I wanted to give an inside into how Dumbledore felt just as he got his admonitors. It is set just efter the Aurores leave but before the mirror scene. It is inspired from the deleted scene with McGonnagall after the aurores left. I know there is a few plotwholes but since Rawling herself created them I am going to close my eyes for that. I intend for it to be a two possible three parter.
Dumbledore closed the door to his office as he put down the assignments he had to grade on his desk. Yet he struggled to find the energy to do so. All he could think about was the conversation he had at the classroom earlier today. It felt like his mind kept playing the same scene over and over. For the thousand time today, his hands reached for the cuff like admonitor. They were thick and heavy, made by metal who was associated with confinement. While they didn't gnaw into his skin, they did sit tight enough to be a constant source of irritation. He felt an underlying need to try and rip off them off. He wondered if he could get them off himself. He might be able to, but it would create a very big problem as Travers would no doubt use it as an excuse for arresting him once and for all. But if they stayed on people would notice and it would mean the end of his teaching career.
Dumbledore sank into the chair at the thought. Who was he trying to kid? He was done already. Travers had forbidden him to teach Defense Against the Dark Art. If he refused to step aside, he would either be arrested or force Armando Dippet into an impossible situation where he had to back a man who the ministry has marked as a suspect of supporting Grindelwald. In these dark and uncertain times, it would not be something the parents or the magical community would let pass. Neither for him nor for Armando Dippet. They had just heightened the security due to Grindelwald once more just two weeks ago.
Yet where would he go? What job could he take? He loved to teach. It was a good job where he helped form future generations. Give them knowledge and help them one their journey to adulthood. It was also a job that them him far away from any sort of power. What other type of jobs could possibly fill that? A job in Gringotts Wizard Bank or in the Ministry for Magic would lead to promotions with a lot of power to follow. He had promised himself on Adriana's grave he would never go that route again. As a healer on St. Mungo's he might find a good job but it wasn't where his talents lied.
What was he going to do? Even if found another job who was acceptable who would hire a man who wore a physical sign that the ministry distrusted him so much? Perhaps he could go back to his old teacher and partner Nicolas Flamal. He was always a fair man. But he could hardly pay him a wage for being around. When he had been with him, he had paid for the opportunity to study under him. The man was not poor, but he couldn't support him in a job. It would not be fair to ask that of him and what would he do there? No that would never work. So what? He couldn't imagen giving up teaching. He just couldn't. It felt like his heart sank to the floor in despair.
Dumbledore took his wand and was about to use it to fetch his answer sheets from the drawer across the room hoping to distract himself by finally beginning to grade when he paused as a horribly thought took form. Dumbledore looked at his wand waiting in his hand. His wand who had done so much with was now …. was now …. It was going to tell everything to Travers. Every spell cast, every enchantment used. Any and every single form of magical act cast with his wand would be recorded and Traver would now. His hand started shaking and all energy to raise and preform the spell seam to leave him.
No! Travers had him, what could he do about it? If he contacted his friends in the international community for help by any other means than owls, his own wand would tell Traver and either him or his friends might risk being arrested. Travers could be very brutal and would most likely enjoy a chance to take his whole network down once and for all. Travers had also told that he would double the watch on him. Even owl post wasn't safe enough. They might get snapped by one of Travers men watching him or a fanatic Grindelwald follower. What could he do? He was backed into a corner in every single direction.
No! There had to be a way out of this but what? Travers would no doubt allow him to get out of this corner if he agreed to fight Grindelwald, but he couldn't do that. He was … he was the man he had been so infatuated with. He had just … he had finally met a young man who had fascinated him to no end. A young man who shared his intellect and for the first time … hadn't rejected his advances. It had been so wonderful.
When your attracted to your own gender … well few would even want to hear about it even fewer was interested in returning such level of affection. He had loved Grindelwald and he had been sure Grindelwald felt the same. Their relationship and … love had culminated that night when they were almost ready for their quest to begin and sworn to never fight with another. Three days after that … it had ripped his life apart. He had never been able to forgive himself for what had happened. For what he had done.
All his dreams smashed, all his failure laid bare, and it could have all been prevented had he not chosen to close his eyes for the truth about what he suspected Grindelwald was. The worst part was it wasn't even him who had paid the price. It had been his brother and sister who had. He had seen Grindelwald torturing them. He had forgotten all about the duel and called out desperate for it to end. He had begged to Grindelwald to take their place. To turn the crucio curse on him and spare them. He wasn't even sure if anyone had hurt him due to his siblings' combined screams and Grindelwald standing their shouting crucio with an anger and hate burning in his eyes. Trying to put himself between them he had cast yet another spell and then the duel had been continuing and then …. Ariana had lead dead in the middle.
His stomach twisted as he remembered her lifeless body laying so still, her eyes cold. He barely registered it as Grindelwald was running out of the room. All he could see was his little sister laying cold and stiff on the ground. What had he done? He had killed her. But surely it wasn't his spell that had done it. Or was it Grindelwald who had cast it? Or Aberforth? He didn't know. But it couldn't be him? Or could it? Was it his spell? Had he done it? All those thoughts went through him while Aberforth screamed something to him could not make out. There was such pain and anger in Aberforth look as he shouted at him, and he couldn't find the energy to move. What had he done? Unable to bare it anymore he had left the room while Aberforth was still screaming to him, possible as it ringed for his ears and he couldn't make anything out.
A heavy wooden watch with a pendulum in stroke 7 o'clock making him come back to the present. At each new stroke a new fear rose in him. It was dinner time. He would have to attend, or questions would be asked. Dumbledore hand shut down to the admonitor cuffs again, no if he attended dinner, he risked people noticing them. He didn't want that. He wasn't ready for people to discover that. He could take a shirt on who had long sleeves but if they fell even just a little someone might notice. Even so he didn't have a choice. He had to attend. He just had to try and hide it the best he could. He put his wand into a pocket and left the room. It was like the admonitor cuffs all the suddenly was much heavier and tighter than before.
A/N There you have it. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think.