Chapter 17

Their lips met, and Steven's mind snapped.

Hundreds, thousands of years of life flooded behind his eyes, every emotion possible spearing straight through him. He pulled Spinel closer, crushing their chests together as his entire body seized up at the onslaught and he gave a loud whimper of pain.

Spinel broke the kiss and pulled her head back to look at his face, concerned. Through haggard breaths she panted out, "Is this…alright?" At his shaky nod, her frown grew. "Does it hurt? We can stop!"

She tried to pull away, but his tense arms refused to relax around her waist.

"No, I can take it…let's keep going. Please," he tried to smile, hoping that would convince her.

She still seemed reluctant to hurt him, but that look in her eyes told him she wanted to continue. Steven got the impression that she was remembering just as much as he was. She steadied her breath and leaned towards him again, firmly pressing her thin lips to his.

Almost instantly, the rush of emotion began. Pink's early years were blurry, a tangled mess of neglect and abuse. The other Diamonds hated her, and she spent most of her time totally alone. She wasn't allowed to have friends because she didn't earn them. Thousands of years of misery passed through him in an instant, nearly tearing him apart in their wake.

Through the rush he could hardly feel Spinel's lips melding against his own. The harsh voices of the Diamonds grated through his psyche as her hands wandered from his shoulders up to his neck, her fingers tangling in his curls. Unconsciously, he melted into her touch.

Pink fought for centuries to earn love from the other Diamonds, but she never seemed to be good enough for them. Everything she tried backfired on her, and their attitude towards her only soured as time went on.

A sharp pain dragged him back to the present, where Spinel had grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled. Something had snapped in her too, it seemed. He gasped into her mouth as his body flooded with warmth and his stomach filled with a strange fluttering. He became suddenly very aware of her lips moving feverishly against his, so unlike anything he had ever experienced before.

The rising heat passing between their entwined bodies was unfamiliar, but so intoxicating, and Steven felt lightheaded. Between Spinel's suddenly intensifying kiss and the memories flashing behind his eyes, he was beyond disoriented.

Another sharp breath was torn from him as Spinel's teeth nipped his bottom lip, drawing blood. Through the pain, his feet were forced to move as she pushed him back and pressed him against the wall. The cool stone was a welcome change to the searing heat that roared through his veins, igniting his body in flame.

Spinel's grip on his hair tightened as she tugged his head to the side. Her lips left his, trailing down his jawline before settling on his throat.

He gasped in a cool, sobering breath, trying to clear the dense fog that filled his head. This, this was more than just a kiss. This should feel wrong. His fingers curled into claws on Spinel's back as she grazed her teeth over the sensitive skin on his neck, blurring his vision. She was cracking something in him, something that had lain dormant and hidden; the feeling of her body wrapped around his was beginning to feel familiar, as if they had done this a million times.

What about Connie? Was he betraying her by allowing this to continue? He barely had time to consider the thought before it was forcefully driven to a far corner of his mind.

In the next moment, he felt sharp teeth biting into the crook of his shoulder, and his body reacted before he could stop it. A choked cry escaped his lips, a sound that would've embarrassed him any other time. His eyes slid shut as he was lost in the searing pain, which spread an electric heat straight into his stomach. His body was reacting with instincts that weren't his, although he was beginning to feel the strangest sense of déjà vu.

His hand moved of its own accord, sliding up Spinel's back into her hair, loosing it from its pigtails. Her silky locks slid through his fingers with ease, softer than he could've imagined. Part of him wanted to grasp it in his fist, pulling on it like she had done to him, but he hesitated. What if he hurt her?

A low, breathy chuckle sounded just below his ear, breezing across the fresh bite wound there. Suddenly, Spinel's hand joined his on her head, and she curled his fingers into her hair, tugging hard. Her eyes met his, clouded with an indescribable emotion as she whispered.

"Stop thinking so much, Steven."

With that, he was undone. All rational thought flew from his mind as he pulled Spinel's face closer, crushing their lips together hungrily. She tasted like blood. Distantly, he felt her moan into his mouth before he was sucked back into the ceaseless onslaught of memory.

Pink began to realize how unfairly she was being treated, and a tiny seed of rage supplanted her happiness. No matter how hard she tried to make everyone get along, all it ever got her was pain. She grew selfish, quick to anger, lonely. The other Diamonds began to notice the unsettling shift, and decided she finally deserved a friend.

Tears flowed down his cheeks as he watched how that unfolded; a perfectly happy and accommodating Pearl sentenced to eight thousand years under White Diamond, all because he couldn't, no, Pink couldn't control her temper. Another Pearl came, then. A much more mature, reserved pearl; one he could recognize.

The horror of what she had done festered in Pink's heart for hundreds of years, poisoning her against anyone who tried to get close. She couldn't let herself lose control again…

Spinel's thumbs wiped the tears from his face, so gentle, before both of her hands returned to grasping at his hair. Her body seemed to curl itself around him, pressing into him with maddening heat. His hands wandered over her back, hugging her close as the flood of memories continued.

The new Pearl couldn't make her happy, and she isolated herself. She avoided everything, everyone, and spent all of her time alone in her room. The other Diamonds didn't understand, couldn't realize that it was their fault, and instead battered her with accusations and threats. No matter what they did to her, how badly she was pushed or punished, Pink never gave in. She never let down the walls she had built to protect everyone around her.

Her guilt ate away at her at her day and night; she was haunted by the memory of that innocent little Pearl, cracked and bleeding, staring up at her in terror. Her rage and self-loathing nearly threatened to overcome him.

Steven broke from the kiss, panting for air through the sobs that bubbled up his throat. He could recognize the pain, because it was his own. He felt it every time he was with humans, especially Connie. He was a danger to her, to everyone; a Diamond among smaller, weaker beings. He could snap them all like twigs, and it terrified him. He longed to relax, to be himself around them, but he never could; the consequences would be unthinkable. The constant need to suppress himself was stifling.

Maybe he was letting Pink's flow of memories affect his judgment, but at the moment, he really couldn't care less. He could afford to be reckless, just this once.

"Steven, wha-"

Spinel's concerned voice was cut off as he abruptly flipped their positions, slamming her back into the wall. The stone gave a dull crack as she collided with it, though she didn't seem to mind as Steven covered her gasp of shock with his mouth. Neither of them noticed the dust that fell from the ceiling, snowing into their hair.

This, this was safe. Spinel wasn't a human, she could handle him. He let go of the usual restraint he used around fragile things and let himself feel. He gripped her hips with both of his hands, hard enough to crush bone, but she didn't cry out in pain. Instead, she let out a high-pitched sigh and wrapped her legs around his waist one, two, three times, binding them together almost painfully. Her hands wandered over his body, clawing and pulling at everything in her reach, leaving a scorching trail of fire in her wake.

Nothing mattered to him anymore, nothing except for the heat pooling in the pit of his stomach and the pink gem writhing and gasping under him. His thoughts were a scattered mess of want and need, and all he knew was that he needed this to continue. Spinel needed it too, if her desperate hands were any indication.

Her tongue ran across his lip, lingering on the bloody bite she had inflicted. Without a second thought she sucked the lip into her mouth, clamping it between her teeth, and Steven dug his fingers into the wall next to her head to keep from crying out. His body didn't seem to know how to deal with such intense feelings; his legs wobbled beneath him, and he had to fight to stay standing. He was holding both of them up, he realized.

With a growl, he pushed his hips into her, earning another wordless exclamation of pleasure from her lips, which he immediately captured with his own. As her tongue pushed past his lips, forcing his mouth open, he slipped seamlessly into a memory.

A meeting, a special day. Yellow had specifically asked for Pink, because she had a surprise for her. The Diamonds were very concerned, and rightfully so. Pink hadn't been seen outside of her room for months, and hadn't said a single word in much longer. Steven could feel her hopelessness swallow him whole, drowning him.

That all changed the moment she opened that gaudy, ornamented box. Suddenly, the feelings flooding through his chest were wholly positive, all happiness and love. Months spent in the happiest pastimes, next to the most beautiful, loving gem she had ever seen.

Steven could see that beauty now, as his hands pressed themselves into her hair, her waist, her back. Her perfectly faceted gem felt warm where their chests pressed together, breathing in unison. Her thin body shuddered underneath him, responding to his every touch with double the intensity.

Spinel comforted her through the Diamond's constant nagging, and she taught her how to love. They were given a garden, a respite where they could be together, alone. For the first time in her exceptionally long life, Pink had privacy and freedom. She let herself lose control, and thus discovered the greatest gift of her life.

Pink Tourmaline danced through his consciousness for a tragically short second, marred by the pain of persecution and shame, then all-consuming dread.

Several images flashed through his mind, faster than he could decipher them.

Spinel, crying in horror, desperately pleading…

Pink, pressing a velvet-petalled flower into her lover's hair…

A chaste kiss, whispered words…

One look around the spotless garden, where she'd be waiting…

Just an hour, then they'd be free, forever…

A well laid trap, and all was lost.

The next few memories were quick blurs of color and flashes of shadows, but the terror exploding in her veins was unmistakable.

A streak of light from the corner of her eye, toxic pink flying towards her faster than she could even flinch.

A sharp, searing pain in her chest, spreading, ripping her apart.

The vision ended, and Steven could taste blood.

He was on the floor, gasping for air. Spinel hovered over him, looking more frightened than he'd ever seen her as she tried to hold his limbs still. His arms and legs were moving of their own volition, fighting off an attacker who simply wasn't there.

"Steven, please! You're okay, it's okay!" She sobbed as she picked him up, laying his body over her lap, rocking him.

Pain lingered in every inch of his body, as if he were being torn apart by the vicious lightning once again. One glance at the unmarred skin of his arm proved that he was still safe, still whole. The horrid sensation slowly faded away as he was rocked, and it took several minutes before he was able to breathe again.

When his body stopped its violent shaking, he lifted himself up, flinging his arms around Spinel.

"I am so, so sorry."

…

Through her shock, she almost didn't hear him.

Just moments ago, he had thrown her into the wall, attacking her lips with a ferocity she didn't know he was even capable of. The sheer intensity of the moment had driven her over the edge; she lost her control.

Even as she had pressed him against the wall, biting at his neck and pulling at his hair, she was only pushing buttons Pink had helped her discover. She was only trying to help jog his memory, or at least that's what she told herself. Every move she made was carefully calculated to make him remember.

That all changed the second he took over, however; Pink had never done that. Shame burned in her chest as she thought about how completely she had let herself slip. All it took was a little force from him, and she was reduced to a preening, desperate mess.

Before she'd even had a chance to slow things down, though, Steven suddenly gave a gut-wrenching cry of pain and slipped right from her grasp. She struggled to catch herself against the wall as his legs kicked out at her with horrible, blood-curdling screams tearing themselves from his throat. His fingers clawed wildly at his chest, ripping through his shirt into his skin.

She gasped, jumping on top of him in a flash; she snatched the bloody fingers away, and held his wrists together above his head. He screamed again, sending a fresh wave of terror over her, and his hands slipped from her grip.

Her heart nearly stopped as she watched blood trickle from his nose, smearing onto his swollen lips and dripping into his hair. He had been so worried about the memories killing him, was this it?

His ragged screams tore into her, the horrid sounds of a dying animal.

"No, no, no!" It took all of her strength to hold him down as his limbs snapped painfully against the floor, leaving scrapes and bruises across his pale skin. His back arched up from the floor as he gave one last harsh cry, which resonated around the room in a haunting echo, and then he went limp.

"Steven, please! You're okay, it's okay!" Her voice came out much louder and higher than she intended; she was nearly screaming.

His eyes cracked open, igniting an explosion of relief through her veins. He's alive.

Tears sprang to her eyes as she hefted him up into her lap, rocking him in her arms. He glanced down at his arm for a moment, and then he closed his eyes as he caught his breath.

Guilt ripped her apart from the inside as she sobbed into Steven's hair, rocking them both.

Nothing could be worth this.

How could she consent to this, to cause the very thing she so desperately wanted to prevent? No, she didn't just consent to it; it had been her idea.

Once again, she had hurt Steven.

There had to have been a safer, more comfortable way to get his memories back, but no, she had made the decision for him. She decided to force him into remembering, and look at what had happened.

She didn't deserve to be anywhere near him.

Suddenly, Steven shifted in her lap; she half expected him to get up and leave, to run and never look back. She wouldn't blame him, and she certainly wouldn't stop him.

Instead, his arms flew around her neck, squeezing her breath from her lungs. Steven's voice was a hoarse whisper in her ear, his shaky breath breezing through her messed hair.

"I am so, so sorry."

What?

His lips found hers before she could voice her confusion, their touch gentler than before. When he pulled away, she could see the plain light of recognition behind his eyes.

"Steven?" Her question came out as a breathy sob, full of confusion and fear.

"I- I think so…" Miraculously, he laughed. It was a dry, scraping sound, and she could guess that he had probably strained his vocal cords with all the screaming.

Her eyes welled with tears again, the purest relief crashing over her like a tidal wave. Suddenly, she was laughing as well, hugging him tight against her chest, rocking them through the swell of emotion. His arms found their way around her waist again, and she was lifted up into the air, spinning like a dancer.

Her head swam as he placed her feet back on the solid ground, but she didn't care. Steven was alive, and he was happy. Happier than she had ever seen him.

But what had he seen? What the hell had made him scream like that?

Steven seemed to be wondering the same thing as he finally noticed the blood seeping across his torn chest and the red stains on his fingers. He pulled at his shirt, then cringed.

"Tch, ow. What happened?"

"You happened." Her voice sounded frail, broken. "I am…so, so sorry."

He didn't seem to understand. He looked disoriented as he glanced around the room, noticing the cracked wall with his own handprint crushed into it. He flushed.

She continued, filling the awkward silence with her apology. "I shouldn't have forced you to remember, I- I had no idea it would hurt you like that… you were screaming so loud a-and I didn't know what to do, and you were hurting yourself, and I-"

"Whoa, it's okay, it's not your fault." He took a deep breath, seeming to prepare himself. "All that matters is," He took an advancing step towards her, engulfing her in a secure embrace. His scratchy voice whispered into her ear, "I know the truth now."

…

"So, how's it been going with Pearl?"

Bismuth's face cracked into a lopsided grin, and to Connie's amazement, she actually blushed. Her cheeks darkened to a charcoal grey as she gave an uncharacteristically girlish giggle.

She ran a calloused hand through her hair as she exclaimed, "It's been great! I never thought I'd get along so well with her like this, but hey! Under all that formal servitude stuff, it's the same old Pearl I know." Her eyes wandered over to the other side of the observatory, where Lapis and Peridot were making small-talk with Pearl. "She's still in there. I…I can't even explain how happy I am; I'm so relieved. I really thought I had lost her."

Connie nodded, anxious to get to the point of their conversation. "Have you noticed her coming back at all? Has she remembered anything you haven't told her?"

Bismuth quieted and rubbed her jaw with a hand. "I think she remembers more than she says she does. Little details here and there come out that she shouldn't know about. I kind of feel like, even though to her we've just met, she knows me." She paused for a moment, weighing her words. "I can't say how close she is, though. Back in the day, gems were rejuvenated left and right, and I've never heard of any coming back from it. It could take days, or it could take months." She sighed, looking crestfallen.

Connie frowned. She had been so hopeful, and yet their plan wasn't working fast enough. What more could it take?

Pearl turned and walked away from Lapis, clearly having just been dismissed. She immediately went to Bismuth's side, looking pleased. Her head dipped in a courteous bow before she said, "My Lapis Lazuli has assigned me to you again today. Isn't that great?"

Connie's eyebrows raised in surprise. That had been a pretty forward comment for someone usually so subdued.

Bismuth barked in laughter as if she thought the same thing. "That is great, Pearl. What do you wanna do today?"

A stubborn glint entered Pearl's eyes as she replied, "Whatever you want to do, Bismuth." Her voice rang with playful forced-calm, as if the whole exchange had been a running joke between them. Considering Pearl wasn't allowed to make her own decisions, it probably was.

Bismuth chuckled at her predictable response, and clapped a hand onto Connie's shoulder. "Luckily, our friend Connie here has a to-do list for us. Have a look," she said as she pulled a sheet of paper from her pocket and handed it over.

Pearl's eyes flashed over the page, her mouth slowly stretching into a broad smile. "This all sounds like so much fun! When do we start?"

"Right now, if you're ready." She held out her arm for Pearl to take, which she immediately did.

She buzzed with excitement and clung to Bismuth's side as they stepped out of the room.

Instantly, Lapis and Peridot were at Connie's side.

"Do you really think it'll work? I mean, they've been alone together for days, how can you know today will be any different?" Lapis slung her arm around Peridot's shoulder as she asked; both of them looked extremely anxious.

"It has to work. If I can just up the romance between them, something has to give. If the date I planned for them doesn't work, nothing will." She ran a hand through her hair, sighing. "I'm going to watch them today, from a distance; I- I can't stand not knowing what's going on. I'll update you guys later if anything happens. If not…well, we'll have to figure something else out." She speared Lapis with a desperate, pleading look.

Before the blue gem had a chance to argue, Connie turned on her heel and marched out of the observatory, then drove to the boardwalk. Just as she had planned, Pearl and Bismuth were in line for the teacup ride.

She meanered over to a secluded bench and settled down for the show. Exactly like she had hoped, the twirling ride basically threw Pearl into Bismuth's lap, and she was forced to hang on for dear life.

Connie sighed and remembered how she and Steven went on the ride together for their one year friendiversary, and she smiled at the memory of Steven wrapping his arms around her waist to keep her from flying into the air. Really, that ride was a death trap. If it hadn't helped her discover her feelings for Steven, she might report it to the safety regulator.

Pearl looked dizzy when they finally got off, and she clung to Bismuth's shoulder to keep from falling on her face. Perfect. The couple staggered over to a bench and plopped down, but Pearl's hands never strayed.

Next on the list was to collect seashells down on the beach, which Pearl delighted in. By the end of the hour she had a massive box of them organized from smallest to biggest. Bismuth laughed at her antics, picking the shells out of the waves and handing them over for her to analyze.

Pearl gave a delighted gasp as Bismuth handed her a massive conch. Connie was impressed; usually the tourists razed the beach, taking all of the unbroken shells home with them. She had never been able to find anything even close to that.

Pearl set the box down and took the shell gingerly, turning it over and over. It was a beautiful tan and white color with a pale pink bleeding from the inside; it looked kind of like her.

Bismuth must've said exactly that, because in the next moment Pearl blushed a pale blue and threw her arms around the taller gem's neck. They staggered for a moment, and then Pearl was back to studying the conch.

Connie scoffed and turned away from them. It almost worked; at least they were getting closer. She reminded herself to be patient and not interfere; if they knew she was spying on them they'd be mortified. She turned back just in time to see Pearl lift the shell up to her eyes, and in a flash it was sucked into her gem.

They continued their walk until they felt like they had enough shells, and they turned to the next item on the list: fencing. There was a match set to take place in the underground fight ring, and Connie had specifically arranged special seating for the couple.

They were right up front, and together they watched the matches with keen interest. The competitors were not professionals; even from the back of the crowd Connie could see every mistake they made. More importantly, though, she could see Pearl's reactions to those mistakes. She leaned forward and frowned when one duelist feigned left and then struck right, and she gasped as their opponent scrambled to parry and almost lost their footing. She anticipated every move ahead of time, as if the fight were an equation she was solving; it was very fascinating to watch.

The match ended, and Pearl leaned over to whisper something to Bismuth. From the way her hands wildly gestured at the two opponents and their weapons, Connie could guess that she was pointing out everything that they should've done differently.

Outside, the sun was beginning to set. Brilliant golden light flooded in through the high windows of the warehouse, reflecting off of the many gems as they wandered outside. If Pearl and Bismuth didn't hurry, they'd miss the next task.

Connie had gone out that morning and set up a surprise on the beach for them both; a picnic spread out well out of view of the town, down by the cliff near Steven's house. It was mostly just flowers and candles on a plaid blanket, but neither Bismuth nor Pearl liked to eat anyways. They seemed to like it well enough when they found it. Bismuth hid her surprise well, letting Pearl think she had set it all up.

They sat down together amidst the blooms, and took in the sunset. From her perch behind a large boulder, Connie could swear she had never seen a more perfect one. A few clouds littered the sky, catching the sun's rays in brilliant flames of orange and pink, contrasting the sky's gradient of pale orange to deep purple. It was breathtaking. Steven would have loved it.

He would've set the picnic up himself, complete with their favorite jams and drinks, and he would've played her a song on his ukulele. They would have stayed there together, holding hands and talking until the sun disappeared and they weren't able to see each other's faces. Then, they would have laid back and watched the stars together; Steven could always point out precisely which planets and star systems he had visited, and he'd regale her with wild and fantastic stories.

Connie could listen to him talk all night. From his point of view, everything from the tiniest little plant to the biggest, most catastrophic events were a source of wonder and curiosity; he could see the beauty in everything, even if it was tragic. To him, everything was just so…romantic.

She could feel her eyes stinging with tears, and she let herself drown in them. She had failed him so far. He should be there with them to see this perfect, fading sunset. Yet he wasn't.

Where was he?

She usually tried to shove those thoughts of him from her mind, for her own sanity's sake. In order to keep her focus, she kept herself from wondering. He's gone. Don't think about where, or how, or why. Don't wonder about how badly he's hurt, or whether he's alive. It would destroy her if she lingered too long.

Now, when she felt overwhelmed with the sense that they'd be too late, she let herself wonder exactly what he was doing just then. Was he tied up someplace, being tortured and starved? Was he worse off than the last time she had caught a glimpse of him, weeks ago? Was he even still alive?

Her chest felt like it was caving under her suppressed sobs as images of his lifeless body materialized in her mind. She couldn't imagine a world without him. Steven was so full of life, like a walking ray of sunshine that warmed everyone around him.

If he died because his family and friends had failed to save him, how were any of them going to live with that? How was she going to live with that?

She didn't think she could.

She curled in on herself, clutching at her sides in agony. She didn't want to think about him dying. She didn't want to think about how badly she'd want to follow him, or how grey the world would be without him. She couldn't, she couldn't, she couldn't. She was drowning, gasping for air.

The sun was gone, and the sky was grey; it was getting dark. It was getting late.

Focus. Connie forced herself back onto the task at hand, wiping the tears and snot from her face with her sleeve. She couldn't let herself drown. She had to stay strong for Steven. He wasn't dead yet; she could still save him.

Through the pounding in her head, she caught the sound of a sigh. It sounded like Pearl, but she couldn't be sure. She wiped her face one last time before standing up and peering around the boulder. What she saw almost made her die of embarrassment.

In the near-darkness of dusk, Pearl and Bismuth were an unrecognizable tangle of limbs, locked together in a passionate embrace. She could hear their panted breaths as they rolled over, grasping and kissing each other senseless. Connie had planned a romantic date, indeed.

She ducked right back behind the boulder, feeling like a peeping tom. Several tense moments passed by, filled now and then with sounds she would much rather not hear, before she decided to leave. This wasn't something she needed to witness.

She got a few steps away before the entire cliffside was washed in a flash of bright white.