Meng Yao, or rather, Jin Guangyao watched as his charge drifted off to the land of sleep after listening to a sweet lullaby Wei Wuxian was singing to her on a screen he had in front of him. It was a melody from Yunmeng, something most people who grew up around there would know, and something his mother used to sing to him when he was a child. It was a song that he'd thought he'd forgotten until a few days ago. He'd longed for the simpler and happier times, back when he was still just an innocent child living with his mother. Or as innocent as a child could be growing up in a brothel. If he hadn't gone to live in Koi Tower, then perhaps he wouldn't have had to wind up in a situation like this.

He sat at his usual spot at the golden gazebo and poured himself a cup of tea while he waited for Alice to arrive. Despite missing an arm as a spirit, he could surprisingly lift a full teapot up without his hand shaking. He supposed this was one of the perks of training with swords for most of your life. Though without another arm, it'd be harder to keep the lids of a normal teapot from falling off, which is why he was thankful that he had right now had a lid attached to the pot.

He sat there waiting for Alice to show up, but he didn't hear the sound of a door opening. Usually she'd be strolling in through those ornate oak doors by now, obscene paper thin hospital gown fluttering behind her and usually something on her mind to air out with him. He reminded himself to go find something more modest for her to wear one day. He didn't know what to think of that woman when he first saw her. She was pale as a ghost, thin as a rail and of course, missing quite a bit of hair from her head. In any other situation, he would think that she was obscene and indecent. No woman from where he'd come from would ever look like that. Even the prostitutes that he grew up around were more put together than this.

But as his…benefactor had explained to him, she was sickly pale and skinny because she had spent years fighting off something called Leukemia and she was missing all the hair on her head because of some terrible modern procedure called chemotherapy. It apparently was supposed to kill off something called cancer, but at the cost of making all your hair fall out and making you so sick and emaciated that even death seemed more like a sweet mercy than to continue clinging onto life like this. Even someone as amoral as he was couldn't make fun of her for her appearance if her looks were a reminder of how desperately she fought to stay alive.

Perhaps she got lost somewhere looking for this place. After all, her consciousness had a lot of doors leading to different memories. Though now that he was sharing his consciousness with her, this meant that many of his memories were now hers to access anytime she wanted to. He didn't know what she would do if she found out about the shadier parts of his past, but it wasn't a chance he was willing to take. What would she do if she found out that she was sharing her consciousness with a war criminal? He killed three sect leaders, framed and wiped out a sect for murdering his son, ruined the reputations of two people, harbored a serial killer and so much more. This hand of his was no longer clean, but instead stained crimson with the blood of so many people he had trampled underneath him. Would she become of the many faceless masses out there that would look at him with scorn and disgust?

Putting his teacup down, he grabbed a small golden plate, filled it with dried pellets from a barrel next to the gazebo, and walked over to the pond. Placing the plate down on the grass beside him, he squatted on the stone barrier where dozens of brilliantly coloured koi of every shape and size swam up to the surface of the pond all eagerly awaiting their usual meal. With a flick of his wrist, he sent a shower of brightly coloured pellets scattering across the surface of the pond. The sounds of them splashing around in the water and greedily fighting over what meager morsels they could get filled the air as he sent out more pellets skipping across the surface.

He used to feed the fish that filled the ponds around Koi Tower like this with Jin Ling when he was still just a child. That boy used to look at the world with such a wide eyed and innocent amazement that even for just a moment, he could forget how lonely and scared he was, and the world would just consist of him, his Little Uncle, and his Auntie Jin. Even if Jin Ling wasn't biologically his son and was just his nephew, he still loved him like one all the same, even if most of those feelings were nothing more than wishful thinking on his part. This is what his life would have been like as a happily married family man. If only the circumstances would have been better and fate hadn't been such a cruel and sadistic mistress to him.

Those innocent and happy days were now a thing of the past. He couldn't help but wonder how much of those happy memories he spent with Jin Ling were tainted because of his crimes now being exposed to the world. He didn't know how long it had been since he had died, but he was sure that his precious nephew wouldn't be able to forgive him for what he had done. Especially how he had threatened to use him as a hostage against Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji back at the Guanyin temple. The look of betrayal he gave him as he held a bloodied and razor sharp guqin string to his throat was just one of the many memories that haunted him in the afterlife.

The plate beside him had now been drained of its cargo, yet there was still no sign of Alice anywhere. Picking it up, he stood up and walked back inside the gazebo where he set it down on the stone table. With a wave of his hand, he pulled up a blue screen that gave him a look into the outside world. The sound of light snoring filled his screen, the culprit probably being Wei Wuxian. Alice had a pained look on her face as she tossed and turned in her cot. Her brows were furled and her hand was outstretched into the air, like she was trying to reach something.

"No…please forgive me…" she whimpered softly. "I'm sorry. Don't leave me all alone…"

There were tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Was she having a nightmare? Why wasn't anyone waking up to tend to her? She was just supposed to be someone he was obligated to help in the afterlife. A means to an end one might say. She was just an outsider that had no clue to what he had done in the past. Yet even so, why did he now have the urge to go and find her? It was just to make sure she didn't stumble upon something she wasn't supposed to see yet right? She was just a tool!

In any case, he needed to find her. He waved the screen away and ran to the ornate oak door that separated this dimension from the rest of her consciousness. He found himself in a long winding corridor filled with doors of different colours and styles. It was the first time he had stepped out of that dimension and into this place. The amount of doors he had to choose from was overpowering and dizzying. Where on earth could he go? She could be in any one of these doors. His footsteps thudded against the floor as he ran from one hallway to another.

"…I'd wished I'd never given birth to you!"

Wait, where was that noise coming from? It wasn't the first time he had heard such cruel and heartless phrases being uttered out loud growing up. He'd convinced himself that it was just how life was. For every child out there born into a loving family, there was always an unlucky soul that grew up being despised and abused by the very people that were supposed to love and protect them. He might have become desensitized to hearing things like this, but every now and then he'd either witness or hear something that broke his heart and question whether or not he was still a human being underneath that ever smiling mask of his. It was then that he heard a series of broken sobs and apologies coming from down one of the corridors. He didn't know what had come over him, but the next thing he knew, he found himself racing down this one particular hallway, heart pounding in his chest. He stopped in front of a bright red door with a shiny silver door knob, paint beginning to peel off in chunks. There was a lot of shouting and arguing coming from behind it. He could hear Alice sobbing behind it, her voice filled with despair and pain.

It wasn't his place to stick his nose in where it didn't belong. Years of growing up in a brothel had taught him that when he did so, all you'd get in return is a severe beating from someone who didn't deserve your charity and generosity. Could he really afford to now meddle in whatever was going on right now? He was about to walk away when he heard a disembodied voice commanding him to stay.

"YOU OPEN THAT DOOR RIGHT NOW AND GO FIND ALICE OR GOD HELP ME, I WILL HUNT YOUR ASS DOWN AND TEAR YOUR SOUL ASUNDER."

It was the very voice of his benefactor. The one person who was the one who fished his soul out from being trapped for eternity in a coffin with one very angry Nie Mingjue. They were the one that put him in this situation in the first place. If not for that person, his very soul would have shattered and dissipated from this world, never to be able to reincarnate again for who knows how long. He let out an annoyed groan. He didn't want to get involved in the businesses of other people.

"Do I really have to?" he grumbled.

Though he was a dead man, he could feel the beginnings of a headache starting to form in his temple. It was the many things he wished being dead would have relieved of him.

"YES. NOW OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR."

He twisted the knob and pulled the door open. A blinding white light poured out from within, making him squint and try to shield his eyes with his arm. The noises from within were now deafening and chaotic, reminding him of his chaotic life long before he became Chief Cultivator. Taking a deep breath, he stepped inside, letting the door close behind him.

The first thing he sees is the sight of a teenage girl with curly brown hair in a thick braid bent over on the floor crying and screaming in pain. She's dressed in clothes that he's never seen before, something that clearly indicates that she's not from his world. There's some sort of weird device in her hand, rectangular in shape and small enough to fit into someone's hands. There's a woman's muffled voice coming out of that device, half rambling and half yelling verbal abuse at her.

"…I used to be so happy and carefree and then you just had to come along and fuck everything up! How are you going to make this up to me? I should have just sold you right then and there for drug money!"

This only serves to make the poor girl in front of him cry even louder, only this time she's apologizing to that voice over and over again, begging for forgiveness from someone who didn't deserve it. A twinge of sadness and guilt radiates from his gut up to his chest. This conversation sounds all too similar to the drunken ramblings he'd sometimes overhear the more mentally unstable and drunken prostitutes saying about the many children they've had out of wedlock. As one of the older kids in the brothel he and his mother lived in, he'd done his best to try and shield those unwanted children as best he could from their drunken and occasionally physically abusive tirades. But there was only so much he could do with those skinny arms of his, and sometimes he couldn't protect them all from their abuse. If he'd only been stronger then or had found a way to smuggle them out, then perhaps some of them could have grown up to be happier and well adjusted. He was one of the luckier handful of kids there that had a mother that actually gave a damn about him.

He spots someone he knows all too well further away. With a start, he realizes it's Alice. She looks a lot younger and less sickly. She has darker and longer shoulder length hair tied off to the side in a loose messy ponytail with a hair tie he's never seen before. Her face is noticeably red and splotchy and her eyes swollen and bloodshot from who knows how many hours of crying. Her body is being restrained by what looks like a never ending mass of jet black vines covered in thorns digging into her body and causing her to bleed profusely.

"Lihua…" he murmurs in shock, hand over his mouth.

"No! Please stop it! Let go of me!" She screams in desperation, struggling against her restraints. "How could you say such terrible things to her you bitch?! She's your goddamned daughter!"

He finds himself running towards her, dark wispy tendrils made out of smoke clawing at his feet and robes. He barely registers the sensation and feeling of fabric tearing as he approaches her. Alice looks up at him, tears still running down her face. Her eyes widen in shock when she realizes who she's looking at.

"M-Meng Yao…" she rasps, unsure of what to do.

"You have the gall to say things like that you coward? You just stood there watching her and crying those pathetic little girl's tears! You could have slapped the phone away from her and hung up on that sorry excuse of an egg donor!"

A disembodied female's voice booms throughout this room, almost startling the both of them. It's filled with such anger and hatred that he didn't even know existed. Alice has this terrified and pleading look in her eyes again. Meng Yao is looking for something sharp to free her from those thorns.

"N-no! it's not like that! Please! I was a stupid and naïve teenager back then! I didn't understand what was going on!"

"Let's face it: you're a coward, a liar and a good for nothing excuse for a human! Death was too much of a blessing for you. No, you're going to sit here and suffer for not standing up for her!"

Before they could react, another blinding white light flashes before them and the scenery changes to something else. There's a noticeable chill in the air as Guangyao notices snowflakes falling from the sky. It's way colder than any other winter he's experienced in China. He might have been dead, but he still shivered from how cold it suddenly got. Even with how many layers he wore, the cold still cut through him like a knife. He's in an unfamiliar alleyway with the only lights being from flameless lamps casting a soft orange-yellow glow on the ground below him. He finds a discarded cleaver lying half buried in the snow and begins to carefully hack away at the vines that are still binding Alice in place.

"…So that's it? You're going to choose him over ME, someone who's known you for years? I can't believe you!"

He recognizes the two voices. Guangyao turns around to see two women arguing rather loudly. There's a small crowd of curious onlookers whispering amongst themselves. Alice is now silently weeping, whispering hoarse pleads that seem to go unnoticed.

"Please…no, don't make me relive this," She choked out. "I-I can't."

"What's going on?" asks Guangyao confusedly.

He sees that one of the two women is Alice, now a little older and looking more worn out and tired than ever. The other woman has dark curly hair tucked under a wool hat, tanned skin and the most piercing deep blue eyes he'd ever seen. She looks similar to one of the girls he and Alice had seen earlier that day when they were observing the novice disciples.

"Is this how you're going to be? I can't believe you!" The other woman yelled. "I'd thought you'd support my relationship with him! Evidently, I was wrong."

"He's a goddamned drug dealer and an abusive sack of shit! How do you expect me to approve of something like this? If you think that you can redeem him through the power of love then you're delusional!"

They're both screaming at each other at the top of their lungs now. Obscenities and insults are being lobbed at each other until finally, that dark haired woman walks up to Alice and smacks her across the face with an open palm. The utter look of betrayal and hurt on her face as she places a hand on her swollen and reddening cheek is a look that Guangyao is all too familiar with as people gasp and murmur around them.

"You know what? Fine! I don't need some college burnout's blessing and approval to go out with him! If you're not going to help me redeem him then I'll do it myself!"

She spits in disgust, turns around and walks off into the busy street, pushing by nosey and concerned bystanders. It's only after Guangyao has finally hacked away and pulled off the last of the vines that present day Alice leaps upwards and starts chasing after that woman with the curly hair, hands outstretched. She runs past her former self and tries to grab onto the shoulder of the other woman, only for her hand to phase through her and to fall face first into the snow with a thud.

"Don't go…" she sobs. "Please…Dana, don't go with him… he's going to kill you."

Guangyao helps her sit up while brushing clumps of powdery snow off of her body and head. There are now muffled voices echoing around them, some that sound a lot like a certain pair of cultivators that are trying to wake her physical body up.

"Come on, let's go," He says gently as he places his hand on her thin shoulders and leads the both of them to the door going back to the hallway.

He watches as Alice's form dissipates into white light when they exit. She must be waking up in the real world by now. It doesn't take long for him to head back to the dimension with the golden gazebo in the meadow. He takes his usual place on the stone bench and pulls up a screen showing the outside world. Alice( or rather Lihua now) is sobbing hysterically into the chest of Wei Wuxian as he rubs her back and is quietly comforting her. A sense of loneliness and longing fills Guangyao for those times his mother had comforted him after having a nightmare. She'd usually be so exhausted and sore after spending the day servicing clients and being manhandled by drunks. Yet she always made time for him, even when she felt aches in her bones and she herself wanted to sleep. The fact she always put his own needs before her own spoke volumes about how much she loved him.

He watches with fascination as Wei Wuxian effortlessly picks Alice up and carries her over where his and Lan Wangji's bed is. They're both cleaning up her red and splotchy face with a handkerchief and making sure she's okay. They're all softly talking about something that he can't seem to make out. Moments later, the sound of a guqin playing "Rest" is heard, followed by Wei Wuxian singing another gentle lullaby to Lihua, one Guangyao has never heard before. He's reminded of those lonely nights he'd sometimes pass by Jin Ling's room while out on a stroll and overhear him having a nightmare. He'd come in and comfort that boy as best he could. Afterwards, he'd sing him a lullaby and wait for him to go back to sleep before heading back to his room. That job was usually supposed to be reserved for the nannies, but he didn't care. Jin Ling was his nephew, and if he needed his Little Uncle by his side to go back to sleep, then so be it!

Lihua is now fast asleep again, tiny hand tightly curled around the tear and snot soaked sleeping robes of Wei Wuxian as he scoops her back up into his arms and carries her back to her cot. He pulls the sheets back up to her chin and bushes away some fine wisps of dark hair as he places a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Good night, Little Radish…" he says with a soft smile. "I hope your trip to the land of dreams goes a lot better this time."

Perhaps one day Alice will trust Guangyao enough to tell him more about her first life. To tell him about that land with the endless frost, the flameless lamps and the weird rectangular devices that let you hear someone's voice on the other end. But for now, it was his duty to watch over her and make sure she didn't get in too much trouble. She was all by herself in a strange and unfamiliar land, but she didn't have to navigate it all by herself. Not while he was around at least.

Author's Notes: I wrote this chapter thinking about a moment from my past that's still haunted me well into adulthood. More specifically that scene with Dana being yelled at by her mom. I had a friend in high school that I hung out with who kept being shuffled from family to family due to being in the foster system. One day her birth mother called her on the phone only to scream and yell all these horrible things at her while she was hanging out at my house. I was too scared and confused to understand what was going on, and I still blame myself for not hanging up on that woman or telling her off.

I wrote this as a way to put into words and understand what was going through my head. I should have tried harder to understand what her family situation was like and just WHY she was in foster care in the first place.

I'm not sure if you're reading this or if you're even haunting this part of the internet but, please forgive me for not trying hard enough to be a good friend to you, and I'm sorry for taking you for granted. I created Dana as a way to atone for what happened.