ZERO / BLEACH / TWIST (here) / REVERSE / DYE / RED

Each one of us continues to carry the heart of each self we've ever been, at every stage along the way, and a chaos of everything good and rotten. And we have to carry this weight all alone, through each day that we live. - Banana Yoshimoto

Gaara looked happy to see her when he opened the door. He always looked happy to see her. Sakura had to swallow down her impatience as he offered to make her coffee or hot chocolate. She forced a smile and replied, "Coffee sounds good."

They stood in his tiny kitchen, blowing steam away from the mugs.

"So… is everything alright?" he asked. He was looking down at his drink.

Not that she could have known what he was looking at. Because she was staring into her mug too. Scowling as she tried to gather the right words.

"How do you know Madara the Arcanist?" Sakura inquired.

The question hung between them. And then he set his mug down on the counter.

"Doesn't everyone know him? Everyone goes to him for everything in this city," he answered.

The vagueness of his answer filled her with a strange feeling. She finally lifted her gaze to meet his. He only matched her eyes for a second. And then he was looking away.

"Okay, you caught me. I worked as his research assistant from time to time. He pays well," Gaara admitted. And then he huffed. "It's just… kind of embarrassing because I can only do clerical stuff. I can't help out with any of the actual magic."

Sakura understood. The class they had taken together during undergrad was a lecture on theory. Not long after the first date, Gaara had mentioned that he himself didn't possess whatever spark it took to channel magic.

It was uncommon, but not unheard of. And in a big city like this one, there were bound to be some people who couldn't harness magical energy. That hadn't stopped Gaara from pursuing his studies, though.

She had come to admire that about him. And to sympathize a little too. She remembered what it was like- being the only person in a sea of faces that couldn't pull the threads of magic from within.

"What kind of stuff did you help him out with?" Sakura wondered.

Gaara rubbed his arm. "…Sorry, Sakura. I… owe Madara. He really helped my family out when I was a kid. And… well… the man's private about some stuff."

Sakura froze. She hadn't realized that was what it sounded like. Like she was trying to snoop around Madara's research. There were plenty of vultures around the city who were trying to do so every day. Whenever one of these so-called rivals would try to copy his research or steal his findings, Madara would just laugh.

"Let the flies buzz around the shit," he sometimes said.

"So… why are you suddenly asking about the Arcanist?" It was Gaara's turn to ask a question.

Sakura put her coffee down as she responded: "He's my dad."

Gaara sucked in a sharp breath. "What?"

Sakura almost smiled. "Adopted. But yeah."

Gaara's brow furrowed. As if to say 'he never mentioned he had a daughter'.

"Papa's… weirdly private about some stuff. And not about others, you know?" Sakura parroted his earlier words. Gaara's face smoothed as he nodded.

Neither of them spoke for a while.

And then Sakura broke the silence.

"I… I divined something weird going on lately. Can you just… If he asks for help with research, can you avoid him for a bit?" That vague warning was the best she could give him. Gaara frowned. But he searched her face for a while before he nodded.

"Okay."

It wasn't exactly the revelation she had hoped for. But it was something.

As she left Gaara's apartment and headed for the nearest subway station, Sakura reached out to feel the edges of the linking spell Sasuke had cast on her. After a moment, she felt him respond from the other end. Like a tug on her elbow. It would have been just as easy to send him a text. But Sasuke liked this spell. And she did too. It was cozy.

I'm fine. On the way back to the shop.

Most linking spells were able to convey emotions through the temporary connection. It was difficult to send words and coherent ideas without a lot of practice. Luckily, Sakura and Sasuke had a lot of practice. It was the same with her other cousins. Madara had insisted upon her learning it early on.

"So we can talk shit about other people in public," he had explained.

It had been a tricky skill to master, but she was thankful for it now when Sasuke responded.

Got your answers?

Kind of. Not really. Fuck.

The link went wobbly for a moment. Sasuke was laughing. And then-

Come to the shop. Itachi says he found something.

A little while later, Sakura opened the door to the dream shop. The dreams on the shelves glowed and hummed at her in greeting. The bells jangled together as she shut the door behind her. She shivered. She should have worn a hat today.

As she shed her coat, Sakura spotted Sasuke at the counter. He was scowling at the appointment book as he scribbled something in it.

"Where's everyone?" she asked.

Sasuke's tongue stuck out a little as he finished scribbling. And then he looked up.

"In the break room," he pointed with his thumb. The door was already open. At the sound of their conversation, Itachi poked his head out. Shisui's head followed. Shisui smiled. It was the worst attempt at a smile she had ever seen in her entire life. Itachi didn't even try to fake happiness. Both of them looked like they hadn't slept a wink last night.

"Do you wanna sit first? Want some coffee?" Shisui offered.

Sakura shook her head. Sasuke looked curious. He shut the appointment book. He pushed it to the side as Sakura joined him behind the counter.

"So we didn't find any cases with butterflies specifically. But there were a few examples of other insects," Itachi got right to it. She appreciated that. There was no point in dancing around the topic.

"According to the records, demons love symbols and double-meanings. Insects go through different life stages, so they're often tied with sacrificing lifespan in exchange for a favor," he then explained.

A chill ran through Sakura.

"Lifespan? How… how many years?" she heard herself ask.

"I'm not sure. I've seen up to 30. Maybe more."

"30?"

Itachi's voice, along with everyone else's, suddenly sounded so far away. She didn't realize she was shaking until she saw Shisui rush forward to hug her.

"Hey there. It's gonna be alright," he said in a voice that sounded oddly muffled.

Sakura was sick and tired of crying. But she was crying all over again. Weeping against Shisui's shirt like some snotty little kid. It didn't fix anything. It didn't save anyone. Yet it was all she could muster the strength to do as she recalled hearing Sasuke's screams of agony as his heart was torn from his chest. Followed by grisly crunching and gulping that made her stomach turn.

"I'm sorry. This is all my fault," she sobbed.

Itachi went missing two days later. It was still November. It was far too early.

But Itachi was gone.

And no matter how much she begged and screamed, Shisui went after him. She barely managed to grab Sasuke. To plead with him not to abandon her too.

This time, all three of them went out to search for Shisui and Itachi. They scoured their usual haunts. Asked anyone they knew. Madara even used his connections with the higher ups in the city to pull some favors with the police department.

There was no trace of them.

As if the world had forgotten to keep a place for them.

Shisui's door in the dream world went dark first. Then Itachi's.

Sasuke woke screaming when the knob to Itachi's door crumbled to dust under his fingers. Sakura was already running into his room, grasping both his hands as they sobbed together.

Ino called that same morning to tell Sakura that her tracking spell on Naruto had dissolved.

The three of them met at the same diner as before. Sasuke stared numbly off into space with red-rimmed eyes. He didn't even touch the coffee Ino pushed toward his hand.

"It's all happening… like your vision," Ino said.

Sakura poked at her overcooked eggs. They were rubbery and bland. Not that she had much of an appetite these days anyway.

"How are we all doing? Can I get you anything else?" she heard the waitress say.

Ino was the only one who could muster something like a smile. "Everything's great. We're good for now," she replied.

Sakura waited for the waitress to walk off before she opened her mouth.

"I thought things would be better. Because I asked Shisui not to go on his fucking trip. It's…" Sakura clenched her hands under the table. She forced in a shaky breath. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have let Itachi see the demon contract." She raised her other hand to cover the mark on the back of her neck.

To her surprise, Sasuke finally refocused his gaze, tilting his head toward her.

"Don't say that. You might have died already if we didn't see that. And you said he went missing even when he didn't see it in your vision." His voice was flat. But she knew Sasuke. He didn't say anything he didn't mean.

The corners of her eyes began to sting. "I'm just some orphan kid. I'm not even related to you guys," she whispered. "You shouldn't… this…"

Sakura and Ino both jolted when Sasuke's palm slapped down on the table. It rattled the silverware and plates. The rest of the diner went silent as heads turned toward the sound. Sasuke kept his eyes trained on Sakura's face. They were just as bloodshot as hers. And they shimmered, like he was holding back tears.

"Don't fucking say that. I…. you… I'll never fucking forgive you if you say that shit again," he hissed. And then he whipped his head away, scrubbing his face with the back of his sleeve. Sniffling. He snatched the napkin that Ino handed to him and kept his face turned toward the window. Away from the both of them.

They were quiet for a long while. The sounds of regular conversation around the diner finally returned. Sakura pretended to be interested in her eggs again. Ino tapped the table with her nail as she looked out the window.

And then Ino arched her eyebrows.

"Has Madara seen it before? In your visions, I mean," she asked.

Sakura and Sasuke both turned to her.

"What?"

Ino tapped the back of her neck twice. "Did he see it in your visions?"

Sakura thought it over. She didn't recall him saying anything about it to her. Or even making an excuse to look at her neck specifically.

"Shit," Ino grumbled as she reached for the salt shaker and knocked over a bottle of maple syrup instead.

Sakura stared at the red leaf on the label. And as she did, a memory came to her.

Of eating pancakes that Madara made for breakfast.

"I'm gonna go to the shop first. I won't stay out late," she promised.

She gathered her hair in one hand and pulled it off her neck as she searched for her phone.

Madara froze.

Sakura looked back when she felt his stare.

"What?"

Madara blinked hard. And then he smiled.

"Your phone's in your hand, kiddo," he pointed out.

Sakura looked down. She laughed. Madara did too as he went to pour himself another cup of coffee.

That odd look. The stiffness of his smile. Why hadn't she noticed it for the first time?

And then another memory came to her. Of rushing to use his scrying bones when she had woken from her nightmare the first time. Spilling them across the rug in his room.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Madara's voice came from the doorway.

Sakura tried to push her tangled hair out of her face. She gave a hiss of frustration before she yanked it into a bunch on the side of her head and held it in place. She took a long breath before she could gather her frazzled thoughts enough to channel magic into the dry bones.

The black fissures in the bones began to glow. Voices hissed out through the brittle marrow.

Beware of the dreams that linger, they whispered again.

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut. She channeled a little more magic.

The whispers chanted the phrase over and over again: Beware of the dreams that linger.

And as the voices began to fade, they left her with one more warning.

Do not give your heart away.

"You know, you could've just asked to borrow them."

Sakura's head whipped around. Madara stood there, arms folded over his chest. He tilted his head a little as he looked her over.

And this time around, too. He had seen it again. She had shown it to him, in fact.

"But Papa… he…he would never."

Sakura stopped herself.

Madara was old. Older than he let on. She knew from some of the clothes buried in the back of his closet. And the way he would casually throw out anecdotes that must have happened years ago. And while she knew that heavy magical use arrested a caster's natural aging, she sometimes found herself wondering why Madara never talked about his childhood. Or his true age. What was he hiding from her- the person he introduced as his daughter everywhere he went?

"You think he has something to do with this?" Sakura finally inquired.

Ino bit her lower lip. She shrugged one shoulder. Then she nodded.

"If he knew about it before, but didn't tell you… isn't that weird?" she pointed out.

Sakura hated that she agreed with Ino.

She texted Gaara on her way home. He asked for any updates about her cousins. (There were none. He was sorry to hear that.) Asked if there was anything he could do for her. She made him promise again to stay away from Madara. To pretend that he was too busy if Madara reached out to him.

He promised.

Sakura saw very little of Madara over the next few weeks. He was always doing some sort of research. He never tried to hide what he was doing. He was still the same, reliable but odd man he had always been.

Maybe, in truth, it was Sakura who was avoiding him. She was afraid that he would read something in her smile. See between the cracks in her mask to see that she was terrified of him. Terrified that there someone else lurking beneath that face she had once trusted blindly.

She spent as much time as possible out of the house in December. During the day, she could use her thesis as an excuse. Madara was fine with that as long as she checked in during the day and wore the protective charm he had made for her. After that, she visited Ino or stayed out to eat dinner with Gaara.

Admittedly, she didn't feel so safe roaming the city with Naruto still missing. Sasuke pointed out that she should be fine until New Year's. Which made her feel a little better until Ino pointed out that Itachi and Shisui's disappearances had come several days earlier this time around.

She kept a linking spell live with Sasuke as often as she could. Just so they could nudge each other throughout the day. Reassuring each other.

I'm alive.

Me too.

Sakura tried, several times, to gather the courage to talk to Madara.

Sometimes she stood in the hall. Between their bedroom doors.

She could walk in, sit on the edge of his bed, and ask him for the truth.

But each time, fear drove her into her own room. If Madara noticed her lingering awkwardly, he never mentioned it to her. He probably did notice, though. Just like he probably noticed that one of his scrying bones was missing and didn't say anything to her about that either.

The rib sat in the top drawer of her dresser. Sometimes it just hummed in her hand. Other times, it repeated the same few warnings like a scratched CD caught on the same few seconds of a song.

Just once, she channeled magic into the bone. And the bone let out a sob of agony as it cast a spell back at her. So quickly that she didn't even have time to register what it was. All Sakura knew was that a jolt of pain sparked up her fingers, traveling all the way up to her shoulder. It felt like liquid agony coursing through her veins.

And then it was gone.

There wasn't even a mark on her skin.

Sakura hesitated. When she finally gathered the courage to pick up the bone again, it lay still and cool in her palm.

"What the hell, man? Not cool," she grumbled, turning the bone over to inspect it.

Do not give away your dreams. Protect the child to find the lock. Beware the keyless heart.

The warnings were jumbled together. That wasn't what the scrying bones had told her before. But when she channeled into the bone again, it recited the warnings in the normal order.

Beware of the dreams that linger.

Do not give your heart away.

Pity the child who trusts the keyless lock.

The strange version of these warnings felt… better somehow.

Sakura said them out loud. Just to hear them.

"Do not give away your dreams… Protect the child to find the lock. And… beware… the uh- the keyless heart…. What's any of this supposed to mean?" she wondered. She sat on the edge of her bed. Rib clutched in her hand.

She wondered. And then she despaired when she thought of how much easier this would all be if she could just consult Madara. He always seemed to know what to do and what to say. Especially when it came to magic.

Her eyes began to drift shut. She hadn't had a chance to erase her makeup. But it had been another long day poring through research. When she tried to force her eyes open, they rebelled. Her eyelids felt like they weight about a ton each.

"Wait. Am I supposed to pity the child and protect them at the same time?" she asked no one in particular.

Even though she hadn't poured any energy into the scrying bone, it hummed warm against her skin.

Yes, it seemed to answer.

Ino and Sasuke arrived on New Year's Eve. Earlier than the last time. No takeout boxes. No bottles of wine or teasing smiles. Ino wore her hair in a braid. She wore charm bracelets filled with protective wards. Sasuke stood beside her, looking like he hadn't slept properly in a month. Because he hadn't.

"Uncle?" Sasuke asked in a low voice as they stepped inside.

"In the library, I think," she replied at the same quiet volume.

While Ino and Sasuke dropped off their things in her room, Sakura poked her head into Madara's bedroom. Just to be sure that he wasn't there.

It was empty and dark. Just as it should be.

When they reached the door to the library, Sakura grabbed Ino's wrist before she could touch the knob. The same strange barrier buzzed around the door. But this time, Sakura knew exactly what to do.

She hooked her pointer finger around the threads of the spell. It dissolved, falling away like cobwebs.

Just like the last time, the hum of magic rumbled through the floors and walls. The secret room in the library was open. A cauldron bubbled away inside. Black and purple wisps of smoke rose from within.

The magic circle had been drawn with chalk. But there was no glow of an active spell yet.

"Papa," she called, leaning over the railing.

Madara dropped the vial in his hand. The glass shattered, sending sparkling bits scattering across the mosaic. Whatever liquid was once inside spattered too.

Madara raised his head to stare up at her.

"How did you get in here?" he asked. Just like the last time.

But she wasn't looking at him anymore. She was gaping at the man who stood a little ways behind him. His hands filled with texts and his face filled with guilt.

"You promised me," she accused.

"I'm sorry," Gaara replied. He glanced at Madara before he returned his gaze to her.

"He said it was to protect you," Gaara then added.

Sakura felt her knees buckle. She gripped the balustrade, desperately trying not to laugh.

"He's going to kill you," she announced.

"What?" Gaara's eyebrows rose. An incredulous noise left him. He was smiling at how ridiculous of an idea it was. But when he looked at Madara again, the smile slid off his face.

"That's crazy…. It's… who would…" Gaara trailed off when Madara stared back at him.

"You were. Weren't you, Papa?" Sakura shifted her attention to Madara. He stood frozen in place. As if she wouldn't spot him if he stood very still. Their eyes met. Madara quickly turned away from her.

"You owe me an explanation, Papa," she insisted.

He still refused to look at her as he clenched his hands into fists. "I'm… This…"

"Papa!"

"I'm trying to protect you!" he shouted. He had never raised his voice at her before. She drew back like he had burned her.

"From what?" she whispered.

"From what I did."

Before she could demand a better explanation, a screech assaulted their ears. One of the windows shattered, spraying them with splinters of wood and glass. She caught a flash of bared teeth glistening with saliva. Claws slashing. Headed right for her face.

Sakura swept her hand out in front of her. A shield bubbled up to block the claws that would have torn through her. As the snarling creature bashed against the clear shield, Sakura realized that it was a familiar face.

"Naruto!"