the house pausing as she saw Taylor sitting on the sofa a half empty bottle of whiskey standing on the table before her an empty glass beside it. She could see the freshly formed ice cubes sitting untouched in the glass. She crossed her arms over her chest as she looked at the other woman, no matter what the circumstances the very sight of the other woman was enough to make her skin crawl. Her feelings made more than apparent to Taylor as she looked up and caught sight of the glare Brooke regarded her with.
"For your information Brooke I haven't touched a damn drop so quit looking at me like that. I read the same stuff you did and the last thing I need right now is your sanctimonious bullshit so either keep your opinions to yourself or go home."
Brooke didn't say a word in response, simply stalked over to where Taylor sat taking the glass from her hand and picking up the bottle with her other hand. She poured a large drink then tipping her head back downed the entire contents of the glass in one gulp. She pulled a face as the alcohol burnt its way down her throat before turning back to Taylor.
"I would think if there was ever a situation that called for a drink then this is it. Here," she said thrusting the bottle in the other woman's direction. Taylor took it wordlessly not bothering with a glass as she drank straight from the bottle.
Brooke sat down opposite Taylor both silent initially as they processed the enormity of what they had read passing the bottle back and forth between them intermittently until it was empty.
Minutes stretched endlessly before them before Brooke spoke again. "How do we help her?" she asked in a small voice.
"I wish I knew," Taylor answered. "I don't know how she survived as long as she did with everything that he did to her. Someone should have put a stop to it long ago." Brooke stiffened as Taylor's words hit her, wondering how she could know that she had known and not acted all those years ago. She shot a look in the other woman's direction looking for the accusation that she was certain would be present in her eyes.
Taylor though was unaware of the guilt suffocating Brooke because she was too caught up in her own feelings of self blame. After reading the journals she could no longer attempt to justify her long ago decision to walk away from Haley when whether or not she had consciously admitted it she had been aware that her baby sister was in the clutches of a monster. She had known the truth and left her there and for that she could never forgive herself.
Brooke on the other hand while dealing with her own feelings of blame for what she had done or more to the point failed to do had to face up to the fact that she had left Haley there because of her own anger and feelings of betrayal. She had been too caught up in how it was all affecting her, in her grief over Peyton that she had willingly walked away from someone that she had considered a friend consigning her to a life of pure hell.
Suddenly the words filling her mind spilled forth from her mouth startling Taylor with the force behind them.
"This is all my fault. I should have made her leave. God what sort of friend does this make me?" she said throwing her hands up into the air for emphasis.
Taylor stared at her in shock waiting for her tirade to end. She hardly knew what to say in response, she couldn't begin to imagine why Brooke would hold herself responsible for Haley's plight. She knew if anyone was to blame than it was her and yet here Brooke was claiming responsibility for all that had happened.
"Shut up Brooke you're being ridiculous. I know damn well this isn't your fault so quit trying to push yourself into the limelight. Not everything is about you or haven't you figured that out by now?" Taylor had barely looked up as she spoke, her attention focused solely on the glass she held in her hand, the liquid swishing against the sides as she turned it around examining it closely as if looking for the meaning of life amidst its amber depths.
Brooke however was anything but calm as she stood arms akimbo glaring at the other woman. "You actually have the gall to accuse me of being self centred? Have you taken a look in the mirror lately? You the queen of narcissism is sitting here telling me that I'm only interested in myself. What the hell do you think I'm doing here? If I was so selfish I would have told you to Fuck Off when you called me asking me to come but instead I packed up my life, left my job that I love to come back here, the one place I never wanted to set foot in again. Do you really think I enjoy being here with you?" she spat the words at Taylor venom shooting from her eyes.
Taylor stood leaning aggressively towards Brooke one finger pointed menacingly close to her face. "Don't you dare come into my house and start with your high and mighty shit. We've all heard your sob story Brooke. Yes I slept with Lucas, yes I got pregnant and yes it happened after Peyton's funeral but did it ever occur to you why Brooke. Did it for one second cross your tiny little brain as to just why it happened. It was because of you Brooke because you were too caught up in how everything was affecting you to actually stop and think that maybe other people were hurting too. You weren't there for him Brooke so somebody had to be."
"Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me. You're trying to tell me that that entire disgusting mess was somehow my fault. You're trying to tell me I'm somehow to blame for the fact that you're nothing but a slut, a fake blonde tramp who would fuck just about anyone or anything that looked sideways at you. My best friend in the world had just died not to mention the fact that I had been to see Haley. Maybe I wasn't ready to admit it even to myself but I knew what Chris was doing. I knew and it was eating me up inside but hey according to you I was supposed to forget all about that and baby-sit my boyfriend. He was a big boy and if he couldn't keep it in his pants just because I wasn't paying any attention to him then I guess he's really not who I thought he was." She stood waiting for Taylor to once again accuse her of thinking only of herself the words of defence already forming on her tongue.
But Taylor had latched onto something else in Brooke's burst of vitriol and regarded her curiously for a moment before continuing in a much calmer manner. "You knew?" she asked a touch of incredulity creeping into her tone "But how? I thought I was the only one," she continued almost under her breath but Brooke heard what she said and her own confusion reigned on her face.
But before Brooke could speak Taylor spoke again "And for your information I'm a natural blonde."
"Whatever," Brooke shrugged off her response her interest focused on the other part of what she had said. "What did you mean when you said you thought you were the only one?"
"Nothing," she said hurriedly.
"But," Brooke pressed on clearly not satisfied with her answer.
"But nothing," Taylor interrupted harshly. "It's none of your damn business."
"Taylor for God's sake you said it now if you truly think that you're not the only one then perhaps you should tell me what the hell you are talking about and maybe we can start doing what is best for Haley and stop this bitchiness. You supposedly want to help Haley so let's just concentrate on her. I don't like you and you don't like me….."
"Hah that's putting it mildly," Taylor broke in and was rewarded with a glare from Brooke.
"But," Brooke continued on as if Taylor hadn't even spoken "You and I are all she's got right now. We're the only ones who know the whole truth so we need to talk about this." She paused waiting for Taylor to argue again but the blonde woman remained silent.
As the silence stretched between them Brooke continued in a more gentle tone of voice. "You saw it too didn't you."
There was still no response from the other woman and so Brooke pressed on. "You saw the evidence of what Chris was doing and you walked away just like I did."
"Look she didn't want my help ok. I tried to get her to leave with me and she wouldn't. What the hell did you expect me to do? It's not like I could drag her out of there against her will. Besides," she finished off quietly repeating her earlier words as if trying to convince herself of their truth "she didn't want my help."
As she had spoken her shoulders had slumped even further and it appeared to Brooke that the other woman was literally caving in on herself. The last thing Brooke would pride herself on would be having any understanding whatsoever of what makes Taylor James tick and quite simply she hoped never to have to enter the dark abyss that was Taylor's mind but that didn't mean that Brooke was a complete ogre when it came to Taylor's feelings. It was hard to claim no knowledge of how the other woman was feeling when those exact same feelings were coursing through Brooke's body even as she looked at the other woman.
That counted for little though when it came to Brooke's feelings regarding the older James sister. No matter how much she wanted to simply concentrate on the current situation and how she and Taylor could somehow help Haley together she couldn't shake the unbelievably strong feelings of disgust she felt when she looked at Taylor. Even after all this time the mere sight of her face was enough to conjure all those images that she had tried for so long to bury. She still didn't understand why it had all happened and although she told herself she didn't care what had led to it, deep down just the very mention of the names Lucas Scott and Taylor James was enough to twist her gut into knots. It was killing her just to be in the same town as the two of them and their child and now here she was actually considering doing something that would require her to spend time with at least Taylor on a regular basis.
Brooke could feel her anger growing inside of her as she looked at the other woman sitting painting such a pathetic picture of dejection on the sofa. "What so you think that gives you the right to just walk away? She didn't want your help. What a load of shit. She's your sister."
"Well you know what Brooke I'm not the only one who could have helped her. As you said yourself you knew what Chris was doing to her. But you used every excuse in the world to just bury your head in the sand and act ignorant although I guess that wouldn't have been much of a stretch for you now would it. Ignorance is what you're known best for isn't it or wait is that arrogance. No wait come to think of it back in high school from everything I've heard your best feature was how wide you spread your…."
She was stopped by a stinging slap delivered across her cheek. "You can not be serious. You of all people are accusing me of being a slut. Jesus Taylor I'm surprised you even know who Zach's father is. Or did you just wait till he was born and take a guess based on what he looked like. Hell I don't know if that's the most reliable method you might want to get a DNA test although that will probably only work if you kept a little black book. No hang on there may be another way why don't you go down to the STD clinic I'm sure there will be plenty of your old clients…Oops I mean boyfriends hanging around there. Actually while you're having his DNA tested you might want to have him booked in for some other tests too who knows what he may have picked up in the womb."
"Oh that is it," Taylor screamed. "There is a lot of shit I can take about my past and some of the things I've done but you leave my son out of it. He has nothing to do with this. You say you're here to help Haley well do you want to tell me how rehashing all of your issues with the past is going to help her. Yes Lucas and I fucked and yes as a result we got a son but for Fuck's sake that was five years ago. Move on already."
"Move on…You can't be serious?"
"I know you're going to find this hard to believe but there are bigger issues here than you Brooke. So why don't you take your head out of your ass and start thinking about someone else for a change."
"What the way you do?" Brooke bit out sarcastically "such a model of virtue and compassion for your fellow man. You're a joke Taylor. Whatever you think my faults may be well you've got them all and then some. God knows how Zach has survived this long with you for a mother but I guess its one of those natural survival instinct things. Guess if having you for a mother hasn't killed him nothing will."
"I give up," Taylor said throwing her arms up into the air, "just get out of my house its obvious that you're not here to help Haley and can't see past your own shit enough to actually be of any use so you may as well just leave now."
Brooke looked at the other woman so many emotions swirling around in her body. Here was her chance to walk away, she could probably even justify it to herself later, tell herself that she had wanted to help Haley but Taylor had made it impossible but the truth was she knew that if she walked away now she would be forever saying goodbye to any chance she had of being whole again. Although she found it hard to admit her life in San Diego was anything but fulfilling. She remembered thinking when she had first seen Haley after returning to Tree Hill a couple of days previously that she looked to be nothing more than a shell of who she once was but was she herself any different. She put on a face of bravado and bluster when in public but only she knew about the long, lonely nights she had spent caught up in the 'what ifs' of the past. If she walked away now would she ever be able to truly escape them, would she ever be free of the demons that haunted her dreams at night and if not how could she ever hope to live her life. In actual fact she knew if she walked away now that there would be even more demons to add to the ones already in possession of her soul. Guilt over leaving Haley would eat at her until there was no longer anything left to identify her as the person she once was.
Brooke sat down opposite Taylor watching her quietly.
"Don't you have a plane to catch?" the older woman asked nastily.
"I'm not going anywhere," Brooke said quietly but firmly. "I'm going to stick this out. Haley needs both of us and I'm not leaving till this is resolved one way or another."
Taylor appeared to consider her words for a moment before silently nodding. What she didn't stop to consider though was what exactly it was that Brooke was hoping to resolve.
"Ok well you read those journals just the same as I did. I mean how she survived that last attack that she wrote about in her journal I'll never know. Not so much the physical side but what that must have done to her mind…."
"Stop," Brooke said holding a hand up to put a halt to the other woman's words "I don't think I can talk about it. What we need to find out is if there are more journals. Maybe we could have a professional take a look at them or something or maybe we should give them to the police as evidence of what he did to her."
"I don't even know if they would be able to use them. Is something like that even admissible if this goes to court? Oh and before you go looking for more journals I may as well save you the bother I already tried and there was no sign of them."
"What do you mean if it goes to court? Why wouldn't it?"
Taylor sighed, "You've seen the state she's in," she said with a shrug "How likely do you think it is that they are going to be able to get her to testify and let's face it without that they really aren't going to have much of a case against him?"
"Do you think she'll do it?" Brooke asked even though she was fairly certain that she knew the answer to her question. Haley was stuck in the belief that Chris loved her and that everything that had happened between them had been simply a sign of that love. How could they possibly hope to get her to testify against the man that had become her whole life in the past five years?
"But she has to," Brooke continued as her question remained unanswered, "he can't be allowed to get away with what he did. Those things he did he deserves to have his balls cut off not just get a slap on the wrist and sent on his way. God what does someone have to do before they'll start using castration as a form of punishment? I bet if that was used these cretins would think twice before doing what they do."
"He really hurt her," Taylor said quietly, "I don't even know how she lived through it. I doubt I could I guess Haley's stronger than I ever gave her credit for."
"Now the only question is how much does she have left?" Brooke asked but Taylor knew she didn't really expect an answer. That was the unknown element in this whole scenario…just how much more could Haley take.
They looked at each other as they heard the sound of a door opening upstairs and then a pair of feet padding down the hall followed by the sound of the bathroom door closing.
"So she's still keeping herself locked away in her room?" Brooke asked.
"Yeah it's all I can do to get her to even talk to me let alone actually spend any time down here with me. She barely even acknowledges Zach's existence." Taylor saw a flash of pain in Brooke's eyes at the mention of Zach's name but pressed on regardless. "He's here you know, a part of reality and she just has to accept that."
Although her words could easily have been construed to be nothing more than a continuation of their conversation about Haley, Brooke couldn't help but wonder if they were not at least partially directed at her also. She was once again starting to have major doubts about the merits of her decision to help out Taylor with Haley. It seemed that no matter what they talked about the subject would inevitably turn back to Zach or Lucas and that knife of despair would once again pierce her very soul. She had no idea how Haley had survived what she had when it was all she could do not to curl herself up into a ball and shut out the world just dealing with that single event from five years ago. In some ways it made her wonder just what sort of a weak individual this made her, still all these years later trying to hide from the pain of seeing the man she had believed to be her soul mate with his child borne by another woman. Here Haley was having been through what could only be described as hell on earth and she had continued for years to go about her life as if nothing was amiss while Brooke had run from everything, living half a life while telling herself that it was what she wanted.
Yet she knew deep down that Haley had not truly lived during that time. Putting an act on to the rest of the world, hiding herself under the comforting blanket of denial while she allowed Chris to do what he had done on such a regular basis. No matter what her life had been in the last five years at least she hadn't lived with the constant fear that each day could be her last. Haley had been through hell and back and now it was up to them to try to bring her back to some sort of semblance of a real life.
She was broken out of her thoughts by Taylor standing up and walking to the phone, her eyes were locked onto Brooke as she picked it up dialling a number that was obviously fully memorised. She knew who she was calling without having to ask and although she wanted to block out the call she found herself listening intently.
"Luke, it's me. Is Zach ok?" She smiled as she listened to the father of her child.
"I know," she said with a chuckle "he did the same thing to me the other day."
Brooke felt the pain of listening to the two of them obviously so connected discussing the one thing that would always link them. Once again that voice of discontent whispered in her head. "That should be me and Lucas discussing our child," but Taylor's next words shocked it into silence.
"Well I need you to bring him home now, there's something Brooke and I need to talk to you about."
Brooke quickly jumped to her feet looking frantically at Taylor. The thought that the other woman might be deliberately trying to punish her flittering across her mind but Taylor paid her no heed.
"Brooke and I discovered some pretty disturbing stuff today and I really think you need to be a part of this. How soon can you be here?"
Taylor listened to the response from the other end of the phone and nodded clearly satisfied with the answer she had received.
"Ok we'll see you then. Give my little boy a kiss for me."
She hung up looking triumphant before turning back to Brooke unprepared for the glass of water that came flying at her face.
"What the hell was that about? You just ring Lucas and invite him around here without even having the decency to at least tell me first."
"What is your problem," Taylor yelled back equally angry. "It's my house, Haley is my sister and he is her best friend in the world, you must have known that I would bring him into this. It's time we forgot all about the issues we all have with each other and start doing what's best for Haley and that means you, me and Lucas all working together."
"But," Brooke said already forming her arguments to the contrary.
"No buts," Taylor said forcefully "now Lucas will be here in about half an hour. I need to go have a shower before he comes. Do whatever the hell it is you do to fill your time, watch The Bold and The Beautiful, drink yourself into a stupor or sit there and mope about how life double crossed you, but you just make sure you're still here when I get back because if you're not I'll tell you now don't bother ever coming back here. Haley and I will manage just fine without you."
Brooke slumped back onto the sofa knowing that Taylor's words were far from an empty threat. She glanced around the living room looking for some form of distraction as Taylor left the room. Frankly watching the soaps didn't interest her and the idea of drinking was just a little too appealing and the last thing she wanted was to let her mind dwell on just how messed up her life was. She'd already given that more than enough thought for the day, hell she'd given it more than enough thought for a lifetime. There was one other option but she just wasn't sure about it. She looked up toward the second level her eyes focusing on the closed bedroom door where she knew Haley was.
Reaching her decision she stood up and walked determinedly towards the staircase, her attitude to seeing her former friend somewhat different this time around. She no longer went with the air of believing she had all the answers, last time had thrown up far too many unanswered questions from her own life and that didn't even begin to cover what she had felt when she had been confronted with the reality of what had been happening to Haley.
She stood outside the door her hand poised above it ready to knock; it took every ounce of inner strength to rap her knuckles against the hard wood. She wasn't even sure why she was coming up here now. Things were suddenly so much harder now knowing even a morsel of the true horror that had been written so descriptively in Haley's own words. The door slowly opened and Brooke stood looking at her speechless as words and phrases from the journals flashed through her mind….FIRST TIME….RAPED…..FORCED….FISTS….but the scariest word of all was the one that occurred far too regularly for Brooke's personal liking. LOVE….a word that for so many held only positive connotations when written by Haley could never have been construed as a positive word. It seemed so stark and depressing knowing what Haley had been brainwashed into believing was love. Although Brooke herself had a far from happy view of love she knew that she could never regard it as bleakly as Haley did. She rarely admitted it to anyone, not even herself but she still held hope that one day love would find her and it would be the most beautiful experience of her life.
Haley looked at Brooke unsurprised to see her outside her door she had heard Brooke and Taylor talking rather heatedly downstairs earlier. She had known that sooner or later the other woman would venture upstairs to see her but just because it didn't surprise her that didn't mean that she had to be happy about it. She knew deep down that if Taylor had read the journals it was highly likely that Brooke had also and now she was here standing in front of her.
"Let me guess," she said tiredly, "you're here to help. Well don't bother I don't need it, especially the kind of help that you and my sister have to offer. Unless the two of you have been boning up on amateur Psychology on the net, so tell me Brooke what have you and Doctor James come up with. This should be good."
Brooke stood there silently unprepared for the attack and Haley took this as the sign that she needed. Without another word she closed the door in Brooke's face but Brooke was not going to be so easily turned away. Pushing the door open she stepped into the room not in the least surprised to see the room in darkness. There were dishes piled beside the bed, half eaten food still remained on most and the smell was almost unbearable and yet Haley seemed unaware of it. Brooke moved to the stack of dirty dishes picking them up and moving them to the door in preparation to take them back downstairs with her when she went. Turning back to her she began to speak.
"Haley I just wanted to check in on you. I know that things have been hard lately…."
Those words seemed to affect Haley and she whirled back around to face Brooke.
"Get over yourself Brooke, you don't know anything. My husband is in jail, I'm stuck here in this house with Taylor. You know nothing of how my life is so why don't you just shut up now."
"Haley I just wanted to…"
"You wanted to what Brooke, give me therapy. Well let's see Brooke Davis therapy, what would that entail? Oh I know going shopping with Daddy's credit cards or no I know, going out and getting drunk and sleeping with some random man. Well that may work for you Brooke but I'm a married woman and the last thing I want to do is go shopping. But I could do with some liquor so why don't you take yourself downstairs and raid Taylor's stash, Lord knows there's probably more than enough there for me to drink myself into a coma. Well," she said turning to face her, hands on hips, "what are you waiting for?"
"Fine Haley you don't want to talk right now, but I can tell you that sooner or later you and I will be having this conversation so you better get used to the idea and fast."
"I can hardly wait," Haley replied sarcastically, looking at Brooke as she continued to stand there. "That would be your cue to go," she said rudely. "You'll probably want to get out of here before Lucas pays a visit. You know he tends to come around here a lot. I guess he just can't stay away from Taylor and what she gives him," she said archly the words designed to inflict pain.
Brooke flinched inwardly but outwardly remained calm. "You're not going to distract me that easily Haley. Like I said get used to the idea that you and I are going to talk and accept the fact that it's going to be soon."
"Whatever," Haley said giving the impression of disinterest. "Can you get out of my room now?"
Brooke paused only long enough to pick up the stack of dishes before going downstairs to the kitchen leaving Haley to her misery. It seemed to be her favourite thing lately anyway.
Going into the kitchen she began to load the dishes into the dishwasher not stopping as she heard Taylor enter the kitchen a few minutes later.
Taylor gasped before pointing an accusing finger at the plates in Brooke's hands. "Where did you get those from?"
"Where do you think I got them," Brooke responded not in the mood for Taylor histrionics.
"You saw her?" Taylor asked her voice several octaves lower than the almost squealed question of moments before. "How was she?"
"Do you even need to ask?" Brooke said tiredly.
"No I guess not," Taylor said shrugging dejectedly each of the women pausing to listen to the sound of the car pulling into the drive.
Brooke felt her stomach drop down into her shoes and found herself holding her breath waiting for the entrance of Lucas and his son.
She heard the sound of the door opening and wondered for a moment if she could go out the back as they entered through the front. She didn't want to do this, the one thing she had always promised herself she would never do, watch Lucas, Taylor and their son interacting as a family.
Lucas' deep voice carried through to the kitchen. "Hey we're back, anyone home?"
"In here," Taylor called back as her gaze rested on Brooke studying the look of abject horror on her face.
"Mommy, mommy," the shrill voice of the excited child could clearly be heard followed by the sound of his feet pounding into the room closely followed by Lucas.
"Hey," he greeted Taylor easily leaning in to give her a light kiss on the cheek before turning to Brooke, his greeting to her slightly more stilted and formal.
"Hi Brooke, how are you?" he said almost as if greeting an acquaintance. She merely pasted a smile onto her face and nodded in answer, she didn't think she could speak if her life depended on it at that moment.
She looked down to see Zach regarding her curiously clearly unsure of who this strange woman was. He was fairly sure that this was not his Aunt Haley that his mom had told him was staying with them although he had hardly even seen her. This was someone different and he didn't know what to think of her.
"Who are you?" he asked boldly, his confidence inherited from his mother probably in the womb. Taylor sometimes worried about him; his ease with strangers from the time he was born had often given her cause for concern.
Brooke didn't know how to answer him. "I'm the woman who should be your mother," she couldn't help but think, but she would never say that to the child. He was the one innocent in this whole messed up situation. She decided it would be best to keep it as simple as possible.
"My name is Brooke I used to know your mommy and daddy."
She thought she saw Lucas flinch at her words but didn't dare look up at him. Zach continued to regard her with curiosity before apparently deciding that she must be ok. He smiled disarmingly showing off a small gap between his two front teeth. Brooke gasped that smile was an exact replica of his father's. Her mind flashed to images of the way Lucas used to smile at her when she walked into a room but she quickly pushed them aside. She didn't want to think about that now.
The little boy pushed his hand into Brooke's shaking it heartily. "I'm Zach," he said proudly, "Daddy taught me to always shake hands when I meet someone new. That's what grown up boys like daddy do."
Brooke looked down at her hand in shock seeing the remnants of something sticky adhered to her fingers. Taylor saw the look and immediately moved into action.
"Come on little guy I need to get you to bed. Let's go upstairs and have a quick wash."
"No bath tonight?" he asked hopefully.
"No bath," Taylor readily agreed "and only one story. Mommy, Daddy and Brooke have a lot to talk about."
"Ok," Zach said agreeing easily before running to where Lucas stood. "Daddy will you come tuck me in too?"
"After you've had your wash and you're in bed I'll come up and say goodnight," he promised.
"But you and mommy always do it together," he protested the faintest sound of a whine coming into his voice.
"Not tonight Buddy," Lucas said "now you go up with mommy like a good boy and I'll be up soon."
Zach appeared as if he was going to argue but Taylor was ready for him. "Come on Zach let's see if you can race me to the bathroom."
The argument was forgotten as Zach took off excitedly towards the stairs. Lucas smiled gratefully at Taylor as she left the room. "I'll be back in about ten minutes. I'm sure you two have things to talk about."
Left alone the two of them regarded each other quietly memories of the last time they had been alone together still vivid in their minds.
"So do you want a drink or something?" Lucas asked.
"No, I'm fine," Brooke said quickly the words almost tripping over themselves on her tongue.
"So," Lucas said clearly hunting for something to talk about, "are you staying at your parents house?"
"No I'm actually at the motel down by the Mall."
"Oh right yeah I've heard that's supposed to be good."
"For God's sake Lucas if you have something to say just say it. Quit with all the small talk you're driving me nuts."
"Fine," Lucas said opening his mouth ready to speak.
"But before you do I want to make one thing very clear. I'm here for Haley and that's it. I haven't come here to talk about our past so don't waste your breath bringing that up."
"Brooke it's been five years, don't you think it's time we talked about it and maybe put it behind us."
"Put it behind us. Oh my God you have got to be kidding. You very nearly destroyed me five years ago Luke and now you expect me to just act as if nothing happened. I've told you what I'm here for so unless you have something to say about that situation I think it might be best if you just keep quiet."
"Brooke look I'm sorry ok. Yes it shouldn't have happened but it did and you know what it brought the most important person in the world into my life and I wouldn't trade my son for anything."
"Of course you wouldn't. He seems like he's a great kid but that doesn't make it any easier for me to be around you all. I don't think you realise just how hard this is on me Luke."
"Brooke I get it, really I do but we can't keep living in the past pondering the 'what ifs'. I mean if that's what you want to do then I guess I can't stop you but that's not the way I choose to live my life. I have a son that I love and I don't want to waste a minute of my time with him. I know what it's like to have a father that is so caught up in what might have been that he becomes so bitter and twisted that he hurts everyone around him and I promised myself that if I ever had a child I would never do that to him. I am not going to become another Dan," he finished forcefully just as Taylor walked back into the kitchen.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," she said although just how genuine that sentiment was no one was entirely sure, "but Brooke and I got you over here for a reason. There's something you need to see."
Holding out the book in her hand to Lucas she waited for him to take it. "It's a journal of Haley's that she kept while she was married to Chris, you don't have time to read it now but you don't have to read much to see just what sort of a monster that man was."
As she spoke Lucas had opened the book flicking through the pages his eyes widening as certain words and phrases caught his attention. Taylor waited until eventually he tore his attention away and was once again listening to her.
"I'm not sure if this is something I can do on my own," she said quietly, the admittance of fallibility something she was unaccustomed to. She had always been the independent one, the one who could take on anyone or anything, who had barely batted an eyelid at the idea of single parenthood and now here she was having to admit that this was something she could not do on her own. It was a hard thing to do but she knew it was the right thing in the long run.
"What are you saying Tay?" Lucas asked unsure of how to take this new and vulnerable side that Taylor was presenting.
"I'm saying I can't do this on my own anymore. I can't look after Haley and watch Zach. After reading what I read I'm really scared that she might do something stupid and I can't watch her all the time. I need help."
Lucas straightened up from where he was leaning against the bench heading towards the door.
"Where are you going?" Taylor asked him in surprise a little miffed that the first time she had ever admitted to needing help in front of him he was literally just walking away from her.
"I'm going to go get some things and close my place up. I think it's probably for the best if I move in here for a while."
Brooke had remained quiet throughout their whole talk but his last words spurned her into action.
"No," she said quickly "you shouldn't do that."
Two faces turned to regard her quizzically clearly wondering what sort of reason she could have for vetoing the only idea that seemed to make any real sense at the moment.
"You've seen what she's like, Taylor you've read the journals and Lucas you've had a quick look. Do you really think that someone who has been through an ordeal like that is going to feel comfortable having a man in the house?"
"But," Lucas said beginning to protest.
Taylor spoke over him though. "No Luke I think she may be right."
Turning back to Brooke she asked "So what do you suggest we do?"
"I'm going to move in."