Title: Losing Faith
Summary: It's the summer after Ginny's sixth year, and Voldemort is dead. But still, things are not how they should be. How will everyone cope now that the worst threat is over? HG RHr
Genre: Angst/Drama
Rating: T
Disclaimer: It's all JK Rowling's. 'Nuff said.
A/N: Just to make up for the long gap between chapter three and chapter four, here's another update, hurrah! Much thanks for the reviews, you all rock! hugs and beams The story's been sped up a bit now – I was getting rather sick of all the depression!
V I V I V
DISCUSSIONS
Ginny, fairly used to being woken up on weekdays by Hermione shaking her rudely or bouncing on her feet, naturally overslept the day after the older girl returned to her parents' home. Stumbling out of bed ten minutes before they were due to hold the grand opening of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes, she only had time to run a brush through her hair and snatch up her bag before dashing for the fireplace.
"Ginny, breakfast!"
"Can't stop, Mum, I'm late." Ginny gasped, skidding to a halt and turning to see her mother staring at her, scandalised. "I'll get something in Hogsmeade, but I have to go now, we're supposed to open the shop today!"
Molly hesitated, looking torn between exasperation and delight. She settled for snatching up two warm, fresh bread rolls and tucking them into her daughter's robes pocket. "I'll be along to see the opening, dear." She said proudly, giving Ginny a gentle push towards the fireplace. "Are you going to do a speech?"
The redheaded sixteen-year-old rolled her eyes. "No, Mum – the twins probably will, I suppose. We've not really discussed it – Fred and George just said that Hermione and I get to cut the ribbon." She smiled widely, flexing her fingers, and waved over her shoulder to Molly before disappearing in a splutter of green sparks and a shout of "Hogsmeade Wheezes!"
Upon entering the store room of the shop, which was of course immaculate, Ginny instantly heard the Hermione's voice drifting in through the open door, frantic and irritated.
"Honestly, the first day that she has to come here without me, and she's late! If she misses the ceremony, how is that going to look – she's supposed to be manageress, for heaven's sakes! Would you put those things away, you're going to make an awful first impression."
"Contrary to what you might think, Hermione, we will make a splendid first impression – this is, after all, a joke shop, is it not? Who wants a fuddy duddy owner for a joke shop?"
"Evidently Hermione does." Ginny said with a grin, stepping behind the counter and resting her elbows on the surface, amused by the sight of the twins sword fighting – George with a headless rubber chicken and Fred with an umbrella that continued to bellow out tunelessly 'I'm singing in the rain!'. Hermione paced not far from them, twisting her hands together and muttering unintelligible things under her breath. At the sound of Ginny, she spun around, plastering a glare on her face.
"Where have you been?"
"Sleeping." Ginny retorted, earning herself a snort from Fred and hearty applause from his twin, while Hermione had an expression on her face eerily similar to the one that Ginny's mother had given her just a few minutes before. Grinning cheekily, Ginny clapped her hands together. "It's almost nine o'clock – have you two got your speech ready?"
Fred and George exchanged equally blank looks. "Ginny, we don't prepare our speeches."
"Spontaneity is successful." George intoned.
"Improvisation is – I can't think of another word beginning with 'I', but I know that it's damn good." Fred added. Their sister giggled.
Stepping out onto the street, blinking against the bright daylight, Ginny was astounded to see that a crowd was already gathering, expressing their excitement at another Wizarding Wheezes opening up in England. She knew that the twins were popular for their work amongst Hogwarts students but the people standing before them were of ages ranging from five years old to a few wizards and witches probably as old as Albus Dumbledore.
"Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, wizards and witches!" Fred announced, his voice magically amplified, as Hermione set to adjusting the red ribbon attached to the doorframe.
"I'm sure many of you are thinking 'How can there be two Weasley Wizarding Wheezes stores on the opposite sides of the country to each other when there are only two of us?" George added, spreading his arms wide and grinning.
"With each Weasley Wizarding Wheezes store comes two brand new Weasleys – that's right, ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, wizards and witches, we have discovered how to clone!"
The crowd, that had remained silent up until that point, fell into curious and confused murmurings. Ginny and Hermione exchanged exasperated looks; it was obvious that the twins would never learn to be serious.
"Just kidding, dear fans." George intervened. "We weren't lying about the brand new Weasleys though – with the Hogsmeade store comes our dear sister, Miss Ginny, and sister-to-be, Miss Hermione!"
Hermione's jaw literally dropped in horror as Ginny burst into hysterical giggles. Near the front of the crowd, Molly's smile stretched from cheek to cheek and Ron looked as horrified as Hermione.
"Of course you will find all that you would get in our Diagon Alley shop here, plus several brand new products released a week in advance that will only be found in this nice building behind us – if you look hard enough." Fred continued. "Without further ado…"
"Or nonsense babbling as my brother does like to go on…" George interrupted.
"Miss Ginny and Miss Hermione will now officially open the second in our line of Weasley Wizarding Wheezes!"
Grasping one handle of the scissors, Ginny struggled to hold back further giggles as Hermione shot the twins a death glare before lowering the scissors to the ribbon.
"What are you doing here?" Ginny asked blankly, her heart thumping in her throat as she met Ron, Hermione and Neville by the gargoyle at the entrance to the headmaster's office. The three older students exchanged worried looks.
"We were pulled out of Potions – thank Merlin – by McGonagall. She just said that Professor Dumbledore wanted to speak to us right away." Ron said slowly. His brow seemed permanently creased into a frown.
The gargoyle, without waiting for the four of them to ramble off Muggle and Weasley sweets alike like usual, slid aside, and they started up the staircase, silent and scared. The Headmaster was waiting at the doorway, looking old and weary. They each took a comfortable position in the armchairs situated in front of his desk, not speaking a word, too terrified to ask questions that could reveal answers they did not want to know.
"I received word from St Mungo's not long ago." Dumbledore began and each member of the group blanched. There were many that they knew that were currently in St Mungo's due to the Hogsmeade attack, but only one that could possibly be the reason for them being pulled out of their classes. Neville's hand reached across the gap between armchairs and squeezed Ginny's arm reassuringly. "It appears that our Mr Potter awoke sometime last night."
Ginny let out the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding, and unclenched her hands from the arms of the chair. Hermione, her face white, glanced around at her friends before turning back to the headmaster, raising her chin.
"Something else has happened."
That much was obvious; there was no hint of joy or relief on the elderly wizard's face.
"Is – is Harry okay?" Neville asked in a shaking voice.
"We do not know." Dumbledore pushed forward several pristine white envelopes that had been sitting untouched on his desk, unnoticed. "I am afraid – Harry has disappeared from St. Mungo's. It is believed he left of his own free will."
Pandemonium ensued. Hermione's lower lip trembled for several moments before she burst into floods of tears; Ron, completely forgetting who he was speaking to, started yelling at the top of his voice, whilst Ginny and Neville sat, silent and shell-shocked. How was it possible – Harry had been in a coma for two weeks – how could he simply just up and leave after only just waking?
"How do you know he left of his own free will?" Ron was demanding furiously, rising to his feet and approaching the headmaster's desk. "There are bloody loads of Death Eaters out for revenge, he could easily have been taken – where the hell were the Aurors that were supposed to be protecting him?"
"Ron…" Hermione choked out through her sobs, reaching for her boyfriend. "Ron, don't…"
"And what about all that rubbish you told us about Harry not being the same when he woke up? What if – even if he did leave of his own free will, which he wouldn't have, not without saying goodbye! – maybe, it was because he didn't know what he was doing!"
Dumbledore pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and nodded towards the envelopes. "We found letters addressed to Mr Potter's nearest and dearest on his bed when we discovered he was missing."
With a trembling hand Ginny snatched up the envelopes, riffling through them. It was unmistakably Harry's writing, albeit rather shaky. Neville… Ron… Hermione… 'Dearest Ginny'…
"There were also letters for Mr and Mrs Weasley, Remus Lupin and myself." Dumbledore said softly, seeing Ginny's expression.
Another silence ensued, punctuated by Hermione's sniffles and Ron's heavy breathing as the four tore into the envelopes and read through the letters that their best friend had left them.
'I know there's nothing I can say that will make this better, and I don't blame you if you're angry, Ginny. I would be if I was in your position – I would be furious, and I so wish that I could have said goodbye in a better way but there wasn't time. I have to leave, and I have to leave now. Defeating Voldemort took a lot out of me, and the control I had over my magic and emotions is gone. In fact, it's much worse – I can't be around anyone without performing accidental magic, as I discovered when I woke – I almost seriously injured several Healers and nothing could stop it. I don't want to hurt any of you, and the best way for that is to leave until I have control again. This way, the Death Eaters who are looking for revenge will leave you and your family alone – it's me they want. I don't know when I'll be back. I'm sorry, Ginny. Love always, Harry.'
Swiping at the tears that spilled down her cheeks, Ginny got to her feet, crumpling the parchment in her hands, and left the office, not trusting herself to say anything without breaking down completely. It was official. Harry was gone.
Maybe for good.
"Ginny!" Someone's furious hiss brought her abruptly out of her thoughts and she realised, with horror that she and Hermione were still standing in front of an impatient crowd, the broken ribbon dangling at their sides. Her cheeks flamed as she wondered how long they had been standing there and she hastily gave the muttering crowd a half-bow before ducking back into the store, Hermione on her heels. "What was that?" The brunette demanded.
"What was what?"
"Don't even pretend you don't know." Hermione snapped, sounding angrier than Ginny had heard her in a long time. "Stop lying, Ginny, stop hiding things! We all saw – you went into another of those trances, for ages."
Ginny gasped. "Everyone? Mum saw?"
"Yes, your mother saw." Hermione exclaimed, frustrated. "But that shouldn't be the top of your list of worries at the moment. For Merlin's sake, why won't you let us in? We can help!"
"You can't." Ginny stated firmly, just as the door swung open again and the crowd swarmed in. Taking the opportunity as a distraction, Ginny hurried behind the counter, ready to serve the customers as they needed her. To her dismay, her co-worker followed right behind. "Hermione, we have work to do!"
"This is more important." Hermione said, to Ginny's astonishment. I really don't understand that girl. "These flashbacks – they've made you change so much, and if you'd just tell us what they're about…"
"I've not changed." Ginny denied, lifting her shoulders into a shrug. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Yes, you have."
Ginny glared at Ron, who had appeared at his girlfriend's elbow, looking equally solemn. "Stay out of this, it's none of your business!"
"It is – you're my sister and I care about you." Ron stated matter-of-factly. "You have changed, Ginny." He repeated. "You don't eat, you have nightmares all the time, you're grouchy and snap at every little thing, you don't speak to anyone, and…" He frowned. "When you smile, it doesn't reach your eyes. You're not you anymore."
"As touching as that speech was, we have work to do." Ginny snarled, her heart pounding in her chest. She was aware how harsh her words were becoming and hated it, but the thought of them finding out about her strange flashbacks… they would send her straight to the padded rooms in St. Mungo's.
"Ginny!" Hermione let her head fall back against the wall with a 'thud', looking increasingly exasperated.
"It's just like back in your first year." Ron continued heedlessly. "And we only found out the reason behind that after you almost died. I'm not letting that happen again. I'm not taking any chances – I want to know what's going on, and now."
Clenching her fists together to stop herself from walloping her brother one, Ginny forced her mouth into a rather phoney smile and turned to greet the woman standing at the counter waiting to be served.
Molly stared back at Ginny; mouth stretched into a thin line, and then turned to the twins hovering nearby. "Fred, George – could you spare Ginny for a few minutes?"
For once serious, the twins nodded in unison, Fred moving to take Ginny's place behind the counter. Sighing in resignation, Ginny followed her mother into the store room where the older woman whirled to face her, looking torn between anger and concern.
"How long has this been going on?"
"How long has what been going on?" Ginny returned, struggling to keep her composure. Her mother's eyes narrowed.
"I heard every word, Ginny. What are these flashbacks Hermione kept mentioning?"
Ginny sighed, not wanting to tell Molly but relishing the thought of having the burden lifted off her shoulders. "I don't know." She said softly, frowning. "They're of – the attack at Hogsmeade, and everything that happened afterwards. It's like I'm back there, Mum, reliving it, and – I tried to put it all in the past but it's too hard and I can't stand it, but I'm not going crazy, I swear!" She felt the tears begin to trickle down her face. "I just thought that maybe they'd stop of their own accord but they're just getting worse and they're in my dreams now as well, I can't get away from them!" She was vaguely aware of her mother's arms circling her as she sobbed into Molly's shoulder. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to worry you all and I didn't want to be mean to Ron, but I didn't want you to think that I'm crazy, because I'm not!"
"I know." Molly said softly, her heart aching for her lovesick daughter. "But I still think you should see a Healer, Ginny."
Drawing back, the redheaded girl stared at her mother through betrayed brown eyes. "But…"
"No. Please don't argue – they'll be able to help, in some way. You need to deal with this and let it go, not hide it and pretend it's not happening." Molly insisted.
Sniffing, Ginny reluctantly nodded, relieved that her mum was not making a bigger deal of the way that she had been acting over the summer. "All right." She said quietly. "I will."
V I V I V
Ginny squirmed uncomfortably under Healer Gregory's intense gaze, equally aware of her parents sitting just outside in the waiting room. The evening after the opening of the Hogsmeade Wheezes had been an emotionally exhausting one as her mother had insisted she give her parents full details of what she was 'seeing'. That had led to many an argument, even more tears and an eventual resignation, and an appointment had been booked for early the next morning.
Sighing, Ginny propped her chin in her hands and watched the Healer scribble on his clipboard. She had not revealed half as much as she had to her parents – the mere thought of pouring out her heart to a stranger after the events of her first year at Hogwarts was enough to make her violently queasy.
"I have a suggestion." Gregory said at length, looking up at Ginny. "Would you like to invite your parents back in?"
It was more of an order than a question and obediently Ginny hopped down from the bed, striding to the door and wrenching it open. Her parents jumped up together, looking anxious. Ginny jerked her head backwards into the room, and stepped aside as Molly and Arthur entered.
"Ginny has all the symptoms of a person suffering from post traumatic stress disorder." Gregory said, and Ginny's jaw dropped. She certainly hadn't expected that what was happening to her actually had a name… and a rather long one at that.
"Isn't that a Muggle illness?" Arthur asked blankly.
"A common misconception." The Healer smiled. "Post traumatic stress disorder usually occurs when having experienced a traumatic event that involved loss of life, serious injury or a threat to self or others. In Ginny's case, this all started at the attack at Hogsmeade, when she lost one close friend and her boyfriend nearly lost his own life."
Ginny suddenly found the ceiling very interesting, hating how the Healer was talking about her as if she weren't even in the room.
"The event is usually re-experienced in a number of ways – Ginny has been remembering them via flashbacks and nightmares." He paused, pressing the tips of his fingers to his chin in deep thought. "Muggles, in attempts to rid themselves of the disorder, most commonly go and see what they call psychiatrists, to help them deal with the event and put it behind them. We prefer to use Empath Healers, as it can be dealt with a lot faster to avoid any more distress than is necessary on Ginny's behalf."
Ginny breathed out an immense sigh of relief – she wasn't going crazy!
"Empath Healers are unfortunately, due to their training and powers, extremely expensive." Gregory said, looking uncomfortable. Ginny's heart sank. It was no secret that the Weasleys were far from well off.
Molly glared at the Healer. "When it comes to our daughter's health, there is no price." She stated firmly. Arthur glanced nervously at his wife.
"Molly…"
"We'll find a way, Arthur." Molly said stubbornly. "We will. Somehow."
"I have a suggestion." Gregory intervened quietly. "There is a well-known Empath Healer, in Venice – she is not too expensive, and very devoted to her work."
"Venice – Italy?" Molly gasped. "You want us to send Ginny to Italy?"
Ginny felt an overwhelming urge to giggle. So many times had she longed to go abroad, especially to Italy, and here she had the chance at her fingertips because of the damn Lord Voldemort himself.
"If you give your consent, I will get in contact with her and recommend Ginny." Gregory continued. "I spoke to her not a week ago and she is working with another patient but she prefers to work with a few at a time – it helps immensely, apparently."
Molly glanced worriedly at her husband. Clearing his throat, the Healer got to his feet.
"I'll give you some alone time to talk it over."
And then he was gone. Ginny, having bitten down to the very ends of her fingernails on one hand, started on the other. "What do you think, Arthur? Italy? That's so far away!"
"I know, dear, but he does seem to think highly of this Empath Healer… and if she's not too expensive…" He looked towards Ginny. "What about you, Ginny?"
"I like Venice." Ginny said with a smile, and her mother burst into tears. Horrified, Ginny hastened to Molly's side. "Don't cry, Mum! I – I won't go if you don't want me to!"
"Of course you will." Molly said firmly. "You want to go, and if it will – if it will stop these flashbacks, then you must. I'm just being silly."
Tears spilling down her own cheeks, Ginny wrapped her thin arms around her mother's neck, squeezing the shorter, older woman close to her. It's just the start, she reassured herself. It'll get better.
V I V I V
A week later, after Ginny had handed in her resignation to the twins several weeks earlier than they had originally planned had she not decided to go to Venice, the entire family congregated in the Weasley living room, awaiting Ginny's escort that would Portkey the two of them to the small villa in Venice. They had not yet met the Empath Healer, and only spoken through Healer Gregory, so naturally were all extremely curious as to who would appear in their living room in several moments.
"Three." Ron intoned dramatically, pointing at the clock. "Two."
"One." Ginny added with a grin.
With a soft 'pop', a tiny, dark-skinned woman appeared in the centre of the living room, looking around curiously. Ginny tried to straighten her face from shock into what she hoped was a welcoming smile; that was certainly not what she expected the Empath Healer to look like.
Maybe it was the mental image that every Healer wore a long white coat and carried a clipboard, or was at least in their mid-forties. But this woman could not have been older than twenty two or twenty three, with long curly dark hair that practically reached her waist (Ginny decided she had to ask the secret to how the woman managed to get her locks so shiny), large grey eyes and wore thin, flimsy blue robes.
"Hullo!" The woman said with a grin, spotting her audience. She didn't sound remotely Italian. "You must be the Weasleys. Well, I hope so; otherwise I might have some explaining to do."
There were some rather uncomfortable laughs; Ron's mouth still hung open, and had Hermione been there he would have probably received quite a blow to the side of his head. Instead, Ginny promptly stood on his foot and his jaw snapped shut.
"I suppose Healer Gregory simply referred to me as Healer Taylor." The woman said with a grimace. "Please, don't call me that – it makes me sound terribly old. I'm Vanessa – or Ness, if you prefer." She stepped over to Ginny, holding out her hand. "You, of course, are Ginny, yes?"
Numbly, Ginny nodded. Ness beamed as she went around the rest of the Weasleys in introduction, and then sympathetically stood back as Ginny said her tearful goodbyes.
"I'll write every day." She promised.
"Not every day – you concentrate on getting better," Molly scolded. "When you have some spare time. Don't worry about us, Ginny. We'll see you soon."
Biting her lower lip to hold back the tears, Ginny nodded and stepped back to the healer's side, reaching out to touch the necklace that was activated into a Portkey. She just managed to give her family a final wave before the two of them disappeared in a blur of motion and colour.