I watched as all the audience members took their seats. Most were parents, looking uncomfortable in their dress clothes. Not that I can blame them, it's nearly 100 degrees out today. I'm starting to sweat myself.
Don't ask me who's idea it was to have a graduation ceremony outside in the middle of a Californian summer. They could have at least used the campus auditorium.
The graduates were seated in the first few rows, clad in identical navy-blue caps and gowns. I scanned the backs of each head until I found her, talking idly with a few of her friends. She didn't look the least bit over heated. In fact, she looked perfectly fine; That was Sandy for you, never a hair out of place.
The rest of the guests took their seats as the dean of students approached the podium to speak:
"Friends, Family, and Faculty members, I Welcome you all to the commencement ceremony for the graduates of the Northern California Liberal Arts College, class of 2007."
The crowd applauded strongly, as did the graduates. I tried to follow suit, but it was kind of difficult to clap and keep Aaron from falling out of my lap at the same time. He didn't seem to notice, as he was too busy try to mimic the applauding with his little hands, giggling simultaneously.
He's such a beautiful baby. Not that I'll be able to refer to him as a baby for much longer. He's over eighteen months old now, and he's gotten so big compared to the little newborn I first saw in the hospital. Mr. Jameson, Sandy's Father, says he's my replica, which I guess he is.
He has my green eyes, my nose, and my square jaw line; Aaron has Sandy's coloring though, with golden blonde hair that bleaches in the sun, and fair skin which I was hoping wouldn't get sunburned during the ceremony. Sometimes I still can't believe I'm a Father.
But I'm not really the type of guy to get mushy about that type of stuff...
The dean continued to speak, but Aaron was still giggling so I couldn't really hear what was going on.
"Aaron, look up there. It's Mommy." I whispered into his ear, pointing as inconspicuously as possible toward Sandy, not wanting to make a scene. "See?"
A few of the other audience members turned to look at me, either eyeing Aaron adoringly, or looking like they wanted to kill me because my son was distracting them from the speech. I just smiled politely, it's not like there was anything I could do but try to keep Aaron's laughing and babbling to a minimum.
The dean continued, followed by the valedictorian and a few others. About halfway through the fourth speaker, Aaron started to fuss. I knew he probably needed to be changed, and I prayed there'd be a bathroom somewhere close by.
As I turned to grab the diaper bag, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Do you want me to take him?"
I'd forgotten my Father was even sitting next to me, he was so quiet. He reached to take Aaron from me.
"It's alright Dad, I'll go." I replied, trying to keep my voice down.
"I'm sitting on the aisle, It'll be easier for me to get up. Besides, as long as I'm here I might as well spend some quality time with my Grandson."
I nodded gratefully, watching him get up with the baby and exit the courtyard in search of a bathroom.
My Father really loves Aaron. He comes to visit us as often as possible, and he offers to babysit every time. He says it's because it reminds him of when I was a baby. The bussiness that he and Mr. Jameson started together turned out pretty well, and when Sandy had to go back to school, they paid for Aaron to go to daycare during the day so that we wouldn't always have to worry about finding a babysitter.
Sandy and her Dad are still trying to reconnect with each other. It's not easy, but like so many of the other people in ours lives, he's there when we need him.
One thing's for sure, if it wasn't for my Dad, Mr. Jameson and the Camdens this past year and a half, Sandy and I might not have made it. It was really hard balancing school, work, baseball, and Aaron at the same time. It was even harder on Sandy, who had to take a month off from college to stay with Aaron, and then insisted on getting at least a part-time job once she got back to school.
Money was really tight at first. I had been given a job on campus at Seqouia, but with my schedual I could only work part time, so the five dollars I made an hour didn't always go as far as I would have liked. To complicate things, Sandy and I knew that since were weren't romantically involved, living together would just make things awkward and uncomfortable, so we'd decided to dorm at our respective colleges. However, Sandy's college didn't allow students to live in the dorms if they had kids, so she had to rent an apartment.
Finding an apartment was a task in and of itself. Most were either too expensive, or wouldn't allow a tenant with a baby. Eventually, we found a one-bedroom studio style place about twnety minutes away from the college. The owner was a lonely widow, and as soon as she saw Aaron, she said she couldn't think of anyone else that she would rather have rent the space. They moved in right away, and it worked out really well.
I had a dorm at Seqouia, so I was okay when it came to housing, but food was another story. Seqouia offered a meal-card program for it's students, but with all the stuff I had going on, I almost never had enough time to go to the cafeteria for something to eat.
I was up three hours earlier than the cafeteria even opened to work out, and the rest of the day I was either in a class, studying to keep from falling behind in a class, or working at the campus bookstore. After practice was over in the evening, if I didn't have a game, I'd drive to Sandy's to see Aaron. The trip was a half hour each way, so usually by the time I got back to school they'd stopped serving meals already.
I was so tired by the time I went to bed that I was lucky I remembered which dorm I lived in.
Some of the guys on the team knew my situation, so sometimes they'd bring dinner to practice and we'd all chip in to pay back whoever bought the food. Other times Sandy would save a plate of whatever she had for dinner that night for when I came over. She tried hard to make my crazy schedule as non-stressful as possible. Then again, she had schoolwork and a waitressing job of her own to deal with. Plus, she was taking care of Aaron most of the time. Still, I was grateful that she made the effort.
It wasn't like Sandy and I were best friends all the time, though. We had our rough patches. Times when we were both just so tired that we'd take it our on each other, saying things we didn't mean. She'd thrown me out of her apartment on more than one occasion, and just as frequently I'd refuse to speak to her for days at a time, only coming over for Aaron's sake.
I remember one time when Sandy had a midterm to take, and the test ran for three hours, so she couldn't take the baby with her. The only problem was that I had a game that night, and each player could only miss one a season or they'd be off the team. I'd already missed one, and if I was kicked off the team my scholarship would be revoked.
No one else was available that night to babysit, so I had no choice but to take Aaron with me. As you might guess, It's really hard to watch an infant and play a ball game at the same time. As you might also guess, I was really really mad at Sandy. Thankfully, my coach took pity on me and had his wife watch Aaron during the game. He cried the whole time. Man, did I feel awful for having to do that.
Then there were other times when I actually enjoyed Sandy's company, and we got along pretty well. It got to the point where a lot of our friends thought we'd get married, but neither of us was ever really interested in the other that way, even now that we're friends. I think we're better off that way, because it wouldn't have been fair for Aaron to be in the middle of a loveless marriage. Our lives are fine the way they are, it was just a matter of learning to work together for Aaron.
"The only bathroom open was on the other side of the campus."
I turned to see my Father taking his seat beside me, Aaron in his arms. "And someone gets kind of impatient when he's wet." He said, smiling.
I smiled back. "We're working on that defect. Thanks for changing him."
"No problem." He whispered, and then turned back to listen to the rest of the speech.
"Hey, Champ. Did you see Grandpa just now?" I asked, once I was holding Aaron again.
Aaron smiled in response, the smile that reminded to so much of my Mother's.
"Saw Gwandpa." He said. He can't pronounce the letter 'R" correctly yet. Hopefully he'll grow out of that. "See Lucy." He continued, pointing to the seat in front of us.
"Yeah, Lucy and Kevin and the rest of the Camdens are here to see Mommy graduate." I explained. But he doesn't really understand why we're here today, so it's not all that exciting to him.
Lucy and Kevin sat in the seats directly in front of my Father and I, followed by The Reverend and Mrs. Camden, then Sam and David, Simon, and finally Ruthie.
The Camden Family has been like a lifeline for Sandy and I. If Aaron wouldn't go to sleep, Sandy would call Lucy or Mrs. Camden for advice. If Sandy and I got into a fight, I'd call Kevin to blow off steam. It didn't matter if it was 12 noon, or three in the morning, but the Camdens were always there for us.
Like last winter, when Aaron had a really bad cold. Sandy didn't think it was that serious, and niether did I, but boy were we wrong. I had a game that night, as a matter in fact, it just happened to be the night that there was going to be a scout in the stands. It was going great, we were winning 16 to 0, and according to my coach I was in the bag for an after-college draft. Between the fifth and sixth inning, I was given a message saying that I had to get to the hospital immediately. There was an emergency.
I was going nuts on my way there. Sandy's cell phone wasn't on because the hospital wouldn't allow them, so I had no idea what was happening. When I arrived, I found her sitting with my Father in the waiting room, bawling her eyes out. She said that Aaron's fever shot up to 104 in an hour, and the pedictrician said to rush him to the emergency room.
Kevin and Reverend Camden were there, too. Kevin insisted on covering the hospital bill, and Reverend Camden kept me from completely losing it, saying he'd pray that Aaron was alright. I guess it worked, because a few hours later the fever went down. As I sat in the Children's ward all night with Sandy, holding Aaron's hand through the metal hospital crib, I thanked god that Reverend Camden and Kevin had been there.
If I needed to talk to someone, I'd call Ruthie. She'd call once or twice a week to see how things were going, and on the days when I felt like crawling into my bed and staying there forever, she'd tell me that I needed to suck it up and do what I had to do, because I was Aaron's Father and my success in life would shape his future.
She did eventually get over me, by the way. Our relationship slowly got back to what it was before Sandy got pregnant, but something's different. I don't know what it is, and I don't think Ruthie does either. Maybe it's my guilt for not loving her like she loved me, but whatever it is, I'm just glad to have her in my life. Not everyone gets a friend that knows them as well as she knows me.
Just as I was thinking about how thankful I was that he was being reasonably quiet, Aaron exclaimed "See Simon, Daddy!"
Hearing his name, Simon turned around briefly to give Aaron a wink.
"Yeah, buddy. You'll see Simon later when we go to the restaurant." I told him, shifting his weight to my other arm.
Finally, the dean began calling the names of each graduate, and applause sounded through the courtyard.
"Karen Marie Abernathy."
"Darryl Henry Anderson."
"Nicole Elena Baci."
Simon has been a pretty significant presence in Aaron's life, too. After Simon and Rose decided not to get married, Sandy went to Glenoak with Aaron to tell him how she felt about him. I'd known for a while that Sandy had feelings for Simon, but she maintained that she couldn't act on them, not when she was so busy taking care of Aaron and Simon was about to marry Rose.
The day before the wedding, I finally convinced her to call Simon. Instead, Rose picked up the phone, saying that Simon wouldn't be home for a while. Sandy told her that she loved Simon, and that she wanted him to know before he got married. The next day, it looked like the wedding was going to happen anyway, and Simon still hadn't called her back.
We'd originally decided not to accept the invitation because of conflicts with school, but I told Sandy that she'd regret it if she didn't talk to Simon. She got there just as what was supposed to be the wedding reception was starting, and she told Simon that they needed to talk, which they did.
They make a pretty good couple, and Sandy deserves a good relationship after all the time she spent taking care of Aaron and trying to catch up in school. I know that she and Simon will most likely get married someday, and I'm okay with it. Sandy and I are together with Aaron as much as two people who aren't married can be, but that's just it: we're not married, so obviously I can't be at Sandy's twenty-four seven, which is where Aaron will be most of the time until I get out of college.
That said, I'm glad that he'll have a Father figure when I'm not there. Don't get me wrong, I want to be in Aaron's life as much as possible, but at least when I can't be there I trust that Simon is.
"Ann Marie Davidson."
"Lisa Victoria Eldman."
"Larson Blake Eumater."
I've learned a lot this past year and a half. I've learned that part of the reason babies are so expensive is because they grow so fast and they need new clothes every few weeks. I've learned that if you drink enough water a day, it makes it easier to stay up and study. I've learned that not talking to someone when you're mad at them only makes things worse. I've learned not to wave to your son in the stands while you're up at bat, because a windmill pitch to the head really hurts. I've learned that your family is important, not matter what kind of a family you have.
"David Quinnlan Garialdi."
"Lynnette Rachelle Housman."
I've learned that you really do put the life of your child before your own.
"Katelynn Ling Jang."
And even though there were times when Sandy would call me at two in the morning, and I had to go sit up with Aaron despite having a chemistry test the next day which I hadn't had time to study for, it was all worth it to see him take his first steps. The resentment that I spent all those months feeling against my son was replaced with love when I heard him say 'Daddy' for the first time.
"Sandra Louise Jameson."
As Sandy walked across the stage to receive her diploma, and I stood with Aaron to clap. I realized how much I respected her for everything she'd done, and for everything she'd put up with. Now that she was out of college, she'd be taking a better job, so I wouldn't have to work as many hours. She and Aaron were moving into a new apartment closer to Sequoia in a few weeks, so I'd be able to see him more often and even keep him for a weekend if I wanted.
"Mommy!" Aaron said happily, reaching forward as if he'd be able to touch her if he tried hard enough.
"Aaron, can you clap for Mommy?" I asked. He once again tried to imitate the clapping motion, but let's just say that his motor skills have a little further to go. I watched as Sandy blew Aaron a kiss from the stage, and he returned the gesture.
My life is nothing like I ever thought it would be. It's better.
I love my son, and I value my friendship with his Mother. When I found out that Sandy was pregnant I never thought I could be a Dad and be happy with my life at the same time, but I was wrong. Someday I'd like to meet a woman who'll love Aaron as much as I do, and who'll understand that Sandy will always be in my life in some way. But in the mean time, I plan on just living life.
I was thinking about maybe continuing this and writing a little about some of the events that Martin mentioned here. What do you think? Thanks!
-Tessie:)