I began to think that ever since I'd gotten my own body back, it seemed all Brother wanted was me. My body. I felt like I was selling it.
I love my brother, I don't want him to think I don't love him.
So this is how I am now, his puppet, his play toy.
I would give anything to feel loved, even if it meant having my own brother molest me.
I had fantasies about my brother, fantasies I knew I shouldn't have been dreaming. Now I'm living those fantasies, but now I realize it's hurting me. I shouldn't be doing this with my own brother, I shouldn't love him this way. I don't love him this way.
Every night it's the same.
"Aru, are you coming?"
"Yes, Brother."
Smooth hands were soon entangled in my hair, the rubber band holding my pony tail in place snapped. It flung across the room, but Edward didn't seem to notice.
"What's wrong, Aru?"
I could feel his breath against my neck, as he embraced me gently. I liked that, I liked that feeling. I knew I should'nt. My heart rate was getting faster. I could feel his smirking lips against my earlobe now.
"Nothing...there's nothing wrong." I replied quietly. I didn't have the heart to tell him not to, I couldn't. As long as my Nii-San was happy. As long as he was satisfied.
And then, his hands began to move, down, toward my waist line, my hips. I shivered, completely petrified, not knowing how to react.
"You liked this last night didn't you? And the night before." He trailed his hands back up, to rest at the top of my waist gently. "And the night before that, too."
It was true. I liked it when he did this. I always liked my brother's hugs, I liked it when he would take me into his arms when I was sad. My brother had those hands. Even if one was made of metal, it was still graceful as his flesh hand, though the cold steel tickled my skin more sending shivers up my spine every time.
It's all just a game to Edward, a big game. He never told me he loved me. I never told him I loved him. Just the same games, over and over again.
Before I knew it we were both in the bed, the bed we share. Again I would have to bring him pleasure this night, again and again. It was like it never ended. He tickled his way down my back and this time I didn't make a sound. I could swear my heart skipped a beat when his fingers reached down, under the waistband of my black pants. HE as kissing my neck again, now.
"Do you love me?"
"What?"
"Do you love me." Edward repeated in my ear, as his hand kept moving down, now under the elastic band of my boxers. Slowly, torturing me.
"I..." I stumbled, at a loss of words. This was the first time he had asked me something like this. Did I love my brother? Of course. I do love my big brother. I love him so much, I want him to be happy. Even if it means sacrificing my happiness.
Am I happy? I guess, but then again.
No, I'm not.
What I'm doing is wrong, and I've known it for a long time. Why do I let my brother do this to me? Is it because I'm afraid? Afraid of what might happen if I said anything?
"Do you love me, Aru?"
"...Yes."
Edward smirked, in a loving way. "Good."
And it began, not ending until morning where I lie awake all night long while Nii-San sleeps soundly. He's happy. And I should be. But I'm not.
I keep telling myself, tonight I'll tell him; tonight's the night. But I don't, I don't know why I can't.
It just won't stop, I guess it never will.
It won't end?