Chapter 18: Each and every goodbye

"Commader Jule!" called Shiho as she saw Yzak coming towards the docking bay, accompanied by Dearka. She ran towards him and greeted him meekly as she realized two things. First, he's no longer just a commander. Second, she saw what happened yesterday…

"Good to see that you are well, Supreme councilor Jule."

He grunted in reply and continued walking, "You want to speak to me?"

"Yes."

"Later, assemble first. The few of you I've contacted personally."

Ten minutes later Yzak met up with the seven people of the Voltaire crew, people whom he believed he could trust not to rat him out.

"That's all of us," He declared, his eyes sweeping across the line of assembly. Dearka stepped forward and cleared his throat before announcing in a grand manner, "I need competent, trustable hands and chivalrous hearts for the smooth execution of a plan I'm about to propose." He began, Yzak didn't have the same sort of patience, "Anyone who has fear for his own safety has the right to opt out now, I'd let all of you hear the plan, but he who chooses to leave after that…I'll personally douse you with some particularly unstable chemical which will make you forget today's meeting…" Yzak finished, looking straight into the eyes of each one of them.

Shiho digested the contents of the speech, and was glad that she was one of those Yzak could trust, which was remarkable. Yzak Jule trusts none, except himself, and perhaps the handful of handpicked soldiers who serve with him the longest. She stood forward swiftly, "I'm willing."

"Shiho, are you nuts? You haven't even heard this crazy, nutty concoction of a plan!" Dearka exclaimed, losing his cool. Yzak side glanced Dearka, then turned to Shiho, "Well?"

"No matter what, I'll follow through. Awaiting orders, Sir." She finished as she saluted. Slowly, five others stepped forward, the other two left quickly, in the end Yzak didn't have to kill anyone as he spoke of the plan in his no nonsense way. They finished in ten minutes and Yzak was satisfied at the end of it, it was easier than he thought. He was essentially asking for the crew members to risk their statues as military personnel, even their lives, and Yzak was surprised at the enthusiasm he was greeted with.

He turned towards Shiho as he dismissed the rest, "What is it then?"

Shiho was surprised that he remembered his promise ten minutes ago, she turned to gaze ruefully at Dearka. Who got the point and faked a grimace, "Stomachache, will be back in…fifteen minutes!" and he scooted out of the room.

She was grateful for Dearka's understanding and took a deep breath, bracing herself for the hard part. She desperately needed to tell him, the emotions were almost erupting out of her but at the same time she felt dryness in her throat. Her hands started shaking and she grabbed the fabric of her uniform, grinding two layers together.

She needed to calm herself, she could feel her heart pounding in her ears now, her face gathering a red hue. Yzak folded his arms and remained quiet, indicating his impatience yet giving her time. A voice reverberated from the back of her throat, sounding so unlike her own. "Commander, I……" and she realized her mistake, "No…Supreme Concilor…"

"Skip that rubbish and spit it out." He sighed, he wasn't reproaching her, just trying to calm her. She nodded, and bravely lifted her gaze to look at his eyes, those wonderfully cool blue eyes, "I…I like you! I've liked you ever since I was assigned to your squad two years ago!" she managed to say, it sounded more like a war declaration than a confession.

Her heart skipped a beat as she studied his reaction, and if anything…there was none. She had imagined over and over the kinds of scenario at the moment when Shiho tells him her feelings. He might shout at her for being distracted by meaningless things. He might get angry and walk away. He might kick her off the all men crew. Or he might just embrace her…But when none of the expected reactions came, she felt puzzled, and utterly disappointed. For he remained calm, and his expression a look of deep pensive.

Two years ago, Yzak would have ticked her off for her senseless behavior and pointless emotions, but now, he understood what she wanted, how she felt; because he had felt the same about another woman…Because he would want to tell the someone of his feelings even if she cannot love in return, even if she rejects him outright. And right now… he found himself unable to reciprocate her affections, at least, not towards her. Slowly he looked at her and whispered, "I'm sorry."

She didn't know why, but tears started welling up in her eyes and soon overflowed……

Yzak hated girls when they cry, and he hated himself even more for making them cry. But this time, he held his temper in check and hid his frustrations as he said to her in a soft voice, "If this is the reason you were so eager to take part in the plan just now…You still have a chance to quit now, I wouldn't dope you with amnesiac."

Shiho sniffled, surprised by his words. It was a generous offer; it meant that he trusted her with the life of her comrades, and with his own life to make such an offer. She hastily wiped her tears away as she looked at his face and saluted again, once again employing the formal tone used between officers, "No sir, Shiho Hahnefuss will follow commander to the end."

---

In a certain house in Aprilius, a verbal battle wages between father and daughter…

"He's just a bad egg who needed my little daughter's help and kidnapped her! Why should I rally for someone like him!" yelled the forty year old lawyer.

"He's not like that!" Lunamaria shouted back, "Meyrin FOLLOWED him, and he's really a nice person! Stop being unreasonable and be of some help here!"

"Who are you to demand that of your own father? You…"

As the shouting match continued, Meyrin cowered behind her mother, still calmly and elegantly plucking lettuce for dinner. "Mom," Meyrin whispered, "Shouldn't we stop dad and sister?"

She didn't even look up as she replied, "They'll stop when they get hungry."

But it didn't, the shouting match soon progressed into a throwing contest. Meyrin ducked as a cushion flew by and missed her by centimeters; still her mother remained oblivious and continued preparing for dinner.

"No WAY! I don't even think he deserves to be chairman!"

"I HAPPEN to think he does!"

"You are a little girl! He's inexperience! He's still young! And he kidnap little girls like you! What makes you think he'll make a good chairman!"

"I told YOU! He didn't KIDNAP MEYRIN!"

"You're AVOIDING the question!"

At this point a cushion singed past Mrs Hawke's long red hair, she stood up and glared at her daughter and husband. Both of them stopped what they were doing and shrank backwards, her mother was the biggest in the household. And we are about to find out why.

"Have you two… anything to say for your less than childish behavior?" She said slowly, deliberately enunciating every syllabus clearly. Luna and her father shook their heads, still frozen in the action of throwing the next item. It was scary when their mother spoke like that, it meant she wasn't happy, and when she wasn't happy no one else is. "Very well." She declared, "Dear…" she said looking at her husband.

"Yes dear…" he muttered in a shaky voice, swallowing to calm himself.

"STOP BEING SUCH A SCROOGE AND DO AS YOUR DAUGHTER SAYS! Go rally for this ZALA PERSON just so I can get some peace around here!"

"But…" he cowered, "I really don't think…think that the boy in question will make a good Chairman…"

"Meyrin," she summoned, "Is he a nice lad?" Meyrin nodded meekly. Mrs Hawke seemed satisfied, then she turned to Lunamaria "Reasons, stop screaming and say why in the world you Think, he'll make a good Chair."

Mr Hawke threw a defiant look and Luna's direction, she glared back and then turned to her mother. "A Chairman, needs to be a politician. One who is eloquent and be able to appease all sides, and be able to act as an ambassador for the people of PLANTs."

"That Zala person doesn't have any of the above you mentioned." She replied coldly.

"I know, Athrun talks little, is awkward at expressing himself. He's too innocent for politics and too complicated a past but… he has something the other candidates don't have…"

"Which is?"

"He wants peace for PLANTs, he's pretty messed up at times but he never wavered in his belief. He lost his parents to war, the only kins he have to Naturals. But he never hated them, he never sought revenge. He wouldn't force his ideals upon anyone and he just wants to do something. Something that will ensure no one else end up like him, being orphaned by war, being hunted down by his own father because of what he believed. So…"

"Enough." Her mother interrupted her, "I've heard enough to make an impression." She turned to her husband, "Dear, you heard your daughters' praises about the lad. Now go."

Lunamaria watched as her father went into his study grudgingly.

"Thanks mom, you believe Athrun will make a good Chairman too?" Meyrin asked excitedly.

"I never said that." Her mother replied coolly as she tossed her hair behind and settled down to continue preparing for dinner.

"But you just make dad…? You support him, don't you?"

"Yea, but just because he's a handsome and sweet lad." She declared, "My vote's his just for that."

---

Shinn donned on his once familiar ZAFT uniform and packed his space suit and a gun in a backpack.

He knew he was missing something all of a sudden and looked backed at his oddly empty bedside. He could almost visualize the pink hand phone sitting side by side with the glass jar.

After holding on the familiar image for a time, he shook it off. Telling himself,

I cannot look back now, and I shouldn't be looking back again…

He and his partner got the second most difficult part of the mission, and there was a very high chance that both of them would never return alive. He cast one last endearing look at the children sleeping silently at the foot of the bed. His eyes resting on the little girl who was curled up with her bolster and was sucking her thumb. That girl was named Faith, she was the little one who orientated Shinn by kissing him on the very first day. She dictated his days spent in this place, each day was either heaven or hell, her presence gave the hellish days a little taste of heaven. She drives him nuts at times yet sometimes do things so stupid but lovable.

Slowly and quietly, he slipped off his pack hesitantly and carefully treaded way to the girl's side. He squat down and stroked her fine hair for what might very well be the last time, half muttering to himself, "I'm a soldier, I kill. So go stick to some kind soul whose hands are not dirty kay?" And jerkily he backed away, afraid that he might change his mind just looking at her peaceful form for another moment. He whipped around and picked up his bag as he quickly departed from the room.

Kira helped Lacus pack her small luggage into the car boot, his mother came up to him. And threw her arms around him, "Be safe. Both you and my daughter in law." She whispered.

"I will," Kira promised, "Keep the kids safe…"

"Make sure they change, sleep, eat and play…"She interrupted.

"How'd you know what I was gonna say?" Kira asked, mildly amused.

"That's what you say the last time you left."

They had chosen to leave at dawn, first because the children aren't awake and speed was imperative. Shinn knew Kira and Lacus wanted to say goodbye as much as he did, but time was against them. He stepped out of the shadows into the first rays of the morning sun and declared. "Let's go."

Lacus looked at him and nodded, and she got into the backseat. Shinn took the wheel and Kira took a seat beside him, Shinn tossed his pack to one side and started the engines. He took a deep breath, as if bracing himself before stepping down on the accelerator…

Back inside his room, someone was sobbing in a small voice, "Big brother…Don't go…"

---

The nurse sniffled as she shoved Cagalli several dresses, "Keep safe…wear these to work if you must…"

"Nanny!" She exclaimed, "I'm going to space, dresses for what!"

"To look feminine and gentle to deceive the enemy…" she said as she sobbed, "Oh, I don't know. I just want my little girl safely back, can't you be like other little gals and marry that handsome prince?"

"I don't want to…and this time I don't want anyone to force me, nor to kidnap me. So I must go." She explained for the umpteenth time, half smiling.

Kisaki placed a large rough hand on her head, "My lady, be careful and I wish you all the best in your endeavor. However, I must ask just one last time, are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

"I want you here to watch over Orb, I feel safer this way. Thank you…both of you, for accompanying me this far, but this time. I'll lead Orb myself."

---

Council meeting was in session, Athrun once again found himself standing in the middle of the ring table like a criminal on trial. They were talking about the Supreme Council itself electing one representative as the best candidate to compete against Athrun other than the civilian candidate.

Yzak stood up at this point and Athrun looked at him. He hadn't forgotten Yzak's actions yesterday and had some doubts he was unable to clarify. Everyone just refused to tell him, he felt as if his mates suddenly deserted him. As he looked at Yzak, hoping what Yzak says will be in his defense and will allow Athrun to trust him once again.

"I have a proposal." He began, refusing to look at Athrun, instead he swept his gaze across the whole council.

"What? That we shouldn't elect someone to compete with Zala…?"

"That we form an overall alliance and win this election." Yzak intercepted coolly. His statement was met with general assent and he continued. "Only with the whole Supreme Council's agreement can we hope to clear up…" He paused, gazing at Athrun now, "This little mess Lacus Clyne made. And elect Chairman in the proper fashion." He finished, smiling now. "I've had a little chat with my kinsmen, and suddenly I realized it was a bad idea to allow an eighteen year old to even attempt, to stand on his own two shaky legs." He said as he gave Athrun a look of faked sympathy, Athrun wanted to hit his face "So the better way out for our nation will be to pick someone from among ourselves, experience and earful of opinions from the others and not so much of his own. To prevent dictatorship from arising once again. How about …"He pretended to think, "Mr Amarfi, whom I believe will make a perfect candidate." Yzak sat down satisfied, listening closely to the chatter while trying to pretend he was uninterested.

He was treading on thin ice, and could only hope that Athrun wasn't stupid enough to waste energy on being angry at him. Now he understood, when Yulie Amarfi first proposed for Yzak to join the alliance, it was because Yzak made the perfect puppet chairman, a scapegoat to blame the last defeat on and later gotten rid of. Perfect. Yzak had to bait them, making them think he was power hungry and simply full of himself. A simple minded and stuck up snob, in essence. That was the easy part, the hard part was to drive Athrun up the wall without making him his enemy. They were allies, and that will never change, but will Athrun trust him till the end? It was like a test of both his acting skills and Athrun, He'd better thank me for this…

If he read the situation correctly, the Council had to be made to believe Yzak will contest genuinely with Athrun and have a chance of winning. Then there will be a chance they stop sending assassins after him, and in turn change the situation between him and Sedna…If he was lucky, he might even find out the identity of the third person, the phantom mastermind who was trying to kill Athrun. And they would route about, thinking Yzak dive right into their trap, but be left stranded themselves. It would also give a good indication as to how deep the conspiracy went.

"I think Mr Jule will make a perfect candidate to contest with Mr Zala. They were, after all, both like disciples under Mr Rau Le Crusade's guidance. It would be most delightful to see them compete on fair grounds, what do all of you think?"

Yzak smiled inwardly as general assent indicated, just as expected. He stood up at this point, and went on with the I-am-a-bimbo act. "I shall accept this honour of contesting for Chairman then." He declared as he bowed, looking thoroughly pleased with himself. And he turned to give Athrun a for-show look of triumph, which earned a glare from him in exchange, Yzak had to restrain himself or he would simply glare back.

---

The more Athrun thought about it, the more Yzak's actions didn't make one strand of sense to him. First he tried to help him, than all of a sudden he took a one hundred and eighty degree turn towards the side of the Supreme Council. And he knocked Athrun out yesterday just so they can talk about something he shouldn't know about, even Kira and Cagalli wouldn't breathe a word about it.

Something's amiss…

He knew it, while the knowledge kept him from panicking, it didn't keep him from feeling deserted. It seemed that all of a sudden, all those he shared the deepest relationships with had left. Cagalli's decision, Yzak's actions, Kira's silence, even Dearka and Lacus had not wanted to speak to him. He suddenly felt alone, and the weight of what he had to do finally came crashing down on him.

I have to do this alone.

The thought echoed numbly in his heart, it was oddly familiar; for the Athrun Zala two years ago had it as a moto, I have to do this by myself, for no one else will do it for him…

---

Next chapter is where all the action starts,