A/N - Ok thisis probably the longest a/n thatI have ever done and that I will ever do.First of all, thankyou for your reviews once again, they're great! Here, let me state this..this story isn't going to have the best grammar in the world and I apologize for that but despite that, I hope ya'll still read and still like? Another thing, if you are ever confused about what is going on in here PLEASE tell me so I can inform you on what is happening. Keep your reviews honest..heh, I just got my first not-so-good review and i'm kinda bummed about that but I respect honesty. One more thing, this chapter isn't that long and i'm still working on the next chapter so it might be more than a day before I post again but in the mean time please review! Now I bring you chapter 5, hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer - I do not own anything or anybody from Instant star, only my poems and my songs.
Chapter 5 - You what?
"Powerless I stand
Wet eyes compressed by my hands
Here I am crying, who knew?
Didnt think it was possible to shed another tear on you
I'm hurting, cant you see that?
Thru that mask you wear, do you believe that?
Dont try to hide from me I see right thru
Dont try to fix me, when you cant fix you
Come back to me, dont hide
Dont tell me another lie
I know how you feel, you know it too
I cant forget, I wont forget you
Dont hide behind the age
Lets turn the page, and let this thing resolve
I cant take anymore pain..
Tired of playing this childish game
But i'm not a kid, why cant you see that?.."
"Ahhem." Tommy cleared his throat. Jude jumped and then set down the guitar.
"Sorry.." She got up and walked towards him with her eyes on the floor.
"Its ok, any other time I wouldn't have stopped you but we need to talk."
'Here it comes.' She sighed.
"Yeah I guess we do." She looked up at him. He put his hand on the small of her back and guided her to the living room. Jude sat on the couch this time and tommy sat in the recliner.
"Jude..what happened in there.." He started, trying to figure out what exactly to say.
"Oh you mean this time your admitting it happen?" She shot back at him, on the verge of tears. Why did he have to say anything? saying nothing would be better..atleast then she could believe he wanted it, that it wasnt a mistake.
"Yeah." It was all he could say to that.
"I care about you jude, you know that." He admitted, realizing the tears in judes eyes.
"But i'm 16." She spat.
"Jude-"
"Heard it before tommy, we've been through this..i'm too young, your my producer, and theres sadie, cant forget about her." The tears that were trapped before were now gone, she wouldnt cry for tommy again. Not in front of him anyway.
"Yes jude those reasons are pretty sensable, dont you think?" He was now frustrated, he usually got this way whenever they discussed their friendship/relationship..whatever it was.
She laughed.
"Tommy, in case you havent noticed i'm going to be 17 in a week and even if I wasnt, i'm not a kid..and yes you are my producer but half the reason we work so well with eachother is because how we feel about eachother." She stopped for a second.
"Well atleast the way I feel about you..but anyway, and about sadie, didnt you guys break up? not trying to sound like the bad sister here but.." She started to feel a bit guilty but only about the sadie deal.
"Yeah, that is why we make good music together but still you are 16 no matter how old you act or how old you look, you are 16 and I am 22. Its illegal, I would go to jail, dont you understand that?" It pained him to talk about this but they had to get it over with, he had to explain to her once and for all that it wouldnt work and that there would never be together.
"You wouldnt go to jail tommy, my mom wouldnt do that to you." Her voice got softer.
"Tommy, I..I love you." She couldnt believe the words that escaped her lips and immediately afterwards threw her hand over her mouth.
Tommy sat there for a minute trying to process this, why? why did the harrisons have to do this to him? they use 'love' and it always got to him. He couldn't do this..he was getting mad about it.
"You dont know what love is." He spat, getting up and heading towards the guest room. He peaked in to see if there was enough blankets and pillows, and there was.
"You know where the guest room is." He said to jude and then walked towards his room.
"Goodnight." It was the last word that was said that night from either of them. Jude cried to herself on the couch, she didnt even make it to the room that night. Tommy didnt sleep that night, he layed in bed thinking. For the first time since he was a teenager he felt as if he wanted to die. He never meant to hurt jude, if anything he wanted to be the one she came to to feel loved and cared for but he always messed it up. She meant everything to him but he couldnt tell her that. How could he tell her that she didnt know what love was? she knew more about life than he did. She knew him more than he knew himself, who gave him the right to tell her that? God, he would be lucky if she even talked to him after what he said to her..hopefully she would understand, would she ever forgive him?
The sun shone through the window in the living room, hitting judes face. She oppened her eyes and her surroundings were blurry. She smelt coffee and smiled, she was at tommys..at that everything that happened the night before rushed back to her and she closed her eyes again trying to gather her thoughts. After a few minutes of this she was ready to face whatever was to come."Tommy?" Her voice cracked, god why did it always have to do that? she was so bad at covering her emotions up, but then again it was morning..that was a pretty good excuse.
Tommy was in the kitchen pouring them both a cup of coffee, when finished he walked into the living room smiling guiltily. He handed jude a cup and then sat down next to her.
"Thanks." She smiled at him.
"I'm sorry about last night, jude." His voice was full of sencerity and his eyes as well.
"Dont apologize." She was still smiling.
"I didnt mean anything I said." He assured, setting his cup on the coffee table in front of them.
"Well what you said was true, I don't know what love is..all I can do is imagine I guess, but it gives a girl hope, yanno?" She also sat her cup on the table after taking a quick sip.
"I shouldn't have said that..I dont have the right to say that seeing as though i'm still trying to figure out the concept of 'love' myself." He half-smiled.
Jude leaned over and kissed him on the cheek softly and quickly.
"We're cool quincy." He smiled at her comment. He still felt guilty for saying what he had said, and once again they were back to friends..the thing tom didnt want, he wanted so much more.
"So dont you have to get to the studio? wouldnt want darius to have a hissy fit." She smirked, feeling completely free.
"Actually yes, I do." He sighed, not wanting to leave jude.
"And I have to go back home." She sighed.
"You can come back whenever you want." He promised, getting up and starting to walk into his bedroom again.
"Why havent I been over here before? you were always so secretive about this place." She got up and walked into the guest room grabbing her coat and cell phone.
Tommy smiled to himself.
"So, you ready?" They both came out of the rooms at the same time but only one smiling.
"Nice..avoid the question." She shook her head as he continued smiling. They made their way out of the apartment and to tommys viper. The whole way to judes they sat talking about the studio and how jude missed being at G-major but how much liam hurt her. She wanted to go back but one, she didnt know if darius would take her this soon seeing as though he agreed with liam, and 2, she didnt know how well everything would work with everyone..in other words her and tommy.
Tommy stopped in front of judes house and she smiled at him sadly.
"I dont want to go." She whined.
"I'll see you later." He pushed her playfully and she got out of the car and waved goodbye.
Jude walks into the house to find sadie and lex making out on the couch.
"Sadie!" Her voice dripping with anger.
The two pulled apart and sadie jumped up quickly.
"It's not what it looks like." Sadie tryed to lie but failed terribly.
"Oh okay so you werent just making out with him?..I guess i'm dillusional." She crossed her armsover her chest and stared at lex as if waiting for an explanation of some sort.
"Aren't you with my mom?" She finally asked, getting sick of the awkward silence. He laughed.
"Dont you remember, jude?" He got up slowly, smoothing out his shirt and then he walked towards her, when directly in front of her he put his hand on her shoulder.
"Young blondes." His eyes were narrow and stung like ice. They were burning her skin. His hand slid down her arm sending shivers down her spine. He felt her shake beneath his touch and he smiled and let go of her.
"I'll call you later sade." He winked at sadie before exiting the harrisons.
"Sadie, how could you? how could you do that to mom?" Judes anger echoed the house. Sadie sank into the couch and sighed into her hands.
"I don't know." She dropped her hands and looked at jude.
"Come on he's too young for her anyway!" She protested. Jude stood shocked.
"What happen to 'As long as moms happy'?" Jude didnt want to test this too much, she didnt want to go through the reasons why she didnt like this guy..even if sadie knew what had happen to her, she didnt want her to know it was by lex. She was in less danger not knowing.
After a few minutes of silence jude spoke again.
"We so have to get a new couch." More groaning than 'speaking'.
Sadie couldnt help but smile at her statement, her eyes following jude to the staircase.
"Hold it!" Sadie hopped off the couch and followed. Jude stopped and turned towards her confusedly.
"What?" Her voice being a little more harsh than intended.
"Where were you last night?" She asked.
"I stayed the night at kats, I told you guys that." She turned again and started to pick up the pace a little to her room.
"Jude, kat came over earlier looking for you and when we asked she said she hasn't seen you since when you guys went to the movies." Sadie smirked seeing her sister squirm.
'Crap I knew I forgot to do something last night..'
"I couldnt be here sadie." She turned to sadie again, looking for any sign of sympathy or compassion but she found none.
"Well if it wasnt kat at the door last night, who was it?" Jude looked at the ceiling trying to find a way out of this but she couldnt think of anything else.
"Tommy." She managed to squeak.
----------------------------------------------------
Tommy was now at the studio making his way to darius' office. When he reached the door he knocked a few times and then opened it without waiting for a response.
"T, so nice of you to show up." Darius smiled.
"Yeah, sorry I haven't been here in a few days but I needed some time." He sat in the chair shadowing the front of darius' desk.
"You're just lucky you are a good producer." Darius said half-jokingly.
"Yeah well a good producer is nothing without a good artist." He hinted and darius immediately got was he was talking about.
"That girl is stubborn, even if I told her to come back we probably wouldnt see her until a few months from now." Tommy gave him a look.
"D, she wants to come back, and she has some great lyrics, hit material even." He assured.
"Alright tom, tell her she is needed at G-major, we could use the money right now." Tommy smiled and then nodded, leaning over and shaking darius' hand.
--------------------------------------------------
Sadie had to pick her jaw up off the floor.
"Dont tell me you stayed the night with him." Jealously tainted her hollow words. Jude noticed and laughed.
"Ok, I wont tell you I stayed the night with him." She loved playing mind games with her, it was just too easy and way too much fun.
"Jude.." She followed jude into her room.
"Yes?" She asked as if she didnt know what sadie was talking about.
"Did you stay with him last night?" She asked again.
"In a way." She sat down on her bed and started daydreaming about the night before, mostly just about tommy.
"Jude!" Sadie squeaked.
"What? he picked me up and then we went to G-major and worked on some tracks and we fell asleep." The lie bounced out of her mouth and she was satisfied with it. God, what a good liar she was becoming.
"I thought you werent at G-major for a while? didn't they give you a few months off?" Sadie waited for her sisters excuse to that.
"Yeah well, darius and I made peace. I'm back." This wasnt a complete lie, she was planning on talking to darius about coming back earlier so she didnt feel as bad with this one.
"Oh." Relief washed over sadie. She still felt for tommy even though if someone asked her she would deny it til the end.
"Where's mom?" Jude changed the subject.
Sadie, starting to feel guilty again, walked towards judes bedroom door.
"Store." She didnt want to be questioned anymore about lex so she left the room.
-------------------------------------------------
Days went on with jude having to put up with sadie and lex sneaking behind their moms back and she came close to telling victoria so many times but everytime she went to do it she thought about the concequences and what sadie would tell in return. But on a higher note jude was back at G-major and her and liam were even getting along. It was noon, the day before her birthday, everything was hectic around the house and the studio and she was instructed to be anywhere but either of those two places. Something was up.
"What are you guys planning?" She was being pushed out of G-major by speid.
"Well theres a certain little blonde who is supposedly a good singer and I guess its her birthday tomorrow." He let go of her and started back into the studio.
"Speid come on!" She called out before he shut the door in her face.
Jude mumbled.
"Well where am I suppose to go then?" She asked the air and looked around as if waiting for an answer. She thought about going to her studio but she grew tired of being there and sme was at G-major so there really was no point. She couldnt hang out with jamie or kat because they were at her house doing who knows what with her mom and lex. Her stomach churned when she just thought about lex.
"I'm turning 17, why do I need a party anyway?" She asked the air again, this time kicking the side walk. After walking around a while jude decided to go to the park and just spend some time to herself thinking. She sat on a bench and watched a few kids run around in the field playing football. She laughed. It reminded her of speid, wally, and kyle.
----------------------------------------------
Back at G-major everyone was trying to get everything perfect around the studio so judes birthday would turn out well.
"Darius, what do you think?" Porsha held up a red, silk dress that hung low in the front and had thin straps.
"You're not wearing that." His brotherly insticts kicked in, thought he was only teasing her.
"Not for me silly! for jude." She pouted, she'd never be able to fit in that dress, he knew that.
"Well in that case its great!" He patted his sisters shoulder and then walked out of the main room.
"You'd look great in it." Kwest had overheard their conversation and thought she needed some kind words, but the fact of the matter was she would look good in a dress like that.
"Is that for jude?" Tommy walked up to the two, eyeing the dress.
"Nope its for me." She smiled and held the dress against her slightly bigger form. Tommys expression changed and his eyes widened a bit. Kwest gave him a 'Dont say anything.' look but tom obviously wasn't paying attention.
"That dress is for you?" He asked stupidly.
She rolled her eyes and walked out of the room saying, "No tommy its judes."
Kwest gave him a look.
"What?" Tommy asked.
---------------------------------------------
Back at judes house -
Upstairs-
"Aww ms harrison, jude's gonna love that!" Kat watched her friend's mom wrap up a necklace that had a star charm on it.
"I hope so, thought it would go nice with that ring she always wears." Victoria added the last peice of tape to the present, securing it.
Downstairs-
Jamie and lex come through the front door.
"Got the ice, decorations, and guitar-shaped napkins." Jamie's voice echoed the living room as he walked into the kitchen, lex close in toe, to find sadie.
"Guitar-shaped napkins? how'd you pull that off?" Sadies eyes followed lex.
Jamie smiled.
"I have my ways." Sadie shook her head.
"Sadie start on the cake!" Victoria screamed from upstairs.
"Okay, I can do this." She began searching through cabinets and under the sink until finally picking out a few random bowls, pans, and stirring utensils.
"Need help?" Lex grabbed the cake mix and icing and made his way to sadie. Once behind her he put his arms around her as if he were going to give her a hug and then dropped the two packages on the counter but he waited a minute before he backed away.
"Sure." Her cheeks pink and her heart thumping fast with anxiousness.
Jamie watched the two for a few minutes and then went into the living room starting to decorate. He didnt like this guy, there was something very strange about him and he didnt want to be around him and sadie flirting anymore. How couldnt miss harrison see this? it was so obvious. Aggravated, jamie finished the living room and then went upstairs with the girls.
-------------------------------------------
"So tom, what do you have up your sleeve this year?" Tommy looked at kwest, he was remembering her last birthday and how everything went wrong. He was determined to make this birthday the best she'd ever had, but who said he had to tell kwest that?
"I dont know what you're talking about." He looked over at the clock '5:30'
Kwest shook his head dissapointedly.
"Not gonna tell your best friend? alright, I'll remember that." He tryed to play hurt but tommy knew better.
"You'll just have to wait and see." He smiled, getting up and walking out of the sound booth.
"Oh so you are planning something!" Kwest followed tommy and tryed to get more information but it was useless, tom wasnt going to crack.
Finally everything was finished both at G-major and at the house so kat called jude and told, not asked, told her that she would be spending the night with her. The whole night at kats jude tryed to get hints out of her but kat wouldnt tell anything.
The next day came rather quickly and jude was up bright and early for once. This was her day and nothing was going to screw it up, not this time, notanybody.
A/N - Remember ya'll review please! and to all of you who do review, I would thank ya'll individually but i'm still not that familiar on how..hehe, thank you guys for stickin with my story! continue to review..yall give me hope:) thanks again!