The inside of Xichen's cottage painted a very depressing picture of him, even more so than his physical appearance. On the surface, it looked like nothing more than just an ordinary home, but I knew better than that. Nothing in life was ever perfect. There's a saying about how if water is too clean or pure, then fish won't be able to swim in it. That's what the interior of this cottage felt like. While it was impeccable and spotless, it felt devoid of any life and didn't feel lived in at all. It felt more like a stock photo of a house or those showroom displays you'd see in furniture stores than a home filled with life and happiness.
"Please, make yourselves at home," he says as he shuts the door behind him, "I'll go boil some water and get some tea for you."
It wasn't my place to judge what people did privately on their own time. Perhaps Xichen was really just that good at cleaning his house. But at the same time, something about this place unnerved me to no end. This place felt different than the interior of the Jingshi. While the Jingshi was mostly minimalistic and wasn't filled with excessively flashy and gaudy furniture, it still felt lived in and overflowed with love. You could walk into this place and see just another house in normal circumstances, but with how sickly and thin Xichen looked, it just looked like he was trying to give off the impression of being perfect when really, he wasn't. It was like chaos and turmoil hiding underneath a mask of fake perfection.
"WHAT IS THIS PLACE?" asks Guangyao. "THIS ISN'T THE HANSHI. WHY IS ER-GE LIVING HERE?"
"What do you mean?" I ask him.
"JUST AS LAN WANGJI AND WEI WUXIAN HAVE THEIR OWN LIVING SPACES HERE IN THE CLOUD RECESSES, ER-GE HAS THEM TOO. THIS PLACE IS TOO FAR AWAY FROM THE OTHER RESIDENCES HERE. WHY IS HE LIVING HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FOREST?"
That was true. I was expecting something a bit grander and befitting of someone that's supposed to be leading a major cultivation sect. What was a man like him doing out here far away from everyone? What if there was an emergency? In any case, this place wound up giving me the willies more than it should have. Xichen leads us to a table sitting in the middle of a room I can only assume to be a dining room. I see some loose papers squished underneath a pile of books, which get promptly shoved to the side to make room for us to sit at. I can also see what looks like piles of scrolls and documents peeking out from behind some screens in one corner of this room. They look like they've been hastily hidden away there from prying eyes. I watch him as he disappears into a nearby room and comes back with a tray filled with a teapot and 4 cups for each of us.
"Thank you for coming out here to visit me again," says Xichen. "You didn't have to, but you did anyway."
"You're my brother-in-law, of course we'll still visit you!" says Wei Wuxian. "We're practically family by now. Sorry we haven't visited you as often as we should. We've been busy with raising this little radish here. "
Wei Wuxian puts an arm around my shoulders as Xichen looks over at me with curiosity in his eyes. He's still eying me as we take our seats and he pours hot tea into our cups. I can't help but feel self-conscious with all the attention I'm now suddenly getting from him. I wasn't that interesting to look at was I? I was just an ordinary person. Well okay, an ordinary person who's been turned into a kid AND has the ghost of a murderer sharing a consciousness with me. But even still, all eyes were on me now.
"What's your name, little one?" he asks me gently.
"A-Alice, sir…" I tell him shyly as I start fidgeting in my seat.
"Ai-ri-su, huh?" He says while trying to pronounce my name carefully, and then hums. "That's an unusual name you've got there."
I blush at his comment and half bury my face into the robes of Wei Wuxian. Ever since arriving in this world, I've learned that English names are rather hard to pronounce for the people living here. Guangyao is the only person so far that pronounces my name properly, and that's because of some weird magic that translates another person's foreign language into something they're used to. So listening to these people saying my name with a thick Mandarin accent was something I've gotten used to.
"B-but you can call me Lihua!" I blurt out, "That is, if it's too hard for you to pronounce…"
A soft chuckling causes me to look up from where I'm burying my face.
"Lihua it is then," He says with a smile.
I sit there stunned before I turn to Lan Wangji and gently tug at his sleeve to get his attention.
"Yes, Lihua?" he asks.
"What should I call him?" I whisper to him. "I don't want to keep calling him sir".
He pauses for a moment before he bends down and smooths the wrinkled fabric of my robes back out with his hands.
"How about Zewu-jun for when you're out in public and Shibo for when you're in private? Go on, try saying them first."
"Z-Zewu-jun and S-s-shibo…" I say as carefully as I can.
Even with a month and a half of learning how to speak Mandarin, I still had a very thick and noticeable accent. It came out particularly strong when I tried to pronounce other people's names or titles. For me, they were just ordinary words, nothing to write home about. Anyone could say those titles and get no reaction out of them. However, the moment those names left my mouth, I swore that I could see a small spark of life igniting in those dulled eyes of his. It was like something finally clicked for him, that there was now a new addition to his family that was going to be looking to him for guidance and advice. His eyes were filled with an emotion that I could only describe as bursting at the seams with pride and happiness. I watched him as he cleared his throat shakily and tried to compose himself. Was he on the verge of tears himself?
"W-well, it's nice to meet you too, Lihua," He says as though he's trying to keep himself from crying. "W-would you like something to eat? I bet you're dying to eat whatever is in that basket you brought."
He pops open the lid of the wooden basket we'd brought along on our trip here. Inside lies some fruit in addition to some sweet buns and flaky pastries that make my mouth water with delight. One whiff of these delights would make even the most restrained and disciplined of Lan sect disciples give into their deepest desires. I watch as Lan Xichen takes an oil pastry from the basket and divides it into pieces for everyone to eat.
"So where and how did you find Lihua?" he asks as he hands me a slice.
"Oh her?" replies Wei Wuxian as he sips his tea. "I gave birth to her myself!"
It was at this point that I both choked on the tea I was drinking and burnt my tongue at the same time. I could hear Wei Wuxian cackling beside me as I sputtered and coughed from having scalding hot tea going up the wrong airway and burning the inside of my mouth. Lan Xichen just sat there with wide eyes and a blank, confused look on his face while his face steadily turned as red as a tomato. Although Lan Wangji sat there not making a sound or changing expressions on his face, I swore that I could see his earlobes turning a very impressive shade of red. How could somebody like Wei Wuxian just say such ridiculous and shameless things like that without batting an eyelash?!
"What Wei Ying meant to say is that we found her during a night hunt," Says Lan Wangji as he handed me a handkerchief to wipe my face with and rubbed circles on my back. "We found her in the forests of Bai Lian Village being chased by fierce corpses and a fox demon."
I fidget nervously in my seat as I wiped the hot tea from my chin and nibbled on my slice. Wei Wuxian finally calmed down enough to wipe the tears from his eyes. I knew what was coming, but it didn't make the guilt I felt welling up inside of me lessen anymore. I could only try to keep my best poker face on as they both talked about the human trafficking ring that I supposedly escaped and how there might still are people out there that were in danger. Lan Xichen had been quiet this entire time listening to the both of them while sipping his tea. I in the meanwhile didn't seem to have a taste for snacks anymore while listening to their tale. Even though I've now been telling white lies here and there, I still felt so much guilt and remorse whenever someone would mention that fabricated back story that I gave them.
It was nothing more than smoke and mirrors! It was already bad enough that I had lied to the very people that did nothing but show me genuine kindness and love over the past month and a half, but to now drag the higher ups AND two other sects into this tangle of lies now reminded me of what I could lose if I was ever exposed for who I really was. I was nothing more than a freeloading parasite taking advantage of good people that deserved better, a Trojan horse pretending to be something I'm not. Most importantly, I was nothing more than a delusional and traumatized woman trying to play house with two grown men and trying to live out a pipe dream that was never going to come true.
I nearly jump out of my skin as Lan Xichen reached across the table to place a large yet callused hand over my own. They're bonier than I expected, with blue veins I could see bulging through the pale and translucent skin underneath. And yet, they radiated warmth and gentleness from them. He gives me a sympathetic and tired look that makes my stomach twist into knots and the guilt gnawing away at me even worse.
"You've been through a lot haven't you?" he asks me.
I nod numbly, suddenly finding the ridges and grooves in the floorboards more interesting than the conversation these men were having about me.
"It'll be okay," he tells me, "we'll find those bad men and make sure they don't hurt anyone else like they did to you."
I just wanted the floor to just open up and swallow me whole right then and there. There wasn't a human trafficking ring nor a mother gone crazy trying to kill off an innocent child! It was all a stupid lie I told in the heat of the moment because I was a scared and confused child pulled into another world through weird circumstances! If they ever did find out the truth about me, would they throw me out of the Cloud Recesses and replace me with another deserving abandoned or orphaned child like I was defective product to be returned to a store?
"Have you told the other sects about this?" he asks both Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian. "I must imagine that there must be an ongoing investigation into this ring."
"There is, but we're just keeping it to our sect for now. We haven't found any leads yet, and the Jin and Ouyang sects got nothing too. The nearby villages and towns don't have anyone in them missing and matching her description. If only we had something more to go on."
"I see…" he mumbles as he takes another sip of his tea. "In any case, if you find anything out about this case, make sure you keep me updated."
I sat there fidgeting with the front of my robes with my other hand. Although I was doing my best to keep a poker face, the guilt eating away at me said otherwise. It was like a river slowly eroding a rock until not even a little grain of it remained. And it would be something that gradually ate away at me in the coming weeks until I was but a husk of my former self. I would have done anything to get out of there, even if that meant getting additional punishments. I watched as Lan Xichen got up from his seat and walked over to where I was. He crouched down until he was sitting with me eye to eye.
"S-Shibo?" I asked in a confused voice, "w-w-what are you doing?"
"You must be getting bored listening to us talk," he says as he places his hands over my own, "how about we do something else like playing some games? I'd bet you'd like that wouldn't you?"
I nod to him, grateful that I was now going to get out of such a painful and awkward conversation about that stupid lie I had told so very long ago. It's almost like he had sensed that I was starting to feel uncomfortable listening to them talking. I spent the rest of that afternoon playing Go with him while he asked me various questions about myself like how old I was, where I grew up, how I was enjoying classes and so forth. Although this had spared me sitting in on an awkward conversation, I still couldn't shake that guilt that had been gnawing away from me.
Guangyao had offered me advice on what moves I should and shouldn't be making while I sat there playing with him. Of course, I politely turned down some of this advice because it wouldn't be half as fun to play a game if someone was constantly feeding you advice on what you should and shouldn't be doing. After all, the best part of playing games was figuring out how things work and seeing how your opponents would react to you.
"…and got you!" I heard him say as he finally backed me into a corner.
"I TOLD YOU THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BLOCKED HIM BACK THEN," I hear Guangyao saying in the back of my head.
"Oh will you shush?" I mutter. "I may have lied about there being a human trafficking ring, but I don't go around cheating on board games!"
If he was standing beside me right now, I would have sworn that he was shaking my head at me in disappointment and amusement. He didn't sound or feel like he was in much turmoil anymore, though sometimes I would still get a burning sensation in my chest from time to time. He really did control himself for the sake of my physical wellbeing like he said he would. I still wondered if he was going to be okay from now on though. I did feel that this wasn't just going to be a one-time visit that I was going to be doing. I had a feeling that I was going to be seeing Xichen more from now on.
"You're so good at this game!" I tell him as I scoop up my stones and place them back into a wooden bowl beside me. "How do I get to be as good as you?"
"Years of practice and observation, Xiao-Hua," He says with a chuckle. "Go may look like a simple game, but it's a lot more complicated than it looks. Believe me; it took me years to figure out how to outsmart Shufu whenever I played against him."
The sun was now beginning to set over the mountains, which meant that it was now time for us to get home (and for me to receive my punishment yet again). We waved goodbye to him and promised to come back for a visit in the near future.
"Hanguang-jun, why does Shibo live so far out in the woods away from everyone?" I ask him. "Why doesn't he live with everyone else in the Cloud Recesses?"
In the kitchenette, Lan Wangji almost dropped the plate that he was drying with a rag, but managed to catch it just in time before it hit the ground. Why was he caught so off guard by this? It was later in the evening after we'd gotten home from Lan Xichen's cottage. I've been writing lines again due to me running off again and giving my masters heart attacks once more. At my question, Wei Wuxian looked up from where he was currently scribbling some notes down on what was probably his next biggest invention in a notebook.
"Xiao-Hua, what suddenly brought this on?" called Lan Wangji from the kitchenette.
"I…I just want to know," I stuttered. "He's my shibo, after all."
He and Lan Wangji both had pained looks on their faces that told me more than enough about what they were going to tell me. Nothing prepared me for what was going to be coming out of their lips, and I knew I wasn't going to get a simple answer out of them. Something had happened to these men that hurt them deeply.
"Xiao-Hua…" Wei Wuxian said while drawing out my name with an expression on his face like he was steeling himself for what was going to be a painful conversation, "Your Shibo… he's… he's going through a difficult time and needs the space and time to think."
"What do you mean?" I ask him.
I heard the sound of the last of the dinner dishes and bowls being put away in the cupboards and the sink being emptied. Lan Wangji came back in with a rag drying his hands, his sleeves still rolled to his elbows. He had a sad and pained look in his eyes that betrayed how emotionless and stoic he usually was. At the sight of his husband approaching, I felt Wei Wuxian picking me up off the floor by my armpits and plopping me into his lap. Lan Wangji sat down beside us, smoothing his robes out in front of him. They both shared an intense look over my head before Lan Wangji nodded.
"Three years ago, your Shibo had a… close friend that he'd known for years," began Wei Wuxian. "Although they'd known each other for so long, there was still so much he didn't know about him. Even still, he trusted him, protected him, and would have done anything for him."
The burning sensation in my chest grew hotter and hotter as I knew who they were talking about. Who else would it be but that roommate that was now sharing a consciousness with me right now? Although he wasn't so much as a "friend" as he was his ex-lover.
"What happened to this friend?" I asked, unsure of whether I really wanted to know the answer, but needing to know all the same
"He…he hurt him," Lan Wangji spat with disgust.
I could see his knuckles turning white and his fists shaking with rage as he gripped onto the rag in his hands even tighter. From my seat on his lap, I could see Wei Wuxian place a comforting hand on his husband's shoulder, his other hand holding me around my stomach, gripping the front of my robes. I could see the anger and pain flaring to life in his eyes as he bit his bottom lip, like he was trying to keep himself from crying. I could hear Wei Wuxian whispering comforting words to Lan Wangji, trying to quell the brewing storm within him. What had Guangyao done to them to make them react like this?
"He put so much trust and faith into this person, and he betrayed him by lying to him," He said, barely being able to contain his anger in front of me.
I could hear the sound of fabric tearing moments later. I looked down to see that the rag he had been holding in his hands had now been torn into two pieces. The burning sensation in my chest got even worse. It hurt so much that I couldn't breathe. What lies had Guangyao told Xichen over the years? How horrible had he been to Xichen…no, to Shibo, that he wound up living in the woods and becoming so sickly?
"And since that day, your Shibo…" Wei Wuxian said picking up where Lan Wangji left off. "He said that he needed time for himself, to reflect on and to heal from his betrayal. At first, it was supposed to be a few months. But, then those months became three years."
I couldn't help but wonder what sort of face Guangyao was making right now. The burning sensation in my chest and the sudden tightness in my throat meant that he must be in the midst of an episode right now. But then a thought occurred to me: maybe it wasn't Guangyao who was feeling this way right now, but rather, these were my own feelings.
"I-is that something we can do for him?" I ask, fearful of what his response might be.
Lan Wangji shook his head no, placing his hand over the one Wei Wuxian had put on his shoulder and squeezing it gently.
"Xiao-Hua…It's not that simple," he says as he places the torn rag to the side, "we've been visiting him ever since he went into seclusion, but whether or not he wants us to help him heal and move on from this is entirely up to him. We can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do."
"All we can do for him is to keep him company and keep him informed of what's going on with the outside world. It's all we CAN do for him," replied Wei Wuxian sadly.
Later that evening, after everyone had gone to bed for the night, I proceeded to cry my eyes out. These weren't Guangyao's emotions that were flowing through me this time, they were my own. What had I done? I was such an idiot for telling such a terrible lie! Wasn't I doing the same thing Guangyao had done all those years ago too? Though I may not be going as far as to blackmail and murder innocent people, I was still deceiving the people around me with the lie I had spun. I was nothing more than a hypocrite and a wolf in sheep's clothing after all. I may as well be a second Guangyao in the making.
As I wiped the snot from my face and the tears from my eyes, I heard a pinging noise and a notification window popping up in my vision. I was not in the mood for games right now! I was in the midst of a breakdown right now and would like some privacy. I was about to yell at Guangyao when that same unfamiliar male voice I had heard earlier piped up with a statement that nearly made my heart stop:
"OBJECTIVE: GET LAN XICHEN OUT OF SECLUSION. CHANCES OF SUCCESS: 25% ACCEPT: YES/NO?"
Author's Notes: Dun dun dun! the plot thickens!