PHANTOM OF THE SAND – Gaara's Decision

He had always felt compelled by something – driven by these impulses inside to threaten, crush, and kill. But never once had he felt the distinct need to stay in one place. Never before had he needed this hauntingly quiet serenity.

Since he first returned to Konoha and fell under the odd spell of the music drifting through the theatre, Gaara found it exceedingly difficult to depart from its confines. He couldn't understand why or how, but all he knew was that there was something in this that gave him a peace that he may have only found in real sleep. And since he couldn't sleep, this alternative came as a beautiful sanctuary.

His troubles and pains silenced themselves to the chorus or the heavenly harmonies of the orchestra. Initially, he had slithered about the theatre in the shadows finding one hiding place and then another when he wanted to witness or hear a performance. When he did he would sit quietly, usually up in some high place, and become absorbed in the fictitious realities played across the stage. And every now and again his otherwise chilled heart would swell in a once malnourished passion.

The sand-nin remained in the building constantly, even after it had closed for the night. He didn't want to leave it even in its silence. Considering that his nights were full of restless exploring it wasn't long before he had the entire place mentally mapped inside and out. It was a good bet that he ended up knowing the theatre better than even those who had constructed it. When anything was changed, however, he felt a little inwardly disturbed, as if someone had messing with his property. A couple of times he had vandalized any new structures or destroyed them completely in defiance of such a thing. It freaked people out to say the least.

One such change occurred when they began adding dressing rooms to some of the back halls in the theatre. Gaara monitored this like a hawk but finally decided this was nothing dramatic and that it would be fine to leave them alone. A couple days after their decoration and furnishing had been completed he ventured into one empty room to tour it for himself. It was a very feminine room – suitable for an actress. There were numerous amounts of velvet, silk, and intricate flower designs on much of the furniture. Personally, Gaara was most fond of the color scheme that consisted heavily of whites, blacks, and deep blood reds.

He was currently looking over at the neatly made bed in the room left for the actresses to nap or sleep over night. His eyes regarded the object almost vindictively for a moment, as if he and the bed had a silent quarrel going on. He couldn't even remember the feel of a bed. He'd lay in one once or twice while he was a child…but he had never closed his eyes. As he recalled he felt the softness and warmth of such a thing was horribly teasing. The bed before him most certainly held such promises – though none he could ever take advantage of.

His thoughts were torn from the bed as he heard footsteps down the hall just reaching the door. Quickly, he moved with the silence and speed he was known for in the Hidden Sand. The door opened and a familiar female entered his current domain.

Sakura apparently had just gotten her first glimpse of the room upon coming in. Her expression reflected surprise and pleasure at having access to such a lovely space.

"Wow, they really went all out!" she said aloud to herself as she closed the door. Truthfully, she knew she'd probably never have need for such an extravagant room herself, but anyone who got to use it would feel very much a celebrity. She let herself drift into a dreamy state of mind and did a couple of her flowing dance steps over to the full-length mirror at the wall. Looking in it she straightened her hair and, as always, regarded what she still considered an overly large forehead with disdain. Shaking the thought she posed a little but never lifted her eyes enough to see the reflection of the upside down Gaara on the ceiling behind her.

He moved out of her direct sight even as she turned to regard the bed. A smile crawled over her lips in a mischievous manner and she took a little dive onto the lush covers.

"Mmm, this is even better than my bed at home," she mused, hugging herself down into the bedding. Above her on the rim of the bed's canopy Gaara perched quietly listening to her conversation with no one. Tilting his head downward all he could see was her legs dangling off the edge of the bed. His eyes twitched a little and he felt the weight in his gourd shift eerily.

Wouldn't it be so easy to just grab her ankles…? Dangle her up like a hooked fish? Watch her squirm and wail for help…. The Tanuki murmured in the back of his head. Gaara raised a hand to his forehead and closed his eyes, attempting to will the demon into silence. It wasn't so easy and he could already feel the sand from his gourd creeping out from around the cork that held it at bay. Below Sakura had flopped to her back and was staring blandly at the canopy above her, legs and arms stretched out over the bed.

At the moment she was thinking of her best friend, Ino, who would get to spend much of her time in rooms like these. She would get to primp and dress in the most beautiful costumes. Truthfully, Sakura was a little disappointed she wasn't at the same level and in others she didn't really want the attention.

Bah, even if I wanted to be I couldn't. I can't sing that well. I can barely dance really…I'd probably suck worse if I hadn't had my training...she thought gloomily.

What kind of attitude is THAT to have! Inner Sakura fumed, mentally hitting her host over the head. That Ino-pig is no better than you! Remember? You could sing if you really WANTED to! Sakura felt a little amused as the old nickname for Ino popped so willingly into her head.

Shrugging her shoulders up she rose to sit and took a breath. Why not…? Not like anyone was going to hear. The first song that came to mind sprang forth from her lips effortlessly.

"And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to turn to
Without a home, without a friend
Without a face to say hello to
But now the night is near
And I can make-believe he's here…."

Gaara's eyes flew open as Sakura flew into her song. It was as if a dam had been thrust up in his head – as it always did when he listened to the music of the stage… But this single voice? One single voice was blocking it out? His hands lifted from his head and he just stared ahead in almost complete shock, Sakura's sweet a cappella surrounding him.

"Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head…."

Sakura rose from the bed and pressed her hands to her chest, easily recalling how much the song made her think of Sasuke when she had first heard it. From then on she had remembered every word, every note by heart. And although it made her heart ache to think of him now she felt a sort of comforting resonance with the song itself. Her feet carried her slowly around the room in a dreamy manner once again. Gaara's eyes instinctively followed her figure…partly because he was waiting for her to turn around and discover him…and partly because he couldn't bring himself to believe this voice was coming out of the pink haired kunoichi's lips.

"On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me
In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever…."

He could see her shoulders and fingers shaking just a little as she completed this verse. She was emotionally struck by it but she continued nonetheless. A flash of Sakura's determined green eyes came to Gaara's mind. That moment when she was relentlessly defending Sasuke… This girl… She may have been weak on the outside…but inside her… it was becoming quite obvious there was something immense there…

"And I know…," Sakura's voice faltered here. A hand brushed up to her hair as she moved it from her eyes that were threatening to tear up. Her sudden silence caused Gaara to clench his fists around the bar holding the canopy up so hard he dented it. His lips were parted in a deep anxiousness for her to continue, but she did not. Why wouldn't she finish? Why did she stop? His muscles tensed and his nerves twinged almost painfully. He had to make her finish.

Sakura wasn't sure if she'd felt the chill behind her or not, she had been distracted with her thoughts. But she was startled as she felt her legs stiffen and was unable to move them. Before she could look down to see why she felt fingers wrap around the front of her neck. They held it enough to keep her chin upward but not enough to choke her. Before she could protest or try to see who it was, a low voice spoke into her ear softly.

"Don't stop. Finish," it spoke lightly. Gaara's fingers twitched a little at her neck as he felt her swallow thickly. So easily he could have just snapped it…and the thoughts of doing so were swelling in his head with every new minute. Slowly he edged his fingers from her throat to her shoulder. "Please….now."

Sakura's brows curved up in confusion at his pleading and strained tone. He wasn't here to hurt her…?

"Please…! Don't make me ask again!" he said in still a quiet but more desperate tone. Sakura blinked and her eyes darted left and right. Her lips parted once or twice but she took a breath. She wasn't sure how well she could sing these verses. They required a lot of power from here on out and she only hoped that the intruder wouldn't try to strangle her if she hit the notes improperly. Considering the tone in his voice she figured it might not be beyond him to do so.

"And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us…"

The notes came out nervously because of the situation, but also slightly off because Sakura was unsure of her capabilities as a singer. Gaara lifted his eyes to the back of her head, remaining close to her in case she decided to try and turn around so he could stop her. His eyes narrowed at the change in her confidence. It irritated him – this didn't sound the same at all.

"No," he spoke a little louder by her ear and brought his hand around between her pelvis and stomach and pressed. He'd seen this done in numerous choral rehearsals and he knew it worked.

"I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river…"

"Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers…"

Sakura's voice instantly projected itself for a moment before she faltered a little again. Gaara closed his eyes and kept his hand there, resting his other at her neck to keep her head up in proper posture. Sakura blinked and a thrill rushed through her body. Normally, she would have whirled and decked whoever would dare to touch her in such a manner. But somewhere in the mixture of her own passion for the song, the needing tone in his voice, and the manners in which he was making her voice rise she was lost to everything.

"I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness that I have never known…"

The kunoichi choked a little on her words and the tears finally welled up, emotion overtaking her subconsciously again.

"I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own…."

Gaara opened his eyes, looking a lot more at peace than before.

"Thank you," he murmured quietly by her ear before vanishing in a whirl of his sand. Sakura may have caught a glimpse if she had turned, but the moment the hands left her neck and front she fell to her knees overwhelmed. Her head slowly turned after a moment to see if he was still there, her cheeks stained with tears. Had she just been imagining it? All of it?

She may have thought so then and always…and dismissed it as some wayward fantasy….

But this was not the last time this phantom would visit her.

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Author's note: Hwaaa, Les Miserable reference ;). I highly recommend listening to that song while reading that part of the fic. "On My Own" is the title in case anyone doesn't know. Blah, I certainly hope I'm still making these characters believable! I get swept up in my writing and just go with it sometimes! Heehee… personally, I like passionate Gaara ;) and come on, who wouldn't want thaaat….