I had until spring to get Lan Xichen out of seclusion huh? I arrived here in mid-October according to the digital calendar, so it was now in the beginning of December. So I had 2-4 months to pull this off. No pressure, right? Well, it was easier said than done. It was exactly as Lan Wangji said, you can lead a horse to water, but you couldn't make them drink it. The same went for those suffering from mental illnesses. You can give them all the resources in the world, but whether or not they wanted your help was up to them. You can't force a person to get better; you could only cheer them on from the sidelines. But even with this in mind, I didn't want to just sit there and do nothing. He was my uncle, even if he wasn't related to me by blood. And as the disciple of both Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, I had promised both of them to help those in need, and that even included members of your own sect.

The question on my mind was how. I'd only just met Lan Xichen twice and seen glimpses of him through Guangyao's memories of the past. I didn't know how old those memories were, and I didn't even know if he was still the same person he was in the present like he was in the past. As someone who suffered from severe self-esteem issues and depression, I knew all too well about how mental illnesses can change a person. You became a shell of your former self, and the things that made you once happy now caused you nothing but pain. Though I suspected that Xichen's brand of pain was more than just simple depression. It was a pain that was so terrible that it made him become a recluse for three years.

The first step was learning more about Xichen. What made him tick? What were his hobbies? What kinds of foods did he like? The first person I should be asking this stuff to was none other than my roommate, Guangyao. After all, he WAS his ex-lover. There must have been stuff he knew about him, something even Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian didn't know about.

"What does he like?" he asks me one evening over tea.

"Yes, I want to know more about him," I tell him.

He furrows his brow, as though he was trying to recall something buried within his memories from a long time ago. I had heard about how good that memory of his was. After all, you couldn't get anywhere in life if you didn't at least remember things about the people around you.

"Well, you know this tea we're drinking right now?" he asks

I nod, taking a deep breath and inhaling the subtle and gentle scent of flowers wafting from my teacup. The fragrance brought back fond memories of me going out to dim sum with my grandma and my sister, along with memories of her going out during the summer to water and tend to her impressive flower garden.

"This is his favourite brand of tea. Whenever he would visit me at Koi Tower, I'd always have this ready for him," He sighs wistfully with a small dimpled smile. "It's a special blend of peonies, jasmine, honeysuckle and rose hips that's made from flowers grown in Lanling. It's called Heaven's Temptation."

I could just imagine the two of them sitting outside on a warm sunny day drinking this while exchanging pleasantries with each other. Though I wondered if he'd even still like this blend after all these years. Since I had a jade token with me, perhaps I could convince both Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian that I wanted to try it so that they aren't suspicious about how I know about it.

"He's also very fond of the rabbits that run around the Cloud Recesses" he says chuckling. "He'd always take me to visit the back mountains after sect meetings to play with them. Though those rabbits were more his brother's than his own."

I listened closely as he rattled off all the things he knew about Xichen from his memories. From what his favourite songs were on the guqin, how much of a sweet tooth he had and what kinds of games he liked to play. As I watched him talk, his eyes seemed to both sparkle with excitement and have a faraway look in them. I knew he could never get those happy and carefree days back, which was why I had to do all that I could for him. It was the only way I knew how to heal that poor man's heart for him.

"Alright! That's it for sword drills! You are all dismissed!"

I stand there panting as we wrapped up for the day. Because it had started to snow, we couldn't really practice outside, which was why we moved training indoors to the many dojos that they had littering the grounds. I was drenched from head to toe in sweat, though that was to be expected because I was still learning the basics of swordsmanship. My once soft and chubby hands were also beginning to develop hardened patches of skin along my palms as well as being covered in many nicks and scrapes. This meant that I was just a little closer to becoming a swordswoman, however small they may be.

"YOU KNOW, YOU'D ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO DO THOSE STANCES IF YOU WEREN'T SO TENSE," Pipes up Guangyao from the back of my mind.

"A-Yao…" I groan as I gather my stuff, "you know, not EVERY person is a prodigy or has an amazing memory like you do. We all have to start somewhere."

" I'M JUST SAYING THAT YOU NEED TO LOOSEN UP. THAT LAST STANCE YOU DID, YOU FACE PLANTED AFTER SPINNING LIKE THAT."

As I'm getting my cloak on, I hear a voice calling out to me. I turn around to see Meiying trailing after me, face slick with sweat and wisps of snow white hair coming out of her carefully braided ponytail. She looks exhausted but happy to see me.

"Let's go and build snowmen together! It'll be fun!" she says as she eagerly tugs at my hand. "Come on! I know a place where there's the most snow in the Cloud Recesses!"

I nod as I let her take my gloved hand into my own. There's something nostalgic and familiar about this. The last time someone held and tugged me along like this was Dana. She was a girl that lived in the same neighbourhood as my grandma. After she got custody of me and my sister, Dana was always a welcome presence in my life. It was winters like this that we'd go outside and have snowball fights as well as build snowmen together. And after we'd tire ourselves out, we'd all head back inside and warm up in the living room with a movie while drinking hot chocolate.

It was also a cold winter day like this that Dana and I fell out with each other and screamed such horrible things that we'd never take back. That cheerful and free spirited girl I had known back then was gone, replaced by someone who was too stubborn to listen to anything I had to say about the guys she was dating. Someone who was too concerned with getting her next fix and latching on to any guy who would lavish her with expensive gifts. All that remained of her was a smiling phantom that haunted my memories until my eventual death back in my first life.

Meiying reminds me of her so much that it hurts. She even smiles and laughs the same way as her. She's surprisingly quick on her feet despite her small size and shorter legs. I could feel myself being dragged around by her as though I was a rag doll. Were kids like her always this strong? Or was this something only exclusive to the Lan Sect like the forehead ribbons? She was walking so briskly that I almost mistook it for her running. While we're walking, we overhear some of the visiting disciples from the other clans gossiping about us.

"Hey look!" whispers one of them. "Isn't that the Lan Sect's Snow White Princess? She's such a cute girl! She's going to become such a beauty when she's older! Who's that with her?"

"Oh her?" replies another one of the disciples. "I think she's Hanguang-jun and Senior Wei's newest disciple. I heard from someone that she got in trouble for running off during a field trip and passing out on Zewu-jun's property. Who does something that disrespectful? And in front of a sect leader too no less!"

Wait, were they REALLY gossiping about us right now?! They were really brazen about it too. We were standing RIGHT there!

"I know right? Who does that kid think she is? Just because she's their disciple doesn't mean she gets to run around acting she owns that place. I mean, she's nothing but a brat that they took mercy on just because they found her in the midst of a night hunt! Those two could just find any other orphaned and abandoned kid off the streets to make themselves look better. It's nothing but a publicity stunt!"

"IGNORE THEM ,LIHUA, THEY'RE NOT WORTH YOUR TIME AND ENERGY," grunts Guangyao. "IF THERE'S ANYTHING I'VE LEARNED IT'S THAT BORED AND INSECURE PEOPLE WILL JUST LOOK FOR ANY EXCUSE TO TEAR PEOPLE DOWN TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BETTER."

Meiying and I both make disgusted faces at them as they continue to talk about us. Wasn't there a rule somewhere that frowned upon gossiping about someone behind their backs? Though it wasn't so much gossiping behind our backs as it was mouthing off and not giving a damn about who overheard them. Weren't they the ones that were being disrespectful? I gripped Meiying's hand even tighter and was about to drag her along when I heard a crisp, clear voice cutting through the winter air.

"And what is it about my shimei and my adoptive fathers that you find so interesting that you have to mouth off about them?"

Those disciples instantly froze the moment they heard those words. Who should they see but none other than Sizhui and Jingyi standing behind them? Although they both were smiling pleasantly at these disciples, it was a smile that seemed to be masking barely contained anger and fury beneath it.

"Sizhui-xiong and Jingyi-xiong!" one of them sputtered nervously. "W-w-we were just talking about how cute the baby juniors were! Isn't that right?"

The disciple elbowed his buddy in the ribs to play along, trying not to make the hole they were standing in any bigger.

"T-t-that's right!" the other disciple smiled nervously, eyes darting back and forth. "E-e-especially that cute girl Hanguang-jun and Senior Wei took in!"

"Oh really?" asks Jingyi as he saunters closer to them. "Because from what we both heard, it sounded like you both seemed to enjoy shooting your mouths off every opportunity you get. Sizhui, would you mind reminding these two of one of the rules we have here? It seems like they need a refresher."

Sizhui stepped towards them, that scary looking smile never leaving his face. At first, nothing seemed amiss. He looked like his normal self, but I could still see the barely contained anger burning in his eyes like embers, untouched by his usual kind smile.

"Gladly, Jingyi," he says. Maybe it was my imagination, but I swore I saw his expression darkening despite that sweet and disarming smile plastered on his face. "The wall of rules states that gossiping behind someone's back like this is prohibited. What you two talk about in private is none of my business, however…"

He hovers over the two disciples, that frightening expression never once changing. Now for a guy, Sizhui was fairly average in height. But even with this in mind, he still seemed to dwarf the other disciples, making them shrink and cower, almost like they were afraid of him. The both of them look like they're going to start wetting themselves. Their expressions said it all: you grab a bull by the horns, and you're going to get gored.

"I don't think I can let this go. Not only were you talking about someone behind their backs, but you were also disrespecting your elders, taking advantage of your position to oppress the weak, and disrespecting children." He continued, listing each of the rules in rapid fire succession while never once losing his composure.

The other two disciples step back in shock, their eyes widening and their mouths uselessly opening and shutting like a fish out of water. It seems that they were both at a loss for words.

"If I ever hear you two badmouthing my fathers or my shimei again, I will not only report you, but I will PERSONALLY make sure you two are copying the wall of rules and doing handstands for the rest of the school year. Understand?"

Despite the freezing cold, the both of them broke into a cold sweat as soon as they both saw the killing intent in both Sizhui and Jingyi's eyes. They both nodded furiously, promising not to badmouth people anymore.

"Good boys. Now that we are at an understanding," says Sizhui before his expression shifted into that of an impressive death glare. "Don't ever let me hear you two talking about my family behind their backs. Now leave."

And at those words, those two ran off with their tails tucked in between their legs, screaming about Sizhui being a smiling monster, never mind the fact that they just broke the "running is prohibited" and "no excessive noise" rules.

"Sizhui, shouldn't we go after them?" asks Jingyi. "They just broke more rules."

"Let them run," He says, "they're not worth the effort. Besides, I think Lan-Xianshang could dish out a better punishment than we could."

I had forgotten how tightly I was grasping Meiying's hand until she started to drag me towards where Jingyi and Sizhui were, nearly tripping over rocks in the process. How was she not terrified by what she just saw right now?

"Dashixiong! Ershixiong!" she calls out, waving to them both.

"Oh Meiying and Xiao-Hua!" says Sizhui.

The scary aura radiating from him seemed to have vanished as quickly as it came. The fact that he can switch from scaring the crap out of some mouthy disciples back to being a normal person in the blink of an eye made me wonder just who on earth I was dealing with. Was he even human?

"Where are you two going?" asks Jingyi

"We're off to make snowmen!" she tells them cheerfully.

"That sounds like fun," Sizhui hums happily. "Mind if we join you two? We're both done with our duties for the day."

"The more the merrier," I tell them.

"I see that Senior Wei and Hanguang-jun have told you about Zewu-jun then, huh?" says Sizhui with a sad look in his eyes.

I nod at him as I roll a particularly large snowball towards where he is. Sizhui helps me keep it from rolling away by packing more snow around the base.

"I…I want to cheer him up, Sizhui-xiong, but I don't know what I should do for him," I say as I make a smaller snowball with my hands and begin rolling it. "There has to be something I can do for him…"

Sizhui leads me to a patch of fresh snow and helps me with rolling my ball, smoothing out the sides and taking over when it gets too heavy for my tiny arms to move any further. He seemed to hum for a bit, as if he was mentally mulling something over.

"Just be your usual self," he tells me as he stacks the snowball we just made on top of the one we made earlier.

"My usual self?" I repeated, a confused expression on my face.

"En. You might not know this but, despite Zewu-jun being a sect leader, he even likes it when a person does the simplest of things for him," replies Jingyi with a grin, Meiying happily sitting on his shoulders with a giant snowball in her tiny hands.

"I remember one time when I was small, I'd come up to him with something that I drew. Thinking back on it, it was a rather badly drawn and messy picture I'd drawn of him, Hanguang-jun, me, and Lan-Xianshang," says Sizhui fondly with a smile. "But he didn't care if it was badly drawn or not. He had my picture hanging up in the walls of the Hanshi for weeks afterwards."

I watched Jingyi helping Meiying place the last snowball on top, completing our base. Now all that was left was to give it a face and arms.

"You don't have to do anything too grand or fancy for him," says Jingyi as he impales both sides with a tree branches, "Zewu-jun will be happy with even you reading him stories and playing the guqin for him."

Lan Xichen's brand of trauma seemed to go beyond that of just regular depression. He was also sporting a broken heart over the person he cared about the most betraying his trust. It wasn't just something simple that could be cured by doing things like these. No, it was something that could only be treated with going to a therapist and taking medication for it. I wasn't a medical professional; I was just a normal person. The best I could do for him in my current state was offering him kindness and sincerity, however contradictory it may have been for me as a walking lie.

With this in mind, I went home later that evening to formulate a plan. My head was swimming with ideas, and my heart was filled to the brim with excitement. It may have been Xichen's choice about whether or not he wanted to get better or not, but that didn't mean that I couldn't at least try to slowly fill his sad and lonely days with just a little bit of happiness, however minor or simple it may be. It was all I could do as his adopted niece, even if he couldn't really dump all his problems onto a child. He was more than an objective or a mission statement; he was my family after all.