BOBBY'S PLACE - NOON
After watching all any of them could stand of Inferno, Dean picked up the laptop and set it on the coffee table in front of Sam.
"So," Dean said. "That was the freakiest thing I've ever seen."
"Yeah," Sam sighed. "Don't know how it could suck more, which probably means we're about to find out it does."
"Yep." Dean gestured to the laptop.
Sam gave him a mad look and hugged the rabbit. "What?" he asked, ticked.
"You're the Geek," Dean said, "now Squad."
Sam made an angry little noise, put the rabbit down and picked up the laptop. "I don't even know what I'm looking for," he said.
"I dunno," Dean said. "Maybe they have something planned, like an agenda...?" He really didn't know, either.
Sam smirked. "Yeah, I'm sure they put that right-." He frowned at the screen.
"What?" Dean asked.
"Well,... there's a link on their website marked 'agenda,'" Sam said.
Sam and Dean looked at each other: it couldn't be that easy. Dean moved the rabbit aside so he could sit next to Sam on the couch, while Sam followed the link on the navigation that loaded a video player.
The video looked like it was a snippet from an interview. Crowley and Balthazar were in costume, sitting in folding chairs in front of a backdrop with the Inferno's fiery logo. An interviewer sat opposite them. She was young, blonde and bland - a poor man's Mary Hart.
"So," the interviewer began, "if you two are really who you say you are-."
"An angel and demon," Crowley said. "It's true."
"He's lying," Balthazar said joked.
"Why host a game show?" the interviewer asked.
"Well, obviously we have a sinister agenda," Balthazar said.
"Obviously," Crowley agreed. "A few years ago, I was looking to secure my position as King of Hell, and I was taking on partners. I needed an angel. They can go places and do things a demon can't."
"And I was the only angel-" Balthazar said.
"That we know of," Crowley corrected.
Balthazar continued, "- who'd ever tried his hand at the futures market, so to speak. It was a marriage of convenience."
"He was neutral," Crowley said. "That helped."
"Well, we both were," Balthazar said.
"I was already looking for something," Crowley said. "A long-lost something that would supply us with countless unclaimed souls. Though not of the most hygienic quality, I'll admit. It was a high-risk venture, but I'm a gambler by nature. It's part and parcel with dominant personalities."
"Oh, lord," Balthazar groaned. "Anyway, we'd been working on our little project for a few months, everything was just grim as pig's bollocks."
"You can't say that on camera," Crowley told him.
"And so we went down to my wine cellar and got smashed," Balthazar said.
"He got smashed," Crowley said, pointing at Balthazar. "But we had a very long conversation about why earthly souls are so hard to come at. Angels have to answer prayers, crossroads demons have quotas. Even as King of Hell-."
"Are you king?" Balthazar asked facetiously. "You've never mentioned it."
"Settle down," Crowley said, trying to ignore that last remark. "I couldn't wait for the souls to come to me, I had to scout a prospective seller. And there's underlings, a pecking order. Like in Amway. It's all very limited and time consuming. Inside-the-box thinking."
"So I suggested we advertise, and the idea of starting 'Inferno' sort of evolved out of that," Balthazar said. "We bring them in with a good show, lay it all on the table and make sure everyone knows what they're getting into. Plus, when you're a celebrity, people just throw their souls at you. And other things."
"It's a very exciting concept," Crowley said fondly. "I don't know why no one's ever thought of it before."
"And the end game?" the interviewer asked.
"World domination," Crowley said. "And we have a few charities that we like to keep a priority as well."
"It's more like a 'world peace' gig, though," Balthazar said casually. "We've been working toward a compromise with Heaven and Hell."
The interviewer was visibly taken aback by that.
"We offered a cease-fire," Crowley said. "They didn't take it. Now we're in a sort of cold war with both sides, and we're hoping to get them to stand down."
"Well, good luck with that," the interviewer said, trying to laugh.
"Thank you," Crowley said, his demeanor becoming suddenly flirtatious. "We could use your help, if you're interested. Every soul counts."
The interviewer smiled nervously, feeling trolled. "I... think I'll pass," she said. "Sorry, guys."
"We tried," Balthazar said with a laugh.
"And in the end, isn't that what matters?" Crowley asked.
He and Balthazar smiled at each other: we're bastards.
"Exactly," the interviewer said, trying to get back into the spirit of things. "So, as natural enemies, would you say your partnership was rocky at the start? Was their friction between you two?"
"No, not at all," Balthazar said. "No friction, none. In fact, I'd say we had a sort of... lubricated chemistry."
Crowley shook his head all through Balthazar's answer. "There was a definite a rough patch at the beginning," he said. "Angels have a lot of prejudices-."
"Well earned," Balthazar said.
Crowley shrugged. "Fair enough, fair enough. Hypocritical."
"Sure," Balthazar said with a conceding little nod.
"But in spite of themselves," Crowley went on, "they're very easily subjugated. It wasn't all that hard to break-."
"Watch it," Balthazar warned.
"Bring... him around to my way of thinking," Crowley back-pedaled. "I'm the Angel Whisperer."
As Crowley spoke that last line, Balthazar rolled his eyes and made a subtle jerking motion with his fist.