Driver's License
"Are you serious?" Yuusuke yelled at the toddler in front of him. Koenma nodded solemnly.
"I'm very serious. Do it, Yuusuke, or you're out of a job." Growling, the spirit detective turned on his heel and stomped out of the room.
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"Really? That's awesome! So what do we get to drive?" Kuwabara asked excitedly. Yuusuke snarled,
"I don't know. WE have to find the car." Kuwabara thought about that a minute, then shrugged.
"That's no so bad. The best part is that we can get our licenses early! You're sure all we have to do is pass the test?" Yuusuke nodded.
"That's all we have to do."
"Great! When do I get to take it?"
"Tomorrow." Kuwabara did a facevault, and Yuusuke laughed at him. "What happened to all your enthusiasm?"
"It died when I learned that I was going to die tomorrow," Kuwabara muttered miserably from where his face was pressed into Yuusuke's carpet. The stronger boy reached down and put the dork on his feet again.
"Ah, don't be like that! It'll be easy, believe me." He grinned.
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I can't believed I... failed," Yuusuke mumbled, his face white as Botan bandaged him up. She yanked hard as she tied it off. "Ow!"
"It's no wonder you failed, after the stunt you just tried to pull off. I know you're bad at school, but you should still know about that thing called gravity." Yuusuke glared at her sullenly.
"How was I supposed to know that the movies are liars?" Botan looked at him like he was retarded.
"Perhaps because I'm portrayed as a GUY in movies? That should give you a hint, I would think!" She threw the roll of bandages at him and stalked away. Kuwabara came around the corner then, and quickly got out of the fuming grim reaper's way. He looked frm her to the wrecked mass of car to Yuusuke, and started laughing.
"What happened?" He choked out.
"Well..."
Flashback:
"Alright, Mr. Urameshi, are you ready to go?" The pretty young driving instructor asked. Yuusuke grinned. This was going to be the best test he'd ever had if this was his companion. He got in the car and buckled up. Still smiling, he looked over at her and said,
"Sure am, Miss Raytene. And you can call me Yuusuke." She gave him a smile in return.
"Okay then, Yuusuke. Start the car, and then we're going to move out into the city." Miraculously, Yuusuke knew what to do, and started the car with ease. That's about where his knowledge ended. He slammed down on the gas with his foot, and the car lurched forward out into the street, cutting through traffic like a meat cleaver.
"Whee!" Yuusuke screamed, like that squirrel on crack. Miss Raytene shrieked and clutched the 'Oh-shit' handle. She was so frightened that she forgot that she had a brake pedal as well (since I happen to like my car, we're going to keep it out of this and just use the driver ed cars, mmk?)
The spirit detective reached over and put on the radio.
"Damn it, I can't find my station..." he let go of the wheel to start fiddling with the knobs, no longer looking at the road. Raytene freaked out and grabbed hold of the wheel, arms over Yuusuke's head to do so. "Found it!" He yelled and sat up, his face almost right in Muss Raytene's boobs. His jaw dropped. "I thought you were just a teacher..." the poor lady let go of the wheel and slapped him.
"Drive!" She yelled, returning to her oh-shit handle. Yuusuke shrugged and looked at the road again. He grinned.
"Hey! I must be pretty good! We're still on the road!" An idea was put into his head as he saw one of those trucks that carry all the cars. He shot a look at his instructor. "Miss Raytene, watch this!" He pressed the gas all the way, and the car shot forward...
You guessed it.
He went directly for the truck. Zooming up the back, he kept the pedal depressed...
It was only bad luck that made the truck turn at that point, to avoid going over a downed bridge. Yuusuke's car went flying over the edge, into the air, and through the gaping hole in the bridge.
The only good thing is that they didn't die. What did happen was they were caught on the back of a semi that thankfully happened to be passing under the bridge at that moment. After a minute or two of that, and making sure that they were all right - no surprise, the regular human was hurt worse the Yuusuke, but she was still living, and amazingly in one piece, no broken bones, all that short of stuff. Just a lot of scratches. Anyway, they weren't on the semi for long. Soon these ninja's dropped down...
"Urameshi, do you really expect me to believe that there were ninjas?"
"Hey, shut up. This is my flashback, and I'm telling you there were ninjas. So shut up before I have to beat the shit out of you."
...the ninjas dropped down and attacked them, three going for Miss Raytene, and one going for Yuusuke.
"One!" He had yelled. "That's insulting!" Miss Raytene sighed.
"Not these guys again..." the spirit detective looked at her bewilderedly.
"What the hell do you mean, AGAIN?" He yelled at her, but the driving instructor didn't answer. Instead she attacked the ninjas, kicked their asses - including Yuusuke's ninja - and dove off the truck right before it exploded. The car had landed where it was now, and...
End Flashback
"...and I ended up here. Botan was patching me up, but for some reason she got mad and stalked off. She didn't even want to hear my story." The most amazing thing was that they had landed right back in the driving place anyway, and so the new driving instructor had no problem finding and dragging Kuwabara away for his own test. Yuusuke grinned and waved at him. "Have fun!"
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There wasn't even a car left when Kuwabara and his instructor came stumbling back into the driving place. They were wet, dripping with mud, and the instructor was yelling something about cats... and penguins? Yuusuke, looking like a mummy, said,
"So, Kuwabara, what happened?" The lug sat down on the bench next to Yuusuke, and poured most of a river out of his head. "Hey!" Yuusuke shouted, leaping away from the fish that attacked him. "Watch where you're throwing them fish!"
"It was horrible, Urameshi. First..."
Flashback: They had gotten into the car okay, and it had begun just fine, because like Yuusuke, Kuwabara DID know how to start the car. Unlike Yuusuke, he also knew how to use the steering wheel.
And of course that's where all the trouble started.
"Mr. Kuwabara's Last Name That I Don't Know! That's the fifth stoplight that you've run so far! What's next, are you going to – WATCH OUT!" The poor man - who's name was Mr. Uzachookie - ducked down as his student went tearing off the road.
"Aw! What a pretty kitty! Here kitty kitty kitty! Why are you running? Please don't run from me!" Kuwabara yelled as he sped after the terrified cat. The cat, Morris, was so scared that his balls fell off, and the cat went to the one place that had always been good to him: the zoo (What can I say, he's a retarded cat). Kuwabara, being an idiot, drove after the cat, straight through the zoo wall.
Now, zoo walls may look really strong, but apparently this one wasn't, because the car crashed through it pretty much unharmed. And on the other side of the wall?
It was the penguin sanctuary. Kuwabara sped through, yelling,
"Kitty? Where'd you go? I miss you! Come back to me! I love you!" The penguins made an odd penguin-y noise, and the ones out of his way already made penguin comments to the effect of, 'What an asshole'.
Poor penguins, some of them didn't move fast enough, and got caught on the windshield wipers that had been accidentally turned on when Kuwabara had been trying to signal a turn before the whole cat incident (Wow, Kuwabara turned something on?... I'll shut up now...).
"I can't see! The whole world is black and white and flipper-y! Mr. Uzachookie, what's going on?" Kuwabara yelled, wildly turning left and right.
As for Morris, he had got safely away from the moron, and was nibbling contentedly on the penguin's fish, sure that they would soon be too dead to come back and beat the shit out of him.
"What's going on is that this test is over! You're the worst driver I've ever seen!" Mr. Uzachookie's foot went down, trying to find the break... only to find that there was a penguin in the way, biting down on his small toe. "OOOOOWWWWWW!"
"What? You found a clover? How is that supposed to help me?" In reality, what was going on was that they were headed toward a river. You can pretty much guess the rest.
End Flashback. "So we had to walk back here because the tow-truck guy refused to take us because we were all wet. Of course we were wet, we had just driven into a river!" His cell phone rang. "Just a minute." He walked away a bit to take the call, and immediately brightened. Coming back over to Yuusuke, he said, "Good news! My sister just found a car for us! She got it for free from one of her friends." His phone rang again, and as he answered it, his momentary happiness fled. "Bad news. I can never go to the zoo again. Apparently there's an all out war going on between the cats of the city and the penguins, and the people there are blaming it on me. Asses."
Yuusuke sighed. "So what are we going to do now? We have a car, but no one to drive." He got a sly look as an idea came to him. "What about Kurama? He's smart. I bet he can pass the test with his eyes closed." Kuwabara also got a weird look on his face. "What's wrong with you?"
"I just realized I really have to pee!"
WritingWoman: Random, I know...
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"Guys, I don't know about this. I'm not old enough to drive yet, and I haven't taken any classes..."
"Aw, don't sweat it, Kurama. Koenma's pulling strings about the age part, and you're smart enough to pull the rest of this off. Just think of the freedom you'll have once you're tearing down the road in your own car!" Kurama sighed but found he couldn't say no to Yuusuke's enthusiasm.
"All right..."
"Okay, Mr. Minamino, please get in the car, set yourself up, and let's get this on the road!" The newest driving instructor rapped off cheerfully, the last one having quit already, his last words being something to the effect of that he didn't want to live in a world where people were really such bad drivers.
Kurama got in, set his mirrors, and moved his seat, all that sort of good stuff. Everything started without a hitch, because Kurama had seen his mother do this a hundred times, and that boy don't forget nothing. 'Hey', Kurama thought, 'I may just be able to do this.'
Of course, it's just about the time that you start becoming secure and relaxed that your dipshit friends show up.
"Hey Kurama! Just came along to see how you were doing!" Yuusuke's head appeared in the gap between the two front seats. Mr. ChaChika jumped and screamed, which caused Kurama to jump and scream, and that made his hands jerk the wheel around. Thankfully he got himself under control before anything was hit. Mr. ChaChika marked down a point, and Yuusuke got angry. "Hey asshole! You can't do that! He only swerved because you startled him!"
"Yuusuke..." Kurama moaned resignedly.
"NO! Take that point off now!"
"NO!" Mr. ChaChika screeched. Yuusuke leapt into the front seat and started beating up the instructor. Because he's just downright unlucky when it comes to driving instructors, this one also had something wrong with him.
He was an alien. Yuusuke ripped off his fleshy human mask and screamed bloody murder.
"Your face comes off!"
"Yours is ugly!" Mr. ChaChika yelled back, and gained the upper hand in the fight.
Kurama, tired of being kicked in the head, simply gave up, pulled the car over, got out, and went to the Green Thumb Festival that was going on right then.
When Yuusuke and the alien got done fighting, not only was there a lot of alien guts to clean up, but also the spirit detective discovered that he was alone in the car. On the now eerily blue windshield, there was a note,
'Yuusuke,
Went to the Green Thumb Festival because I was tired of getting kicked in the head. Obviously, because I'm sure you've killed my instructor by now, I failed my test. First test I've ever failed, thank you very much. Since you now have no other option, you should ask Hiei to take the test. Cordially,
-Kurama
P.S. – There's a very violent war going on, and I suggest you stay out of it, because those penguins have allied with the flamingoes, and it's becoming very dangerous.'
Yuusuke groaned, ignoring the postscript. The fire demon had been pissed at him since earlier in the week when he had accidentally pulled on the demon's hair as the detective himself was falling out of a tree... that Hiei had pushed him out of. So how was he going to get the demon to take the test and pass?
He grinned. He knew just the ticket.
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"No," Hiei said in his sexy demon voice, brooking no argument. Yuusuke did his best to look pitiful.
"Aw, come on, Hiei, it'll be fun... speeding around the city in a metal death trap sounds like your kind of thing, don't you think? And just imagining what kind of awesome car Kuwabara's sister scored for us is enough to make me drool." The fire demon said nothing, just looked at the detective like he was a moron. Yuusuke felt he had no choice but to pull out his secret weapon. He whispered something in the demon's ear, and Hiei grunted.
"Fine. Let's go."
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Kuwabara looked at Yuusuke with something resembling awe.
"How did you get shorty there to take the test?" The detective grinned.
"I made him an offer he couldn't refuse." They watched as Hiei got into the car with the instructor. It started without a hitch, and the car pulled smoothly away from the parking lot, out onto the road.
Inside the car, the instructor was thrilled. He had only just started this job, despite the horror stories going around right now about his predecessors, and things seemed to be going well. Better then well; this kid was an awesome driver, for all that he could barely see over the dashboard. Wasn't much of a talker, though, but Mr. Likachoo kept trying anyway, chattering happily to fill the void.
As for Hiei, he now wanted to kill the man he was in the car with. The idiot was talking, talking, talking, on and on and on about stupid things, like his new car, his hunting dog, and how he suspected that his wife was cheating on his with the pool boy. Yes, they had a pool boy. And by the end of the drive, Hiei knew that the pool boy was six foot two, had a perfect body, thick blonde hair, type AB negative blood, and... the man wouldn't fucking shut up.
But nothing went wrong on Hiei's test. The demon completed everything with flying colors, getting no points whatsoever. He was issued a license (false papers had been made in spirit world so that they would think he was real, lol) and went to his tree, ignoring the two cheering buffoons. The demon was ready to sleep and hopefully forget all the useless shit the driving instructor had poured into his brain.
The next day, he found himself dragged out of his tree by the morons, and to Kuwabara's house. They HAD to show him his new wheels, but he wouldn't budge until after his reward was delivered. So they had to make a stop for ice cream, but after that, all was good, and they proceeded to Kuwabara's house. Yuusuke ushered Hiei through the (we're going to assume Kuwa has a backyard, even if he doesn't) back gate, to where the car was waiting.
A silence filled the area, until Yuusuke began speaking.
"There she is, Hiei. Your new car." He dangled the keys in front of the short one's nose. "Want to take it for a spin?"
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"I'm going to kill you." Hiei said every second that he was in the car. The two in the back, their teeth chattering from the cold, only laughed at him. "I'm going to fucking kill you."
"Don't forget to pick up Kurama, Hiei. You HAVE to show him your awesome new ride. More then that, we have a mission." Hiei shot death glares at both of them as they cracked up.
"I'm going to kill you," he said again.
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Kurama walked out of his house. Yuusuke said that he, Hiei and Kuwabara were going to be over this morning to pick him up, because they had a mission. That had been the whole reason Koenma had wanted one of them to get a license, of course, so that they wouldn't have to wait around for buses or wear themselves out running. They'd still have to run in the Makai, because they weren't sure if the car would survive the trip over, but here it was good to have. And since this drive promised to be long, and Hiei didn't talk much and the others talked too much, he had brought along a large supply of books.
"Bye mom!" The kitsune called over his shoulder, and turned his head back around to look at the street.
Immediately, all the books in his arms dropped, and he stood there, opened-mouthed, unable to believe what he was seeing. It was pretty incredible. Yuusuke's face popped out of a window.
"Kurama! Hi! How do you like our new car?" Kurama couldn't answer.
Because what Hiei was driving was...
An ice cream truck. And it had a busted player, so that the horrible music was blasting out of the speaker, drawing children (the ones who weren't scooping up the similarly entranced baby zoo animals, who's parents had forced them to exile during the war, thinking it would be safer) to it like a magnet. Yuusuke and Kuwabara were taking advantage of this, handing out empty wrappers in exchange for cash.
Most of this Kurama realized later. What he was focused on now was...
Hiei. Driving an ice cream truck.
An ice cream truck. The fox fell over onto his books, laughing his ass off.
You would too, until you saw the look on Hiei's face. He's so totally going to kill me.