Disclaimer - Yeah, right.
Warnings - OOC, AU? AT I guess, PWP, Shonen-ai (a little)...well its crack. You can't really expect much sanity here.
A/N: The title Soul Candy really has nothing to do with ModSouls or anything. It's just, as Rukia said, "cute". Also, suffixes will be kept cuz they go with the names, and "taichou" (captain) or "fukutaichou" (vice-captain/lieutenant, title directly below captain) will be kept if it comes with the name as well.
" He smiled down at the younger woman in his arms, ' S'alright Nanao-chan.'
'Oh my,' she blushed, 'Thank you, Gin'
'mm not a problem an'thin' for ya,' he replied, brushing back a strand of her hair. 'Beautiful'
'Yes, it's not often we get to watch the sunset; we're so busy...'
's'not what I mean' - "
Kira choked. I-ichimaru taichou - his captain, wrote f-fanfiction? His left eye twitched a little. And not just...fanfiction, but cheesy, sappy, romance? Complete with the flowers and sparkles and all. He thought if anyone, anyone, were to spout this kind of sap... maybe Hinamori-san, with her shoujo mangas and such, it wouldn't be that much of a surprise.
But Ichimaru Gin? That...that sadist? This must be some kind of horrible mistake. No, it must be some kind of prank...it was the internet after all, someone else must've made this website under his captain's name.
He squinted at the screen suspiciously - GinxNanao? Yes, it was most definitely not written by his captain. What with all the time Ichimaru Taichou spends with Aizen Taichou, all the time Ichimaru Taichouspends flirting withKuchiki Taichou, all the times Ichimaru Taichou tied up Zaraki Taichou and dragged him off to who-knows-where to do who-knows-what...all the times he'd been molested by Ichimaru Taichou...
Gin x Nanao?
He shuddered. Whoever this freak was, it definetely wasn't Ichimaru Taichou.
Izuru scrolled around, trying to find some sort of author or contact page. "Chicken Soup for the Body-less Soul"? Well, souls didn't really need food...unless they had spiritual power, he supposed. The sparkly things following his cursor were amusing to watch as he made it spin in rapid circles. He was having fun with the sparkly site when his eyes fell upon a link containing his name. What's this?
Click.
" 'Ah! No, Renji, not here...'
'Shh, Izuru, you're so cute,' he murmured, caressing the blonde's neck with his tongue.
'R-renji!' he gasped, writhing from the red-head's hands. "
Kira sprayed his tea all over the monitor screen. R-Renji x Izuru?
Well, that certainly did sound like Ichimaru Taichou...
Er, no, that wasn't the point. The point was, was...what was his point? He was sitting in front of his computer drinking tea and reading...er...reading... porn. NO, NOT PORN! He was investigating the website in search of the maker's identity in order to clear his captain's name.
Oh, there was a guestbook. The author was sure to have some friends there dropping his or her name...
Kira read the first entry.
"Name: Peachez 'n' creme
Email: hmvc5 (AT) seireitei DOT com
Message: LOLERZ! I LUFFS UR FIC SOO MCH! ESP DAT 1 WITH SHUU-CHAN AND BYAKUYA! UPDATE SOON!"
He felt a migraine coming up.
What to do? Tell Ichimaru Taichou? Or keep it from him in case he gets angry? Hm...would he get angry? Probably not, then again Izuru couldn't really tell. If he told him...well, he'd probably like all the yaoi ones there, maybe he'd have fun with it. But...the Gin x Nanao? And the Gin x Shunsui? The Mayuri x Gin? Ugh, Kira was glad he didn't click on that. What was NC-17 anyway? Everyone in Seireitei was well over a hundred years in age...so it couldn't mean you had to be eighteen, did it? How old was Kusajishi Fukutaichou? Kira decided to step out and maybe look for his captain to decide whether he should tell him, or refill his tea.
"Hey, whatcha lookin' at, Izuru?"
"HEHHH?" Kira jumped. "I-Ichimaru Taichou? When did you get here?"
"Ara, don' tell me ya couldn' even sense yer own captain"
He was so obsessed with his thoughts he hadn't even realized his captain had been standing there, smiling down at his nervousness. How long had he been there?
"Oh? What're ya readin'?" he leaned over the blonde's shoulder to squint at the window. He paused, then turned back to look at his subordinate with a smile of actual humor. "Heh, I di'n know you were inta this stuff, Izuru."
"Huh?" Kira snapped his head back towards to screen. The Renji x Izuru story had been left open. What kind of idiot makes all of his links open in a new window? Better yet, what kind of idiot leaves something so embarrasing open? "N-no! I mean, uh I didn't write this! You did! NO! I meant, it says you did, see, here! But I know you didn't, the pairings are too weird, NO! I mean, I didn't read them, but I, uh... Well I read a little of some of them-"
"Th' one with you and Abarai Fukutaichou, I see"
"NO! I mean, I did, but I only clicked on it because it had my name, it's probably not about me but some other Kira Izuru eheheh... I didn't know what NC-17 was, I swear!"
"I think ya need some fresh air"
"Ha! What a great idea, thank you, I'll be going now," he rushed out the door.
He needed more tea. Hm, was that Renji? He paused to greet him. Wait...Renji...hallway... NO, BAD IMAGES!
"Hey," Renji greeted as they passed in the halls.
"R-renji! Ah, ahaha...hahaha I, um. I have to go!" he stuttered before quickly backing up.
One look at the red-head's slightly open, pink, flowered yukata, and he decided to just run for it. And run he did, completely unaware of Hinamori, almost knocking her down.
"Eh, what's wrong with him?" Renji turned to Hinamori, confused.
"Ara, he musta r'member'd his fantasies and couldn' stand th' fact o' seein' ya so soon after," Gin appeared out of nowhere, wearing his usual smile.
"EEEK"
"Ichimaru Taichou! I didn't see you there! Uh...fantasies?"
The lilac-haired captain leaned over to whisper a few examples to him.
'Fanservice!' the other vice-captain bystander thought, and wished she had a camera.
"H-HUH?"
Indeed, the pen was mightier than the sword.
A/N: Kira needs his tea drugs to live. Gin is writing fanfiction... Mayuri x Anyone is so wrong. Silly Gin, he should've made them GinKira fics.
Oh, and did anyone get the email abbreviation?
Constructive crit will be greatly appreciated; will update soon unless crack is unwanted here? I've never written in the Bleach section so I wouldn't know.