Author's Notes: I admit that this chapter took me a while to write. Mostly because I had trouble describing the Jingshi and visualizing where everything went. So thank you to Reddit and Discord for helping me figuring out how living arrangements would have been like back in Ancient China. It's not perfect but, it'll do.
Lan Qiren looked like he was on the verge of vomiting blood. If it was possible for a person's eyes to bulge out of their head as much as his did, they would have popped out a long time ago. I had a feeling of dread in my gut as I watched him flush with anger. It was the same thing my parents would do before they had their screaming matches and all hell broke loose. To think that I'd be training directly under them as a disciple… It was all too much for me to handle.
"Absolutely not!" Qiren suddenly snapped. "She is to live with people who can understand and provide for her needs!"
"And she is a traumatized child!" Lan Wangji said firmly. "She is too young to be living in the dorms by herself. She ran away from an abusive family, lived on the streets for a while and was almost sold into a human trafficking ring! Not to mention that she was nearly killed by fierce corpses and a fox demon. To send her to live with someone she's not familiar with would just traumatize her even more! "
"Yes, but what she needs is to be around other females like her! By taking her on as your direct disciple, there will be people that will be accusing you of playing favourites amongst dozens of other people!"
"Then let them talk!" Wei Wuxian snapped while clutching me closer to him. "Lan Zhan took Sizhui in as his own disciple when he had no one else to care for him, and he turned out just fine! If he could do that, then so can I!"
Wait, Sizhui…he was that boy with the purple-grey eyes and that sweet disarming smile that coaxed me out of my shyness back at the inn. He was one of their disciples? That would make him my senior then!
"Wei Wuxian…" Qiren sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "You can't just take something like this lightly. Children are a huge responsibility, and by saying that you'll be taking them on as a direct disciple, you are now responsible for everything they do! Not every child is going to be as well behaved as Sizhui. If they do anything that reflects badly on you, then I hope that you are willing to face the consequences for their actions."
"I am very well aware of that, Uncle." he said "Lan Zhan and I have been talking about taking on more disciples now that Sizhui's all grown up. I think it would do the Cloud Recesses some good if we could take in abandoned and orphaned children and give them a second chance in life. We are both willing to take responsibility for her and nothing you say will change that. Plus there's just something about her that calls out to us both. Xiao-hua, what do you say? Do you want to live with us? Or do you want to live in the women's dormitory?"
"I want to live with Xian-gege and Wangji-gege." I said without hesitation.
I could hear Qiren let out a defeated sigh. It appeared that this wasn't his first time he's had to deal with him once he set his mind on something. I could only imagine just how many more arguments he's had with him ever since.
"There's no talking you out of doing something once you set your mind on it is there?" he grumbled. "Very well then. By taking her into your custody, you are now responsible for her upbringing and everything she does. I hope you know what you're getting yourself into."
The sun was already beginning to set by the time we made it out of the Yashi. My stomach still felt like it was doing somersaults and I was still reeling from the fact that they considered me worthy enough to take me on as a disciple. And yet with this revelation, why couldn't I feel happy about this? I lied and cheated my way into coming here. There were probably dozens of other orphaned and abandoned children out there that would be more deserving of being taken in by them. Why me of all people? Because I was a sickly and injured child? Or a curiosity meant to be studied like an animal in a zoo? Would it have been better if they just left me in Bai Lian village?
We eventually found ourselves in front of a modest yet elegant cottage with a on the grounds. A plaque hung above the door written in characters I have yet to learn the meaning of. Several simple stone lanterns in front of the porch glowed and flickered in the setting night breeze, casting a soft warm glow on our surroundings. The sound of gravel crunching beneath our feet echoed through the air as we made our way up the path to the steps.
"Where are we?" I asked aloud
"This is our home, the Jingshi." said Lan Wangji as he lifted me up the steps. "You'll be sleeping here temporarily until we can clear out a building for you to sleep in.
A pinging noise went off in my head as a notification window popped up in my vision.
"ACCESSING DATABASE. LOCATION UNLOCKED. THE JINGSHI: ALSO KNOWN AS THE SILENCE ROOM. THE PERSONAL LIVING QUARTERS OF LAN WANGJI AND HIS HUSBAND WEI WUXIAN. HAS CURIOUSLY UNDERGONE MANY RENOVATIONS OVER THE YEARS''
Wei Wuxian slid the heavy wooden doors open and lit some oil lanterns inside. The faint scent of sandalwood wafted out from within, reminding me all too well of those times I've clung to Lan Wangji and buried my face in his shoulder. The interior of the house carried that same minimalistic yet elegant feeling to it, with simple functional furniture and shelves stocked with paperback books, wooden scrolls and various other knick knacks that I assumed that they've collected over the years. As I passed the threshold, I could feel a sense of comfort and warmth inside, something I haven't felt in years. A house to me was either filled with cold stares and chaos or loneliness and a bitter emptiness that refused to be filled. This cottage though felt like it was overflowing with more than enough love to spare.
To the front of me was the living room. A low standing wooden table sat on top of a simple white rug with a rack for calligraphy brushes and a pot for ink on top of it. Books, wooden scrolls, and loose papers were scattered around it, likely from not being cleaned up for a while. Decorative scrolls depicting landscapes and all manner of flora hung from the walls, completing the look. To the right of the room, I could make out a white partition with the Gusu Lan logo printed on it, separating a king sized bed from the world underneath a rounded window on a raised platform. A large wooden bathtub sat beside it, also separated by screen from prying eyes. A small cot was set up in one corner of this open bedroom, separated by yet another partition.
To the back, two sliding wooden doors opened up into the backyard with a shed in one corner, a modest vegetable and flower garden beside it, a well for collecting water, and a stone bench underneath a tree that was now shedding the last of its leaves.
Lan Wangji helped me up over the steps of the entrance way and led me over to the kitchenette to the left. He placed his sword on a rack by a wall and set his guqin down beside it before joining me and Wei Wuxian at the dining table. I fumbled with undoing the clasp of my cloak and folded it neatly on my lap once I got it off.
"Now that you're going to be one of our direct disciples, I will need to go over some rules with you" he said with a firm tone. "You will be required to go to bed at 9 and to wake up at 5 in the morning. Nothing earlier than that, and nothing later."
"There's no way I'd be able to have a bedtime routine like this!" I thought. "What sane person goes to bed at 9 pm?"
"YOU'D BE SURPRISED." piped up Meng Yao. "YOU'D BETTER GET USED TO GOING TO BED EARLY AND GETTING UP AT THE CRACK OF DAWN IF YOU WANT TO LIVE HERE."
"Because Wei Ying and I take turns teaching classes during the day, you will be getting tutored by a disciple of our choosing. Sometimes we will be out of Gusu on night hunts and won't be back for days. But that doesn't mean that you should slack off in your studies either. You have a lot to catch up on before you can join the other disciples in a regular classroom."
"Wait… how much is a lot to catch up on?" I asked Meng Yao
"WELL, LET'S JUST SAY THAT YOU HAVE MUCH TO LEARN ABOUT THIS WORLD. AND THAT'S NOT JUST GETTING INTO LEARNING ABOUT MAGIC AND THE SUPERNATURAL." he replied.
"We might not be able to teach you basic combat yet until your injuries have healed, but we can teach you about how to use spiritual energy and how to make talismans," Said Wei Wuxian. "And you need both hands if you're going to be playing an instrument, so we'll hold off on that until your shoulder gets better. Now come with me, I want to show you something."
Getting up carefully, I placed my cloak off to the side and hobbled over to the back of the room where the sliding doors were.
"You see that shed in the corner over there?" he said, pointing to it.
I nodded following his line of sight. Now that I looked at it more carefully, it looked run down in some places. I could make out scorch marks along the window panes and the doorframe. A few tiles were missing from the roof. It looked very well used and worked in, though I had to wonder what he used it for.
"You must never go inside without permission. That's my workshop, and I do a lot of dangerous experiments inside. I don't want you getting hurt, so please knock before entering okay?"
I nodded again, though I had to wonder about the extent of these "experiments" and what exactly they entailed.
"And because The Cloud Recesses has a lot of rabbits living out the wild, don't bring ANY of them inside the Jingshi. As adorable and fluffy as they are, they belong outside, where they're not going to wreak havoc on our stuff."
I had to wonder who would have brought wild animals into someone's living quarters like this for it to require a rule forbidding something like this from happening again. Did Sizhui do something like this when he was younger?
"Speaking of which," Lan Wangji said as he began to tie his sleeves back and put his hair into a ponytail. "Don't take our stuff without asking. And when you do, make sure you put them back where they belong."
"Tomorrow I'll show you around the Cloud Recesses and where you'll be visiting a healer to get your injuries properly healed," said Wei Wuxian as he makes his way back to the kitchenette. "We have a busy schedule ahead of us so let's just have dinner for now and get lots of sleep tonight."
Dinner was a quiet and nervous affair for me. I wanted to be polite and eat what was in front of me but, not when I had guilt gnawing away at my conscience like an insatiable beast that refused to be quelled. I did my best to push all of my feelings down but the idea still remained there in the back of my mind.
"Lihua, are you okay?" asked Lan Wangji as he picked a grain of rice off of my cheek. "You look like you don't want to eat anything."
"'m fine…" I mumbled numbly. "Just tired."
No, that was another lie I told. I wasn't alright at all. How could I tell them about what I've done? I was already knee deep in this, and there was no getting out of it. I choked down as much as I could, though I could barely enjoy anything as guilt had all but dulled my sense of taste. The rest of the evening went by like a blur, though that was mostly because I was too busy drowning in guilt. Even though I was complaining earlier about how silly it was to go to bed at such an early hour, I couldn't be gladder to get to bed, but if only to just forget about my troubles for a little while. I tossed and I turned on my little cot until I could finally calm myself down and let myself be taken into the realm of sleep.
I put my face in my hands and I let out a deep sigh when I got to the gazebo. Meng Yao is feeding the fish in the pond again. I wanted nothing more than to go smash my face into the table in front of me until it's a bloody unrecognizable pulp.
"Lihua, you knew what you were getting yourself into the moment you told that lie." he said, not even bothering to look up at me.
"I know, Meng Yao!" I cried out. "I-I just didn't think I'd be getting different sects involved in this mess!"
"What was it you said? Oh yes, that 'we're partners in crime' now? You're already in too deep with this lie. You said that you were fully willing to face the consequences of your actions so you'd better start studying hard enough so that you can survive in this world."
He gets up from his spot by the pond and picks up the now empty plate beside him. I don't see him walking into the gazebo, but I do hear him taking his place across from me at the table. I can't bear to look at him, but I know he's giving me a judgmental look. I just know he is. I feel less like an adult in this hidden world and more like a naughty child that's been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
"…I-is it supposed to hurt this much when you tell a lie?" I ask, my voice cracking on the last word.
My face feels warm. Whether it is from shame or guilt, I don't even know but I feel my chest constricting from this sudden rush of emotion. My throat tightens and I feel like I can't breathe properly. I feel like I'm going to vomit.
"At first yes…" Meng Yao says softly, placing his hand on my own. "The first couple times I've had to lie like this, I couldn't sleep properly afterwards. When you've lived as hard of a life as I did, being soft hearted isn't an option. Not when your very survival depends on it. Eventually, you just get used to lying with a straight face without a single shred of guilt. I take it that you're not used to lying are you?"
I shook my head no at him, recalling painful memories from my childhood.
"My parents were very strict with me and my sister growing up." I told him. "You couldn't hide a single thing from them because they always found out in one way or another. And when they did find out, the punishment was always so…severe."
I curl my hand into a fist on the table and bite my bottom lip hard enough that there's a thin stream of blood trickling down my chin. Meng Yao offers me a handkerchief to wipe it off and pours me a cup of tea to calm my nerves. He has a sad, almost pitying look in his eyes and it makes me sick to the stomach remembering the looks people used to give me in my first lifetime.
"I remember one time when I was a kid, I had tried to hide my bad grades from them. They eventually found out and whipped me across the bottom so badly that I couldn't sit down for a week. I walked around with giant bruises and welts on my backside for a month."
He has an unreadable expression on his face as I drink my tea, though if I had to take a guess, he looks halfway between sad and sympathetic. It wasn't a competition to see who had the rougher childhood or who suffered the most; it was just the cold hard facts of life, plain and simple. I slip my hand out from under his and wipe the blood from my chin and the corner of my lips with the handkerchief he gave me.
"The point is that there's a difference between lying to protect yourself from someone who wants to hurt you and lying to someone who's done nothing but treat you with kindness and generosity that makes you feel like you're taking advantage of them."
I drain my tea and set the cup down on the table with a soft clink. My heart is aching so much that it's unbearable.
"Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji… they're too good to me. I don't deserve to be called their direct disciple," I say barely above a whisper."They deserve so much better than a parasite like me."
Meng Yao gets up from the table and walks over to where I'm sitting. I barely register the fact that he's placed his hand on my shoulder. He gives it a light squeeze while he has this far away look in his eyes, like he's remembering something from long ago.
"I know you're hurting, but it doesn't change the fact that we sometimes need to do bad things for the sake of the greater good. It's as you say, that there's a difference between protecting yourself and taking advantage of someone. How you choose to proceed forward is entirely up to you. Crying about it isn't going to solve anything, but having a backup plan will."
He sits down beside me and looks straight into my eyes. I almost jumped backwards in my seat at the movement. It's almost like he's peering straight into my soul.
"Now tell me, Lihua... no, Alice. What will you do from now on? Are you going to sit here wallowing in self pity and doubt when things go belly up? Or are you going to study as hard as you can so that you'll have the tools and the means to protect yourself when things go south?"
I hated to admit it, but he was right. I've long resolved to stop wallowing in self pity and pull myself up by the bootstraps so that I wouldn't burden anyone. I knew what I had to do, even if it was going to take a lot of planning and research.
"I'm going to study my ass off and find an escape route out of the Cloud Recesses if things go south. I might not be able to fight right now, but I can still use my wits as a weapon. Plus I have you as my ever-so reliable co-pilot to help me navigate around Ancient China and get me out of trouble."
Meng Yao gave me a small smile. Not a smirk or one of his usual smarmy expressions, but a genuine one that causes dimples to appear on his cheeks and make him look decades younger. For a moment, I nearly feel my heart skipping a beat.
"Good girl." he says, clapping my shoulder with his hand.
Author's notes: I borrowed a bit from the live action series, mostly about Guangyao and his dimples. Because who wouldn't be able to resist them in real life?