Shout outs to Kathy, NeteleJala, troublewolf, and Eyum daRelmera for taking the time to share their thoughts. And thank you to everyone who stuck with me while I convinced Dean and Cas that life would be so much better if they would just kiss already. Your patience is about to be rewarded =)

Chapter Seven

They watched A Charlie Brown Christmas and then It's A Wonderful Life. Claire curled up between Dean and Castiel on the couch, seeming equally at ease with both of them. It was all so comfortable and domestic, so much like Castiel's secret, sunlit fantasy, that when he came back from tucking an exhausted Claire into bed and saw Dean putting on his coat, he felt a sinking disappointment as he abruptly remembered that Dean was just visiting.

"You don't have to go," he said, or rather blurted. "I mean …" He made a conscious effort to sound hospitable rather than clingy. "You can stay a while longer. If you want to. We could watch something a bit more adult."

Dean's eyebrows rose.

"Oh, God. I didn't … Not adult in that sense. I meant … Die Hard?" Castiel suggested desperately.

Dean laughed. "I knew what you meant. I'm just messing with you. You're cute when you get all flustered."

Castiel blinked. Cute? Had he heard that right? Did straight men often call their male friends cute? He didn't know. He didn't have much experience with friends of any orientation.

To cover his confusion he said, "Would you like a drink? I have a bottle of scotch that my brother gave me for —" He broke off as he realized that that was the last gift Jimmy had ever given him and maybe he wasn't ready to drink it just yet.

"I'm driving," Dean said quickly, "but I wouldn't say no to some more cocoa."

Castiel smiled gratefully and ducked into the kitchen to collect himself.

By the time they were settled back on the couch with their cocoa however, the easy atmosphere had completely evaporated. They were as awkward and uncertain of each other as if they were meeting for the first time. Fortunately the movie gave them something to do other than make conversation, but Castiel had never really liked action movies, and his mind kept wandering back to Dean's offhand comment.

He was almost certainly reading too much into it. It was just a word, right? There was no rule that you couldn't call someone cute unless you wanted to screw them. Babies were cute. Puppies were cute. Bunnies. Pretty much anything small and furry.

"Cas, can I ask you something?"

He turned to look at Dean who wasn't paying attention to the movie anymore either. "Of course."

Dean bit his lip nervously, and Castiel had to make an effort to maintain eye contact and not stare at the other man's mouth. "Okay, if I'm completely off base here, just tell me and we'll say no more about it. Do you … like me?"

Castiel's heart dropped into his stomach. Perhaps Dean didn't mean this the way it sounded either. It was a slim hope, but he clung to it. "You mean as a friend?"

Dean gave him a level look. "No. You know what I mean."

Castiel sighed. So that was it. The end of their friendship. Of course they would still have to see each other at work, at least until Anna came back, but it would be awkward and tense much like it was right now, and there would be no more consultations about kid food and no more basking in the warmth of Dean's smile. Dean would go back to calling him chef instead of Cas.

Well, best to just get it over with quickly, and then Dean could leave, and Castiel could go to sleep in his lonely bed, and tomorrow he would start working on piecing his heart back together.

He looked down at his own hands, curled around his half finished mug of cocoa. He tried to take comfort in the lingering warmth, but like the rest of this wonderful day, it was fading fast, soon to be gone for good. "Yes," he said quietly. "Yes, I'm gay, and yes, I find you extremely attractive. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Please believe me when I say that I would never have acted on my feelings without your express permission. I would have been content to have your friendship."

"What? What the hell, Cas?"

Castiel flinched and squeezed his eyes shut so he wouldn't have to see Dean's anger.

"You … Why are you talking like you don't want to be friends anymore?"

His eyes flew open. Dean was staring at him, hurt and confusion and something that almost looked like hope warring in those green depths. "I thought," Castiel said cautiously, "that you wouldn't want to. I understand it's uncomfortable to be the object of someone's attraction when you don't feel the same, particularly when that person is another man and you're … Why are you laughing?"

With every word out of Castiel's mouth Dean seemed to become more amused, and finally it bubbled out in a surprised, delighted laugh. "Oh, you … you gorgeous, unbelievable idiot," he gasped between fits of laughter. "You seriously think I'm straight?"

"You're not?" Castiel's brain was scrambling to catch up.

"If I was straight, would I do this?" And Dean leaned forward and kissed Castiel full on the lips.

It was a good thing Castiel had already confirmed that he found Dean attractive because he was still too much in shock to kiss back. "Um, no, probably not," he agreed when Dean pulled away after a few seconds. "So you … I … we …" He gave up on forming a coherent sentence, put his cup down on the coffee table, took Dean's cup out of his hands and put it safely out of the way as well, then finally climbed into the other man's lap and kissed him like it was going out of style.

The movie was still playing, but the volume was low so it wouldn't wake Claire, and the wet sounds of lips and tongues getting thoroughly acquainted, plus the occasional moan or whimper when one of them found a particularly sensitive spot, effectively drowned out everything else. Those big hands that Castiel had been secretly (or apparently not so secretly) admiring for weeks slid under his shirt, and they felt exactly as good as he'd imagined, rough but gentle and undeniably masculine. A calloused thumb rubbed over his nipple, and he gasped, sucking breath directly from Dean's mouth which tasted like chocolate and caramel.

He became aware that he was very hard, and the urge to move his hips against Dean's and get some friction was almost irresistible. There was a sizable bulge in Dean's pants that indicated the other man would be more than willing to take this to the next level. With a tremendous effort, Castiel forced himself to pull away and return to the other end of the couch.

For a long minute they just sat there, catching their breath and carefully not looking at each other. "That, um … that wasn't too much, was it?" Dean finally said hoarsely.

"No, not at all," Castiel assured him, his voice similarly rough. "It was very … very enjoyable."

"I'm sensing a but."

Castiel reached for the remote and paused the movie. "Dean, I'm sorry if this is too heavy a question for less than five minutes after our first kiss, but I need to know. What are you looking for here? Because I can't have a casual relationship. I have to think of Claire. She needs stability, now more than ever."

Dean turned to face Castiel and took one of his hands. "Cas, if you're asking if I'm interested in more than just sex, the answer is hell yes. I like you a lot. Obviously I'm not ready to promise forever, but I can promise that whatever happens between us, I won't let it hurt Claire. We'll give it our best shot, and if it doesn't work, then we end it like civilized adults. We don't let it go nuclear. Deal?"

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand. "Deal."

"Wanna seal it with a kiss?" Dean asked hopefully.

Castiel smiled. "I'm not sure I could stop at one kiss, and much as I would love to ask you to spend the night, I think I should discuss some things with Claire before we do that. I have no idea if Jimmy ever explained the whole sometimes-boys-like-boys thing to her, and I don't want to confuse her."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I get that. Besides, if we're gonna give this a real chance, we should probably, you know, go on an actual date or two before jumping into bed together."

"Yes," Castiel chuckled. "That would probably be a good idea." He glanced sideways at the frozen movie. "What are the odds that we'll make it through another hour without having sex on the couch?"

Dean sighed. "Slim to none. I'll take that as my cue to get going."

He stood up, but Castiel held onto his hand for a moment. "I don't want you to, you know."

Dean looked down at him and smiled. "I know. And you know I don't want to. Which is why I need to."

Castiel stood up too. "Do you think … Maybe we could risk one goodnight kiss?"

Dean's eyes flickered down to Castiel's lips. "Yeah, I think maybe we could." But when Castiel started to lean forward, Dean stepped back. "At the door," he said. "Just in case."

Castiel nodded and reluctantly let go of Dean's hand so the man could put on his coat. They walked to the door. Castiel opened it, then turned toward Dean. Dean was already moving to meet him halfway.

This kiss was different, neither as short as their first nor as frantic and hungry as the ones that had followed. It was deep and slow with no intent to arouse (although there was inevitably some arousal despite their best efforts). It was, Castiel thought, like taking a deep breath before diving underwater.

As they parted, Dean murmured against Castiel's lips, "Merry Christmas, Cas."

Castiel laughed. This was without a doubt the best Christmas present he'd ever had.