Many thanks to gnbrules, Eyum daRelmera, and Damaged Emerald for taking the time to share their thoughts.

I hope everyone is staying healthy. I know it sucks being stuck at home, so I'll do my best to keep you entertained with Dean and Cas's adventures, and if anyone is bored and just wants to chat, feel free to PM me. =)

Chapter Fourteen

On January twenty-fourth Castiel woke up before Dean for once. He quickly turned off the alarm he had set the night before to ensure this would be the case and rolled over to look at his sleeping lover. Since Dean was a natural early riser and Castiel was decidedly not, this was the first time he'd gotten to see Dean like this. In sleep all the worries Dean carried faded away, and so did the mask of devil-may-care charm he used to hide his insecurities. He was purely and unguardedly himself just as he was when they made love. It was so breathtaking that Castiel briefly considered setting an early alarm every day just so he could watch Dean sleep, but he knew he wouldn't actually do it. Today was a special occasion.

He pressed a soft kiss to Dean's slack mouth.

Dean made a sleepy sound of pleasure.

He sucked at Dean's bottom lip.

This time the sound was less sleepy and more pleased.

He left a trail of hot, wet kisses down Dean's neck and chest before going to work on his sensitive nipples, all the while mapping out every inch of Dean's body he could reach with his hands. They had fallen asleep naked so there was plenty of gorgeous freckled skin available for his perusal, and by now he knew quite a few of Dean's sweet spots. It wasn't long before the noises he was eliciting were distinctly awake and aroused.

He lifted his head, and sure enough, those green eyes were open and watching him with undisguised want. "Happy birthday," he purred, settling himself comfortably between Dean's invitingly spread legs and immediately starting up an easy, rolling rhythm with his hips.

"How, ah … how did you know?" Dean gasped out, his arms coming up to clutch at Castiel, feel the movement of his back muscles.

"I snuck a peek at your driver's license one day while you were in the shower."

They stopped talking after that and focused on feeling. Even after nearly a month, Castiel still couldn't get over how good the sex was. It didn't matter who topped who or if they even bothered with the whole complicated process of penetration at all. Every damn time was mind blowing, spine melting, forget-how-to-say-anything-except-each-other's-names amazing. This time they came at almost the exact same instant, their mouths sealed together, swallowing each other's moans of ecstasy.

"So when's your birthday?" Dean said once they'd caught their breath. "Just so I know how much time I have to think of a way to top that. Pun possibly intended."

"March eighth," Castiel said, but a dark cloud had suddenly intruded on his sex high, and he felt a lump rise in his throat. "I'm not sure I want to celebrate it this year though."

"Why not? Is it a big one? I don't care how old you are, you know."

"No, it's not that. It's … It was Jimmy's birthday too. It'll be the first birthday I've ever had without him." He closed his stinging eyes and tried to will himself back to the happy, peaceful place he'd been in less than a minute ago, but it was unreachable, a distant shore getting farther and farther away as he drifted deeper into stormy waters.

He felt Dean shift beside him. "You were twins?"

He nodded.

"Oh, Cas." Dean tried to pull Castiel into his arms, but Castiel didn't feel like he deserved the comfort. He hated himself for breaking down today of all days. Today was supposed to be about spoiling Dean.

"It's fine," he said. He made an effort not to push Dean away, instead gently disentangling himself from the other man. "I'm fine. I'll make breakfast today, and after I drop Claire off at school, we can do whatever you want." He tried to give Dean a lascivious grin but could only manage a tight, forced smile.

"Cas …" Dean started to reach for him again, but before Castiel had time to decide if he was going to allow the touch or not, Dean's phone rang. Dean checked the number and gave Castiel an apologetic look. "It's Sam. I have to take it."

"Of course. I understand," Castiel said, secretly relieved at the timely distraction. He leaned over to kiss Dean's cheek. "How does French toast sound?"

"Sounds perfect," Dean said, and his smile was genuine even though there was worry lurking behind his eyes.

Castiel was still naked and had tacky, half dried come all over his stomach and chest, so he couldn't help overhearing Dean's conversation while he cleaned up and got dressed. As soon as Dean accepted the charges for a collect call and was put through to Sam, his voice changed, taking on the same warm, gently teasing tone he used with Claire.

"Hey. Calling to wish your big brother a happy birthday?"

There was faint laughter on the other end of the call, and then a male voice saying something Castiel couldn't quite hear.

"Oh, yeah? What is it?" Dean said with cheerful skepticism. "A bottle of pruno?" Sam must have said something about a birthday present. But a moment later Dean sat bolt upright on the bed, his eyes going wide. "You're joking!"

Castiel paused with his shirt in his hands. The childlike joy and delight on Dean's face was wonderful to behold. It actually chased away Castiel's own dark mood, and the day seemed bright and hopeful again even if he didn't yet know why.

The rest of the conversation wasn't very informative. Dean said, "When?" and "Holy shit," and "Yeah, of course you can." And then, after a slightly longer pause, he looked at Castiel and said, still talking to Sam, "I'll ask him."

After Dean said goodbye and hung up, he sat and stared at the phone with a dazed expression. Castiel came and sat on the edge of the bed next to him, putting a tentative hand on Dean's knee. "What was that about?"

Dean raised his eyes to meet Castiel's. "He made parole. They're letting him out tomorrow." He sounded as though he didn't quite believe it, and he suddenly grabbed Castiel and hugged him tight. Castiel felt warm tears dripping on his neck as Dean whispered, still in that half joyful, half disbelieving voice, "He's coming home. My little brother's coming home."

Castiel held Dean tight and tried to be happy for him, but the emotion swelling in the pit of his stomach felt a lot more like fear.

~o0o~

"Cas, you know you don't have to meet him yet if you're not ready. I know this happened kind of suddenly, but that doesn't mean we have to rush into anything."

They were driving over to Dean's place so Dean could get things ready. Sam's parole officer would be inspecting his living accommodations, and among other things, Dean couldn't have any alcohol in the apartment.

"I know," Castiel said, staring pensively out the window. "It's not that I'm not ready. I'm just …" He finally turned to look at Dean. "I'm worried about how this is going to affect our relationship," he admitted. "What if I can't bring myself to trust him? I don't want to come between you and your brother, and I don't want to lose you either. I can't lose you."

He could hear the rising panic in his own voice, so it was no surprise when Dean took one hand off the wheel and laced their fingers together, squeezing reassuringly. "Hey, hey, hey. You're not going to. Nobody's losing anybody. Even if you and Sam don't get along, I can still spend time with both of you, just not together. That's what you would have had to do with me and Jimmy, right? We'll make it work."

"It's not the same. Jimmy and I weren't anywhere near as close as you and Sam. We may have been genetically identical, but the only other thing we had in common was a horrible childhood that we would both rather forget. We saw each other on Christmas and talked on the phone maybe once a month. I don't even know why I miss him so much."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Castiel wanted to take them back. He wasn't sure who was more horrified — him or Dean.

"You don't mean that, Cas," Dean said softly. "He was your brother."

"No." He wished he could plead that it was the grief talking. The words were all the more horrible because they were true. "No, he was my twin, but he hadn't been my brother for a long time. And this isn't about me and Jimmy. This is about me and you and Sam. Practically speaking, if we can't find a way to be one big happy family, how are we going to handle it? Who will you spend Christmas with? What if we wanted to get married? Would you really not resent me for refusing to invite your brother to our wedding?"

"So now we're getting married?" Dean chuckled, clearly trying to lighten the mood. "Kinda fast, don't you think?"

"I said 'what if'. It's called a hypothetical scenario, and you're avoiding the question."

"Well, can you at least meet him before you disinvite him from our hypothetical wedding?" Dean was starting to sound frustrated, but he didn't let go of Castiel's hand. Some part of Castiel registered that they were having their first actual argument and yet they were still holding hands. All hypothetical future sources of conflict aside, that boded well for their relationship.

"Of course I'm going to meet him first, but I need to know, Dean. If, if my final decision is that he can't be a part of Claire's life or mine, can we survive that? Are you absolutely sure we can make it work?"

"No, obviously I'm not absolutely sure. I can't see the future, Cas. I'm not psychic. But you want to know what I am sure of? I'm sure that I love you and I want to make it work. I want it more than I've ever wanted anything in my life."

Castiel sucked in a sharp breath as though he'd just been unexpectedly kissed. "You love me?"

Dean risked taking his eyes off the road for a moment. It was clear from his expression that he hadn't meant to say that out loud so soon, but he didn't look like he wanted to take it back either. "Yeah, I do. I love you. You don't have to say it if you're —"

"I love you too."

Dean's smile put the sun, moon, and stars combined to shame.