Hey everyone)
Tadaaaaa a new chapter...

Again I used lyrics – but again I can't give you the title and the band… it would say too much

Chapter 14 – It's Just A Ride, It's Just A Ride... to the airport

"I guess this is goodbye then, huh?" Ryan said quietly.

"Yeah… I guess so." She answered sadly. She watched him getting into the taxi and shutting the door. Her heart ached, how could she let him leave like that? But it was too late, the taxi disappeared into the night and with it Ryan disappeared too.

She couldn't hold back her tears any longer.
One tear after another made its way down her cheeks while she kept staring in the direction where the cab drove into – the direction where the person she loved so much disappeared…. maybe for forever…

After awhile she turned around and went inside her dad's house. She didn't get what her father was asking her while she went upstairs, his concerned voice sounded like million miles away.
Everything seemed like million miles away. Everything except the consciousness that she lost the one person she never wanted to loose in her life.

Marissa was now in her room, standing in front of one of the windows. She stared out of it, but she didn't get something from the beautiful view. She stood there, tired of crying and desperately in need of time for processing everything. But was there a way she would process this… and was she really willing to process this? That would make it all too real… wouldn't it?

Memories of the past came flooding back to her mind. Memories of good times. Ryan and her having fun, kissing, being happy together - being in love.
She couldn't and didn't want to realize that she had to let go of that all.

In the background music played, she had turned on earlier…

#Lou Barlow - Legendary#
I know you've given all that you can give to me
I know there'll come a day I understand
Until then I'll be trying to solve your mystery
And Wonder why I couldn't make you stay

'How true… why I couldn't make him stay?' she thought bitterly to herself.

---Meanwhile in the cab to the airport---
Ryan and Summer sat silent in the car. Ryan stared intently out of the window, pretending there was something interesting outside.

For Summer it wasn't that easy sitting there and pretending to be interested in the landscape, just to avoid a conversation. She wanted to talk with him and she would do that.
She had to make sure that two of her best friends wouldn't make a big mistake.
She knew that if Ryan wouldn't have encouraged her to talk to Seth, she wouldn't be together with Seth by now. He made her see what she was too blind and too proud for to see - that she still loved Seth and that this was the only thing that mattered. That she had to forget her pride or her
Now it was her turn to return him this favor. It was her turn to make Ryan see something very important. She just hoped that her senses hadn't fooled her… that it wasn't over.

---In Las Vegas---
Seth took a cab back to the hotel. He wondered how he should cover Ryan's departure. Spending much time with Liz would make her suspicious, but leaving her all alone in this hotel room would make her even more suspicious. Sooner or later she would try to find Ryan.

'Hmm… maybe my 'gambling-all-day-long' plan wasn't that bad…' he thought to himself, but in the end he decided to tell everything Luke. He would help him, wouldn't he?

---Tahiti – cab to the airport---
"Ryan is this really what you want?" Summer said solemnly. She had decided to break the silence. She couldn't hold back any longer.

"What.. what do you mean?" Ryan turned to her but avoided to look her in the eyes. Sure he knew what she was talking about, but he had tried so hard to avoid this conversation till now – he didn't want to have this conversation. How should he answer honestly if he himself even didn't really know if this was how he wanted it?

"Ryan… I mean this here. Driving to the airport, running away and leaving things like that." Summer said softly.

"I'm not running away… it's just…" he didn't know what he should say… he wasn't running away…no he wasn't…. or was he?

"Look… Ryan… do you still love Marissa?" she asked directly but with a soft voice. She didn't want him to be upset but she wanted this to be a serious talk and hoped that Ryan finally would open up and wouldn't evade her questions.

Ryan looked a bit shocked by Summers directness, but hey… we're talking about Summer Roberts, she always was the direct one.
His mind was racing, what should he say… just hours ago he said to Marissa that they should be just friends and Marissa surely told that Summer – so that should be answer enough. Then why was she asking those things? Did she want to punish him with all these questions for hurting Marissa?

"I'm with Eliza now! She was there when I needed her. She's sweet and we're happy together." he said defiantly. Yeah at least they were happy together till Ryan found out that Marissa and he broke up because of a lie…

Ryan reacted like Summer had expected it… defiantly. He evaded her questions.
"Ryan that's not that what I asked you…" Summer said.

Ryan didn't answer and stared out of the car window.

"Ryan… do you remember… not so long ago somebody told me that no answer can be an answer too." she smiled by the thought of the situation. Ryan turned to her and gave her a short half smile; he knew what situation she was talking about. He had told her that in refer to Seth in Las Vegas.

"Ryan please stop evading my questions. I'm not here to torture you with them as a punishment because I'm Marissa's best friend. Honestly. Ryan, I'm here as your friend. And as a friend I don't want to see you unhappy or get hurt. You understand?
I.. I don't want you to be with someone just because of responsibility or so? I don't want you to be with Eliza if in reality you wish she was someone else. You don't have to response something now – I just want you to think about it till we are at the airport. If you believe at the airport that flying back to Las Vegas and being with Eliza is that what you want - then I won't be the one that stops you." Summer said softly.

Ryan nodded and Summer turned around to look out of the window. She did what she could do.

---Las Vegas---
Seth told Luke where Ryan went to and why.
"So he wants Marissa back, Seth?" Luke asked.

"Uhm… honestly. I don't have a clue. You know Ryan Atwood and feelings – a difficult affair." Seth said.

"Yep. So what should we do to divert Liz from Ryan's departure? Any good ideas, Cohen?"

"What about going shopping?" Seth asked.

Lukes eyes widened…"No… I'm definitely not going shopping with a girl. Do you want to punish me Cohen? That would take hours… and this whole "which dress looks better on me?" thing isn't mine. Besides that, doesn't she have to stay in bed?"

"Good point… good point. You know what; let's pay her a visit, maybe I get one of my great ideas then." Seth suggested. Luke just shrugged.

Minutes later….
Knock, knock

"Come in" Liz said annoyed. She couldn't stop thinking about the fight she and Ryan had before. She could kick herself mentally for putting Ryan under pressure. She should have known that putting him under pressure isn't the right way to make him tell her everything.

'But why doesn't he trust me enough?' she thought to herself. This fact hurt her. She had thought that after all the times she had listened to him before, all the times she had been there for him, made him trust her.
She knew about his past in Chino, about moving to Newport, his new life there…about everything. Wait. No she didn't know about everything. From the beginning on he left out and avoided the "Marissa Cooper" topic whenever it was possible. Very mysterious… but she hadn't enough time to think about this further. She was interrupted by Seth and Luke.

"Hey… we.. we wanted to pay you a visit… you know.. looking how you're feeling and so..." Seth said slightly nervous. Would his Seth-Cohen-lying-skills were enough this time?

"Uhm… thank you… I'm feeling better." Liz answered.

Awkward silence. Seth's gaze wandered through the room, pretending to be veeery interested in the furnishings.
'Note to myself… spontaneous plans are not really one of my strengths.' Seth thought to himself.

"Are you looking for something in particular, Seth?" Liz asked slightly distracted. Ryan had told her that Seth can be weird sometimes, but she thought he was just kidding. Obviously not.

"No, no I was just… just looking around. Very beautiful room."

"Seth, your room is identical to this one." Liz said.

"Uhm now that you mention this… I knew I know this furnishings from somewhere…it's really identically to my room…. Soo I think we're leaving now to give you time to rest.." Seth said embarrassed, while putting his hand on the doorknob.

"Wait… Seth you're Ryan's brother and best friend… aren't you?" Liz questioned him.

Seth thought about what he should answer to this question. He had the feeling that this wasn't leading to somewhere good.
"Uhm.. yes." he answered nearly inaudible. He was a bit nervous now… he didn't knew what would come now…was Liz already suspicious? But she didn't give him enough time to think further.

"I had a lot of time to think… I recognized that Ryan told me very much about his past, but he always left out Marissa, their relationship, their break up and the reasons for it. I…I just can't understand that he's shutting me out. He even yelled at me because I pressured that topic too much…"

"Oh… for that he's really sorry…" Seth threw in.

"So I see he talked to you about it. Seth I want to be honest with you. It concerns me that he's shutting me out about that… the only reason I can think of why he's doing this is that still means a lot to him. That she.. the he.. that they are not over this relationship thing… I don't want to fight if there's nothing to fight for. So am I right, Seth?'" Liz asked anxious.

Seth felt more and more uncomfortable in this conversation… so did Luke.
"Uhm… I think I will go…downstairs and prepare the party…. so you two… can talk alone." Luke stuttered.

Seth looked at Luke with pleading eyes. He couldn't do that to him now…
"Which party do you exactly mean… I mean now that everybody is gone?" Seth said and regretted his words at the same time.

"What do YOU mean with 'now that everybody is gone', Seth?" Liz asked with a puzzled look.

Seth could kick himself mentally right now.

---In the cab---
Ryan sat in the cab. He thought about what Summer had said.
His mind was racing once again… should he just leave Tahiti and leave Marissa and their past behind? He wasn't sure if Marissa and he ever would get the chance to be "just" friends, though both kinda agreed on that.
He remembered the night after he saw Marissa and DJ kissing – the kick off carnival.

---------Flashback---------
Marissa stood at the ferries wheel by herself, she saw Ryan and put her hand up to wave. Ryan decided to walk over to her – to face her after what had happened yesterday.

"I was going to tell you" Marissa started.

"No you weren't, I asked you point blank an you lied" Ryan said dryly.

"I didn't lie..." Marissa protested.

"Marissa"

"What was I supposed to do – wait for you? You weren't coming back!" she said upset.

"I wanted you to tell me the truth" he answered a bit hurt.

Marissa looked away while Ryan faced her.

"His name's D.J, he works for my parents so we had to keep it a secret...from everyone...but we're not seeing each other anymore…" Marissa said.

"…after last night when he found out about me right." Ryan continued her sentence. Marissa gave him a 'not funny' look.
"…look I'm sorry… for right now we should...we should just be friends." Ryan said seriously.

"Friends? Ryan we're not friends - we were never just friends." Marissa said defiantly.
---------End Flshback---------

Was she right? Were they never just friends – could they never be just friends?
Then Eliza came to his mind. He remembered that Summer had said he shouldn't be with someone just because of responsibility…

"Summer did I get that right… you think that I chose Eliza just because of responsibility? How can you say that… you know her only a few days and you don't even know what we went through together.." Ryan protested.

"Ryan… I meant that you shouldn't mistake 'just friends' feelings for 'in love' feelings. The first thing you said after 'I'm with Eliza' was 'She was there for me when I needed her'. And that made me wonder…shouldn't you say 'because I love her'?
I want you to be with someone because you love that person and not because you think that you owe the person that." Summer said and thought a few seconds about what to say next.

"And yes, you're right. I don't know exactly what you two guys went through, but I know what you and Marissa went through. And that was a lot, and though you two had your break ups, you always ended up together again. Ryan I saw how you… no better I saw how you both reacted when you saw each other again on the plane. For a moment there were these sparkles between you and her again." She said softly.
She inhaled and started with a determined voice: "So Ryan tell me that you don't love her anymore - that there aren't feelings from your side anymore, tell me that you haven't thought about the things that I told you now, before.
Tell me that you're not questioning if your decision was right – tell me all that right to my face, Ryan and I won't ask further. But if you can't answer all these questions with a 'no' than it is better if you open up your eyes and start being true to yourself. Listen to what your heart is telling you and forget about what your mind is saying."

Ryan was astonished how good Summer had noticed all these things. He was surprised that Summer could be that serious and understanding. He felt bad for judging her always as the superficial one.

Wasn't he true to himself?
His mind was telling him to be with Eliza, but was his heart telling him the same thing?
He hadn't taken notice of it before, but he always used the 'because she was there for me' reason and never the 'because I love her' one.
'So I should listen to my heart… if that would be so easy I would have done it already..' Ryan thought and let out a sigh. On the one hand there was Eliza. She was a wonderful person, understanding and beautiful… but there was something missing.
And then there was Marissa… only by the thought of her he felt this warm feeling flowing through his body. Why he hadn't noticed this earlier… this feeling he gets when he thinks of her?
'Maybe you didn't want to notice it… maybe you didn't want to have to face these feelings..' a voice inside of said.

"You're right…" Ryan said nearly inaudible, his voice sounding a bit broken.
"… I still have strong feelings for Marissa… though so much happened and though we haven't seen each other for so long – I still have these feelings. Normally these feelings would make me happy…. but now… they only make me frighten.
She's the only one that can hurt me… and that is what I'm afraid of… that she hurts me again. She did it before.." he admitted quietly the end of the sentence nearly whispering.

---Ryan's POV---
He had said it… the thing that tortured him. That was the reason why he never noticed his feelings or better why he kept pushing away these feelings.
He never wanted to admit weaknesses or fears, but Marissa hurting him again was definitely one. Though they haven't seen each other for awhile, Marissa still had this power over him. This power that he couldn't control. And he hated being not in control over his feelings.
Somehow it embarrassed him to pour his heart out to Summer. First of all he never realized that they were this close, but after she opened up to him in Las Vegas, he felt like he could do now too. And then he wasn't good at talking about his feelings. Atwoods sort out their feelings and problems on their own… but sometimes you need the help of others.

---
Summer couldn't believe that he really had opened up to her, but she appreciated it. She knew that he didn't do that often and besides that she understood what he meant.The memories of the time after Marissa left for college and this kiss-thing came back to her mind. A though time for Ryan. He was devastated. He started brooding again; he refused to talk to someone or even to open up the door to the pool house. He didn't eat much during this time and everyone was really worried about him.

"Ryan… I understand you. But don't you think you should be telling these things to Marissa? I think it's important that she knows that.
You know that was always the problem between the two of you. You never talked about your problems or feelings. There were so many misunderstandings.
But I'm sure that I can tell you…it never was Marissa's intention to hurt you. She made mistakes, but she loves you the same way you love her and believe me she suffered just like you did. It's like you two can't control being in love…" Summer said rolling her eyes.

After a short pause she continued "Ryan this is maybe be the last chance for you two. Don't just choose the easier or better the safer way by leaving now and being with Eliza to not get hurt again. The trouble with love is that it can tear you up inside, but it can give soo much joy too. So if you have feelings for Marissa than risk something and choose the maybe more difficult way." Summer said, trying to encourage him.

Summer looked at Ryan… she tried hard to interpret it his facial expression… but with no luck… she had to wait and see. The cab driver had turned on the radio. A song started to play…

Everybody knows
That I was such a fool
To ever let go of you
But baby I was wrong

Ryan started to listen closer to the song….

And yeah I know I said
We'd be better off alone
It was time that we moved on
I know I broke your heart
I didn't mean to break your heart

But baby here I am
Banging on your front door
My pride's spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised
And now I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth
And now I'm crawling back to you

"You see even the radio says that you should go back to her. So tell me this isn't a sign…" Summer said smiling mischievous.

Ryan didn't really believe in signs, but this time he couldn't help but thinking that this couldn't be just a coincidence. He knew what he had to do.

"Taxi driver we're not driving to the airport…. we're driving back!" he said determined.

Summer let out a deep-drawn sigh and said "Finally… I thought I have to kick your ass to make you say that!".

"Summer… Seth can be happy to have a girlfriend like you." Ryan said giving her a thankful smile.

"I know"

"Oh.. uhm…sooo when we are talking about Seth… Seth doesn't have to know that we had this conversation about… you know…feelings and stuff like that.." Ryan said a bit embarrassed.

"I don't know what conversation you are talking about… we hadn't such a conversation, right?" Summer said winking.

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Soooo that was Chapter 14
First of all thank you again for being so patient with me and for reading. I hope you enjoyed it… I don't know if the title of that chapter was appropriate but I couldn't imagine another one. I know that not thaaaaaat much happened but yeah...
To the lyrics: the first lyrics were from Lou Barlow's song Legendary and the song in the cab was Crawling back to you from the Backstreet Boys.
Soo please review… you know hat makes me happy