Warnings: Explicit sex, discussion of bullying, and oblique references to self harm.

Shout outs to NeteleJala, Eyum daRelmera, Damaged Emerald, superchiwo, gnbrules, HollieElisabeth, and jfkgotblownaway for taking the time to leave reviews. Stay safe and healthy everyone. =)

Chapter Fifteen

Monday afternoon found Castiel slumped on the couch, watching Julia Child reruns while flipping through old Cook's Illustrated magazines in search of inspiration. Naomi had decided it was time to revamp the restaurant's menu, and he needed to come up with a list of recipes that were "original and unexpected" but also in keeping with Paradis' traditional French vibe and not too much of a strain on the budget. Usually he would have enjoyed the challenge, but today his heart wasn't in it. It was too busy missing his boyfriend.

It had been three days since Sam's release, and Dean had been spending all his free time with his brother. Castiel didn't resent it, or at least he was trying not to. He understood that the brothers needed to reconnect, and it wasn't like Dean was ignoring him completely. They texted frequently, trading jokes and updates about their day. They always managed to steal a few minutes of alone time after work, and Dean always whispered "Love you," before they went their separate ways for the night. In fact he said those words every chance he got now, which was good because Castiel couldn't get enough of them.

So he wasn't unhappy, far from it, and he wasn't mad at Dean, but he was horny. This was the longest he'd gone without sex since he and Dean started sleeping together, and his body had gotten used to at least one orgasm a day. More on quiet afternoons like this. Jerking off wouldn't be anywhere near as satisfying as having Dean's big, calloused hands on him, but it might take the edge off enough to let him get some work done.

His phone rang. He snatched it up, hoping it might be Dean. Phone sex was way better than lonely masturbation even if the process was basically the same. But when he saw the number for Claire's school, all thoughts of getting off fled his mind, replaced with every worst case scenario his imagination could conjure up. He fumbled to mute Julia Child and answer the call at the same time, almost dropping the phone.

"Mr. Novak," said a vaguely familiar feminine voice once he'd managed to coordinate actually holding the phone to his ear and saying hello. "This is Principal Mills." His memory supplied an image of a good looking woman with short, graying hair and laugh lines around her eyes. He had liked her, he recalled. She had spoken to Claire with kindness and respect rather than the exaggerated sweetness used by adults who only pretended to like children.

"Is Claire sick?"

"No, no. She's healthy and safe, but we do need you to pick her up a little early today. There was … an altercation with another student."

"An altercation? You mean a fight? Claire was fighting?" He probably should have been expecting that. It had certainly been his go to coping mechanism after his mother died, until he discovered other even more self destructive but less obvious outlets for all the pent up rage and helplessness. He unconsciously rubbed his palm against his thigh where his jeans concealed the scars.

"We're honestly not sure exactly what happened," Ms. Mills said. "It would be better if we had this conversation in person, Mr. Novak."

"I'm on my way."

The ten minute walk to the school gave him time to calm down and consider the appropriate reaction. His foster parents had usually sided with the teachers, not even listening to his side of the story. He wouldn't do that. As far as he was concerned, Claire was innocent until proven guilty, and he wouldn't punish her if it had been self defense. However, as Principal Mills had warned him, piecing together what had actually happened was difficult. The teacher supervising recess had seen Claire shove another child to the ground. The other child claimed it had been unprovoked, and Claire of course wasn't saying anything. She couldn't even be persuaded to write down her version of events. It was like all the progress of the past few months had been erased in a single day, and she had retreated deep into her shell.

"You aren't seriously going to suspend her just because the other child can tell you what supposedly happened and Claire can't contradict their story," he said, turning on the principal in a burst of fierce parental protectiveness. "That's outright discrimination."

"Claire isn't being suspended," Ms. Mills said with the infinite patience of one who spends all day dealing with belligerent children and their often even more unreasonable parents. "We're just giving her the rest of the day off. Whatever happened, it was clearly upsetting, and no one learns well when they're upset. So go home, have a good dinner and good night's sleep, and we'll start fresh tomorrow."

Castiel continued to glare suspiciously. Arguing with Naomi had taught him to be wary of traps hidden in placating words. "And there will be no consequences until you're absolutely sure who was the instigator." It wasn't a question.

"None. You have my word. Our school counselor will talk to Claire and Alex separately, and only when we have a complete picture will any action be taken. Even then, the consequences won't be too severe. We've never had any trouble from Claire before, so at most she'd have to have weekly meetings with the counselor to work on her anger management skills. And that's only if her outburst was unprovoked. If it was self defense, I won't even insist on that."

Castiel decided that he definitely liked Ms. Mills. He wished she'd been his principal when he was in school. He might have actually graduated.

Claire seemed to relax a little too. Then Ms. Mills said, "Claire, could you wait outside please while I have a quick word with your uncle? It won't take long and then you can go home." Claire immediately stiffened and gave both the principal and Castiel a narrow eyed glare before picking up her school bag and flouncing out of the office, conveying wordlessly that she knew full well they were going to talk about her behind her back and she didn't like it.

Castiel actually felt a smile spread over his face, watching her stalk off in a huff. Two months ago she would have left quietly, face blank and moving lethargically as though she honestly couldn't care less. She was communicating even if she was doing it in total silence. She was coming back to herself as Missouri had promised, being a real child with feelings and opinions instead of a listless little angel.

Ms. Mills next words popped his bubble of unexpected happiness. "Mr. Novak, while I have you here, there are a couple other issues I've been meaning to talk to you about. Claire's grades are not what they should be. At her old school she was a straight A student. Here she's averaging Bs and Cs."

Castiel immediately felt himself getting defensive again. "She had to switch schools in the middle of the year while simultaneously adjusting to a new home and dealing with the trauma of losing her father. As long as she's not actually flunking, her academic performance is not my highest priority right now."

"I agree, it's to be expected," Ms. Mills said calmly. "This is not a criticism of Claire or of you. It's simply one of several warning signs we've noticed."

He frowned. "Warning signs for what?"

"For a child at risk of clinical depression."

His breath caught in his chest. His hand automatically began rubbing his scars again.

"Claire also doesn't seem to be making friends. Again, expected and understandable," Ms. Mills hurried on before he could bring up the mute issue. "But plummeting grades, lack of socialization, and now violent outbursts? That's a very worrying combination regardless of if today's incident was unprovoked or not. In fact, if Alex did attack Claire first, that is even more worrying. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what kind of toll bullying takes on a child's emotional health."

"No, you don't," he said quietly, still compulsively rubbing his leg. He really wished Dean was sitting next to him right now. He closed his eyes and imagined Dean taking his hand, squeezing it tight, and giving him a warm, one-hundred-percent-genuine-Dean smile. No charm, just love. He opened his eyes, feeling at least somewhat grounded again. "What do you recommend I do? Get her professional help?"

"It couldn't hurt. I can give you a name if you want."

"Please."

She began shifting papers on her desk, muttering, "Where did I put that damn thing?" Finally she produced a business card.

Dr. Charlene Bradbury, PsyD, children's grief counselor.

"She's very good. And very open minded about different kinds of families."

He blinked. "How did you know …"

Ms. Mills smiled. "While we were waiting for you, I gave Claire some crayons to pass the time. She drew this."

She handed him a sheet of printer paper with two vaguely humanoid figures drawn on it. It was difficult to tell their gender, but they were helpfully labeled Uncle Cas and Deen, and next to Dean's name (he really needed to show her how to spell that correctly) Claire had written, presumably for Ms. Mills' benefit, boyfrend with an arrow pointing back to the Castiel figure. The figures were holding hands and were surrounded by lopsided hearts as though some deranged cupid had thrown confetti at them. He smiled and tucked the picture in his pocket to show Dean.

~o0o~

Castiel had privately hoped that as soon as it was just him and Claire back home, she would magically feel safe enough to open up and explain what had happened. That fantasy was quickly dashed. She still declined to write anything down, and his attempt at twenty questions was met with a stony stare, not even a nod or a head shake to point him in the right direction. Not wanting her to feel hounded or think he was mad at her for not being able to just talk, he finally let it go and sent her off to play until dinner time.

He tried to work on the new menu, but after an hour he still hadn't made even the tiniest bit of progress, and his eyes kept drifting to his phone. Just one quick call, just to hear his voice. It was Monday. They wouldn't see each other until tomorrow night which had seemed like a minor annoyance before his conversation with Principal Mills. Now it seemed unbearable. He wrestled with temptation, knowing all along that he was going to break.

"Hey, babe. What's up? I said pause the damn game! That's cheating!"

"You weren't winning anyway," laughed another voice, but the video game music in the background stopped.

"If you're busy, I can —" He shouldn't have called. He was going to come off all pathetic and clingy, like he couldn't cope on his own for a few days. He had coped with much worse than this on his own. Except … Except back then he hadn't had a choice. There was no one to call. And now there was. What was the point of having a boyfriend if you couldn't call him when you were having a bad day?

Clearly thinking along the same lines, Dean said, "No, you sound upset. What's wrong, babe? Did Naomi pull some new crap?"

"No. Although I would like your help with the new menu, but that's not why I called. Claire got sent home from school for fighting. She either can't or won't tell me what happened, so I don't know if I should be punishing her, and I … I'm drowning, Dean. I'm failing at this parenting thing. I don't know what I'm do—"

"Whoa. Slow down there, Cas." Dean's voice was as warm and sure as his arms gathering Castiel close, catching him before he could spiral into full blown panic. "One bad day does not make you a bad parent. Maybe Claire just needs some time to cool off."

"Yeah. Maybe." Castiel rubbed a hand over his face. "I'm scared, Dean," he admitted in a small voice. "This is how it started with me."

"How what started?" Dean asked, confused.

"After … after my mother died, after Jimmy and I went into foster care, I started getting into trouble at school. Then, when I realized I was only making life harder for myself, I tried other things. Things that didn't draw attention."

Dean was silent for a moment, and then he said Castiel's second favorite three word sentence. "I'm coming over."

"No. Dean, you should spend time with your brother. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have —"

"I'm starting to get on Sam's nerves anyway cause I'm better at video games than him."

"Are not, jerk," came a tinny retort in the background. Dean ignored it, all his attention focused on Castiel.

"And this sounds like a conversation we should have while I'm cuddling the fuck out of you."

Castiel chuckled, already feeling like a weight had lifted from his chest. "Well, try not to cuddle all the fuck out of me. I was planning to use some of my fuck on my boyfriend the next time I see him. Haven't gotten much alone time with him lately."

He could almost hear Dean wince guiltily. "I know. I'm sorry about that, babe."

Castiel opened his mouth to reassure him that it was all right, but what came out was, "I will happily accept your apology when it is delivered in person. Naked." He considered for a moment and added, "Getting down on your knees couldn't hurt."

Dean laughed, "My knees beg to differ, but I'll see what I can do. Just for you."

~o0o~

Claire cheered up considerably too when Dean walked through the door. The three of them worked together to cook Dean's homemade mac and cheese, and after dinner they watched Lilo and Stitch. It was just like Christmas only better because Dean had his arm around Castiel, and Castiel was allowed to rest his head on Dean's shoulder. He could hardly believe things had changed so much in only a month.

Claire put up a bit of a fight at bedtime, but once she was assured that Dean would still be there in the morning, she went quietly. As soon as she was tucked in with her beloved cat, Castiel pulled Dean into his own bedroom and locked the door.

"Naked. Now," he commanded, tugging Dean's shirt up.

"Somebody's impatient tonight," Dean chuckled, giving him a hand.

"I missed you." He sucked on Dean's neck and pinched his nipples, determined to get him hard as quickly as possible. "I want you to fuck me."

"I thought you wanted me on my knees," Dean said, but the rough timbre of his voice and the size of his pupils said he was down for whatever Castiel wanted to do.

"I changed my mind."

Dean laughed again and reeled him in for a deep, hungry kiss.

Once they were naked and pressed against each other, Dean sliding one lubed finger in and out of Castiel while peppering his face with kisses that were more affectionate than sexual, Castiel's impatience settled into a quiet enjoyment of the closeness. He had always considered himself more of a top. Getting fucked could feel good, but not good enough to make up for the messy and slightly embarrassing experience of letting someone else shove their fingers up your ass while you tried to both relax and stay hard. Clearly though, he hadn't been doing it right because Dean somehow managed to make anal prep sexy and intimate. They were both lying on their sides facing each other, gazing into each other's eyes, and Castiel had no trouble staying relaxed. He could fall asleep like this, finger up his ass and all.

"Have I really been neglecting you?" Dean murmured. "Tell me the truth."

"No. I was teasing on the phone." Castiel shifted the leg that was slung over Dean's hip so Dean could go a little deeper. "I was fine until today, and I want you to spend time with your brother and whoever else you want to spend time with. I know I'm not the only person in your life."

"Just the only one I want to fuck," Dean said, adding a second finger.

"Yes," Castiel laughed. "And let's keep it that way." He moaned as Dean crooked his fingers just right. "Ohhh. Oh, yes, right there."

Dean grinned triumphantly and massaged his prostate until Castiel's flagging erection was standing proud again and drooling pre-come on Dean's thigh. Castiel gave in to the urge to rut against the warm skin.

"I missed this," Dean said, his voice getting rougher as he watched Castiel turn to putty in his hands. "I mean, not just this. I missed other stuff too. I didn't just come over for sex. I —"

Castiel cut him off with a hard kiss. "I know that," he mumbled against Dean's lips. "Now stop being such a gentleman and get that gorgeous cock of yours inside me."

Dean laughed. "Well, aren't you just Mr. Demanding tonight. How do you want to do this? Missionary or cowboy?" They never did it doggy style. They both preferred to be able to see each other.

"Missionary," Castiel decided, rolling onto his back. "And go slow. Make it last."

Dean's eyes darkened at that. He crawled over Castiel, caging him in, then sank down so that their foreheads were touching. They both kept their eyes open, enjoying each other's pleasure as much as their own while they slowly joined their bodies together. When Dean finally bottomed out, he held still for a few moments to let Castiel adjust.

"God, I will never get over how gorgeous you are," Castiel breathed. "You're the most beautiful man I've ever seen. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to … Are you blushing?"

Dean turned even pinker and buried his face in Castiel's neck.

"Oh my God. You have your dick up my ass right now, and you're embarrassed because I called you beautiful?"

"I'm bad at taking compliments," Dean mumbled.

"Well, that's too bad. You're beautiful and wonderful, and I'm never going to stop telling you so. I think your eyes are the most beautiful part of you, although your mouth is a close second, especially when it's all pink and wet from kissing me. And then there are your freckles. Your freckles are gorgeous. Someday I'm going to kiss every single one."

"Shut up," Dean groaned, but he was shaking with laughter, and it made his cock move just right inside Castiel.

"Oh! Oh God, you were right," Castiel gasped. "Laughing during sex is the most amazing thing ever. Do that again."

Dean lifted his head, his face still pink and his eyes sparkling. "Make me."

"Knock knock."

Dean burst out laughing without even waiting for the punch line, which was good because Castiel didn't have one. He clung to Dean, delirious with happiness, and fervently hoped that he would get to keep this forever.

"Fuck, I love you," Dean said when he could speak again.

"I love you too. Now fuck me, you beautiful, wonderful, adorable man."

Dean opened his mouth, probably to object to the adorable part, but Castiel clenched his ass hard, effectively shutting him up.

They continued to murmur words of love every time they could find the breath to do so. Dean kept the pace slow as requested, but he nailed Castiel's prostate almost every time, and in between thrusts he would grind his hips just right, rubbing his stomach against Castiel's slippery cock. Castiel drifted in and out of awareness, losing long minutes to white hot, all consuming pleasure that never quite peaked. He writhed and bucked his hips, moaning, "Please." He wasn't even sure what he was begging for except maybe for this to never end. He was securely pinned under Dean, completely in the other man's power, and he was loving it. It was so safe, so freeing.

"It's okay, baby," Dean panted. "You come whenever you're ready. You don't have to wait for me."

"No. I want to come with you."

Dean looked at him like he was a gift, and consciously or not, he began to move faster inside Castiel. "God, I love you. I love you so much, Cas. You're so perfect. You're everything I ever wanted." Dean was babbling, losing his last shreds of control, and if Castiel had still had any doubt that Dean meant those words with everything in him, this would have been the final proof. It wasn't possible to lie when you were this close to mind blowing orgasm.

Castiel had to stifle a scream as he came harder than he ever had in his life. Dean wasn't far behind, and Castiel thought that the feeling of Dean spilling inside him without a condom might have actually triggered a second orgasm. It certainly seemed like a long time passed before he even started to come down.

When he did, he felt as weak as a newborn kitten, but Dean's strong arms were there, cradling him safely even though the other man was trembling too. "I think that was a new best for us," Dean said breathlessly.

"I think that was the best sex anyone has ever had in the history of sex," Castiel said, "but I'm sure we'll find a way to break the record again soon."

Dean laughed and buried his face in Castiel's sweaty hair. They cuddled in silence for a while. Dean's softening cock slipped out of Castiel, and the mingled come and lube started to seep out too. Not the most pleasant sensation in the world, but he was way too blissed out to care.

"You know I'm never too busy for you, right?" Dean murmured. "Doesn't matter what else I've got going on. If you need me, I'll always be there."

Castiel felt tears sting his eyes. "Always?" he asked softly.

"Always," Dean repeated without hesitation, his arms wrapping tighter around Castiel.

There was another interval of quiet cuddling. Then Castiel said, "I want to meet Sam. As soon as possible, but … And please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think you should be there."

"Why not?" Dean asked in surprise.

"Because this decision isn't about you and me. It's about Claire. And if you're there, I'm going to … I want so badly to make you happy, Dean, but I have to do what's right for my child even if it's painful for me, and I'm afraid that having you there will compromise my judgment."

Dean relaxed. "Yeah, that makes sense. And we're gonna be fine, Cas. No matter what."

Castiel smiled. He knew Dean wasn't as certain as he sounded, but the fact that they both wanted it to be true was a hopeful sign.

I know, I know. I'm such a tease. There will be Sam backstory in the next chapter, I promise. =)