A/N: Sorry it had been so long guys! Don't worry, I've been writing a lot, but I just got a job and had to do all sorts of training for it, I was playing tennis, and I had to juggle school into that mess…well here is the chapter! Please review, it gives me more motivation to write faster, and you'll get the chapters thrown faster. I would like to give a BIG thanks to Cranky McCrankster, Space-Case7029, EquestrianBabe, yendys, and last but not least, CSIFan4Life for reviewing. And I would like to thank Irken Gir, and EquestrianBabe for betaing.

Chapter 4: Reflections

By: CSIindiegurl

Date: 5/16/05

Time of story: Sometime after Mea Culpa...

After a few hours, Grissom and Warrick fell asleep on the couch. Catherine tried to sleep, but the sound of Nick pacing was bothering her,

"Nick, you're going to wear a hole in the floor!" Catherine exclaimed, "Lie down Nicky, get some sleep." She had nothing but concern in her eyes. Nick sighed.

"How can I sleep? The single most important person in my life is dying and you expect me to sleep?" he stated in a loud whisper so as to not wake anybody up. An awkward silence followed.

"Do you really love her?" Catherine curiously asked.

"I think so," he began, "I mean; she's beautiful, and intelligent. She knows what she wants and doesn't settle for less, but she is still sensitive and caring," he admitted.

"That's the same thing you said I was," Catherine recalled.

"You know that it would never have worked between us," he argued, sitting next to her.

"I know Nick, I guess in a way I've always been jealous of Sara."

"What do you mean?" Nick queried.

"Well, when I first heard about her you remember my reaction," she chuckled uncomfortably.

"Yeah, 'We don't need someone from the outside!'" Nick mocked. Catherine nudged him and continued, "She always was really nice; whenever I was in a rage she seemed calm and collected. You guys were always together; that disturbed me. She blocked me out of Eddie's case; she didn't do her best to find who killed him. She gained Grissom's favor after working for him for a couple of months while I gained it by working with him for years. She sometimes got on my nerves when a domestic violence case disturbed her emotionally so I yelled at her and I tried to get her fired." Tears rolled out of her eyes and Nick held her to his chest. "Am I a horrible person?"

"No Catherine, of course not," he whispered into her ear. She nodded quickly, and soon fell asleep. He lay her down tenderly, stood up, and continued pacing. The last thing he remembered was leaning against a wall for support.

Grissom awoke with a sharp pain in his side. He sat up and realized that his pen was digging into his side. Might as well get up, he thought.

Looking around, he saw Warrick and Catherine spread onto two couches, and Nick was asleep against a wall. Grissom stood up to wake Nick up and offer for him to sleep on the couch.

"Nick," he called. Nick stirred a little and went back to sleep, "Nick! Nicky wake up," Grissom called a little more forcefully. This woke Nick up.

"I wasn't sleeping," he answered stubbornly, wiping his face.

"You lie down and get some more sleep, I'll wake you up if I get any news," He patted Nick, who looked uncertain, on the back. "Promise?" he asked.

"Of course, now go to sleep." As soon as Nick lay down, he fell fast asleep. Grissom looked at the three sleeping figures. Warrick, Catherine, Nick, Sara, and Greg were all he ever had. They were his family, kids he could look after. People he was proud of. His thoughts went to Sara. She had no family, a brother who went to jail for possession and an abusive mother who stabbed her dad when she was just a little girl. How she could get through all this pain and only start feeling the effects now were amazing to Grissom. He was pulled out of his silent reverie when he saw a nurse heading towards him.

"How is Sara?" he immediately asked.

"Are you family?" the nurse asked Grissom.

"The closest she has," he answered truthfully. The nurse nodded.

"Are they with you?" she asked pointing to the three sleeping figures.

"Yes."

"Do you want to wake them up?" No sooner had she said that when Nick sat up slowly in his seat.

"Pager" he said blearily. He looked up at the nurse and nearly screamed,

"How is Sara?" At this sound, everyone else woke up.

"She'll be fine. You can just visit her tomorrow. There isn't any lasting damage. The bullet just grazed her skin, and she has a minor fracture on her arm." She waved the four CSIs out of the waiting room and went to do her job. Grissom almost skipped over to his car, got in and drove off rather quickly. Warrick and Catherine drove away in the same car, and Nick made his way over to the car. He felt like singing show tunes at the top of his lungs, but he also felt like sleeping.

The next day, after buying candy for Greg and flowers for Sara, Nick went to the hospital. He decided to see Greg first; he was almost too scared to visit Sara.

"Can you tell me where Greg Sander's and Sara Sidle's rooms are located?" he asked the receptionist. "Yes, Room 714 for Mr. Sanders and room 916 for Ms. Sidle; elevators are on your left," she answered while looking through some papers. Nick nodded and walked over to a pair of double doors and pushed the "up" button. After he emerged from the elevator on the proper floor, he saw Greg. Greg's right eye was covered by gauze and his left eye fared no better. He had a cast on his right leg and his arm was up in a sling. He had abrasions all over his body, but still managed to crack a half-smile when he saw Nick.

"Hey," he weakly began.

"Hey," Nick said sympathetically sitting down, feeling a lot of pain for one of his best friends.

"How are you?" Greg asked, trying to smile, but his injuries prevented him from it.

"You look like shit," Nick said trying to break the ice. "How are you holding up?" Greg managed another half-smile and he started talking in a creaky voice.

"Not very well, my chest hurts…apparently I had a rib fracture that was so bad that they had to go in and re-set the bone." He took another deep breath, "it hurts so much. How's Sara?" he asked, clutching his chest with his good hand, which was not short of bandages, Nick noted.

"She had to go in for several procedures, but the doctors say that she'll be alright. I hope so," Greg sadly looked at Nick and then tried to say something fun,

"One good thing about the hospital is that drugs are legal!" he said trying to lighten the mood. Nick didn't fall for it, he still looked off into the distance. "Nick, I would be in a lot more pain if they didn't use Demerol, I'm sure they have her so that she isn't in pain." Nick smiled softly.

"Yeah," he said, "You're probably right, are you going to be okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, doctors think I could go home within this week."

"That's great!"

"Yeah." Greg's eyes slowly closed, and then reopened. Nick took this as his clue to leave.

"You look tired; get some rest, and I'll come back to visit you later."

Greg was so drugged up, he couldn't even argue. Soon, he fell asleep. Nick left with the flowers and meandered up to Sara's level. The sign said ICU; he took a deep breath and went to the receptionist.

"Um, I'm here to see Sara Sidle," he nervously spoke to the stern-looking lady.

"I don't know if I should let you see her…" she said, eyeing him carefully.

"Please, a nurse told me I could see her," he explained.

"How do I know that you aren't lying?" she asked

"Because she is someone who means a lot to me, and I brought her flowers. If you don't let me see her I think that I will go crazy, and you don't want that do you?" he babbled.

"Hello," the nurse from the previous night came up to Nick, "I assume you are here to see Ms. Sidle; she is doing so much better! I'm sure you can see her." The nurse led Nick past the stern receptionist. "Don't mind her," the kind nurse explained, "Her bark is worse than her bite. She's scared a lot of people here, it makes her happy, but I don't really know why. Anyway, here we are!" Nick quietly walked beside Sara and sat down. There were bandages everywhere, her leg was severely fractured, and a large white bandage was visible beneath the hospital gown.

"Sara," he choked up, "I know you can hear me, but you can't speak, so I'll do the talking." He stroked her hand. "Your smile isn't something I see to often, but it has always made my day." Tears were already beginning to form in his eyes, "Sara, please listen. You mean a lot to me, and you've filled up a hole that's been in my life that Krysti Hopkins couldn't even fill. I don't want to lose you. I can't even begin to express the fear and sadness that I felt last night when I thought I lost you! I wish I could hold you and feel your arms around me. Sara, I love you." Full tears fled out of his brown eyes as he continued reflecting and pouring his heart out to her. "We've been friends for five years now and I would love to say that it was love at first sight but it wasn't. I felt love for you only recently, now my days are shorter and happier when I see you, and longer and slower when I don't. Sara, please don't die." He broke into sobs and cried against the rail. Suddenly, the heart monitor sped up and her blood pressure increased. The next few moments passed in a blur for Nick. Doctors ran in and ushered Nick out. The last image he saw of Sara was the doctors pulling out their paddles and shocking life into her slender body.

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Medha