After my little heart to heart with Guangyao, my condition started to improve. My fever started to go down and I no longer felt like I'd gotten hit by a truck. I don't think the healers ever figured out what triggered my illness, but I don't think they'd be very pleased to know about my little roommate anytime soon. Especially since this roommate of mine happened to be the ghost of a murderer. However, now that I'd recovered enough, I was now free game to the whims of the adults around me. They still hadn't forgotten about the chaos I had accidentally caused on that field trip. How could anyone forget something that horrifying? And Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji weren't about to let me off the hook for it either.

I was no stranger to getting lectured and getting scolded back in Canada. Especially when screaming matches and things being thrown at each other seemed to almost be a common occurrence for someone like me and my sister. Although, I was always getting the brunt end of it due being the "defective" child of my family. I could always see how much they preferred my sister over me, there was no questioning it there. I had tried to convince myself that I'd grown desensitized and numb to any harsh words people may throw at me. After all, I had spent years listening to my parents spewing poison at me whenever I got bad grades in school for a problem that they could have easily fixed.

But this scolding seemed way different than anything I'd heard at home. Although they were both understandably angry at me, they never went overboard with it. There was an undertone of genuine concern and love for me, something that used to be in my parent's lectures for me before it all became nothing but empty words and threats of violence.

They both never once raised a hand towards me, belittled me or threatened to give me something to cry about. They were direct about what I had done, why it was wrong, and how scared they both were that something might have happened to me. Two grown men I had witnessed take down hordes of the living undead and a demon fox, scared for the safety of one little girl. It was something that sounded so foreign and ridiculous to me. And yet, to hear something like this hurt a thousand times worse than any rod across my backside or a wooden ruler to my forearms ever would. How was a person supposed to respond to love and concern when you spend your childhood surrounded by fighting and violence?

And so I sat on the floor of the Jingshi, listening to them lecture me for hours until they were both blue in the face and my legs were starting to go numb. To be their disciple meant taking responsibility for your actions when you messed up and reflecting on them so that it didn't happen again. That's what I had promised the both of them that day I started my training here, and I was going to follow through with it, stubborn adult pride be damned. Next, I had to listen to my teacher and the senior disciples lecturing me as well. Lan Qiao was a woman who was well loved and respected by the kids of the Cloud Recesses. Although she could sometimes be strict, she was also open minded and fair when it came to her students. But if you did manage to anger her enough, she was the type of woman who was rumoured to even reduce a grown man to tears with her words alone.

She and the senior disciples were not amused at my little stunt. I had not only run off on my own, but also ignored the seniors when they were telling me to come back. Something like this was not to go unpunished here. And that's how I wound up spending my afternoons after lessons writing lines in the library. Normally, a disciple would be writing these lines out or the sect rules while doing handstands, depending on how severe their crime was. But since it was starting to get colder outside, they'll have to settle for writing lines. They might have been strict when it came to the rules, but they weren't heartless enough to make a child (much less someone who's just recovered from an illness) do handstands outside in the cold.

"So what's the deal with you having two different names?" I ask Guangyao after finishing another sheet filled with lines. "It's going to get confusing if I don't know what to call you."

"MY BIRTH NAME IS YAO" He tells me. "MENG WAS MY MOTHER'S SURNAME. AFTER THE SUNSHOT CAMPAIGN ENDED, MY FATHER RENAMED ME GUANGYAO. ALTHOUGH HE HAD RENAMED ME TO PROVE TO THE MASSES HOW HE HAD ACCEPTED ME INTO THE JIN SECT, IT WASN'T THE SAME."

I take a blank sheet of paper from the pile beside me and dip my brush into the inkwell. I was in the library after lessons had let out for the day to fulfill my punishment. The lines I was forced to write were: "I will not run off on my own during a field trip" and "I will not wander onto private property without permission." There's a senior disciple watching me like a hawk, making sure I'm not shirking my punishment and wandering off on my own again. He didn't look like he wanted to be babysitting me, but it was likely he didn't really have much of a choice in the matter.

I'd been sitting here for some time now and my arm was beginning to get sore from all the writing I was doing. Although I was used now used to sitting with my legs tucked under my body, my knees were beginning to ache from being in that position for a long time. Occasionally I would hear other disciples whispering about me until a very sharp glare from someone else shut them up. Gossiping about someone behind their backs was forbidden here after all.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask as I begin another round of writing lines.

"MY FATHER HAD ANOTHER SON AROUND MY AGE AT THAT TIME FROM HIS FIRST MARRIAGE," He explains, trying to keep things simple. "MY HALF BROTHER AND OUR… COUSIN WERE BOTH GIVEN THE "ZI" PREFIXES IN FRONT OF THEIR NAMES PROVING THAT THEY WERE PART OF THE FAMILY, MAKING THEIR NAMES ZIXUAN AND ZIXUN."

"Why didn't you get a "Zi-"prefix in front of your name then to fit in?"

"THE GENERAL PUBLIC THOUGHT THAT THE "GUANG" PART OF MY NAME CAME FROM HIS NAME, GUANGSHAN, WHICH WAS PARTIALLY TRUE. THE TRUTH WAS THAT HE ONLY ACCEPTED ME INTO THE JIN SECT AS PART OF A PUBLICITY STUNT TO MAKE HIMSELF LOOK GOOD. HE DIDN'T EVEN GET INVOLVED IN THE SUNSHOT CAMPAIGN UNTIL AFTER EVERYTHING WAS OVER AND DONE WITH, CLAIMING CREDIT FOR THINGS OTHER PEOPLE HAD DONE."

There's a brief moment of silence from him, like he's letting me mull this information over. I'm gripping my brush so tightly that I fear that it might splinter from the force I'm exerting. This father of his really was as terrible as he made him out to be during our heart to heart. Although Jin Guangshan was a married man, it didn't stop his eyes from wandering over to the next prettiest woman that tickled his fancy, much to the annoyance of his poor wife. Not even a sixteen year old or the wife of one of his dearest friends was safe from his lecherous ways, much to my horror and disgust when I was listening to him. Although you were considered an adult at the age of fourteen in the ancient world, back in my world, this would have been considered statutory rape as you were still considered a minor in the eyes of the law. The results of his wandering eyes often lead to very tragic and heart breaking consequences in the form of his many illegitimate children. The only reason he was respected in the cultivation world wasn't just because of his charisma as a leader, but because he had money and power to hide his true motives behind. Without that, he'd just be another philandering scumbag that went after anyone with boobs and a pair of legs.

"ALTHOUGH HE USED A NAME FROM HIS GENERATION, BY NAMING ME GUANGYAO, HE MADE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR TO ME THAT I DIDN'T REALLY HAVE A TRUE SPOT IN THE JIN CLAN AS A MEMBER OF THE FAMILY. I WAS JUST AN ILLEGITIMATE BASTARD CHILD AND AN OUTSIDER AFTER ALL."

There's a tinge of sadness in his voice as he says this. Although he is trying to play it off as something mundane, I could hear the pain and resignation in his voice. It's like he knew that deep down, his father didn't really love him all along. He was just another pawn in the grand scheme of things. A wave of guilt and regret rises from the pit of my stomach. I shouldn't have asked him this. That kind of selfish behaviour reminded me too much of my own alcoholic father. Part of the reason my parents fought so much at home when I was younger was because he was always out cheating on my mother with any woman who caught his eye. The only difference between him and Guangyao's father was that my father knew that he was in an abusive relationship and abandoned ship when the going got rough, even if it came at the cost of abandoning his kids with a mentally unstable narcissist. Though I couldn't really be too angry at him since this was the only way he could cope with what he was going through.

"I'm sorry, Meng Yao, I shouldn't have asked you that," I tell him. "I didn't know there would be such painful memories attached to your name."

"IT'S OKAY, THAT'S ALL PAST," He says, trying not to worry me. "AS FOR WHAT YOU WANT TO CALL ME FROM NOW ON, THAT'S ENTIRELY UP TO YOU."

"Would it be okay to start calling you A-Yao then? I know you have to be really close to someone before you can start adding the "A-" suffix in front of their name."

"A-YAO IS FINE. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE ANYONE HAD CALLED ME THAT."

"A-Yao it is then. For the record, I like Meng Yao more as a name. Ziyao doesn't really suit you, doesn't roll off the tongue as well."

"DO AS YOU PLEASE," he tells me, "I'VE BEEN DEAD FOR SO LONG THAT I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT WHAT'S IN A NAME ANYMORE."

I can't help but find some weird amusement in this. A grown woman trapped in the body of a child being on intimate and friendly terms with the ghost of a murderer. When I had died, I really hadn't expected to get pulled into this mess. But here I was, trapped in another world being taken in by two gay but very happily married men as their disciple writing lines as punishment. Was this a blessing or a curse? Who knows? But this was my reality now.

"WHAT ABOUT YOU THEN?" he asks. "YOU HAVE A NAME IN CHINESE BUT ANOTHER NAME IN A LANGUAGE THAT ISN'T FROM AROUND HERE. WHY IS THAT?"

"Well, I'm from another country and time period," I tell him as I stretch my back and grab another sheet of paper. "Canada to be more specific. Everyone there either speaks English or French in addition to another language you speak at home. Sometimes people can't pronounce your name properly if it's in another language, so you need another name to make things easier on them. Although sometimes you'll have kids being called by their Chinese names in an English speaking setting."

"I SEE. SO IT'S LIKE HAVING A COURTESY NAME AND A BIRTH NAME THEN."

"Yes, exactly like that."

"WHAT'S THE MEANING BEHIND YOUR TWO NAMES?"

"Lihua as you know, is supposed to be written with the characters for beautiful and flourishing. Although, I'm not very fond of my name because of what it represents."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?"

"When my parents named me, they expected me to live up to my namesake by studying hard enough to get into a good school and to become a beautiful, strong person. I instead betrayed their expectations by dropping out of college after one year from mental illnesses and dying from leukemia some time later."

There was an awkward silence between us as I finished another sheet filled with lines. I would have let out a bitter laugh at the sheer irony of my name if not for the rules forbidding people from smiling or laughing unnecessarily. Even if I had let people call me Lihua in this world, it was still a name filled with painful memories. It was a name that while filled with hopes and dreams, was also filled with broken expectations and disappointment. Just as Guangyao was insecure about being an illegitimate bastard child born to a prostitute, I was resentful about being used as a means for two dysfunctional people to stay together in a toxic relationship. I would have preferred being aborted than being subjected to a lonely childhood being raised like a show dog.

"…I'M SORRY, I SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED YOU EITHER," sighs Guangyao. "IT SEEMS THAT WE BOTH HAVE ANOTHER THING IN COMMON WITH EACH OTHER THEN ABOUT OUR NAMES."

I would have laughed if not for the fact that we were both in a library right now with a senior disciple watching over me. I would have given that poor man a heart attack if I just randomly started laughing out of the blue. We were just opening cans of worms everywhere today.

"It's alright, A-Yao," I tell him, "A name is still just a name after all. I'll tell you about my other name Alice then to cheer you up. I was supposed to be named Alex because the doctors thought that I was going to be a boy. Imagine their surprise when it turned out I was a girl! And although Alex can also be a girl's name, my mom was so high on painkillers that during my birth, the nurses misheard her and wrote my name down as Alice instead."

I hear him letting out a sound that sounded suspiciously like a snort and a genuine laugh as I add another sheet to my growing stack of completed lines. It's nearly halfway done by now, though I still had much work to be done. As much as I was filled with self-loathing about my origins, I could at least share this one funny anecdote about myself, even if it was at my expense.

"Looks like I got a laugh out of you after all," I tell him with a proud smile. "My name is also a reference to a popular series of children's books back in my world called Alice in Wonderland. It's about a girl who falls into a rabbit hole to another world where the rules of that world don't make any sense at all. You wouldn't believe how many people would make jokes about my name in reference to that book."

"THAT KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE THE KIND OF SITUATION YOU'RE IN NOW DOESN'T IT?" he says in an amused tone.

"Yeah well, the Alice in those books didn't die from an illness, make a pact with a ghost and get turned into a kid. At least she got to be a carefree and normal kid, even if her adventures were nothing more than a dream in the end."

"I SEE…" He mumbles. "WELL IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO HAVE YOUR OWN HAPPY ADVENTURES."

I managed to finish my work despite how sore my arm was starting to get. Although I've gotten used to sitting with my legs tucked under my legs, I wobble noticeably as I stand up and stretch. There's stray loose papers scattered all around me, some of them crumpled into giant wads because of spelling errors and smudges. The senior disciple who's been tasked with watching over me has long fallen asleep, a trickle of drool coming from his mouth. Despite his best efforts, even the most dedicated and disciplined Lan sect disciple will eventually get bored and nod off. After all, it's more exciting to do things with your own two hands than to just simply watch someone else doing it. It's a miracle that the librarians haven't caught and lectured him about sleeping in here. He'd no doubt wind up getting punished like I would.

I gently tug at his sleeve to get his attention, but he seems to pay me no mind. I try again a bit harder, but he only seems to mumble something about the rules and swats at me like I was a fly. I could only sigh inwardly and place my stack of lines a few feet beside him, being careful that they didn't accidentally get knocked over by him if he did decide to wake up. Though judging by his snores, it seemed like he wasn't going to be returning from the land of sleep anytime soon. I sneak past him and make my way back out to the front of the library. There were disciples scampering back and forth between the shelves, arms filled with old scrolls and books.

"Say, A-Yao, during your visits to the Cloud Recesses, you wouldn't happen to know if they had any books on meditation do you?" I ask him.

"THEY SHOULD HAVE THEM HERE. BUT WHAT DO YOU NEED BOOKS ON MEDITATION FOR? YOU'RE STILL LEARNING HOW TO READ," He replies in a confused tone.

"There's something I want to try. It's related to whenever I'm experiencing your emotions. I'm not sure if it's going to work, but I want to try it anyways."

"SO YOU'RE JUST GOING OFF OF A HUNCH TO TEST THIS THEORY OUT?"

"Yes, don't judge me, A-Yao," I grumble at him. "It's still better than nothing. Now help me find the section that has those books."

Based off of his directions, he leads me to a row of shelves filled with wooden scrolls as well as books with old, yellowing pages that looked as though they were falling apart at the seams. To my surprise, I see two familiar forms standing there talking with each other while their arms are filled with books. They both stop momentarily as they now acknowledged my presence.

"Sizhui-g… I mean, Shizui-xiong and Jingyi-xiong!" I exclaimed as I walked over to the both of them. I still was getting used to calling "xiong" instead of "gege".

"Ahh, Xiao-Hua!" says Sizhui as he crouches down to get a better look at me. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be writing lines? You're going to get in trouble if you're caught running off again."

"I-I'm done you know!" I grumble as my face heats up from embarrassment. "That senior that was watching over me fell asleep. I tried to wake him up, but he just swatted me away from him. So, I just left my work beside him and left."

At that moment, I hear that senior being scolded rather loudly by other disciples for falling asleep while watching me. He sounded like he was really going to be in for it now. Jingyi and Sizhui could only shake their heads while trying not to laugh. Looks like I wasn't going to be the only person writing lines then.

"I want those books up there!" I tell them as I point to some books on the highest shelf.

"You sure?" asks Jingyi with an amused sparkle in his eyes. "They're a bit harder than what you're used to reading."

"En, I'm sure" I tell him, "I want to be like Wei-shifu and Hanguang-jun."

What I didn't tell them was the fact that Guangyao was going to be helping me translate some parts of these books so that I could understand them better. They didn't have to know after all if I didn't say anything. The sun was also starting to set over the horizon, meaning that was my cue to leave as soon as I could. I didn't need to add curfew breaking to my already impressive list of offenses I've committed. With a few snowflakes fluttering around me and my arms filled with more reading and research material than I could carry, Sizhui and Jingyi escorted me home from the library. I would spend the next few days pouring myself into doing research in secret at night on how to strengthen myself mentally with the information I've gathered. Little did I know that I was going to have to start putting my theories about our psychic link to the test sooner than I expected.

Author's Notes: Next, we'll be moving into a pretty lengthy arc involving a certain somebody, which means there will be a lot of planning to do. So please do look forward to what I have in store!