I'm alive! Thank you so much for your patience. Your reward is an extra long chapter and some fun NSFW sexy times.

Warning: This chapter contains explicit sex.

Shout outs to podothedruid, gnbrules, NeteleJala, superchiwo, Kansas1979, and Dizzybunny for taking the time to leave reviews. And I am eternally grateful to my dearest Eyum for helping me beat this chapter into submission and for letting me keep some of my ellipses this time. She even added a few more. She'll deny it, but I know what I wrote.

Happy reading, and I know I probably don't have to say this anymore, you've all been so generous with your feedback, but just for old times' sake... Leave a review if you like it. =)

Chapter Twenty-One

After such a stressful day, Castiel was expecting it to be a difficult night, but it turned out to be the easiest he'd had in a while. The McLeods didn't come in, Naomi left him alone, and he was able to settle into the familiar, almost meditative, rhythm of the kitchen and forget the hateful words that were still ringing in his ears. 'Peaceful' wasn't a word many people would use to describe a restaurant kitchen, but Castiel had always found a kind of peace there.

Except… lately? Not so much. He paused, staring down into a pot of golden winter squash bisque, and tried to remember the last time he'd been happy in his work. More and more since Claire, Dean, and he had formed their little makeshift family, and his once lonely, silent apartment had begun to feel like a home, that was his happy place. The simple ritual of cooking dinner for three in his tiny kitchen — Dean stealing a kiss as he reached over Castiel to grab something from a cabinet; Claire helping wherever she safely could and giggling at Dean's jokes — had become his favorite part of the day, and work was just something he had to get through before he could fall asleep in Dean's arms in a bed that no longer felt too big.

And while it was definitely a good thing that he had more in his life than just work these days, he still felt that there ought to be a middle ground, a world where he could be happy at home and also look forward to coming to work, or at least not resent it. How had a job he used to truly love become such a chore?

He had a feeling he knew the answer to that, and her name was Naomi.

"Cas? You okay?"

Castiel looked up to find Dean watching him with a worried frown. He must have been spaced out for some time. He put aside his slightly disturbing revelation to deal with later and held out a spoonful of bisque to Dean. "Taste this and tell me what it needs."

Instead of taking the spoon, Dean leaned forward just enough to get his mouth around it. Castiel's breath hitched as memory and imagination ganged up to make him relive in vivid detail exactly what that mouth felt like as it tasted every inch of his body, and with even more care and concentration than it was currently devoting to the soup. Dean's eyes held Castiel's as he let the spoon slide back out between pursed lips, swallowed, and licked said lips thoughtfully. He knew exactly what he was doing, the tease.

"More nutmeg," he said, "and a little bit of lemon to brighten it up."

"Y-yes, that's—," Castiel had to clear his throat so he could talk without sounding as if he smoked three packs a day. "That's what I thought."

As he turned back to the pot, valiantly resisting the urge to pin Dean against the edge of the counter and taste the soup directly from his tongue, he felt Dean slide past behind him and drop a quick kiss to the side of his neck, murmuring against his skin, "Great minds." He smiled, not caring if he looked like the love struck fool that he was.

Dean went off to the other side of the kitchen, but he was back a few minutes later with a bowl of pasta tossed with steamed vegetables, olive oil, and cheese. It smelled delicious, but it definitely wasn't on Paradis' menu. "What's that for?" Castiel asked.

"You. Dinner."

"I already ate dinner."

Dean gave him an unimpressed look. "You picked at dinner. I can practically hear your stomach growling even over all this racket. Sit. Eat. I'll make sure things don't go to hell."

It was true that Castiel hadn't had much appetite at their usual dinnertime, and it was technically part of the sous chef's job to make sure the chef took a break when he needed one. If Dean's motives were less those of a conscientious assistant and more those of a concerned boyfriend, well, the end result was the same.

Castiel took the bowl, gave Dean a peck on the cheek and a quiet, "I love you," in return, and retreated to the chef's table to eat.

The cheesy pasta and vegetables were exactly what his stomach wanted, indulgent yet simple. He closed his eyes to better savor the flavors and imagined that he could actually taste the love with which Dean had made it. His grandmother always used to say that the secret ingredient in all her recipes was love. When he was very young, he thought it was literal and there was a bottle of love hidden somewhere in her vast spice collection. Dean had found that little bottle to use on this simple dish that he had made just for Castiel, and it was perfect.

As he took another bite, he found himself idly wondering what she would have thought of Dean. Even though she had died years before Castiel came out, he'd always known in his heart that she wouldn't have cared if he preferred men. She would have loved him for exactly who he was, but she wouldn't necessarily have approved of all his chosen partners. She would have hated Bart who, as a professional food critic, knew everything there was to know about haute cuisine but would look at Castiel like he was crazy when Castiel talked about the superiority of food made with love. She would have taken one look at him in his expensive suit, raised an imperious eyebrow at Castiel, and said in her thick Polish accent, "You can do better."

Dean on the other hand… Castiel felt sure that she would have loved Dean like another grandson. She would have pinched his cheek and put him to work in the kitchen because family always helped in the kitchen. Only guests were allowed to be idle.

It was a pleasant daydream even if it did make his chest hurt a little, but thoughts of Babi inevitably led to thoughts of Jimmy which led to the decision Castiel had reached today.

He'd been thinking about it for weeks, and that awful woman's words had finally clinched it. He had promised Claire that no one would take her away, but… what if something happened to him? Jimmy had been young and healthy one day and gone the next. If there was another accident or if Castiel got sick, Dean would have no legal rights to Claire. She would be at the mercy of the foster system even though she still had a perfectly good parent in Dean. She would be ripped away from everything familiar again, and all Jimmy's careful planning would be for nothing.

~o0o~

Missouri wasn't in her usual place on the couch when Castiel and Dean got home, and the light was still on in Claire's room. Castiel's heart dropped into his stomach. I should have taken the night off. I shouldn't have left her so soon. If that woman's words were still ringing in his ears, it must be a hundred times worse for Claire who had never experienced anything like that before. Castiel moved quickly to Claire's bedroom trying to keep a grip on his rising panic.

He pushed open the bedroom door, expecting to find her snuggled up with Missouri, refusing to close her eyes until he and Dean were home and they were all safe and together again. The sight that greeted him instead was…

"Well, that's friggin' adorable," Dean said from behind him, and that pretty much summed it up. Castiel let out the breath he had been holding and relaxed into Dean as they both took in the room. A blanket fort had been constructed in the middle of the room with two dining room chairs for support. Inside it, Claire was fast asleep with all her stuffed animals, including her beloved cat which was doing double duty as a pillow. Missouri was passed out in Claire's bed, snoring softly.

Castiel picked his way around the fort carefully and gently shook Missouri's shoulder, whispering her name. She opened her eyes, squinting against the light of the bedside lamp. "You're back already? What time is it?"

"A little after midnight. Did you have trouble getting her to sleep? I'm sorry. I should have told you it was all right to call me if she was scared."

"Nonsense, sugar." Missouri sat up, quickly regaining her usual brisk manner. "Little boo just needed some extra comfort tonight. It was nothing I couldn't handle. Don't you try to move her now. One night on the floor won't hurt her like it would you or me."

"You can stay the night if you'd like," Castiel offered. "Clearly we have a spare bed, and I don't want you falling asleep at the wheel."

"Mmm. I think I'll take you up on that, but help me up outta this bed anyway. I need to use the restroom."

"Of course." Castiel helped her lever herself up off the soft mattress and made sure she was steady on her feet before he let go. He was relieved that she had accepted his offer so easily. She was a grown woman, and he was pretty sure that no one had ever stopped her from doing exactly what she wanted to do, but even so he would never have forgiven himself if she'd driven off half asleep and gotten into an accident.

The three adults tiptoed out of the room, leaving Claire sleeping peacefully in her fortress with her honor guard of teddy bears, sock monkeys, and other such fearsome beasts ready to defend her from bad dreams.

While Missouri was in the bathroom, Castiel took a warm, flannel bathrobe out of his closet and laid it on Claire's bed so Missouri wouldn't have to sleep in her clothes. Then he joined Dean in the kitchen where the other man was unsurprisingly making tea. He wrapped his arms around Dean from behind and kissed the nape of his neck. "Have I told you lately that I love you?"

Dean hummed happily, relaxing back against Castiel. "Might've mentioned it. I never get tired of hearing it though."

They cuddled in silence for a few minutes while the tea steeped. Castiel's lips traveled slowly up and down Dean's neck, leaving a trail of chaste little kisses, and Dean stroked Castiel's arms where they rested snugly around his waist. It wasn't foreplay. They were just soaking up the comfort of each other's presence at the end of a long day.

Castiel heard the bathroom door open and Missouri's quiet steps in the hall, but she didn't come looking for them, and a moment later he heard Claire's door softly close.

"Can I ask you something?" Castiel said as Dean gently untangled himself from their embrace so he could add honey to Castiel's tea.

"Course."

He moved to see Dean's face. "This morning when we were talking to Max and Aaron, you seemed a little uncomfortable. Why was that?"

Dean tensed, but only a little, and the animal wariness that always came into his eyes when he thought Castiel was about to get mad at him was far less pronounced than it would have been a month ago. Castiel was glad to see that Dean was growing more confident in their relationship, trusting that even when they disagreed, they could talk things out without it turning into a fight.

He reached out to rub Dean's back and laid a reassuring kiss on his shoulder, soothing him that little bit more. "Whatever it is, I promise I won't be angry. Did you date one of them or have a one night stand?"

"What?" Dean blinked at him and then laughed. "No. No, babe, it's nothing like that. I just…" He trailed off, biting his lip nervously, then cupped Castiel's cheek, the simple gesture so tender and worshipful that it made Castiel's throat tighten with emotion. "I love you so much. You know that, right?"

Castiel smiled. "You might have mentioned it."

"And," Dean took a shaky breath before continuing, "I love Claire too. She's a great kid, and it makes me so happy that you trust me with her."

Castiel began to see where this was going, but he let Dean keep talking without interruption.

"I guess I've kind of been avoiding thinking about what that could mean in the long run if… if this keeps working for both of us. And when Max assumed that I was… that Claire was…"

"Ours?" Castiel supplied when Dean seemed unable to decide if he dared to say the word.

Dean nodded and his shoulders relaxed as though Castiel had lifted a physical burden from him with that single syllable. "Yeah. I guess it kind of hit me all of a sudden that I… I didn't want to correct him. I wanted it to be true. I'm not trying to freak you out here. I know it hasn't been that long, and I'm not asking you to marry me tomorrow, but I… I can't pretend that I don't think about it, and I… I want that someday. With you. With her. When you're ready."

"There's no such thing as moving too fast if we're on the same page," Castiel said, amazed that he could keep his voice so steady while his heart was trying to jump out of his chest at the confirmation that Dean also wanted this to last forever, wanted them to be a family. "You're right that I'm not ready to get married yet, but I have no problem with you getting attached to Claire in the meantime. Whether you realize it or not, Dean, you've been a father to her for months now, and you've been a good one. Even if we broke up, I wouldn't cut you off from her. We made a deal, remember? Whatever happens between us, we don't let it hurt Claire, and at this point, you disappearing from her life would hurt her. She's already lost one father. I wouldn't take another one away from her just to spite you."

Dean looked at Castiel with something like awe. "You really think we could make that work?"

Castiel thought about how much it would hurt to see Dean, watch him play with Claire and make her laugh, but know that Dean wasn't his anymore. Then he thought about telling Claire that Dean was gone and never coming back. "Yes. If we had to. But I really don't want to have to."

"Me neither." Dean tugged Castiel closer, and Castiel went gratefully into his arms, burying his nose in Dean's shirt and breathing in the smell of the other man, food and sweat and earthy male musk, love and safety and home.

He remembered the other thing he'd planned to discuss with Dean tonight and reluctantly pulled away a little before he could get too distracted by the way their bodies were pressed together. "On a related subject, I have a favor to ask you."

Dean held him loosely, not letting him go too far. "Anything, Cas."

"I've decided to make a will, and with your permission, I'd like to name you Claire's legal guardian if something were to happen to me before she turns eighteen."

Dean stared at him open mouthed for a moment. "You're… you're serious?"

"Yes. There's no one I trust more. I know you'd love and protect her like she was your own because you already do."

Dean still looked utterly stunned, but he finally managed to nod and say, "Yeah. Of course I'd take care of her if… if something happened."

Relief flooded through Castiel, and he surged forward to capture Dean's lips in a clumsy, uncoordinated kiss, mumbling, "Thank you, thank you."

Dean kissed him back for only a moment before pulling away, green eyes suddenly wide and fearful. "Wait, wait. What if… what if something happens to both of us? I mean, we're together a lot of the time. If there was a car accident or a fire at the restaurant, the odds that we'd both be there are—"

"Pretty good," Castiel finished for him. He had never considered that. His mind raced through the list of everyone he knew and trusted. Of course Missouri was the first one who sprang to mind, but she was older. If her health suddenly started going downhill, Claire could end up in foster care anyway.

"What about Anna?" Dean said. "She told me she and her husband always wanted a whole house full of kids. You think they'd be willing to commit to taking Claire in if she needed a place to go?"

Castiel nodded. "I think they would. Either way, it can't hurt to ask." He leaned into Dean again, exhausted and heartsick just from thinking about this awful scenario.

Dean held him tightly and rubbed his back. "I think your tea got cold."

Castiel hummed against Dean's neck. "That's all right. I appreciate the thought anyway."

"Bed?"

"Mmmhmm. That sounds nice." But he was so warm and comfortable in Dean's arms, and he didn't want to give it up even for the few seconds it would take to walk to the bedroom.

Dean suddenly ducked down and scooped him up bridal style. Castiel gave an undignified squeak and instinctively wrapped his arms around Dean's neck. Suddenly sleep was the last thing on his mind.

"What?" Dean said teasingly as he began to walk towards the bedroom, only the bulging of his biceps under his shirt showing that this was in any way challenging.

"This is… incredibly hot," Castiel said hoarsely.

"Yeah?" Dean smirked. "You like being manhandled?"

"I like being manhandled by you," Castiel amended. None of his other partners had ever tried it, but he didn't think he would have liked it if they had. He would have been worried that they'd drop him, or he'd have felt ridiculous being carried around like the helpless damsel in some cheesy romance novel. But with Dean he felt perfectly secure, both in terms of gravity and his masculinity.

Dean's eyes darkened, and as quickly as he had picked Castiel up, he set him down, backed him up against the nearest wall, and kissed him, hot and wet and dominating. Castiel whimpered into his mouth, digging his fingers into those strong biceps. He felt Dean's hands drop to his ass and then slide down his legs, lifting them up to wrap around Dean's waist, lining their groins up just right. At the first filthy grind of their hips, he bit Dean's lower lip hard enough to draw a muffled groan from the other man.

That reminded him that they were still in the hallway, and he broke away from the kiss to gasp, "Not… not here, Dean. Claire or Missouri might wake up."

Dean blinked at him for a moment, his lust drunk brain clearly struggling to process words. Dear God, he was beautiful, all flushed, disheveled, and wanting… wanting Castiel and only Castiel.

"Bedroom," Castiel prompted, impatient to get back to kissing and grinding on each other.

That got through to Dean, and he put Castiel down again and let himself be dragged into the bedroom. Once the door was shut and locked, Castiel leaned back against it seductively. Dean needed no more encouragement than that. He caged Castiel against the door with his body and breathed in his ear, voice low and rough with want, "Right here?"

"Yes. Hold me up like you just did out there. Show me how strong you are."

Dean actually growled, and the sound sent desire shooting through Castiel like lightning. "Clothes off first," Dean said. "Want to see you. Want to feel you."

They stripped each other frantically, and Castiel felt not the least bit self-conscious of his scarred body. The way those green eyes raked hungrily over every inch of him made it abundantly clear that he was beautiful to Dean, scars and all.

Once they were naked, Dean dropped to his knees and swallowed Castiel down, getting him good and wet. Castiel had to close his eyes lest the sight of those plump, pink lips wrapped around his cock send him over the edge embarrassingly fast. "Jesus Christ, Dean," he moaned, "your fucking mouth."

Dean chuckled smugly, which made his throat vibrate around the tip of Castiel in a way that put the best sex toys in the world to shame. Fortunately, or maybe a little unfortunately, he pulled off after that, and Castiel didn't get to find out just how hard he could come from that little trick. They would have to experiment with that another time.

Then his feet were up off the floor for the third time that night, Dean's tongue was thrusting possessively into his mouth, and that salty, musky taste was him. He was so absorbed in kissing Dean, he didn't even realize something was missing until Dean pulled away to say, "Uh, could use a hand here, babe."

He looked down between them where their hard cocks were rubbing together gently but not providing nearly enough stimulation to get them anywhere any time soon. Realizing that Dean needed two hands to keep all one hundred and seventy pounds of Castiel balanced against the door, he quickly wrapped one of his own hands around both of them, keeping the other on Dean's back so he could feel the flex of those sexy muscles. He started with slow, smooth strokes, Dean's saliva and their combined pre-come making his hand glide easily.

Dean groaned with relief and pressed his forehead against Castiel's. "God, that's good. Fuck, baby. Love the way you touch me."

Castiel chuckled and tilted his head to nip at Dean's jaw, stubble tickling the tip of his tongue. "Yeah, you do. You love that I'm a man, and I know exactly what to do with a cock when I've got one in my hand." He thumbed over both their slits, smearing the pre-come from one to the other.

Dean mewled and began rocking his hips, thrusting up into the tunnel of Castiel's fist. The way their cocks dragged together made Castiel shudder and moan. He knew from experience that he couldn't last long when it felt this good, but he didn't care. Anyway, it was probably better if they both finished quickly before Dean's arms got tired.

"I love that about you too," he continued since Dean was obviously getting off on the dirty talk just as much as everything else. "I love that you're a big, strong man who can pick me up like this. I love your big, calloused hands. I love that you can fuck me into the mattress when I need that, and even when you bottom for me, there is absolutely nothing feminine about you. Watching you come all over my chest while you ride my cock is the hottest, most masculine thing I've ever seen in my life."

That did it. Dean came hard with an almost surprised gasp of "Cas!"

The hot spurts of fluid landing on his own cock while Dean twitched and spent in his hand sent Castiel over the edge too, and he locked his legs as tight as he could around Dean's waist and let his head fall forward, muffling his moans in Dean's shoulder as waves of indescribable pleasure wracked his body with every pulse.

As he started to come to his senses, he had a momentary disorienting sensation of falling. He clung on to Dean tighter, but then he heard a rough voice murmuring, "I've got you, babe. Just lay down, and I'll get something to clean you up." He realized that there was a soft mattress at his back now instead of the hard door, and he gratefully sank into the pillows.

He heard a drawer open and felt the cool dampness of a wipe cleaning the sticky mess off his stomach and groin. Gentle hands massaged his legs too, encouraging the muscles to relax so they wouldn't cramp. There was the plop of the wipe landing in the trashcan, and then the bed dipped as Dean crawled in beside him, pulling the blanket up over both of them.

"Thank you," he mumbled, rolling over into Dean's chest.

"Any time," Dean said, kissing the top of his head. "Love you."

"I love you too."

Castiel's last thought before he fell asleep was that he could handle anything life threw at him as long as every day ended like this, with him and Dean together in their bed and Claire sleeping peacefully across the hall. He could face anything as long as he had his family.