Chapter Six: A Dim Light
The passing week was the calmest of the time that Kagome lived in Sesshomaru's castle. After the incident with Kitanran, Kagome no longer had the courage to disobey Sesshomaru's will and run off to find her own way. She was safest here. That event allowed Kagome to understand more about why Rin was so insistent on staying with such a difficult man. She knew little but violence about the outside world. And with Sesshomaru's explanation on what Kitanran attempted, it only worried her more. Why would anyone want to leave such a safe place when only devastation was waiting for you? Kagome much preferred reading, writing, flower gazing, and playing with Rin over anything else.
"What are we going to do today?" Kagome asked as she sat up from her bed. Just moments before, Rin made her way inside Kagome's room and gently shook the woman awake. Kagome had come to expect these morning wakeup calls as they became part of her daily routine.
"It's a surprise! First, you gotta get dressed and I'll tell you at breakfast." Rin explained excitedly before leaving the room with a cheerful smile. Kagome was confused, but any surprise Rin had for her up to this point had been fun. She slid out of bed and began her morning routine. It began with a bath, drying her hair, picking out a new kimono, and then making her way out to the dining hall for breakfast.
Kagome entered the dining hall right on time, as usual. The hall was not as lavish as one would expect. While large, the decorations did not go beyond a large wall scroll with a silver crescent moon in the middle of it. The table could sit up to twenty people easily, but the others were never used. Kagome sat down next to Rin, the child being what separated her from Lord Sesshomaru. Jaken sat across from Rin, at Sesshomaru's right side. It was always silent in the dining hall because that was how Sesshomaru preferred it. Rin would speak to Jaken or Kagome every now and then, but not often and it was always about how delicious the meal was. Anything beyond that was silenced by the head of the table.
After the silence of their morning meal came to an end, Kagome and Rin made their way out of the dining hall, both bowing politely to Sesshomaru as he made his way to his study. The two girls stepped out into the courtyard to get some fresh air, but Kagome had to find out what was in store for them.
"So, what are we going to do today, Rin? You said that you'd tell me after breakfast." Kagome asked as she sat down at their usual stone bench, under the cherry blossom tree. Rin hopped up on the small stone wall that surrounded one of the many flower beds in the courtyard.
"Very soon we're gonna be able to leave the castle!" Rin practically squealed in excitement and Kagome's smile fell as she watched the girl happily hop around, "Lord Sesshomaru has gotten most of his work done here so we can go on adventures all throughout the lands again."
Kagome fell silent while Rin played around a bit. She didn't want to leave the castle. She was finally feeling more comfortable here and her experience outside the walls was terrifying. The concerned look in her eyes caught Rin's attention, bringing the child to stand worried in front of her.
"Are you okay, Kagome?" Rin asked.
"Oh. I'm okay, Rin. I'm just feeling a little odd." Kagome smiled.
"If you're feeling odd, then you should go lay down for a while." Rin confidently nodded at her own suggestion, "Miss Jukudo and I are going to start learning early today because tomorrow we'll be off and I have to get ready for traveling. You have to be ready for tomorrow too, okay?"
"I don't think Lord Sesshomaru will want me to travel with you, Rin." Kagome said with a bit of hope, but she kept up the act some for Rin, "Don't worry, I'll always be here waiting for you."
"But I want you to come with us. You're better than Jaken. He is mean to me." Rin explained sadly.
"I'll have a talk to him. I'll make sure he's nicer from now on."
"No! I want you to come. Why can't you come?"
Kagome took a deep breath and sighed out frustratedly. She ran her hands through her hair and thought for a moment. Glancing down to Rin, even for the short second that she did, only brought out the guilt of leaving her alone with just Jaken and Sesshomaru. Rin loves Sesshomaru, but Jaken always talks down to and lectures Rin like she was some sort of insect. Kagome could understand why Rin would want someone else there, but her the fear of such an unknown world was holding her back. How could she just walk out of here, where she was safe, when she had no idea what awaited beyond the walls?
"I just… I don't know. Rin, I can't talk about this right now. I need to go rest. You go get ready for your trip. I'll talk to you around dinner." Kagome's finalized tone left Rin sad, but neither said anything. Rin merely turned back to the castle and walked away with her head lowered. Seeing the child so down only increased the guilt she felt. She groaned and laid down on the stone bench, staring at the sky. A few minutes of contemplation brought her to a single conclusion: ask Sesshomaru. She stood up and went into the castle. She always had a hard time finding him. When she wanted to, it was like he was nowhere to be found. When she was avoiding him, it was like he was around every corner. It took a good ten minutes to find him in this place. He ended up in his bedroom on the third story. Kagome, unfortunately, was not aware that it was his bedroom and opened the door without a second thought.
"Lord Sesshomaru?" Kagome called out as she stepped into the room. The room was larger than she expected. The immediate area was a small sitting nook, with two comfortable chairs and a table in between the two. There was a large beautifully crafted rug underneath the chairs that Kagome had to feel under her feet. She took off the straw sandals she always wore and ran her foot over it. The fabric was extremely soft. Like the decorations in the kitchen, it had a large silver crescent moon in the middle of a solid black color. She giggled at the feeling, the most comfortable one she had felt.
The room was interesting to Kagome. She walked around the sitting nook, running her hand along the smooth dark wood that the chairs were made of. She took note of the dogs that were carved into the wood as well. Once the chairs lost her interest, Kagome looked around the room. Her eyes first fell on two sliding doors with clouds and dogs also painted into them. She went over and slid one of the doors open. The view left her awestruck. There were snow covered mountains in the distance, beautiful thick green forests from the mountains until about a mile from the castle, a large lake, and then a small valley of lush grass. The light cool breeze made the view even more comforting for her.
"Beautiful…" Kagome muttered with a serene smile gracing her lips. She took in a deep breath, the nice air filling her lungs and helping her feel refreshed. This was much better than the wooden box she was stuck in on a daily basis. She came back in and closed the door, only to have her eyes finally find the demon in the room. Sesshomaru was staring at her, but she could not tell what he was thinking.
"L-Lord Sesshomaru? I-I'm sorry. I-I didn't see you there." Kagome stuttered.
"What are you doing in my bedroom?" he asked angrily, standing up from the side of his bed. Kagome rushed toward the door to leave, but slipped on the rug and fell. Sesshomaru walked up behind her and grabbed the back of her kimono. He lifted her up and threw her toward the door, causing her to fall once more. "You enter someone's bedroom without knocking. I was resting, impudent wench."
"I did not know this was your bedroom. I am sorry." Kagome moved into a bowing position, her face a couple inches from the floor, "I don't come to the third floor often. I was just looking for you."
"Looking for me? Why?" Sesshomaru asked and pulled Kagome back to her feet by the back of her kimono again. Being pulled up, she became unbalanced and flailed her arms and legs until her feet met the ground again. When Kagome looked up, she was captivated by Sesshomaru's appearance. She had caught him when he was resting, but she was not expecting him to be topless. She did not remember ever seeing another man shirtless before, excluding Kitanran, but she thought him hideous. Sesshomaru was a different story. There was something about him that tickled the back of her mind.
"I, um… Well, Rin explained to me that we would be leaving the castle soon." Kagome explained, having a hard time keeping eye contact. She kept glancing around the room, trying to avoid looking at his bare chest. Sesshomaru noticed this since it was a little too obvious to ignore.
"What are you so distracted by?" he asked, honestly curious.
"N-Nothing. I just wanted to know if I was travelling with you." she asked, avoiding the question.
"Rin wishes for your company, so yes." he replied, "Now leave my room."
"Wait, but I… I don't… I don't want to go with you. I want to stay here." she practically begged.
"Then stay. I do not care." Sesshomaru pushed her from the room and closed the door.
Kagome jumped as the door slammed shut in front of her face. She stared at the door for a moment, the thought of Sesshomaru's bare body in her mind, causing her to blush deeply. She shook her head, trying to shake the thoughts away before she hurried back to the first floor of the castle. It wasn't long before she ran into Rin and Miss Jukudo in the midst of their studies. Rin was in a much better mood now.
"Kagome!" Rin exclaimed excitedly, "Have you changed your mind about coming with us?"
"No, Rin. I will be staying here at the castle. I'm sorry." Kagome said and quickly moved onto her own room. Rin was obviously disappointed, but Kagome didn't give the child time to make her feel guilty. She was too scared to leave the castle. What if another demon wanted to harm her, like Kitanran? She hurried into her room to hide and decided it would be best to spend her day in bed.
It did not take Kagome long to fall asleep, but she wasn't allowed to for long. A little after lunch, she was woken by a sudden jolt. She gasped as she was forced awake and looked up to see Lord Sesshomaru standing above her. Her heart immediately began to race. Was she in trouble again?
"Rin wishes for you to come along with us, so you will." he demanded, leaving very little willingness to argue.
"Wait, but why?" Kagome sat up from her bed.
"I already explained this. Do not make me repeat myself."
"But you said that you didn't care, so why are you changing your mind?"
"Get ready. We will be leaving after you've eaten." he commanded her and turned to leave the room. Kagome stood up from her bed and went after him, but tripped as her foot got caught in the blankets she was using. He stopped and turned to her as he closed the door. "Hurry up."
Kagome quickly realized that she had no choice. With how annoyed Sesshomaru seemed, it was obvious that Rin had come to ask him to make her come along. Kagome sighed and stood up, starting to get ready for the trip before she was to head out and eat lunch. Once she was bathed, dressed, and had eaten alone in the dining hall, Kagome was escorted out to the courtyard. The courtyard was filled with the servants of the castle, Rin, Jaken, Ah'Un, and of course Sesshomaru. Rin was saying goodbye to the servants she liked and Sesshomaru giving orders for what he expected them to do before he returned. When Kagome entered the area, Rin became excited.
"Kagome! So, you are gonna come with us?" she asked, but Kagome didn't really feel like answering. She was irritated and scared. She didn't want to leave, but because Rin wanted her to, she had no choice. Kagome's silence was met with a glare from Sesshomaru, but Kagome was to distracted to notice.
Rin tried catching her attention a few more times, but when Kagome never answered, Rin grabbed the dazed woman's sleeve and tugged on it. Kagome was snapped from her daze and looked to Rin.
"I'm sorry, Rin. What did you ask?" Kagome asked.
"Are you going to come with us?"
"Oh, yes, I am." Kagome replied as happily as she could, though her tone was stressed. Sesshomaru could hear the annoyance, but Rin's smile proved that she did not catch on.
A little over two weeks and Kagome was leaving the Western Castle at Lord Sesshomaru and Rin's side, with the obnoxious little imp and a two headed dragon-demon. She sat on AhUn's back with Rin as they took to the air. Kagome didn't know what to expect, so when they first took off, she was startled and reached around Rin to grab the reins, panicking and trying not to yell. AhUn struggled for a moment, making Kagome's reaction even more unsettled as she pulled harder on the reins.
"Kagome, you're making him go crazy!" Rin said and pulled on the reins. Kagome calmed down and slowly let go of the reins to let Rin take control.
"I-I'm sorry, Rin… So, these make him react?" Kagome asked.
"Uh'huh." Rin nodded, "Watch. Lord Sesshomaru taught me."
The flying lesson went on for some time before they finally landed. Lord Sesshomaru made the decision to walk the rest of the way. Watching Rin and Kagome fly AhUn like he was some sort of toy was frustrating and quickly wore the demon mount out. When they landed, AhUn was already getting tired.
"Rin, you know better than to fly AhUn like that!" Jaken scolded the girl as they walked on.
"I was just trying to teach Kagome how to fly him. She was scared!" Rin explained.
"If I had known it would tire him out, I wouldn't have asked about it." Kagome said and pet both AhUn's necks, "I'm sorry you two, but thanks for dealing with me." AhUn both nudged her back. While Kagome didn't spend too much time with AhUn, they did end up liking her more than expected.
"Either way, Rin knew better an-…"
"Lord Sesshomaru," Kagome politely called to him, having gotten into the habit of interrupting Jaken like Rin often did, "May I ask why we have left the castle? Is there somewhere specific we're traveling?"
"No." was all he replied with, which only left Kagome confused. Which question did he just answer?
"I see." She replied and decided it was best not to ask.
The group traveled for another hour and Rin was out of things to talk about. Silence weighed the girls down while the four demons kept walking like it was nothing. Soon, AhUn invited Rin and Kagome to ride on their back and the girls were thankful for the chance. Another hour passed and Kagome was left in even more silence when Rin fell asleep. Practically alone with her thoughts, Kagome dazed out, staring through the trees that lined the dirt path they found a couple miles back.
Suddenly, the ground began shaking, but Kagome wasn't reacting. Rin woke up, AhUn stopped walking, and Jaken looked around worriedly, holding AhUn's reins tightly. Sesshomaru, however, looked back to Kagome as she stared blankly into the forest around them.
"GIRL." He shouted, startling Rin, who was holding on to AhUn for dear life. Kagome didn't answer, or even flinch at Sesshomaru shouting at her. "KAGOME." He yelled at her again.
Kagome's mind was nothing but darkness. The loss of her memories gave her little to visit when she was stuck in silence. Like now, riding on the back of AhUn without anyone to talk to, Kagome fell into the black void of her own thoughts like many times before, but there was something different here. She stopped being able to hear the world around her, and a voice crept up from nowhere.
"Kagome, are you alright?" A woman's voice spoke to her. In front of her eyes a girl with black hair, tied back into a ponytail, seemed to form out of the nothingness. The girl held out a hand and pulled Kagome from the ground before turning her back. Something was happening on the other side of this girl, but Kagome couldn't see. No matter how hard she tried to look around her, she couldn't.
"GIRL." A familiar voice yelled at her.
"Yes?" she tried to answer, but nothing came out.
"KAGOME."
Kagome slowly opened her eyes to see white. She suddenly had the reins in her hand and saw Sesshomaru motion AhUn to fly. She looked around confused, but quickly took control. As AhUn took to the air, a large centipede demon moved through the area, barely missing them.
"Wh-What is that?" Kagome asked, horrified.
"It's a demon." Rin said.
"A demon, but that thing… It's a monster."
"Not all demons look cool like Lord Sesshomaru. Weaker ones look like that." Rin said, watching the fight beneath them. She watched Lord Sesshomaru like he was hero. The centipede demon tried ignoring Sesshomaru to charge them in the air, but was quickly cut in half by the powerful dog demon. Kagome soon brought AhUn to the ground and landed a few yards from the demon centipede.
"Why did you not answer?" Sesshomaru asked, angrily.
"I, uh… What?" Kagome blinked, confused.
"Lord Sesshomaru had to yell at you twice and you still didn't answer." Rin asked curiously.
"I…" Kagome thought for a moment, everyone staring at her, "I saw a girl…"
"What do you mean, Kagome?" Rin asked.
"I… I'm not sure. It was almost like a dream, but not a dream…" Kagome tried to explain, but the stares just continued, "It was dark and then I heard her voice. I think there was a fight happening because I think I was knocked down and she helped me to my feet… Then I heard you yelling, but… I couldn't reply." Kagome hugged herself, looking to Sesshomaru, "I tried, but nothing would come out. I heard you yelling, but… I couldn't reply. I couldn't see you, any of you. Just… Just that girl."
"Lord Sesshomaru," Jaken spoke up, "It may have been a memory trying to surface."
"Possibly." He replied.
"A memory? You think so?" Kagome asked excitedly.
"Oh, that would be wonderful! I hope it is. If you get your memories back, you'll…" Rin's voice faded and she looked off, "You'll leave… Th-That's good. You'll be able to be with your friends again."
Everyone could see the depression in Rin's demeanor strike like lightning. The sudden realization of what happens when and if Kagome's memory returns bothered her. Kagome would go with those she could not currently remember and Rin wouldn't be able to see her again. The child knew this was a good thing. It meant her friend was better and where she belonged, but where did that leave Rin?
Kagome would have commented on this, but before she got the chance, Rin hopped off of AhUn's back and looked to Sesshomaru. She decided to go get some food suddenly. Kagome thought that meant Jaken or Sesshomaru would go with her, or maybe even she would go with Rin, but Jaken and Sesshomaru merely sat down on the side of the road. Kagome watched Rin run off and hopped off the back of AhUn, the dragon also sitting off to the side.
"She goes alone?" Kagome asked.
"Always. She knows how to find what she needs." Jaken explained.
"Brave girl…" Kagome sat down near AhUn and waited, the silence helpful for the first time in a long time, as she tried to recall whatever that may have been. She could only remember the words of a woman talking to her. "Kagome, are you alright?" She couldn't remember the face… Frustrating.