Title: Losing Faith

Summary: It's the summer after Ginny's sixth year, and Voldemort is dead. But still, things are not how they should be. How will everyone cope now that the worst threat is over? HG RHr

Genre: Angst/Drama

Rating: T

Disclaimer: It's all JK Rowling's. 'Nuff said.

V I V I V

MEMORIES

Clenching his fist tightly, nails breaking his skin, the note that Ginny had left Harry crumpled in his grasp and Harry swore under his breath, aware that the healer was still in the room. Watching him through concerned dark eyes, Ness bit down slightly on her lower lip, obviously waiting to see whether their months of hard work had paid off. In return, he glared furiously at her and bit back several more swear words that would have had Aunt Petunia washing his mouth out with soap, instead turning on his heel and stomping towards the staircase.

"Glyn… Harry… oh, bugger it." Ness said crossly, sounding frustrated. "Can I go back to calling you Harry now, please? Ginny knows who you are and she's not about to go spreading your location around to Death Eaters, no matter how mad she is."

Harry kept his mouth shut for several more moments, realising that if he dared try and open it then Ness would find herself at the end of a berate that shouldn't be aimed at her at all. Instead, he nodded tersely, before slumping onto the couch and burying his head in his hands. A slight pressure at the other end of the sofa told him that the healer had also sat down and not for the first time he cursed his inability to have any privacy whatsoever.

"Ness, can I – I just want to be alone for a bit, please?"

"Oh no." Ness refused, typically, as she always seemed to when he was at his most distressed. "You're not getting away with it that easily. Harry, Ginny deserves an explanation, and it's not fair to either of you – who knows what she's been led to believe, and you'll both end up saying things that will hurt each other… you need to let her know the truth, now."

"You think I dare step into the Burrow after – that?" Harry demanded, shuddering. "With all her brothers? No, I'd quite like to stay alive, strange as that sounds."

He was aware that his words were bitter and harsh, and felt almost guilty at Ness' flinch, but then recalled the mixture of emotions he had felt upon realising Ginny had gone.

"Damn it, she just had to teach me a lesson." He snarled at the floor, feeling inexplicably furious at Ginny, then overwhelmingly guilty at the fact that she had simply done what he had done to her. The anger bubbled back on him and he gritted his teeth, struggling to keep himself under control. The floor was heating beneath his bare feet; he realised, and held his breath. Ness, realising the temperature rise, stared at him through wide eyes.

The anger slowly subsided into a sick feeling in his stomach, though the floor remained warm, and he let out a long sigh of relief. Ness' face split into a smile.

"I think you're ready, Harry."

"Oh, great." Harry snarled. "Ready just when my girlfriend appears, traumatized and stressed because of me. Ready just when she realises what a fraud I am, just in time for everything that I worked and fought for to go to hell!"

"You really think that?" She asked softly, folding her arms and raising her eyebrows at him. "Ginny is really the only person you worked and fought for?"

"Well, no." Harry relented. "But – Ron is her brother, he's going to take her side, and Hermione's his girlfriend, she'll take his side, and the whole Weasley family will just – they'll hate me, just like Ginny does."

It was Ness' turn to swear; unlike Harry, she didn't do it under her breath but rather loudly and explicitly, earning a shocked stare from the younger boy.

"For crying out loud, this isn't a playground fight! You're all supposed to be adults, and your friends and Ginny's family shouldn't be taking sides!"

"Maybe not, but they'll hate me for ditching them and ignoring their letters for months on end." Harry amended, almost smiling as he watched Ness bite down hard on her lower lip to stop herself from swearing again.

"Not if you explain to them why you did it! Yes, they'll probably still be angry at the way you dealt with it, but they'll get over it, Harry, as will you. So, go to Ginny, and explain to her – explain to her exactly what happened."

He sank back into the sofa cushions, rubbing a weary hand through his hair. "I don't know if she's even gone back to the Burrow." He said haltingly. "Did you make her a Portkey? Where to?"

"Portkeys have to be approved by the Ministry, Harry." Ness said patiently. He frowned at her.

"Well, it must have taken you a while to get it approved – how'd you get it done so fast?"

"I didn't."

Not for the first time, he wondered if she had taken lessons from Albus Dumbledore in how to be evasive. There was that crafty look back in her eye that told him she knew far more than she was letting on.

"Ginny can't apparate, she's not seventeen until next week, so – how'd she get home?"

"For the guy who defeated the darkest lord in centuries, you really are slow, Potter." A chilly voice came from the top of the stairs. Emitting a yelp of surprise, Harry leapt to his feet and caught the gaze of a pair of serious, hurt brown eyes.

"Ginny!"

He felt as if he were seeing her for the first time since he had left England, rather than the awkward, strange greeting they had where he had pretended to be a complete stranger. She inclined her head and slowly came down the stairs, Ness disappearing from the room respectfully.

"You're lucky I'm underage so I can't hex you, Potter." Ginny said, though he could have sworn he heard a tiny hint of a joke in her voice. She folded her arms and tapped her foot against the ground. "As it is, I spoke to Ness and she said that I should hear you out. Merlin knows why – you made a screw up of the explanation the first two times. First in a letter, second as a complete stranger, but I'll give you a third chance. Final chance, Harry." Her eyes glistened. "I've had enough of games, and I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. So tell me, and tell me the truth – why did you leave? Why could you not let the people that care about you know where you were, what you were doing – what was so secretive?"

He hesitated, and Ginny made to move towards the kitchen. Hastily, Harry held up his hand. "No, no, I will say – I'll tell you everything, but – it's a long story, and I don't think – I've got a better idea." He dashed towards the bookcase and drew a large, circular bowl from behind a stack of books, holding it as if it were made of glass. Ginny peered at it.

"Is that a pensieve?"

"Yep – Ness uses it, to – well, it's a whole lot easier to deal with things by replaying them than talking about them, because – I'm a bit useless at talking." Harry said, to which the redhead let out an unladylike snort.

"Yeah. I've noticed." She said dryly, smirking, though her eyebrows shot sky high as he pressed his wand to his temple. "What are you doing!"

"My memories." Harry said patiently, and a long, thick, silver strand of some glossy substance hung from his wand for several seconds before dropping into the bowl.

"You're – you're going to show me." Ginny said slowly.

"I know you didn't see the final battle." Harry replied, cautiously, looking apologetic. "And – what happened when I woke up in St. Mungo's. I think – you might be able to understand better if you see it first hand."

Ginny clenched her fists tightly, her heart thumping at the thought of seeing Hogsmeade blown to smithereens, the death of one of her best friends, the utter destroying of what little remained of her inner child, her innocence. Seeing Harry was about to put his hand over hers, she drew them away, stubbornly refusing to show her distress.

He had been there, she reminded herself forcefully. He had not only witnessed it, but been a major part of it. She could do this. She could be strong, and deal, just like he had.

Realising that Harry was holding the Pensieve out to her expectantly, Ginny took a deep breath, struggling to calm herself down, and advanced on it, her heart thumping.

"If you want, I'll go in with you." Harry said, seeing her hesitation, and shrinking back as if he expected her to bite his head off for suggesting she was weak, for suggesting she couldn't handle it alone.

Perhaps, if the situation hadn't been so serious, she might have been irritated, and even though she was still furious at him, she couldn't stop herself from nodding an agreement. Even more carefully, he took her hand and she grasped it tightly, for a moment imagining that they were back at Hogwarts sitting in the common room simply relishing each other's company.

Then they dived into Harry's memories, and that comforting, peaceful scene was never to be seen again.

V I V I V

Harry tumbled out of the fireplace into the Three Broomsticks, gasping with relief as the sound of alarms going off in Grimmauld Place echoed behind him. He had been just in time. A surge of guilt overwhelmed him at the realisation he had left Ginny behind, no doubt already worried sick, but he was tired of hiding, waiting for Voldemort to strike again only for him to get away but for others to die in his place.

Ginny hadn't used a Pensieve before, but Harry had, and from the way he described it to her, it was simply as if they were ghosts, watching on, unseen and unable to do anything to change the events that were occurring. Yet somehow she kept getting hints of the past Harry's emotions, so small that she had to try hard to sense them, but they were there all right. Frowning, she glanced to her left; present-day Harry watched on with a calm gaze, as if he had seen it many times before. Swallowing, she found a small smile grace her lips as he squeezed her hand reassuringly.

The pub was deserted; it didn't look as if it had been attacked, but its occupants had simply run for safety, whether into the Muggle streets, by Floo or Apparation, Harry didn't know. He pushed open the door leading out into Hogsmeade and narrowly avoided a dangerous spell, shooting through the open doorway and hitting the wall harmlessly. There were shouts, screams, so much more terrifying than he remembered when he and Ginny had been transported out of there, and his heart dropped to the very soles of his shoes.

Ginny shivered at the waves of terror coming off the past Harry. He always managed to put on such a brave front, that once upon a time she had considered him fearless, but she hadn't been more wrong. Somehow, it made her feel better. Silently, she and present day Harry followed the other Harry out into the smoke-clogged streets, tinged with the scent of blood and dirt and death. Almost instantly the past Harry was shooting spells left right and center, shouting to his friends from Hogwarts, steadily ignoring all attempts from the Order to get him back to safety.

"Potter!" Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody snarled, clumping over to the boy and shooting a Stunning Spell over his shoulder at a Death Eater advancing. "What are you doing? You're supposed to be at Headquarters!"

"I'm sick of having people fight my battles for me, Moody." Harry replied evenly. Moody's eyebrows shot sky-high.

"This isn't just your battle, lad, whether the prophecy thinks so or not. You shouldn't take it upon yourself to think that you have to fight alone, because it ain't gonna happen."

"Regardless," Harry continued, ducking a spell that grazed the top of his head and then carrying on the conversation as if had never happened. "I'm the one who's supposed to kill Voldemort, and I'm tired of him coming after me only for me to escape yet again. I'm never going to be ready for something like this; might as well get it over with now, before anyone else gets hurt."

Ginny swallowed the lump in her throat, tears stinging at her eyes. She could sense it; Harry had really expected to die that day.

Moody hesitated, and then pointed a scarred arm towards the Hogsmeade fountain. "The bastard's that way." He said, smiling slightly, something that didn't quite fit on his face. "Get 'im good for us, lad."

Harry forced a smile in return and ran forward, aiming towards the fountain, ducking and twisting and spiraling away from curses, barely making a cry as there came the sickening sound of bones crunching in his left arm, a bloodied slash across his side.

"Oh, Harry." Ginny couldn't help but whisper sadly as past-Harry's eyes caught Luna's, just in time to see her fall in wake of a Killing Curse, her own eyes no longer twinkling with life and excitement and everything that Luna was. Past Harry let out a shout of denial, tears already starting to fall. Ginny's heart wrenched painfully at the sight of Luna's dead body, at the fact she had just seen her die, and she turned to bury her head into present Harry's shoulder, uncaring that she was supposed to be angry at him.

His grip on her hand tightened. "Do you want to go back?" He asked quietly, but she shook her head, sniffed and raised her gaze back to past Harry.

"No."

"Potter." A silky voice whispered, and Harry fell to his knees with a cry of pain, clutching at his scar, scratching at it with his fingernails as if he were trying to get rid of it. Voldemort was here, Voldemort was standing mere feet in front of him, a look of ugly triumph on his face at the sight of his enemy writhing before him.

"Fight him, Harry, come on." Ginny whispered involuntarily, unaware of the small smile that present Harry shot her, and she let out a small whoop of glee as past Harry struggled to his feet, green eyes blazing with determination. She realised, suddenly, that she had no idea how the battle had ended; how, in fact, had Harry defeated the Darkest Wizard in centuries?

Past Harry didn't waste his time with useless, mindless banter, instead raising his wand to Voldemort's face with a steady gaze, shutting out all fear and showing only his longing for revenge.

"Legilimens!"

Before Voldemort could aim a curse, he was stumbling backwards, his narrow red eyes slit closed and mouth twisted into a grimace. Harry's wand arm trembled rapidly, and it was an obvious effort to keep the spell going, sweating with effort and a pained frown on his brow.

"What are you doing? What is that spell?" Ginny asked, shaken by the image of Voldemort and Harry face to face. Harry looked down at her in surprise, as if he had forgotten she were there.

"The spell that Snape used to teach me Occlumency." He explained. "It's the intrusion spell – to get into the opponent's mind."

Ginny couldn't stop the gasp from escaping her lips. "You – went into Voldemort's mind? Are you insane?"

"It was the only way." Harry shrugged, and turned to look at his past self who was still struggling to hold the connection, looking on the verge of passing out. "I went into his mind, and did as Dumbledore had suggested. I gave Voldemort memories of something he had never experienced."

"Love." Ginny whispered, pressing her hands to her mouth. Harry nodded.

"I gave him memories of love, and it was bloody hard, considering how experienced he is at Occlumency. Took me ages to get through his barriers, but I did, and then…" He motioned back towards past Harry and the past, now deceased Voldemort, just as Voldemort summoned up the last of his strength to throw Harry viciously from his mind, bellowing in rage. Death Eaters and Aurors alike had paused in their fighting, completely astonished to see the Darkest Wizard in centuries weakened by a seventeen-year-old boy.

"It's over, Tom." Harry said quietly, his voice hoarse and cracked, and with one final moment of strength and magic, uttered the words that had killed his parents… Cedric… Sirius… so many countless others who had done nothing wrong. "Avada kedavra!"

Then Voldemort and Harry fell together, silently, tumbling without grace to the ground churned up by spells and thick with blood-mixed dirt, and all hell broke loose once more.

With an unpleasant twist of her stomach Ginny found herself sitting back on the sofa in Ness' villa, her hand still in Harry's, staring at the bowl of swirling memories in horror.

"Oh God…" She murmured, her boyfriend's memories coming back to her in stifling waves, and, snatching her hand from his grasp, she stumbled for the bathroom, unable to do much more than retch unpleasantly into the toilet bowl and wish, for the thousandth time, for it to be over. At some point she heard Ness enter and hand her a glass of water, then leave without ever saying a word, which Ginny was grateful for. Slumping against the wall, she swiped at her sore eyes, shivering, and automatically leant into the arm that Harry wrapped around her shoulder, though she didn't remember him even coming in.

"I'm sorry." He murmured into her hair. "You weren't ready – I shouldn't have…"

"No, no." Ginny shook her head fiercely. "I – it was just hard, seeing – him, and Luna, and then you… I thought it was bad when we were sent back to Grimmauld Place, but – it was ten times worse, I don't know how you managed to stand it!"

"I didn't think about it." He replied softly. "I just concentrated on getting to Voldemort, and doing what had to be done."

"And you did it." Ginny said, and a strange, warm feeling bubbled up in her stomach as she realised that it was a feeling of pride – after everything, she was proud, because he had done it, he had saved them all but he hadn't done it because he was brave or heroic but he had done it because he had been given the task and he wasn't going to run away from it when so many people's lives were at risk. "Harry, those memories… you said, you gave him feelings of love, and…"

"I don't think you really need to ask what the memories were of." Harry said, and his eyes pleaded with her not to ask. She nodded, understanding, and got to her feet shakily, shrugging his arm off. He looked up at her anxiously.

"I still don't understand why you left." Ginny informed him, but she couldn't use the cold tone she had used earlier because she hadn't understood what he had gone through at the Hogsmeade attack, why it had been so terrible that he had cut himself off from everyone. "Or why you came to an Empath Healer, of all people, but… you will tell me, right?"

"I will." Harry promised, anxiously. "But – not now. I can't, not yet."

She nodded, offered him a small smile, and left the bathroom with her head held high. Ness was sitting on the sofa the two of them had previously vacated, and jumped up at her young charge's entrance.

"Ginny, are you okay? Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine." Ginny replied automatically, her gaze flitting to the Pensieve lying abandoned on the coffee table. Ness followed her gaze, dark eyes narrowing.

"He used the Pensieve?" At Ginny's nod, the Healer swore rapidly and shook her head in dismay. "That's not always the best technique for everyone – it can just make things so much worse – what did he show you?"

"The Hogsmeade attack." Ginny told her. "All of it." Ness swore again. "What?"

"Ginny, you're having problems because of the attack!" The older woman exclaimed, throwing her hands up into the air. "To see the entire thing – it could make things so much worse!"

"I don't think so." Ginny said automatically. "I feel – I don't know, I could only imagine the terrible things that happened at Hogsmeade after I left, and the fact that I didn't know… I kept thinking worse and worse things."

Ness didn't look convinced. "Well, if he wants to use that damned thing again, he'll be asking me first." And, pulling her wand out of her robes pocket, she waved it at the Pensieve, which flickered then vanished. She turned concerned eyes back on Ginny. "Are you sure you feel okay?"

"Fine!" Ginny exclaimed, exasperated, and smothered a grin as she remembered how many times she; Hermione and Ron had asked Harry that and how he had snapped back in return.

She realised that it no longer hurt to think about him.

V I V I V

Hermione stepped through the fireplace into the Burrow, frowning slightly as her boyfriend bore down on her, waving a scroll of parchment excitedly. "What is it, Ron? You said it was an emergency?" Her eyes fell upon the parchment. "You dragged me away for a letter?"

"Not just any letter, Hermione." Ron said slowly, enunciating his words carefully. Her eyes widened as she recognised the writing immediately.

"Harry wrote?"

"About bloody time, too!" Ron yelped, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"You really need to stop swearing so much." Hermione retorted, snatching the letter out of his hands and scanning through it.

"Hey, I've not read it yet!" Ron protested, snatching it back. She stared at him in bewilderment as he flushed red. "Well, I just recognised the handwriting, and – it was addressed to both of us, so I thought we'd – you know, read it together."

"Oh." Hermione said blankly, before a smile stretched across her face. Ron had obviously matured so much; a few years ago he would have casually mentioned Harry's letter a week or so after he had received it.

"Or, I kind of forgot to read it because I was just so happy he actually wrote to us." Ron amended, his cheeks going even redder. Hermione couldn't help the snort from escaping her lips.

Maybe not entirely mature.

"Dear Hermione and Ron," Ron read aloud, and scowled. "How come I'm after you? Don't I matter as much?"

"Give that here!" Hermione cried, snatching it back for the second time. "Read it sensibly, won't you?" She took a deep breath and sank into one of the kitchen chairs, her eyes scanning it. "Dear Hermione and Ron," she repeated. "I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write and that I haven't replied to any of your letters. I'm also sorry that it took a surprise visit from Ginny to get my ass back into gear and actually get in contact with you."

"Ginny!" Both of them chorused together, jaws dropping.

"When did Ginny visit? And how did she know where he is?" Ron asked frantically, looking towards Hermione. She glared at him.

"I'm as much in the know as you, Ronald."

Ron took the letter out of her hands and continued. "I'm not going to tell you where I am, because I have a feeling I'll be visiting soon. What does he mean, visiting? Visiting who?"

"He means us." Hermione said in horrified comprehension. "Ron, he – he doesn't have anywhere to call home anymore. He can't say he'll be home soon, because… he doesn't have one!"

"Of course he does, right here at the Burrow." Ron said impatiently.

"No." Hermione winced. "I mean, he's only been at the Burrow for holidays. He's only visited the Burrow; he's never lived here, has he? How can he call it a home if he's never lived in it?"

Ron cursed loudly and vividly. "We'll just have to change that – and I'm sure Mum'll agree plenty."

Hermione nodded absently, motioning towards the letter. "What else does he say?"

"I just want to say that I'm sorry for upping and leaving with just a lousy letter, but I promise I'll explain everything when we next see each other. Feel free to pummel me all you like… I probably deserve it." Ron grunted. "Now he's given me permission, it's not going to be as fun. Git." At his girlfriend's glare, he returned his gaze to the parchment. "I'll see you both soon, take care, and I really am sorry. Love, Harry."

"I don't know what Ginny did." Hermione said, staring at the letter. "Or how she managed to find him, but – it's going to be okay now, Ron."

"It is." Ron smiled, dropping the letter onto the table and leaning across it to kiss her. "We'll be all right now."