Chapter Eighteen: Changes and Training
With such a massive victory, the group wanted to take the time to relax. They got Kagome back. They got Kohaku back. Kagome has apparently gained a massive amount of power that she barely understands and desperately needs to train. After returning Kohaku to Sango's side, she had to sleep the rest of the night and didn't wake until noon the next day. At times, she had a hard time walking around and would sometimes end up off balance. Kikyo and Kaede took the time to make her some food that was meant to energize a priestess's power, but weren't sure whether it'd help her body. Sango was taking the time to catch her little brother up and promise him that no one blames him. Kohaku was silent most of the time, still haunted by memories of his fallen family. Shippo and Rin played throughout the entire day. Sesshomaru kept to himself, watching Rin and Kagome from afar. Inuyasha noticed Sesshomaru's attentiveness toward Kagome and wanted to keep her away from him.
As night fell, Kagome approached Sesshomaru on her own. She was finally able to get Inuyasha to calm down and give her some space. While it hurt his feelings a bit, she knew he'd be able to get over it. As she approached the demon lord, the two of them stared at each other for a few tense moments. The silence spoke for them both. They needed to talk. Sesshomaru needed to make things clear with her and needed to understand exactly where her mind was at. Kagome, on the other hand, needed to ask him one simple question. Everything else was put on the backburner, so when he agreed to talk to her and the two made their way out toward the Bone Eater's Well, Kagome spoke first.
"Will you stay?" Kagome asked bluntly, wasting no time.
"What?" Sesshomaru questioned.
"I would like you to stay with us." Kagome spoke honestly. "I think it would be good for Rin, for one, but I also know that we can all work well together. You just risked yourself to save my life. Kikyo did as well and I plan on asking her to stay too, but I specifically want you here."
"Kagome…" Sesshomaru said, sighed, and took in a deep breath. "I can't."
"Why can't you? I'm sure Inuyasha will-." Kagome said.
"It has nothing to do with Inuyasha." Sesshomaru cut her off. "I need to get Rin away from you."
"Wait, what?" Kagome said, shocked and offended. "Why would you say that?"
"The child has it in her head that you and I will be together." Sesshomaru explained clearly. "I cannot be with a human. No matter what Miroku, or Sango, or Rin want, it cannot happen."
"I see." Kagome replied, watching him curiously, eyes slightly narrowed.
"What?" Sesshomaru asked.
"I wasn't going to mention any of that, so I'm surprised it is something at the forefront of your mind." Kagome explained and then looked up to the night sky. "I won't lie. I remember everything, but the weirdest part of it, is that all of the memories at the surface of my mind are those of you. I remember how safe you make me feel, how warm you were when you let me get close after I fell in the river, and I remember how concerned you were when I woke up in the forest and you told me my body went through something. It was then that I made the decision to stay with you instead of going back with Inuyasha. While my memories were gone, I was very serious about it. Those feelings have not faded at all. It's all as fresh as it is meant to be. They are my freshest memories."
"And what of your old memories?" Sesshomaru asked. "You have spent years with Inuyasha."
"I have. I also spent that entire time walking in Kikyo's shadow." Kagome explained. "With Inuyasha, I am not sure if I will ever just be Kagome to him. With you, I really am just me. Now, I'm not saying that I've fallen head over heels in love with you, Sesshomaru, but I do care about you, deeply. You've already admitted that you care about me, so I would rather you stay. If a relationship happens to develop between the two of us, great. If it doesn't, then I'd rather you be a friend than a distant thought."
"Your stint in the time knife has affected more than I like." Sesshomaru stated.
Kagome blinked and began laughing, "The time knife?"
"It's not like it has a name." Sesshomaru replied.
"True. The name is just unexpected." Kagome said, wiping a tear of joy from her eye. "Anyways, if I'm being even more honest, I think I need you here, Sesshomaru. I have a lot going through my head, more than I ever have before. Centuries of training has left my mind muddled, and suddenly, I'm back here with the last few months being the clearest of all my memories. It's like I left Inuyasha to train with the monks for two hundred years in the mountains, and returned here to be taken care of by you."
"I see. There is a huge time gap for you, isn't there?" Sesshomaru said, catching on.
"Yes. I don't feel anything for Inuyasha." Kagome said and looked off to the side, guilt washed all over her face. "For him, it was a short time ago, but for me… I don't know what to do."
"Be honest with them." Sesshomaru said. "Keeping this to yourself is going to hurt everyone you care about. They will constantly wonder why you're acting different and unless you give them time to adjust to the change and understand your situation, they may come to resent you."
"You're right." Kagome said and took in a deep breath. "See, I need you here."
"I'm not staying." Sesshomaru said seriously.
"Don't be so stubborn." Kagome crossed her arms. "This is dumb. I already know you care about me. Is it really your demon heritage you're clinging to? What happened to the Sesshomaru that didn't let anyone tell him what to do? Because traditions like that are just letting dead people do it."
"Are you trying to convince me to be with you?" Sesshomaru asked.
"Oh, my god." Kagome said and face-palmed. "Let me make this clear, Sesshomaru. I am not asking you to be my mate. I am not asking you to marry me. I am not asking you to do anything that you'd expect a lover to do. I am only asking you to do the things that you expect a friend to do. I want you to stick around. I want you to help me train. I want you to help us all defeat Naraku. I want Rin to be able to stay here because I know she wants to, and I don't want to lose Rin to your stubbornness!"
"This is about Rin?" Sesshomaru asked.
Kagome froze and stared at Sesshomaru. There was something tapping at the back of her mind. It was like an itch she couldn't scratch. Any time she looked him in the eyes, she felt it. It was frustrating, but she had to admit that she understood where he was coming from. That fact was they were both lying to each other. The look in his eyes made things clear to her and this teenage game she was playing was only hurting the situation. She wanted to figure out a way to just… let it all out.
"… Sit down." Kagome said suddenly and pointed to the stump behind him. "Go. Sit. Now."
"Do not order me around." Sesshomaru ordered, but Kagome just stared dully at him. "Fine."
Sesshomaru walked to the stump and sat down. Kagome walked up to him and put her hands on his shoulders, leaning down to look him directly in the eyes.
"Now, close your eyes." Kagome said.
"Why?" Sesshomaru warily questioned, but was met with silence, so he gave in and closed them.
Kagome watched him for a moment to make sure he wasn't peeking. When she confirmed he wasn't, she took a deep breath, held it, leaned in, and kissed him on the cheek. Sesshomaru immediately recoiled, his eyes shooting open, as he stared at her in shock. Kagome never faltered though, and she could feel his heart racing through the palms of her hands touching his shoulders. Though he acted like he wanted to pull away, he didn't really try. He didn't yell. He didn't hit her. He didn't even stand.
"I thought so." Kagome said and pressed her forehead against his. He wanted to lean further away, but he'd likely fall off the stump. "There was a time you hit me for disobeying you. Maybe I do like you, Sesshomaru. Maybe I care enough about you that I want to keep you near me. Maybe my other option is to take Shippo and follow you to the Western Lands, leaving everyone else behind."
"Why would you do that?" Sesshomaru asked.
"Do you want to know my favorite memory of you?" Kagome asked him, her face still inches from his. "It was when I was convinced that my friends didn't care about me. I thought that since they hadn't come after me and found me, that they didn't care enough. Instead of being evil and using that to your advantage, you were honest with me. You reassured me that they were looking and that if you realized they were near, that you'd tell me immediately. It is that moment of honesty and compassion toward me, a human woman who you once heavily disliked, who also proved to be quite the pain in your ass at times, that I realized that I never wanted to be apart from you. It's why, right then and there, I asked you if you'd stay with me if I reunited with them. Please, Sesshomaru… don't leave me alone here."
Kagome opened her eyes and looked into his. This was the closest she had ever been allowed to stay to him without her being in some sort of danger. She just wanted to be there and he was allowing it. On the other hand, Sesshomaru was having a hard time comprehending all of this. His mind told him to push her away, that she was human, and he could never be with a human. His instincts, however, were going a more primal direction. He had never been this close to a woman in such a casual situation. His heart… Well, he had a habit of ignoring that cold bastard, but it was warming up, to his dismay.
"I'll stay, Kagome." Sesshomaru said in a low whisper.
Kagome suddenly leaned in and pressed her lips against Sesshomaru's. For a brief moment, the kiss was unwanted and unwelcome, but that moment passed very quickly. To Kagome's surprise, Sesshomaru leaned in, pressing back in to kiss her. Their kiss deepened as they pressed further into each other and Sesshomaru found himself wrapping his arms around Kagome. He stood up, standing above her and breaking the kiss for a second before taking the initiative and reconnecting with Kagome. She wrapped her arms around him and the two continued to share their tender, passionate moment until both were out of breath. When their lips finally separated, they looked deep into each other's eyes and locked themselves there until Sesshomaru felt Kagome's arms tighten around him again. He pulled her in more, and held her firmly, resting his cheek on her head as her head rested on his chest.
"That's better." Kagome said, listening to Sesshomaru's heart calm down and feeling his chest raise and lower as he took a deep breath. Again, she began feeling weak and chuckled. "I think that took a lot more energy out of me than I thought. That's what happens when you get nervous and take risks."
"You're tired again." Sesshomaru said and she nodded, her cheek rubbing against his haori.
"I was gonna leave this subject for later, you know." Kagome said, smiling as she looked up to him. "I really was just gonna try to get you to stay until we defeated Naraku and then see how you felt, but you had to go on and bring it up right now. As far as I'm concerned, this is your fault."
Sesshomaru stared at her, a small smile creeping on his face.
"I think I can deal with that." Sesshomaru said and then swooped Kagome into his arms. "Let's get you back to bed. Once you're ready, I'll help you with whatever training you need."
"Thank you." Kagome said, almost mumbling, as she slowly fell asleep in his arms.
Before he began walking back toward the village, he watched her. He then looked up and over his shoulder, staring at a tree. Well, he was staring at what was behind the tree.
"How long are you going to hide there?" Sesshomaru asked, his voice low to try not waking Kagome.
"Until you go away. Shoo." Sango peeked around the tree and gestured for Sesshomaru to go.
"Just come on. It'll look less suspicious if you return with us." Sesshomaru said.
"That's true." Sango said and hurried up beside Sesshomaru, skipping like a giddy child. "That had to have been the cutest thing I've ever seen. You two are going to be the best couple."
"As you heard, I did not get a chance to discuss how this is going to be revealed to the rest of the group." Sesshomaru said and looked to Sango. "Try not revealing it without Kagome's permission."
"Of course. Can I ask you something though?" Sango asked.
"If you must." Sesshomaru replied.
"Why were you so resistant to being with her?" Sango said, still talking low so Kagome could rest. "You obviously care quite a lot for her. I think everyone, even Inuyasha, could see it in your eyes."
"I have lived most of my life despising humans for their very existence." Sesshomaru said. "So, to make such a huge shift was… intimidating. I already accepted a human child as my daughter. I know I will raise her as my own, love her every day of her life, protect her… and out live her. One day, my daughter will be gone and I will still be here. I have now accepted that same fate with Kagome."
"I get it." Sango said and looked sadly to the floor. "Inuyasha was going to use the Sacred Jewel to become full demon. Would you think to use it to become human?"
"No." Sesshomaru said immediately.
"It's a possibility." Sango said, watching Sesshomaru for a reaction. She saw nothing she could discern from him. She couldn't blame him. He was already making significant changes to who he was, so did he really have to make the changes to what he was? Maybe Kagome could become a demon? If theories about that were right, however, she may not end up like Sesshomaru, but instead like Inuyasha when his demon blood took over and he was wild and uncontrollable. That would destroy everyone.
The three made it back to the village, a tired and sleeping Kagome curled in Sesshomaru's arms. The rest of the group had all gathered up, resting and ready to sleep until morning. Kagome's sleeping bag was already made up by Shippo and Rin, so Sesshomaru set her down there and covered her up.
"There is more food, if ye'd like some, Sesshomaru." Kaede offered the man a bowl.
"Appreciated." Sesshomaru said, taking the bowl. For the first time, he chose to enjoy what he would normally call "human food," but in reality, it was just cooked meat. He had a habit of eating meat raw and vegetables were never at the top of his menu. The small number of spices made the meal even more intriguing to his pallet. "The meal is well prepared. Thank you."
"I'm glad you like it." Kaede said, a proud smile. It wasn't every day a demon enjoyed her cooking. Well, Shippo did, but he was a child used to most human customs, so it didn't entirely count.
"So, do we have any plans for what's next?" Inuyasha asked.
"At the moment, I think people are enjoying some rest." Kikyo replied.
"Yeah, but Naraku is still out there." Inuyasha added. "We can't just ignore that."
"You're right, but we also can't ignore that Kagome is in no state to travel right now." Kikyo explained to Inuyasha. "If she were to use the amount of power she has now in the battlefield, without training, I'm sure Naraku will be the least of your worries. It is safer for everyone to let her train for some time."
"Hm. 'Your' worries, Kikyo?" Sango spoke up, tilting her head curiously at Kikyo.
"That… is what I said." Kikyo replied in confusion.
"Are you not staying?" Sango asked and then smiled. "I'm sure everyone would prefer it if you stayed and traveled with us. I know Kagome was planning to ask you tonight, but she got tired."
"She was?" Kikyo asked, glancing to the sleeping woman on the other side of the hut. "I admit, I have thought of requesting a spot in your group for some time now, but I felt it inappropriate."
"I think we're all maturing beyond that." Sango reassured Kikyo. "I'd rather you stay. Kagome would rather you stay. You'd not only be a powerful asset to the group, but a welcomed friend."
"I'd love it if my sister could join ye' all." Kaede spoke up, slightly saddened. "I have been worried for some time now that something would happen to ye', Kikyo. I would never know. I know ye've stayed away all this time because of some tensions between ye' and Kagome. I understand the pain that ye' feel when ye' return home and nothing is the same. So much time as passed, but I am still ye'r younger sister. I still want ye' to be safe and happy. If ye' can stay and work together, I am sure that Naraku will be defeated much easier and ye' all can become like friends."
"I don't mind it if Kikyo stays around." Miroku added.
"Yeah! More girls around means that we'll outnumber the boys." Rin said excitedly.
"Shh, shh. Yes, you're technically right, but don't wake Kagome." Sango said, calming Rin down.
"Oh, sorry." Rin said, looking over to Kagome to see if she woke up.
"She's still sleeping." Shippo whispered. He hadn't really left Kagome's side.
"Well, since it seems to be okay with everyone, I'd appreciate being allowed to stay." Kikyo said and there was a moment where her normal sophisticated demeanor wavered. A single tear fell down her cheek, something she didn't think possible. She wiped it away and stared at the wet spot on her finger.
"You okay, Kikyo?" Inuyasha asked, having been silent this whole time.
"I… can't remember the last time I cried." Kikyo said and wiped her eyes. "I didn't think I could."
"Everyone can cry…" Rin said.
"Well, sweetheart, I'm a little different." Kikyo smiled at Rin as she explained. "My body is more like a clay vase, created through magic, and being powered by Kagome's soul. I guess when her soul returned to her body and strengthened so greatly, the piece within me was made stronger as well. Before, I could not cry. The only time I could even bleed was when I was first revived and Kagome' entire soul was inside this body. After that, it became more like a shell I was inhabiting."
"Is it possible with Kagome's new found strength that your body is becoming more… human?" Inuyasha asked, his eyes wide and his tone dripping with excited curiosity.
"It's… possible." Kikyo said, staring at her hands. "I do feel a little different."
"It seems Naraku's plan may have brought more gifts than curses." Kaede said with a tinge of hope.
"It seems so." Kikyo said, smiling at her sister and then looking back to the group. "So, the plan should be to help Kagome train in whatever means she needs. She has knowledge and power, but what I believe she lacks is the physical constitution and strength. She needs to gain endurance and develop her body to be able to control her power without completely wearing her down like it has."
"I agree. Kikyo and I can help her with any spiritual guidance she needs, but…" Miroku looked to the silver haired brothers in the room. "She'll need both of you for the physical training. From what I can tell, Sesshomaru, you've had formal training in combat, correct?" Sesshomaru nodded. "And Inuyasha is mostly self-taught. I believe it would be best for Sesshomaru to guide her through techniques and strategies for combat while Inuyasha puts her through tests of strength and endurance."
"I can do that." Inuyasha agreed and looked to Sesshomaru. "What about you? I figure you're wanting to head home, but… well, Kagome could use your help. You've been helping her this entire time, so leaving now might not be the best. We all could use your help, honestly, but if you don't want to, we get it. It's not like we're begging you to stay. I mean, you could, but-… God, talking to you is so awkward!"
"Momma's awake." Shippo said and everyone turned to see Kagome watching them. She looked exhausted still, but she was smiling. "Are you okay? Sorry if we woke you up."
"Don't worry, Shippo. I've been awake for a little while." Kagome said and pushed herself to sit up. She was still weak, but with Sesshomaru's help, she sat up straight. "Thank you for inviting Kikyo to stay, Sango. I wouldn't have worded it any other way. I'm also glad that you've agreed to it, Kikyo. If I'm being honest, I regret all the time you were forced to travel alone. Now, it feels so… selfish. I want you with us. I mean that wholeheartedly. And Miroku, your idea for training sounds like what I'd need, but I do worry about holding everyone back. Is there anyway we can train on the road? Once I've rested enough, I'm sure I can handle some training and just using the bow like I normally do for combat."
The group took the next few minutes to make a decision. Kikyo and Kaede were insistent on Kagome staying put. Their knowledge of Priestess powers and how they're developed caused Miroku to lean in the direction of agreeing with them. Inuyasha wanted to get moving. He hated staying stagnant and knew Naraku was hatching some new plan to get Kagome to his side. Sesshomaru actually agreed with his younger brother, but raised concerns about Kagome's physical state being drained. She used two pieces of her power for a very short amount of time and has been having a hard time walking because of it. Rin and Shippo put their two cents in by saying they wanted to train too. Rin asked Kikyo to teach her how to use a bow too. Shippo wanted Inuyasha to help him advance his fox magic. The two of them wanted to help as much as they could, and Sesshomaru agreed that they should know to defend themselves. They were old enough to learn, but training them as well meant staying here was safest.
"I do have one other concern." Kikyo spoke up again. "If Kagome's power is as immense as I believe it to be, it is possible that staying here to train could harm the village. Is there no other place we could go?"
"I would say my village, but breaking the blade destroyed it and the surrounding area." Sango said.
"Daddy!" Rin jumped up excitedly and put her hands on his shoulders. "We can take them home! The castle has a huge training yard and nearby is an even bigger valley that you could all train in without scaring or hurting anyone. It's the most perfect place we could go. I'm sure Jaken's there waiting too."
"Jaken… We left him behind when searching for Kagome." Shippo said, chuckling a bit.
"He couldn't keep up with us." Rin said, explaining it to Kagome. "He got hurt when Naraku attacked, so he took A-Un and went back to the castle to heal up. He should be there now and he could help too."
"Oh. Poor Jaken." Kagome said, feeling a little bad for the imp. "How about it, Sesshomaru? How do you feel about bringing your little brother back to your family home?"
Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow at Kagome's implication. Inuyasha had never seen the family home and Sesshomaru never thought he would. Sesshomaru looked up to Inuyasha, who had a curious glint in his eye. Sesshomaru could tell that Inuyasha was actually pretty excited about the idea.
"Sure." Sesshomaru agreed.