Author's Notes: I dedicate this chapter to my uncle who passed away on April 2nd, 2020 after spending the past year and a half battling myeloma. Though I now usually see you very rarely these days, your presence every year at Christmas is something I will now miss. I'm sorry that I couldn't visit you while you were going through chemotherapy and while you were hospitalized. Rest in Peace Uncle King, you will be sorely missed.

I have a dream one night that's unlike any other dream I've had so far. In my dreams, I see a man in the usual white and light blue Gusu Lan robes. He almost looks to be a doppelganger for Lan Wangji, except that there's something off about him. While Lan Wangji has pale, almost crystalline amber eyes, this man has the softest and warmest brown eyes I've ever seen. He also smiles much more than him, not that Lan Wangji himself doesn't show any emotion. He's a lot taller than I am, though everything seems to be a lot bigger when you're in the body of a child. Although in this dream, I'm not so much in my body as I am in the body of a man.

We're in the middle of a meadow filled with overgrown weeds and wild flowers of every colour and size imaginable. There's about three or four kids frolicking around us. One of them, a young girl that looks no older than 8 or 10 years old is tugging at my hand, beckoning for me to hurry up. I walk with them until we find ourselves at a lake, the sun setting over the tree line and dying the sky above us in the loveliest of reds, pinks, oranges, purples and deep blues. That other man has his hand around my hip as we both gaze into the horizon. He turns my head towards him and just when we're about to kiss, I'm awoken by the sound of curtains being drawn and the blinding glare of the sun in my eyes.

"Rise and shine, sleepy head!" yells Wei Wuxian cheerfully.

I let out a very irritated grunt and a groan as I pulled the sheets up over my face. It was way too early for this nonsense. And more importantly, why on earth was Wei Wuxian up so early? From what I've learned by studying his sleeping habits, that man goes to sleep at 1am and wakes up at 9 instead of 5 am like all the other good little disciples here at the Cloud Recesses. To see him up this early would have meant that there must be pigs flying outside somewhere.

"Wei-shifu…" I whine grumpily, "it's too early for this… 5 more minutes… please?"

I feel the side of my bed dipping downwards and the bed frame creaking as he sits down beside my sleeping form.

"Lan Lihua, if you don't get out of bed right now, I'm going to make you copy the sect rules by hand 5 times. Ready? 5! 4! 3! 2!"

I immediately bolt upright out of bed, my hair sticking up in various directions and a thin stream of drool trickling out the corner of my mouth.

"Okay okay! I'm up I'm up!"

I rub the sleep out of my eyes and stretch as I pull the sheets away from my body and stumble out of bed. The early morning air makes me shiver as I go looking for a pair of socks and boots to cover my bare feet with. It's been a month since I arrived here at the Cloud Recesses and a few weeks since I've started attending classes. My ankle has healed up as well as my shoulder, meaning that I now no longer require the use of a sling and a cane anymore. This means I can now go all out and become a cultivator for real.

"USING YOUR FULL NAME AS AN ULTIMATUM FOR WAKING UP… WORKS LIKE A CHARM EVERY TIME…" chuckles Meng Yao from a corner of my mind.

"Oh can it will you?" I grumble at him telepathically. "It's too early for this!"

"Good morning, little radish," says Wei Wuxian as he ruffles my hair.

"Good morning, Wei-shifu…" I groan as I try to suppress a yawn.

"Lan Zhan is waiting for you in the Jingshi, so don't keep him waiting."

I nod to him as he exits through the door. I've now gotten my own building on their property. It's by the garden, but far enough away from Wei Wuxian's workshop so that his constant tinkering and experimenting doesn't distract me from my studying or keep me up at night. It's a nice, modest, and cozy place that includes a study for me to do homework and calligraphy as well as a bedroom and my own wooden bathtub for bathing. Although I missed sleeping in the same space as them, it was nice to have some privacy and a place to collect my thoughts. Plus, I wouldn't have to listen to Wei Wuxian's snoring late into the wee hours of the morning.

My first order of business is taming my unruly bed head. Luckily for me, there isn't much brushing to do and I manage to tame it within a few minutes. After freshening up, I peel off my sleeping robes and put my uniform over my under robes. Finally, I tie my forehead ribbon on around my head, making sure it's not crooked in the mirror. I throw a cloak over my clothes before gathering some of my survival supplies in a qiankun pouch and scurrying out the door.

The sound of dried and frost covered leaves crunch under my feet as I scramble outside and up the stairs to the back door. I find Lan Wangji sitting in the lotus position with his eyes closed facing the window, the faint scent of sandalwood as well as breakfast cooking in the kitchenette wafting out from within. He looks so ethereal and otherworldly sitting in the early morning sunlight that I almost would have mistaken him for an almost life-like jade statue if not for the rhythmic rising and falling of his shoulders and chest and the occasional fluttering of his eyelashes, reminding me that this was a real human being sitting before me. I take a seat beside him on the hardwood floor, arranging my legs the same way as he has and take a deep breath before closing my eyes.

Ever since I healed from my injuries, I've been learning meditation exercises to not only kick start the creation of something called a golden core, but to learn to manage stress levels and focus the mind. If I had learned how to meditate back in my world, it would have saved me a lot of mental anguish from having to deal with supervisors who were more than happy to have an excuse to chew me out on something insignificant.

I can see in my mind's eye a tiny sphere glowing faintly in the darkness. It's about the size of a golf ball, with orange and golden sparks fizzing in and out of existence around it. I feel a warm, tingling sensation between my sternum and my stomach, growing hotter and hotter as I concentrate on clearing my mind and focus on my breathing. There's not much I know about cultivation or golden cores, but all I do know that I have yet to generate enough spiritual power to fuel it. Which was why for now, I had to rely on drawing my powers from outside sources until I can get strong enough to create my own spiritual energy. I can feel my gut getting hotter and hotter as I continue pouring what little spiritual power I can pull outside into my core. My body feels like it's on fire. I awake with a jolt and a gasp when I feel a particularly strong and sharp surge of spiritual energy leap up into my chest. Lan Wangji awakes from his meditative trance and looks over at me with a look of concern in his eyes.

"Are you alright?" he asks when he sees me clutching at my chest.

"I'm fine… it just hurts a little," I tell him with a smile. "Is forming a golden core supposed to hurt like this?"

"At first, it does. You'll get used to the sensation the more you train and cultivate, just don't overdo it. A golden core, like many other things in life, takes patience and time to develop. It may be weak now but it can always be strengthened."

How could I tell him that I was on borrowed time? This body was only going to last me 3 years. I didn't have the luxury of waiting around for a golden core to develop. I had to develop my powers as soon as possible so that I wouldn't be a burden to them. My stomach lets out a loud gurgling noise in protest. It was no good to train on an empty stomach so I got up and sat myself down at the dining table. The smell of congee makes my mouth water and I find myself wolfing everything down ravenously. Wei Wuxian slides something towards me on the table.

"Today you'll be going out into the forest with your class right?" he asks me.

I nod, picking the object up and examining it. It's light brown and cylindrical, about three or 4 inches in length, slender in dimension, and has a string coming out of one end.

"I know it's only a trip into the forest, but if you ever get yourself into any sort of dangerous situations, pull on that string to send a flare out, but only use it as a very last resort. Otherwise, you'll have a lot of people getting angry at you for calling in a false alarm."

I nod as I tuck the flare into one of my sleeves, making sure that it's secure in one of the pockets sewn on the inside. Guangyao's voice rings in my mind.

"KEY ITEM OBTAINED: SIGNAL FLARE. TOTAL POINTS EARNED: 20. GOAL FOR COMPLETE REINCARNATION: 150/1000 POINTS "

"And make sure you stick close with your classmates and teacher. It's very easy to get lost in the woods around here. Pay extra attention to what your teacher says today because one day, that knowledge might save your life."

Lan Wangji also slides something else towards me on the table. It's a bit bigger than my palm, rectangular in shape, made of the finest green jade and engraved with the pattern of swirling clouds. There's a string made of fine blue silk going through one hole at the top, forming a loop secured by a round blue bead. Another hole at the bottom holds a tassel made of the same material also held in place by a bead. I pick the object up with a look of curiosity as I examine it more closely.

"What is this, Hanguang-jun?" I ask him.

"It's a jade token," he tells me. "You need this to be able to move in and out of the Cloud Recesses whenever you want. Without it, you won't be able to get back in because it's protected by a barrier. You can also use it to take money out when you go out night hunting, so never lose it."

I nod as I tie it around a belt loop around my waist. I can feel a bit of spiritual energy radiating from it. Guangyao's voice once more rings in my head.

"KEY ITEM OBTAINED: JADE TOKEN. TOTAL POINTS EARNED: 20. GOAL FOR COMPLETE REINCARNATION: 170/1000 POINTS "

We finish breakfast in time for me to pack the rest of my supplies into a qiankun pouch and head out the door. Today Wei Wuxian has classes to teach today, leaving me with Lan Wangji to walk me to school. After their usual morning kisses, I wave to him as we go our separate ways. I find myself gripping onto the sleeve of Lan Wangji's outer robes as we walk out of the collection of residences and onto the main path. I could have chalked it up to something involuntary this younger body of mine is doing, but a part of me craved something more.

"Would you like to hold my hand, Lihua?" Lan Wangji asks, his deep voice cutting through the early morning air.

"C-Can I?" I ask him incredulously. "It wouldn't be rude would it?"

I slip my hand into his own when he offers it to me. Though rough and calloused, those hands of his are stronger, gentler, and softer than the hands I was forced to hold back in my old life. It was those hands that would put on the act of being nurturing and sweet in public, but in private would hit, punch and scratch me for the most minor of things. It would take me years until I could trust someone not to hurt me every time they brushed up against me. And although I had often told myself that I was too old to be holding another person's hand in my old life, I couldn't help but feel safe and warm with my own tiny hand tucked into his.

"There's nothing improper about you wanting to hold my hand," he says with a soft smile. "All you have to do is just tell me or Wei Ying if you want to hold our hands."

We continue to walk in a comfortable silence until we reach where the classrooms are. I see my classmates with Lan Qiao greeting everybody. I see a few of the senior disciples helping her out with keeping everyone organized. They're all bundled up and carrying with them supplies for exploring the great outdoors. A few of the other guardians as well as some of my classmates all greet him with polite bows before Lan Wangji bends down and looks me in the eyes.

"Have a safe field trip today," he says as he pats my head affectionately.

I watch his tall and broad form vanishing over the horizon as he makes his way over to the main compound. He has a meeting today with some of the clan elders, meaning that he won't be back until later in the evening. After a quick briefing from the adults and senior disciples, we follow a trail that leads us into one of the forests out in the mountains in the back. Most of the leaves have already fallen off of the trees by this point, leaving nothing more than thread bare skeletons that rattled and creaked in the autumn morning breeze. Wild animals would occasionally dart in and out of our periphery when we weren't looking, the sounds of their activities echoing off the scenery. Walking through this forest reminded me of those field trips I used to go on back in my old life to the Ontarian countryside, where we'd sometimes wait for curious chickadees to perch on our hands and fly off with seeds in their mouths. We walk until we've reached a babbling brook filled with all sorts of colourful fish swimming against the current.

"When you're out night hunting with other people, always take note of your surroundings. Things can sometimes take a turn for the worst if you're not careful, so always have a backup plan and an escape route planned just in case."

I look around to see if anyone is watching me and pull out a digital map of the Cloud Recesses. It's about 80%-90% filled in by this point. I add the forests that I'm exploring right now to the map. I also make a mental note to add all of this information to a notebook when I get back to my room later in the evening. The rest of the morning is filled with useful discussions about looking for shelter if you have no choice but to camp out overnight, how to create points of reference so that you don't get lost even further, and so forth. I doubt that some of the younger kids can remember this much information in this short of a time, but it didn't stop them from trying. I sneakily take a sharp rock and make a notch in one of the trees to act as a marker in case I got lost.

At around noon, we stop to go and eat lunch. The staff in the kitchens had prepared a giant lunch for us to tuck into stored away in wooden boxes covered in heating talismans to keep it from spoiling. Of course in typical Gusu Lan fashion, it's still the usual bland, bitter, and medicinal fare. By now I've gotten used to the taste, but it still reminds me too much of hospital food, much to my annoyance. I couldn't exactly throw it away either because it was prohibited to waste food and I'd hurt the feelings of the chefs that put so much time and effort into making this meal for us. Of course, since this sect was founded by a monk, I really didn't have the heart to complain that much about the food since it was for the sake of religious reasons. And so with an awkward and forced smile, I choke down enough of the food to be polite, even though my poor taste buds were protesting this crime against food.

After lunch, we step off the trail and cut through a clearing filled with a mix of dying and fresh plant life. We're given a lesson on how to identify which plants were safe to eat and which ones to stay away from. A couple of my classmates got scolded by the senior disciples for almost trying to eat some suspicious looking mushrooms they had picked up. It didn't take a language barrier to know that in the wild, if you see something you're not sure is safe, you leave it alone and walk away from it. It's almost the middle of the afternoon when one of my classmates points something out to me.

"Lihua-jie, I think your forehead ribbon is crooked and beginning to fall off"

I reach up and gingerly touch my forehead ribbon. Sure enough, it was loose and crooked. Sitting down on a rock, I untie my ribbon. Just before I have the opportunity to loop it back around, a particularly strong gust of wind blows it out of my hand. I sit there blank faced and horrified as it flutters into the tree line. Without hesitation, I stand up and start running as fast as I can to get it, ignoring the senior disciples calling out after me. It was prohibited to run in the Cloud Recesses, but this was an emergency! Surely they would have understood if I explained things to them right? I shouldn't have been getting worked up over a piece of cloth, but that ribbon meant more to me than just being a symbol of a person's restraint; it represented the fact that I now had a place to call home, even if the people who took me in were complete strangers.

I find my ribbon lying on the floor on top of some leaves some ways away from where my group was earlier. But before I could pick it up, a squirrel picked my ribbon up from the floor and scampered off with it. I start screaming expletives at it in English as I chase after it. That's the second sect rule I've broken but I didn't care at this point. I was going to get it back no matter what. Squirrels were ridiculously agile and nimble despite their small size, which made the task of retrieving what I had lost all the much harder for me to do.

I cut through clearings and underbrush, getting my robes and sleeves caught several times on bushes. And although I didn't want to resort to doing this, I threw several rocks and pebbles at it to get it to let go of my ribbon in shock. A well-aimed pebble finally hits it hard enough in the head to get it to let go while it scampers up a tree, hissing and chattering indignantly at me. I stick my tongue out at it as I pick it up off the floor and tie it back around my head. Luckily, it hadn't managed to chew right through the material. Looking around, I realized that I had gotten separated from my classmates. They must be looking for me right now. I shiver thinking about the eventual tongue lashing I'm going to get from the senior disciples and my teacher when they find me.

I'm in a clearing that I've never seen before, one I haven't marked down on my map yet. There's a modest two story cottage in the middle of it with a plume of gray smoke coming out of the chimney. I see someone in what I presume to be the front yard sweeping fallen leaves into a pile with a broom. It looks like a man judging by their build in the typical Gusu Lan Sect uniform. As he's turning around, my heart nearly leaps out of my chest when I realize who he is. It's the man from my dreams this morning! Only there's something off about him. He looks up from his work and seems to have noticed me. I feel a sharp pang in my chest and a familiar wave of sadness and guilt washing over me as he approaches.

"LIHUA, WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!" pleads Meng Yao, his voice filled with an emotion I've never heard in him before. He sounds like he's on the verge of tears.

"Meng Yao, what's wrong?" I ask him confusedly.

"PLEASE, JUST LISTEN TO ME! THAT PERSON...HE'S-"

"Oh? What brings you out here, little one? Are you perhaps lost?"

He's right in front of me, bent over so that he could talk to me better. He looks a bit thinner than I expected, with dark circles under his eyes and sunken in cheeks. Although he's smiling at me, it's a smile that has an incredible amount of sadness and tiredness behind it. The pain in my chest gets even worse and the rush of guilt and sadness that washes over me is indescribable. In fact, it's so bad that it makes me nauseous. I clap both hands over my mouth as I feel it watering and the bile rising in my throat as tears begin stinging at my eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asks when he notices my expression. "You look a bit pale. Should I-"

I bolt off into the bushes and brace myself against a tree. I know that all too familiar feeling that's about to happen to me, and I find myself dreading it. I begin retching and violently vomiting everything I've eaten onto the floor with strained gasps and coughs. The aching in my chest is unbearable now and my head is pounding. I feel like someone's thrown a bucket of ice water on me as hot tears leak from my eyes and choked sobs begin pouring out of my mouth. I feel myself swaying back and forth as I hear Meng Yao's voice in the corner of my mind crying out "Er-ge" over and over again between raw and despair filled sobs. And just before I black out, I can hear a panicked voice calling out to me and a pair of strong arms scooping me up. I should have just listened to Meng Yao when he told me to run.