During his many years as head of his congregation, my father the rabbi was frequently called upon to act as a marriage counselor of sorts. He would invite the troubled couple into his study or, less frequently, our living room at home. His ground rules were simple: first he would listen to one spouse, then the other. Interruptions by either party were strictly forbidden. After hearing from both parties, he would offer his interpretation and advice while sipping a cup of tea. His success rate in saving marriages was quite high.
My father must have heard just about every sort of dispute imaginable. But two consciousnesses trapped in one body, bickering like an old married couple? Let's face it, even my distinguished father would have laughed his ass off at that one.
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After almost a day and half of running the infirmary, Dr. Biro took pity on me and took over. Although I was annoyed at Carson for leaving me in charge at a most inopportune time, I could definitely understand why he did it. After the now infamous kiss with Rodney/Cadman, nobody would leave the poor guy alone. Both Carson and Rodney had received standing ovations the first time they showed up in the cafeteria (separately, of course). Supposedly there was even a bootleg video floating around, rumored to have been taken by Dr. Zelenka.
Now that I was off duty, it was my turn to visit the cafeteria. Sitting at one of the tables was none other than our Czech Cecil B. DeMille. I really wanted to hear his perspective on recent events, so I grabbed some food and walked over. "Do you mind if I sit here, Dr. Zelenka?" I asked. He looked at me like he was trying to remember my name, so I held out my hand and said, "Steve Schwartz."
Zelenka snorted. "Ah. The other infirmary martinet, to hear some people talk."
I grinned back at him. "And those people would be Dr. Beckett, correct?"
"I really could not say. Not if I wish to keep my skin unpunctured, that is." He smiled around his sandwich, then gestured. "Please, sit and eat."
I sat, but eating was a different story altogether. I didn't really want to know what was in the stew. It looked like a cross between a chicken breast and spam. Definitely not Kosher, that was for sure. Although, to be fair, I wasn't sure if the Kosher/non-Kosher distinction applied to animals not of terrestrial origin.
In any case, I probably should have just taken a sandwich like Zelenka. He had finished his, and had started to mutter under his breath. I thought I caught the words "Fumbles McStupid," but I couldn't be sure. I raised an eyebrow at him. "What's up, Dr. Z?"
He scowled. "Rodney McKay is one of the most infuriating men I have ever met! Yes, he is my friend, but I could still strangle him. It would be considered justifiable homicide. I try to help him and he insults everything from my intelligence to my parentage!"
A now familiar female voice interrupted. "Oh, I don't know. He grows on you... kind of like a fungus." I looked up to see Lt. Laura Cadman standing next to Zelenka. She nodded to me, but it was clear she wanted to talk to the engineer. She looked none the worse for having been stuck in McKay's head.
Zelenka's expression brightened. "Laura! I did not realize that you had been discharged from infirmary. How are you?"
Cadman winked at me. "These docs couldn't think of any more tests to put me through, so they had to let me go. Although I was disappointed that I wasn't able to speak with Dr. Beckett before I left."
I know I blushed a little, and Zelenka studiously avoided looking at her. "What?" she asked innocently. "He is the chief medical officer. Why wouldn't I want to talk to him? Have to make sure I'm gonna live, after all."
Zelenka smirked. "I'm sure your concern was strictly health-related."
Cadman shrugged. "Well, if he wants to arrange medical follow-up, who am I to argue?"
I coughed to hide the grin that was threatening to spread across my face. Cadman was definitely attracted to Carson. And from the looks of it, that feeling was mutual. Just before he ran off to hide from the entire expedition, he had asked me to tell her that he would be getting in touch. No doubt to discuss her "prognosis."
Zelenka finally gave in to his curiosity as Cadman sat down and put her feet up on an empty chair. "So, what is inside of Rodney's head like? Is horrible, disgusting place?" Since I had been wondering the same thing, I refrained from making a smartass remark and waited for her to answer.
She shook her head. "We couldn't read each other's thoughts or anything like that. It was more like being able to sense strong feelings. He's a very passionate man."
Zelenka sputtered, and I couldn't hold back a few snickers of my own. Cadman reached over and smacked Zelenka in the back of the head. "Not like that, you pervert!"
"Says a woman who kissed a man while trapped in another man's body." Zelenka said under his breath.
"I heard that!"
"Good, you were supposed to!"
"What I meant was that Rodney has very strong beliefs about certain things," Cadman huffed. "For instance, although Rodney would like you to think he has a direct line to God, he's actually desperately afraid of failure. And not just because it would make him look bad. He's also afraid of letting people down."
Yeah, I could see that. I knew guys like that during med school. Arrogant SOB's, but they would willingly work themselves sick if it meant saving a patient. You could probably say the same thing about me, too.
"He's also incredibly altruistic in some ways. When we found out that only one of us could inhabit the body if it were to survive, he was really ready to sacrifice himself. Of course, I couldn't let that happen because he's needed too much."
It seemed to me that Cadman was no selfish miser, either. And as if sensing my own feelings, she suddenly got serious. "Radek, I just wanted to say thank you for helping. Even if Rodney was an ass. Without you, neither of us would have made it." She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
The little Czech engineer turned bright red. "Není zač. I'm just glad my skills were enough. Rodney is right -- he is a little smarter. But I will firmly deny if you ever tell him!"
Joking aside, all of them were good people, and I was glad that we had been able to salvage the situation. Almost without realizing it, all of us had become family, and we would do almost anything to help each other through a crisis. And that was the only way we were going to survive the dangers the Pegasus galaxy threw at us.
Now if I could just get Carson to show his face again. And maybe get a copy of that video...
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I don't believe even my father would have been able to handle things better. I'd like to think he'd be proud of us.
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(A/N Není zač means:You're welcome)