AUTHORS NOTES: As always I own nothing but the random placement of words on a page.
There are a few unanswered questions with Ray i.e. why he was forced to sleep on the roof of the hospital, why he would go all that way to Florida to see a girlfriend instead of seeing his parents at Christmas whom he never sees otherwise, and why he of all people got so angry at Clemente in Strange Bedfellows. I've set out to answer all these, but mostly that last one. Warnings for mushiness. Hope you like.
Promise
"You know," Ray grinned as he leant over the admissions desk, sipping coffee from a paper cup that had quickly gone cold as he chatted to a tall blonde who was stood behind the desk. "I'm a musician too. I'm the singer and lead guitarist in a band. Or I was until I chose to give it up in order to spend more time helping people."
"Wow," the girl simpered, and Ray realised he was loosing interest in her already, "That's just like, you know, so heroic and to give up what you love like that…"
"Hey Casanova," Frank chimed in just as Neela passed through the ER, loud enough so she could hear, "Will you stop using this place as your own personal dating service?"
Ray turned and glared at him, avoiding Neela's gaze as she entered the reception area. In turn she slammed her stack of clipboards down on the already overcrowded desktop, speaking to Frank coldy, her back firmly towards Ray. He couldn't hear what she was saying but she could tell it was angry.
The blonde had noticed the tension between the two and shifted her bag on her shoulder self-consciously.
"Ignore him," Ray smiled, but there wasn't much reassurance in what he said. "He's just old and cranky, and she's just having a bad week. So anyway my shift ends in a few hours. If that's not too late for you maybe we could go and get a drink or something." He realised he was speaking loud enough so that Neela couldn't help but hear. He hadn't meant to, didn't want to reduce their problems to petty games but part of him wanted to hurt Neela the way she's hurt him.
"Hey Ray," Clemente called as he strode passed. "We've got a trauma coming in. I need you out in the delivery bay with me."
"Okay well I guess I'll see you around then. Hope your mother gets better." He said to the girl, knowing that when he got back she would have made a hasty retreat. He followed Clemente out of the room with a heavy sigh.
"Hey man, sorry to pull you away like that, she was hot."
"Yeah well," Ray shrugged as both men waited in the dark of the ambulance bay with their hands shoved into their pockets. It was a chilly evening but that wasn't the reason for either's tense posture. "I shouldn't have been talking to her anyway."
"Jesus when did you start playing by the rules? Or is this about Neela? You two have been acting weird around each other all week. Lover's tiff?"
Ray's jaw set in anger, he refused to look at Clemente but stared out into the street beyond the bay. "Does everyone think Neela and I have slept together? Well we haven't. There's nothing going on, and it's none of your business anyway. Do you think just by asking personal questions I'm going to open up or something and then we can be friends? Because you're going the wrong way about it."
"Look man, I don't know what I've done to upset you but…"
"The same thing you've done to upset everyone else. We're supposed to be able to trust your judgement, how can we do that now? And then, you just assume that because I'm in a band I'm a crack head too."
"Okay, yeah I'm sorry about that but…" Clemente was interrupted by the ambulance that shot round the corner and into the bay. It screeched to a halt and the paramedic leapt from the back.
"Sandy Donaldson, seventeen, was at a house party when some friends offered her some cocaine." the paramedic was saying as the two doctors helped her to get the gurney from the vehicle.
As they pulled the girl out Ray froze. She was slim and blonde, her face pale and drawn under the mask, dressed simply in a tee shirt and jeans, a collection of bracelets on her wrist. He missed the rest of the paramedics report as they pushed the gurney into the ER, only snapping out of his reverie as the young dark haired girl who had travelled in the ambulance with her friend tugged his sleeve and asked a second time, "Is she going to be okay?"
"Yeah," Ray said with conviction, "we're going to do everything we can to save her. You should call her parents."
She nodded and let Frank lead her to the phone.
They wheeled the girl into Trauma 2 and were joined by Neela and Sam. Clemente was giving orders but it took Ray a moment to realise he was talking to him.
"Ray what the hell is wrong with you?"
"Er, I'm sorry. It's just, she looks just like my sister."
"Hey Ray." Jake called as he, David and Corey let themselves in through his back door.
"I wont be a minute." Ray called racing down the stairs, shoes in his hands.
"We've been waiting for you in the caddy man, where have you been?"
"Sorry, I didn't notice. I was just finishing up my work for tomorrow." Ray jumped onto the kitchen's breakfast bar so he could tug his shoes on.
"Jeez man. Finals aren't for two weeks. Your mom's got you slaving."
"It's got nothing to do with my mom. Just because I actually want to get out of this shithole. I've got to get the right grades if I want to get into medical school."
"Ray, guys like us don't get to medical school. Give it up man and enjoy life while you're still free."
"I intend to go both. Now come on, lets get going." He leapt from the tabletop and headed for the door.
"Mom wants to know what time you'll be back." Ray's sister appeared in the doorway, dressed in jeans and a band tee shirt.
"Wow dude. This your sister?" Corey asked.
"Jenni, yeah." Ray dismissed her. "Now come on, you guys were the ones so eager to leave."
"Hold on a minute, we've got an extra seat. Jenni would you like to come to a party with us?"
"God, she's just sixteen, come on." Ray took Corey's arm to lead him out of the door but he shrugged him off.
"So, some of the other girls there will be sixteen."
"But she's my sister."
"And hot. Jenni are you coming?"
"Sure," Jennifer grinned, "Let me just go and change."
"You're fine the way you are." Ray said, resigned to her fate.
"You sure? Okay. Mom," she called up the stairs, "I'm going out with Ray."
Their mother came down and appeared in the doorway. "Okay. But be careful and don't be back too late."
The teens nodded and turned to leave.
"Ray,"
Ray turned to acknowledge his mother.
"Look after your sister."
"I will mom." He promised.
"Breathing's tacky," Clemente yelled, "Neela tube her, Sam IV. And we need a tox-screen. Where's that damn antidote?"
"Here," Helah entered having run from the supply lock up and handing the drug to Sam who administered it into the IV.
"BP's dropping." Sam announced, watching the monitor.
"Jesus." Clemente gazed at the print-outs, "I've never seen this work so fast."
"I have." Ray said grimly.
"Score!" Ray cheered as his ping pong ball landed squarely in the other guys last cup, splashing beer out of the cup and across the table.
"And you said I'd never beat a basketball player. Thing is I can play round after round of this game and still see straight. But I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead. Someone else can play." He grinned, turning away from the beer drenched dining table, grabbing his own plastic cup of beer and crunched through a bag of fallen potato chips towards the DJ decks that someone had set up in the corner of the living room. He scrutinised his sister as he walked past. She was sat on the dilapidated sofa talking intensely with Corey and two other boys. He eyed them suspiciously as Corey's arm slipped round Jennifer's shoulders. The music was too loud to hear what they were saying but the despite the beer in her hand she still seemed sober. He promised himself he would keep an eye on him, and turned to select a record.
"Hi, it's Ray right?"
Ray turned to find a slim dark haired girl in jeans and a halter neck top. She smiled seductively and he grinned back.
"Hi, I don't think we've met."
"I'm a friend of Charlotte's. I'm just in town for the weekend. I live in the city."
Ray nodded, "Teri right? She said you'd be here."
"So anyway, the girls tell me that this week you're single."
"You might say that." Ray smiled. He chose a record and placed it on the deck, fading out one song to change the mood.
"Oh I love this song." Teri smiled again, shifting her hips in time to the drum beat.
"Well it's a classic."
"Will you dance with me?" She took his hand and lead him into the throng of people gyrating wildly in the middle of the living room. She began to move slowly, eyes closed, at one with the music. It took Ray a few moments to get into the rhythm but soon they were moving closely together, ignoring every other dancer in the darkened room. Teri ran her hands down his chest and his slipped down from the small of her back. The track changed and a slower song came on. Lost in the music, he bent slightly and caught her lips with his. They kisses, growing more passionate as the music picked up.
"How long did you say you were in town for?" Ray asked after they parted lips.
"I leave tomorrow." she reminded him.
"Then I feel it's my duty to make your stay here memorable." He took her hand and lead her through the room towards the stairs, stopping to kiss her again pressed up against the wall.
"Ray!" he could hear Jake yelling above the music, but he ignored him until he appeared and tore Teri off him.
"What the hell?" Ray began but stopped when he saw Jake's pale and panicked face.
"Ray it's your sister."
Ray ran through the people who had all stopped in response to the commotion. He stopped in his tracks as he reached the couch where he'd last seen his sister. Laid on the floor was Jennifer, struggling to breathe, her body shaking uncontrollably. Corey and the other boys were stood away, looking down at her, pure fear in their eyes. The coffee table had been pulled up near the couch and three lines of powder and a credit card were scattered across it.
"Crash cart!" Ray yelled as the beeping of the heart monitor steadied to a continuous drone. "Starting compressions. Neela bag her." Ray took over the commands, leaping into action, pumping at her chest while Clemente tore open her shirt and positioned the sticky pads for the defibrillator.
"What is this Barnett? I'm running the Trauma." Clemente fumed. "If you've got trust issues then you can take it up with Weaver later."
Ray looked at him, never missing a beat of the compressions.
"It's charging." Clemente told him, seeing something in the younger doctors eyes and sensing though not understanding, his need to take over.
"What have you done to her?" Ray launched himself at Corey, his fist connecting with his friends jaw. Corey caught his wrists and stopped him from hitting further.
"I'm sorry," Corey pleaded, "I don't know what happened. She only had one line."
"I trusted you man." Ray wrenched his hands from Corey's grip, dropping to his sister. "Somebody call 911." he shouted, his voice cracking with emotion.
"Christ, no dude. We'll get locked up." One of the teens who'd been sitting with them protested.
"She's dying!" Ray screamed. "Call them."
He saw Jake dash to the phone in the kitchen as everyone rushed to grab their things.
Jennifer stopped convulsing and was laying limp on the floor. Ray searched for her pulse frantically but couldn't find it. Tilting her head back he gave her two cautious breaths then started compressions. He felt the crunch as the force of his compressions cracked a rip. He pulled back but only for a moment before convincing himself to keep going.
"Ray, EMS are on their way." Jake said, stood shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other. Ray looked up, tears in his eyes, to see the house had emptied of people. " Look man, I'm gonna take off. I hope she's okay." he said hurriedly before racing for the door. The room suddenly seemed silent despite the record that continued to play to itself as Ray was left to continue his desperate attempt alone.
"Clear," Clemente called, and Ray leapt out of the way. The shock caused the girls body to leap from the table but she still had no pulse. Ray resumed his compressions, counting them out under his breath, completing three sets while the defibrillator charged.
"Again." Clemente shocked her but still nothing happened.
"Charge to two twenty and give her a shot of epi." Ray cut in almost frantically.
Clemente was about to protest but let it go. "Do it." He reinforced the order. The drug was administered and the girl was shocked with a higher voltage but nothing worked.
"Again, you have to go again." Ray insisted thumping at her chest.
The paramedics let themselves in through the front door that someone had left open in their hurry to get out. They found Ray knelt beside his sister in an empty living room cluttered with left over party debris. Tears streamed down his face as he continued to give CPR, counting the compressions out under his breath before giving two more exhausted breaths and starting again.
He didn't notice that EMS had arrived until one of them placed a hand on his arm. He sat back slowly in shock, leaning heavily on the side of the couch as the paramedics eased him away so they could work on her. They worked efficiently, attempting to use their portable crash cart to restart her heart.
Ray watched with a feeling of utter helplessness as they struggled on. He sat there for what seemed like an age in a state of numbness, knowing it was too late yet not allowing himself to believe it, until eventually they sat back from her.
"No!" He gasped, his voice cracked. "Don't stop. What are you doing?"
"Her heart stopped over twenty minutes ago. There is no more chance of reviving her."
"No." Ray shook his head, pushing past and restarting compressions.
The paramedic put a hand on his arm again. "The lack blood flow will have stopped the oxygen from reaching the brain. There is nothing more we can do."
"No, no." He said but his compressions weakened and his body shook with shock and exhaustion as he let her go, collapsing back against the couch again. "I must have done it wrong. What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing. You tried your best. No one can do more than that."
Ray crawled forward and cradled his sisters head in his lap. It was in this position, curled over her protectively and shaking with silent sobs that his parents found him, lost in a sea of empty bottles and plastic cups.
"Give it up Ray." Clemente said placing a hand on his arm to stay him, the way the paramedic had years ago.
"Get off me." Ray pulled himself away from the other man's touch, pulling his gloves off and flinging them to the floor as he stormed from the room, leaving everyone to watch him, stunned by his angry behaviour.
"Hey," Clemente stuck his head out of the door and called after him as he strode down the corridor. "What the hell was that all about?" Neela and Sam appeared at Clemente's side.
"That girl. She just died in there, of cocaine. And you can tell me that it doesn't cause any harm?" Ray spun round angrily, fire in his eyes, before turning in disgust, ignoring everyone in his path as he headed for the exit.
Ray was almost halfway through the bottle of tequila. Having given up on glasses a while ago he grabbed it by its neck and took a swig before returning to the mournful song he was strumming on his guitar.
There was a knock at the door but he ignored it. When he didn't answer, it opened and Neela stepped into the room.
"I thought you'd moved out." He said coldly.
"I haven't given back my key yet."
"Oh. Well you can just leave it on the table." He didn't look up but concentrated on the song he was playing.
"I was worried about you." Neela stepped forward awkwardly and perched herself on the sofa, taking in the song and the tequila. "What happened today? You said she looked like your sister. I didn't even know you have a sister."
"Had." he corrected.
Neela stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue. There was a long silence until Ray resigned himself to the knowledge that Neela wasn't just going to leave him alone.
"She went with us to a friends house. She was too young to have gone with us really, only sixteen, but she really wanted to go and I promised mom I would look after her. Anyway, I was distracted, not watching her closely enough, and some guys had brought some stuff. Weed mostly I think but they had a bit of coke too. They mix it with all kinds of shit, flour, crushed glass, heroin… It's much cheaper than coke and these days and the addiction is instantaneous. I don't know whet Jen was thinking, just wanted to fit in I guess." He stopped, his voice was catching in his throat but he didn't cry, he hadn't cried before or since that day.
"I tried CPR but EMS were too late and they were unable to revive her."
Neela listened intently, unsure of what to say. "I'm sure you did everything you could. You did for that girl today."
"But it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough then and it wasn't enough now. I'm a fucking doctor and I still couldn't save her."
"Is that why you became a doctor?"
"No, it's what almost stopped me from becoming one. Just scraping through exams, working two jobs to pay for it all, sleeping on friends floors every night…"
"You're parents couldn't help you out?"
"Parents aren't very helpful when you killed their daughter. I took off after I graduated from high school. I've not spoken to them since."
"But you didn't. Surely they don't blame you."
"I said I'd look after her."
Neela moved closer to him, wrapping her arm around his shoulders and giving him a comforting hug.
"Don't." he said, almost in a whisper. "this will only make things worse."
Neela was about to protest but knew he was right. She slipped away, giving his shoulder a squeeze as she turned and left. As she closed the door she heard the quiet sound of his guitar picking up the song where he'd left off.
Neela had been hoping to speak to Ray at work the next day but was unsurprised when he didn't come in. Instead she waited until her shift was over before catching the El train to the apartment. She knocked as before, but only as a courtesy rather than because she expected an answer. She found him where he'd been sat the previous evening, guitar still resting in his lap, looking like he hadn't moved. The tequila was empty now and so was the bottle of Jack Daniel's that now stood next to it.
"I have a phone call for you." She said before he could say anything. She reached for her cell phone and dialled the number, passing it to him before disappearing into the kitchen to make coffee.
She tried not to listen in on the conversation, happy to fade into the background as Ray answered, "Mom?"
THE END