Author's Notes: So a quick trigger warning here. There is an attempted rape scene in the beginning of this chapter so, if you're uncomfortable with reading it, then you can skip ahead to the sentence starting with "... With an animalistic roar ". This was the longest chapter I've ever written but, I hope you enjoy!
I found myself once more in an empty and dark corridor filled with doors. I can't find the door that leads to the meadow with the gazebo. I don't recognize any of them, and some of them don't even look modern at all. My footsteps echo as I walk down the hallway, my heart racing with each step forward. There's the sound of someone crying, but I don't know where it's coming from. Judging by the sound, it sounds like that of a woman, and it's absolutely heartbreaking. She sounded like she was in so much pain that it was unbearable. Where was it coming from?
I follow the noises down another hallway. This time, the sound of objects being thrown and smashed is joined by additional screams of other women. This time I run as fast as I can, heart pounding in my chest. Someone was in danger, and if I couldn't make it in time, then there was going to be some serious consequences. I arrive at a simple wooden door with white panels made out of rice paper. The noises on the other side are terrifying and deafening, but I didn't care. Someone was in danger, and I had to do something, fear be damned. Taking a deep breath, I slide the door open and run in. A white light spills from the door and I find myself being blinded.
I awake to the sensation of a sharp pain and someone's fist connecting with my face. I'm sent sprawling across a wooden floor, the coppery taste of blood in my mouth and my head ringing as the sound of a woman is heard crying her eyes out. I think I've cut my forehead because I'm acutely aware of blood seeping into my eyes, dying my vision in red.
"You little shit! How dare you bite me?!" a man's voice booms as I feel a foot kick me in the face.
I feel myself being forcibly lifted up by the front of my clothes and forced to look into the face of a balding man with a beard, his face purple with rage. He reeks of alcohol and the front of his robes is open. In the corner of the room, there's a beautiful woman with an oval shaped face and delicate features pleading for mercy. Her makeup is smudged and her eyes are puffy and swollen. Her left cheek is red, like someone had recently slapped her and her robes are ripped and in disarray. Beside her lies a guqin that's been smashed to pieces, most likely thrown against a wall.
"Please have mercy on him!" she pleads desperately. "He's only a child! He won't do it again!"
I'm dropped on the floor where I cough and sputter, air rushing back into my lungs. I spit out the blood that's been pooling in my mouth. I jerk my head around when I hear the sound of someone being slapped and a scream. Her other cheek has been slapped and she's being lifted forcefully by her neck while this man slams her into the wall behind her, pinning her with a knee between her legs.
"That brat of yours should have stayed out of my way," he slurs as he rips the front of her robes off, exposing her chest to the world. "Whores like you should know their place in the world."
He's growling angrily at her with a hungry look in his eyes. He reaches out with his other hand to fondle one of her exposed breasts. She's trying to scream but all that comes out are choked sobs and pleas before she's cut off by him roughly kissing her. The sight of this makes me want to vomit and fills me with anger. There are other scantily clad women in here with us, all wearing looks of fear and shock. They're all too scared to do or say anything.
"Who do you think comes in here once a week to pay for your services huh? If it weren't for my money, you and your son would be out on the streets as beggars! Don't you think it's time you pay me back with that body of yours?"
My stomach twists with disgust and horror when I realize what I'm witnessing. I knew I had to act quickly. With an animalistic roar and reckless bravery I never knew I had, I lunge at him and bite him in the arm. He drops her on the floor as he's taken by surprise. I can hear her coughing and sputtering for air as she tries to cover herself back up. He's screaming and trying to shake me off of him, but I refuse to release my hold on him. He's stumbling backwards drunkenly, not noticing the staircase behind him.
"A-Yao! Noo! Look out!" I hear her scream as she attempts to grab my hand.
I feel an all too familiar weightlessness and emptiness in my stomach as we both topple backwards. I attempt to reach out to grab her hand, but it's no use. I can feel my body folding in on itself, the world spiraling out of control as I painfully bounce off of each step. I can hear people screaming, but I don't know who they are. I feel something grabbing my shoulders and shaking me when I realize the person that's screaming is me.
"…hua, Lihua wake up! Lihua wake up!"
My eyes snap open and I bolt upright out of bed. I'm covered in a cold sweat and I'm panting as though I ran a marathon. I vaguely register that I have tears running down my cheeks. My heart is pounding in my chest and I want to throw up. Lan Wangji is kneeling by my bedside dressed in sleeping robes, his long straight hair slightly askew and a worried expression on his face. To see him like this makes my heart ache and the tears blur my vision with emotion. Before I knew it, I've buried my face in his shoulder. I sit there sobbing as tears and snot stain his robes while he's rubbing my back in circles and telling me that it was okay. What did I witness? Was this one of Meng Yao's memories? Just what kind of life did he have before he died?
"Did you have a bad dream?" asks Wei Wuxian, voice heavy with sleep.
He sits next to me on the bed offering me a sympathetic look as well. His hair is a tousled mess of tangles while the front of his sleeping robes is slightly parted, exposing a sliver of a pale and toned chest underneath. I nod while fresh tears are running down my cheeks. He sits me on his lap as he pulls me into a hug. I bury my face in his chest again, my hands twisting the fabric of his robes into a wrinkled mess while he whispers comforting words to me. I cry until I wear myself out, my voice having gone hoarse and raw from yet another emotional outburst.
"Do you want to talk about it?" asks Lan Wangji as he wipes my face clean with a handkerchief.
I shake my head no. My head is pounding as I lean my head against Wei Wuxian's body. This is now the third time in a row I've cried my eyes out. I'm too emotionally drained to do anything and I keep making people worry about me. I wonder if they'll eventually bore of me and throw me to the curb like a piece of trash. I feel Wei Wuxian's hand give my shoulder a light squeeze.
"It's alright if you don't want to talk about it," He says with a small smile. "We're not going to force you to do so. We have an early morning tomorrow, so try to go back to sleep."
He plucks me from his lap and places me back in bed, pulling the sheets up to my neck. He sings this sweet yet gentle melody with Lan Wangji playing his guqin in the background. Not loud enough to disturb the other patrons in the inn, and soft enough so that it calms my racing heart. My eyelids feel heavy and my breathing begins to fall into a steady and even rhythm. I feel a hand gently brushing some hair away from my forehead, and two feather light kisses being placed on my temple. One smells of fragrant blossoms and spices, the other of sandalwood and a gentle night breeze. It doesn't take long for sleep to claim me again, but this time I can sleep through the night properly.
I woke up the next day to the sound of birds chirping outside. I've now spent an evening and a full day in this world and it's been an emotional roller coaster for me. I'm still shaken up by that violent dream I had. My skin still crawls with goosebumps thinking about that balding man laying his hands on that poor woman like that. Why had I been the one to witness this terrible? And why had that door been there for me to find?
"LIHUA? ARE YOU OKAY?" asks Meng Yao. "YOU'VE BEEN SPACING OUT A LOT."
"I'm fine Meng Yao, I'm just a bit sleepy…" I tell him as I hop out of bed to get changed.
I couldn't tell him that I just witnessed something so terrible. If it had been a private memory of his, I'd be breaching his trust if I said anything. Though at the same time, I felt guilty. He was now just another person I had to lie to. Would I eventually get to a point where I wouldn't feel anything anymore whenever I lied?
I'm helped out of my sleeping robes and changed into a beautiful set of robes that feel like heaven on my skin. It's a thick light blue blouse with a pink and blue ankle length skirt that is secured around my chest with a light blue sash and is embroidered with delicate vines and plum blossoms at the bottom. The villagers also gave me a pair of comfortable deerskin mid calf boots to protect my feet and an embroidered cloak also made from deer skin and lined with rabbit fur to keep me warm. It's a step up from having to walk around in a thin paper hospital gown with an open back and a pair of panties.
"YOU SAW ONE OF MY MEMORIES DIDN'T YOU?"
I freeze in a cold sweat. Shit, he knows! I guess there was no avoiding the truth huh? I swallow and think of my next words very carefully.
"I'm sorry, Meng Yao. I was trying to find the door back to the meadow, but then I heard someone crying and I went to see if there was someone in danger. I saw a memory of yours that I shouldn't have seen."
I hear him groan. Was he mad at me? Of course he'd be. It was something not meant for prying eyes.
"WHICH MEMORY WAS IT?" he asked in an exhausted tone.
"There was a woman getting beaten and slapped around by a balding man. He was about to do something unforgivable to her when you went and bit him. I think you both went tumbling down a flight of stairs afterwards."
There's a moment of silence before he speaks again.
"THAT WOMAN… WAS MY MOTHER. I GREW UP IN A BROTHEL AND WITNESSED A LOT OF THINGS THAT NO CHILD SHOULD EVER HAVE TO SEE."
My stomach lurches. To grow up in that kind of chaotic environment was nothing new to me but, at least I had a roof over my head and didn't have the stigma of being the child of a sex worker. Though to be surrounded by that much sexual violence and debauchery everyday would have not been good for anyone's mental health.
"THERE WAS A PATRON WHO WOULD VISIT HER AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK WHO WAS PART OF SOME MINOR NOBLE FAMILY. HE SUDDENLY GOT IT INTO HIS HEAD THAT MOM BELONGED TO HIM EVEN THOUGH HER HEART BELONGED…TO ANOTHER MAN."
He hesitates on that last part. He sounds absolutely disgusted and his voice carries an edge to it, almost like he's on the verge of wanting to strangle someone. No matter what world or time era you were from, men who acted entitled to have a woman's affection always existed. The only difference was that women had gotten better at saying no in modern times.
"I GUESS ONE DAY HE FINALLY WORKED UP THE COURAGE TO START COURTING HER. SHE MUST HAVE TURNED HIM DOWN BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN HE STARTED TO TRY AND FORCE HIMSELF ON HER. I WAS JUST A YOUNG BOY BACK THEN, JUST SHY OF TURNING 7. AND HE WAS TWICE MY SIZE BUT IT DIDN'T STOP ME FROM TRYING TO PROTECT HER WITH EVERYTHING I HAD."
By now I was already sitting down and eating breakfast with Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. They both looked engrossed in talking about something, but I was barely paying attention as I was too busy listening to Meng Yao talk. He had bigger brass balls than I did when I was that age, and way more courage than I gave him credit for.
"What happened to you after you and that man fell down the stairs?" I asked him telepathically as I was shovelling more congee into my mouth.
"AFTER WE BOTH FELL DOWN THE STAIRS, I WAS BEATEN AND YELLED AT FOR ATTACKING A PATRON. THAT MAN WALKED AWAY WITH A BROKEN ARM AND A FEW BROKEN RIBS. AFTER THAT, HE NEVER CAME BACK TO THE BROTHEL, AND I LEARNED TO KEEP MY HEAD DOWN AND NOT PLAY THE HERO ANYMORE."
Meng Yao was the child of a sex worker, a possible mob boss with many enemies, and the uncle to someone who had saved my life. He didn't live a very easy life when he was still alive, and if it had, he wouldn't be sharing a consciousness with me right now. A part of me wanted to have some sympathy for him, but he was also the same man who would throw his own family members under the bus to save his own skin if the opportunity presented itself and probably had his hands stained with the blood of many other people he's probably screwed over. I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but it already was too late to back out of this. I was going to see this through to the end, even if I only had three years to do so.
After breakfast, there was the issue of packing up all those gifts the villagers had given us. They ranged from clothes, toys, books and accessories for me to things like giant jars of wine, baskets of fruit, sculptures and stationary. There was a mountain of presents and there was no way we were going to be able to pack all of this away. Or was there?
"Want to see something cool?" Wei Wuxian asked, his eyes twinkling with excitement.
He pulled out a small pouch embroidered with a logo of swirling cirrus clouds out of his sleeve. I looked at him with a confused look, which then turned to shock as I watched him stuff a giant kite inside it. It sucked it up like it was nothing! I then watch him reach inside the pouch and pull the kite back out, still in pristine condition and not a wrinkle in sight. What witchcraft was this?
"I TAKE IT THAT YOU DON'T HAVE QIANKUN POUCHES BACK IN YOUR WORLD?" asks Meng Yao, back to being his usual self.
"No we don't! This is incredible! Just imagine how much stuff we'd be able to carry without needing to expend extra resources!" I say with a look of starry eyed wonder.
"YOU KNOW, SOME CULTIVATORS ALSO ENCHANT THEIR CLOTHES TO STORE THINGS AS WELL. HOW ELSE DO YOU THINK WE CAN PULL TALISMANS OUT OF OUR SLEEVES? YOU COULD EVEN MODIFY THEM TO BE ABLE TO STORE SWORDS INSIDE THEM TOO."
"Are you serious right now? Swords too? Has there been anything that hasn't been done yet? Well, aside from the conveniences of modern technology of course."
"I ASSURE YOU THAT I'M QUITE SERIOUS. YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT MONSTERS, MAGIC AND DEMONS EXIST IN THIS WORLD, SO WHY DOES THE IDEA OF SOMEONE HIDING A SWORD INSIDE THEIR SLEEVES SOUND SO RIDICULOUS TO YOU?"
It was true. We had modern inventions back at home the people in this world would attribute to witchcraft. We had carriages that didn't need animals to pull them, devices that allowed us to talk to people in other countries, medicines that could extend and save your life, and so much more. So I really shouldn't be calling the kettle black.
It took some time to finish packing everything into the qiankun pouches, but we managed to leave the inn on time. I was disappointed that Zizhen and Jin Ling were going their separate ways from us but they assured me that they'll come visit me again sometime in the future. Some of the villagers from the night before came up to us and apologized for gossiping about me last night, saying that they didn't mean to be so rude in their comments. One of them even gave me a hair clip shaped like a plum blossom as a peace offering.
We left Bai Lian village in high spirits with the other white clad disciples, with me riding with Wei Wuxian on the back of a donkey that I'd later learn was named Lil' Apple. As we passed through the countryside, it made me realize how much of the world I missed out on while I was bedridden. The ancient Chinese countryside was beautiful way back before it was tainted by the industrial revolution. Back then, the air was pure and clean, a far cry from the smoggy and polluted skies I'd come to know from photographs of modern day China. I could count the many clouds that dotted the autumn skies and you could walk around safely without the need of a face mask on.
"So where are we headed next?" I asked Meng Yao.
"KNOWING THOSE TWO, I BET THAT WE'RE HEADED BACK TO THE CLOUD RECESSES," he replied.
"What are the Cloud Recesses?"
"IT'S A SCHOOL UP IN THE MOUNTAINS OF GUSU WHERE PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT SECTS AND CLANS SEND THEIR HEIRS TO STUDY ABROAD TO BECOME BETTER CULTIVATORS. THEY'RE VERY STRICT AND THEY HAVE OVER 4000 RULES FOR YOU TO FOLLOW. BUT AFTER STUDYING THERE, THEY'RE SAID TO PRODUCE THE BEST CULTIVATORS YOU'VE EVER SEEN. TO THINK THAT WE'D BE GOING BACK THERE SO SOON…"
"Meng Yao, what's wrong? You sound like you don't want to go there..."
"I DON'T, BECAUSE SOMEONE I DEEPLY HURT LIVES THERE. I'VE DONE MANY UNFORGIVABLE THINGS TO HIM AND IF HE EVER SAW ME AGAIN, I DON'T KNOW HOW HE'D REACT. I DON'T THINK HE'D WANT TO SEE ME, AND THE THOUGHT OF THAT SCARES ME MORE THAN ANYTHING."
It was now getting harder and harder to figure out who he didn't manage to hurt or piss off. The number of enemies Meng Yao must have made in his lifetime must have been in the millions. Was I going to be in danger the moment that I set foot in the Cloud Recesses? Well, maybe not since you had to be absolute scum to gang up on a child. But the thought still lingered in my mind as we passed by village after village and farms surrounded by rice paddies. If he did see this person again, how bad of a freak out was he going to have? When he saw Jin Ling again, the pain was unbearable and my chest felt like it was going to explode. What kind of pain was I going to expect?
We eventually arrived at the foot of a mountain with a long winding staircase that seemed to stretch endlessly into the sky. My skin prickled with goose bumps when I'd remembered how Meng Yao had fallen off something like this in his memories and how much it had hurt. Was I going to be able to climb all these stairs in my current state? I felt Wei Wuxian dismounting Lil' Apple behind me before picking me up by the armpits carefully and setting me next to Lan Wangji. He then took the reins of Lil' Apple and seemed to lead him away somewhere, all the while he was braying and snorting in protest, earning a few choice words and insults from him.
"Wangji-gege, where are we?" I asked him with awe in my voice.
He placed a broad hand on my shoulder as he helped guide me up the stairs and made sure I didn't fall.
"We're home." He says quietly, the faintest hint of a smile on his lips.
Author's Notes:This chapter was partially inspired by a one shot I read on AO3 called "if there was nowhere to land (i wouldn't be scared at all)" by vespertineflora.
That story nearly brought me to tears because of how much suffering poor Guangyao endured through out his life. I wrote that memory with this story in mind.