Chapter 6
"Round and round the cobbler's bench
The monkey chased the weasel,
The monkey thought 'twas all in fun
Pop! Goes the weasel.
A penny for a spool of thread
A penny for a needle,
That's the way the money goes,
Pop! Goes the weasel.
A half a pound of tupenny rice,
A half a pound of treacle.
Mix it up and make it nice,
Pop! Goes the weasel.
Up and down the London road,
In and out of the Eagle,
That's the way the money goes,
Pop! Goes the weasel.
I've no time to plead and pine,
I've no time to wheedle,
Kiss me quick and then I'm gone
Pop! Goes the weasel."
-Everyone knows where this comes from.
We must blame the English.
Or British.
Or Whoever speaks English.
Actually I don't know where this came from.
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There are many things that I really don't care about. More that I don't understand. An infinate number that I don't know.
But that's when it gets too philosophical for even me.
Which is just freakin' amazing since I've found poetic justice in the damned cough and hurt throat that I have.
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I've been thinking. Not that I don't think too much already.
No, this was more than what I usually think about.
It's about God. No, not just the Christian God or the Hebrew God.
Higher Beings if you may.
I keep thinking about how most of the kids I'm around right now believe in that Higher Being without question. While at Hogwarts it was rare for anyone to say anything about belief. Only belief in Love and Understanding were ever really preached.
But here, it seems all that is a given and that belief in something isn't really needed so long as you are generous and smile even if you have no teeth.
A clash of completely different worlds.
And yet, I'm watching myself become immersed in this blind acceptance of everything that is both Good and Evil. What is Dark and Light. I find myself being drawn to watch how people interact with others.
Before I never cared.
Before I just went on being who I was and not caring that who I was and who I had become were two different things. In otherwords I was becoming my father, while the real Draco Malfoy was not a worshipper, not a follower…
Alas, not a killer.
That's what Dumbledore said to me is it not.
'You're not a murderer'
No, I'm not. Perhaps that is where I'm flawed. Perhaps that is why I don't have this obsessive compulsiveness to believe in Higher Beings or bow before dictators that would rather my head on a pike then gracing his presence.
I keep thinking about this. About this lack of belief and the ideals I have and had and knew but never believed.
Maybe I keep thinking about it because I'm afraid of losing what little I have left. The pride I've kept to being a Slytherin and a Malfoy.
Yes, that's it.
I'm afraid of losing myself in this world where I know nothing.
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"Spare some change?" My throat is raspy and my head is bowing to the ground. To be honest I don't do this because I'm ashamed. I'm not, you simply do what you have to do.
I keep my head down because it makes me more pathetic than I really am.
"Here you go." The voice has a noticable smile in it. I lift my head to smile back.
Then I stop.
Bushy brown hair. Red head right beside.
Dear God.
I look right back down. Take the money, my heart just pounding ready to lose myself in the crowd if I hear my name or any indication they know who I am.
Nothing. Just a pat on my shoulder.
"See Ron, they just need a bit compassion." An exaggerated snort is heard.
"What? So they can drink themselves into a coma."
"Mundungus probably drank more alcohol in a week than an alcoholic can drink in his lifetime and you didn't seem to have a problem with him."
"That's different."
"And he was a thief."
"So! It's not as if he…"
I take this time to leave.
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My heart is pounding savagely and without relent against my chest. I can feel the scream that I've bitten down into my throat.
I've been scared beyond belief before…
But for some reason it never served to make me want to break before.
That's what I want to do right now.
Break.
Because I feel so much pain but I don't know where I hurt.
And for some reason I hurt.
Ache.
I ache for something. Or against.
I don't know which.