No Want, No Hunger, No Shame

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Chapter 21

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Meryl awoke with a start, the vision of a black abyss still imprinted in her vision. For a moment in which she struggled in her sheets, grappling for a wound that wasn't there, she couldn't see anything. The room was dim, the curtains had been drawn and it was clothed in shadows, but that wasn't it. She couldn't see.

Vaguely, some memory of the dream had trailed back with her from the dream world, and one stood out terribly from the rest—seeking to be seen, aching to be sought out.

The small woman was in a panic. A smile was imprinted in her mind, cruel and hating.

She struggled to gain control of her sight as her shoulder ached and her hand fisted in her nightshirt over the nonexistent wound. Short, gasping breaths burst from her mouth, and her lungs were aching as her shoulder did, as if they had been slashed open in a similar fashion.

Finally, with a strangled intake of air, Meryl flung the confining bedspread from herself and shot up on her bed.

The sound of her heartbeat pounding uncontrollably in her ears coupled with the rasping breaths escaping her mouth were the only sounds in the room.

No one was there; no one had been there.

The black blots in her vision were clearing, and the small woman became aware of her surroundings. Her bed, the floor, the fireplace, the tangled sheets and blankets at her feet…the emptying ache subsiding from her shoulder, the slow trickle of cooling blood running a path down the back of her neck.

Blinking rapidly now, Meryl pulled the side of her shirt down to expose her shoulder. There was nothing but the milky-whiteness of her skin. No abrasions, no blood. She shivered, pulling the shirt back up and reached a trembling hand around to the back of her neck. Gingerly, she ran a finger along the slick path and brought it to her face to examine the substance.

In the think light, she could still distinguish its darkness, its redness.

Blood.

The dream came flooding back to her as if some sort f mental dam in her mind had been broken. Thoughts, doubts, revelations, questions, fears, hopes, bewilderment, mysteries, uncertainties. Words and visions flooded through her mind and swirled around like a whirlpool.

Blue eyes, green eyes. Hope, fear. Good, evil. Smiles, eyes. Vash and Knives, Vash and Knives. Saverem. Both vampires…both blonde…they look exactly alike…except for the eyes…and the smiles…

Almost absently, Meryl wiped her hand on the nightshirt and with shaky legs, pushed off her bed and made her way to the door. She pulled it open with an unusual force and ignoring the sound of it slamming against the wall. She was already halfway down the hall, in the bathroom.

Snatching up the lantern from the side of the sink, she fiddled with the candle, plucking up a box of matches and striking it shakily. A moment later, a bright light banished the darkness and the mirror before her displayed a ruined woman with bloodshot eyes.

She set the lantern down and grabbed the nearest towel. Running the fabric across the wound on her neck, she watched in the mirror as it came back red.

Blood.

"Wretch…" she whispered, voice cracking lowly. Who she referred to was lost on even her.

Cleaning the K carefully, waiting for the blood to clot by the toilet with naught but a lantern to keep her company and a bloody towel in her hands, Meryl felt ten years older than she felt. Maybe twenty…

The small woman made her way back to her room, shut the damaged door and straightened her bedspread before falling asleep under the covers.

She didn't wake again until sunrise.

When Meryl woke up it was daylight, and she was feeling unusually disoriented. Her room was bathed in light. The curtains were almost glowing as the sun fought to make its way in.

But she could still hear the pitter-patter of raindrops as they slid down her windowpane.

She made her way downstairs, fully dressed, after making a quick stop in the washroom to check on her lovely little K.

The floorboards creaked loudly under her slight weight, and Meryl couldn't help but feel slightly anxious about the dead silence in her house. Last time she had checked, there had been a boisterous half-blooded, near insane vampire (out for her blood) that had somehow managed to make his home here, traipsing around like he didn't have a care in the world. Except, of course, the face that he was near drained of energy and patience.

And he had a brother named Knives who was quite insane.

The wheels in Meryl's mind began to creak into motion. That's right, I have to go find Milly today…and once he's back to his normal self, I'll pump the little sneak for answers … she thought wryly, allowing herself a sly grin.

Oh yes, Meryl wasn't usually very devious, but when she was…you'd better watch out.

Slowly, the petite woman entered the kitchen, the main focus of her scuffle with Vash last night.

The sight that met her was less than…normal. Maybe even disturbing.

Vash, acting as though nothing was out of the ordinary, was sitting at her kitchen table, drinking a cup of tea…reading the newspaper. And with that stupid floppy blonde hair of his…and those bloody pyjamas! The perfect picture of innocence.

It was a good thing his back was to her, or he would have had the misfortune of seeing the completely murderous look that passed over the petite woman's face before she caught herself and pulled her wits back together.

Definitely not normal Meryl though, somewhat bothered.

She took another step into the room. The wooden panel under her foot creaked loudly, and she could have sworn she saw Vash jump slightly. Quickly, he dropped the newspaper and turned in the chair.

Meryl's eyes met his with a clash of sudden anger.

Vash blinked slightly, puzzled. "Good morn—" he began, but was cut off by the petite woman.

"Be quiet." She said.

Vash cocked his head at her, his floppy blonde hair falling over his eye. "Okay…" he eyed her slightly. "Did you know there's a group of vampires tormenting a shopkeeper just twenty minutes from here? It's in the newspa—" he was interrupted swiftly by Meryl, who stared at him stonily.

"Get up." She commanded, making her way further into the kitchen, ever one her guard. After last night…after the dream…

"What?" Vash gazed at her with confusion.

"I said, get up!" Meryl repeated, her voice hard.

He did so, slowly, and when he was standing at his full height, a good foot taller than Meryl, he began meekly, "Look, if this is about last night, I—"

He was cut off again, but this time because of Meryl's fist. It connected with his cheek with a loud smack, and he stumbled and fell back heavily into his chair.

Meryl rubbed her knuckles as his hand came up to cover his cheek. His green eyes looked up at her with a mixture of confusion, sadness and pain. She stared back at him silently, her stormy eyes cold and hard.

"What was that for??" he demanded, and she could have sworn there were tears in his eyes.

Meryl ignored it. "For absolutely nothing." She stated harshly, giving him one last glare before making her way into the living room. She didn't have all day to sit around and chat. Today she had a purpose. She was going to Milly's and Milly was going to make her a serum for Vash. Then she would make her way home, maybe stop by at that shopkeepers…or maybe not. But she would make it home. And after the stupid vampire had taken the serum and relieved himself somewhat of his hunger, she would then proceed to get answers. In any way necessary.

She set about gathering her necessary things for a hunt. If she was going out, there were definite precautions to take.

Behind her, Vash gave his cheek a delicate rub. Really, he would have been fine with a slap. Slaps were good; they hurt less than a punch. They hurt less than her punch.

Slowly, he stood up from the table and following Meryl into the living room. He had no idea what she was up to now, but he didn't like it nonetheless. The short girl was acting…strange…

He came upon Meryl sorting through a few objects on the coffee table. "What are you doing?" he asked, almost meekly.

Meryl turned, a frown adorning her face. In her hand was a stake.

Involuntarily, Vash backed away slightly. In his eyes was a wary look.

Meryl couldn't help a grim snort of laughter at the half-blood's antics. "I'm not going to stake you, if that's what you mean." She stated shortly, and shoved the wooden weapon into a belt at her waist. She snatched up three more from the table and placed them side-by-side in her belt.

Vash watched her, stepping forward again as she turned her back and made her way to the wall by the hearth. There, he noticed, hung several strings of garlic. He hadn't seen those before…he was lucky he was only a half-blood. His human side allowed him to withstand such things as garlic, but not stakes or silver.

"Where are you going, then?" he rephrased the question.

"Out." was her short reply.

He watched as she seemed to contemplate taking a string of garlic cloves. Eventually she shook her head, muttering something like "they smell too strong, anyway."

"Out where?" he pried

Meryl turned, exasperation written all over her face. "Outside." She stated, terribly unspecific.

Vash shook his head in refusal. "It's not safe." Was she a fool, or just trying to get herself killed?

Whirling on him, eyes narrowed angrily, the petite woman snarled. "And you propose it's safer in here than out there?"

Vash winced. It was a clear denotation of last night. Still, though, he stood by his opinion. "Yes." He replied, green eyes suddenly cool.

Her stormy grey eyes clashed angrily with his calm green ones, and she stood silently for a moment in a demure standoff. Whose will would crumble first? she wondered idly.

Finally, she spoke. "I'm going out and you are staying right here, broomhead." Her voice was calm, but behind it was a hard wall of stone. She wasn't going to back down. He was only a half-blood.

"If you're going outside, I'm going with you." The blonde was persistent, but Meryl merely swept past him.

How could she trust someone who was related—who was a brother to Knives, the very man who was trying so very hard to kill her? She couldn't.

Vash followed diligently as Meryl rushed through the kitchen, into the hallway and made her way to the front door. Her cloak and boots sat neatly, waiting loyally for her use. She was sweeping the gun-loaded outer garment around her shoulders by the time he came to a stop behind her.

"You're not coming, Vash." She said simply, slipping her feet into her boots. "Not only will you be no use to me, I have no need for you to come, nor do I have a want for you to come."

"But—" the blonde started.

"If I even have the slightest thought that you are following me, Vash, you'd better start running." She frowned, securing her cloak as she turned to face him once more. "I have one hundred little silver bullets just waiting to be used up." She glared ominously at the blonde. He stood there, completely clueless to what she knew, to what she thought and doubted. He stood there in his pyjamas, looking as though he had just rolled out of bed, pale as a white sheet and too weak to do anything worthwhile. And yet, he was still willing to come with her.

"Idiot." Meryl muttered, and turned away from the disappointed man, pulled open her front door and stepped outside.

She didn't look back as she slammed it in his face.

--

Milly was in the middle of a late morning breakfast when she heard the knock on her door. For a moment, she merely sat there, wondering whom it could be. Mister Wolfwood hadn't said anything about dropping by today for a visit…who else was there? Mrs Smith down the lane might need help with her cat again, or maybe old Mr Jones next door, he might need someone to run some errands for him. But they would usually give her a fair warning if they were going to ask something of her…unless

She shot up from her table, abandoning her eggs and toast to answer the door. Sempai, it had to be sempai. But what in the world was she doing way over here, unless she was in great need of help. What if something when wrong??

The tall woman wrenched open the front door, and sure enough, there was Meryl with her knuckles poised to knock once more.

"Sempai! What are you doing outside! It's dangerous!" Milly exclaimed, pulling the short woman inside before slamming the door shut and locking it. She whirled around to face her partner, eyes wide. "What's wrong sempai! Have the vampires invaded you're home?? Where's Mr Vash!?? Why isn't he with—"

Meryl seemed to wilt slightly under her barrage of questions, but held up a hand for silence when her partner showed no signs of halting.

"Nothing's wrong, Milly." She said calmly, a hint of a smile on her face.

Milly's brow instantly furrowed. "But…why are you here? Without Vash?"

Meryl shook her head slightly, unclasping her cloak and removing her boots. "I have a slight problem, Milly, and I think you're just the person to help me." She said elusively.

"A problem, sempai?" the taller woman asked hesitantly.

Meryl nodded. "I think it's better told sitting down, though…" she watched as Milly nodded instantly and turned on her heel back to the kitchen.

"Sempai! You wouldn't believe how scared I was that something was happening. You're not supposed to be outside alone! Vampires are everywhere, attacking people and harassing them! It's a miracle they didn't find you on you're way over!" Milly explained as they reached the kitchen. She took a seat where her unfinished breakfast lay. She pushed the plate aside.

Meryl surveyed the food. "I interrupted you're meal, didn't I?" she guessed.

Milly merely waved her off. "It must be very important if you're here without Vash." She said. "Did you leave him behind, or is he in trouble? Can I help? Is this about what Wolfwood said the other day?"

Rolling her eyes, Meryl folded her hands on the table. "Finish you're breakfast Milly. And don't worry. I'm fine, nothing immediately life threatening had made it's way to my end quite yet. And its not about the priest…actually, I was surprised he wasn't here with you."

Reluctantly, Milly speared a piece of her egg with a fork. "Oh, its nothing, sempai. He's busy with something…although I have no idea what. He's a very strange man, don't you agree?" she smiled at her partner.

"He's a priest, Milly." Meryl arched an eyebrow at her friend. "All priests are strange."

The taller woman gave a short shrug, making a sound of agreement or denial. It could have been either.

"Bit I didn't come here to discuss Nicholas's occupation, what he does with his free time, because I can't really be bothered." Meryl started again. "I have a rather…tedious half-blood on my hands at the moment."

"Tedious, sempai?" Milly asked innocently.

Deciding to come flat out, the short woman took a deep breath. "He's got the hunger, Milly. I need something, anything, to calm him down a bit."

Milly's blue eyes instantly seemed to harden, and she set her fork down. "Mr. Vash is a good person, sempai."

Pursing her lips, Meryl regarded her partner with slightly narrowed eyes. "I know that, Milly. But even the most….noble bloodsucker, even a half-blood, can't resist the bloodlust for long." She unclasped her hands and tapped her fingers on the table. "He's about dead on his feet, Milly. Completely useless. That's part of the reason I didn't take him with me on my way here. He would slow me down, I'm sure…"

The taller woman stayed silent for a moment, her light blue eyes regarding her partner intently. Meryl couldn't hide anything from her. It was useless.

"What has he done?" Milly asked finally.

Once more, Meryl's eyebrows were raised. "I should have known you'd see right through me." She muttered, a wry smile flitting over her face.

"Sempai, things have grown much darker over the past weeks. You know it, I know it. There's something about Vash, we can both see it. Though, I'm not going to deny he's a good person, because I sincerely believe he is. I'm worried for him, for you. Even for Mr. Priest. London's never been so dark…"

Meryl seemed to age right before Milly's eyes, and a moment later she spoke up, her voice weary. "He attacked me last night, Milly." Slowly, she pulled down the collar of her shirt to show an array of ugly bruises forming across her skin. "It's too strong for him, he looks so dead…like a vampire." In her eyes, there was indecision on whether to say any more. But she had had enough of hiding things from her friends. "Not only that, though…I know who he is now."

Milly stayed silent, patiently waiting for her friend to continue.

"Over the past weeks…I can't remember when they first started…when I first saw him I imagine," Meryl took a deep breath. "He, Knives, whatever you want to call the bastard, he's been in my dreams. They were nightmares, really, horrible dreams about me running through a forest, a field. And then I would see him—more specifically his eyes…" she stopped to stare at her partner. "Have you ever seen the eyes of a murderer?"

Milly shook her head mutely.

Meryl smiled a grim smile. "I had the strange feeling I'd seen them before. But something was different about them….the ones in my dreams were cold blue, while the ones I remember were green, like the sea." She paused for a moment, closing her eyes to finish her story. "And then he revealed himself, and he looked familiar. And just last night, I figured it out, Milly."

The taller woman's brow was deeply knotted as she waited for her friend to continue.

"Knives looks almost exactly like his brother. Vash and Knives look so similar, but you can tell they're the exact opposite. Knives is nothing like Vash…he's too cold. He's too evil, the pure epitome of what a real vampire should be."

Milly swallowed audibly, and Meryl continued with her hands balled up into fists.

"Milly, Vash has been deceiving us this entire time, I know he has. And now he's so weak without blood, I can't beat the living daylights out of the bastard until I know he isn't going to jump me in the middle of a conversation!" Meryl growled angrily, her grey eyes once again finding Milly's. "I need you to make a serum to sustain him. He's very dangerous, but not quite gone. I can't trust him right now. Do you understand?"

The tall woman nodded solemnly and stood up with her plate in her hands. The chair behind her screeched on the wooden floor, a welcome break in the tense air about the room.

"I'll do it, Meryl. And after Mr Vash is back to his normal self we'll do something about Mr Knives. I promise." Milly declared boldly, depositing her half-full plate in the kitchen sink before motioning Meryl to follow her.

The petite woman knew exactly where they were going. It was a place only herself and Nick had the pleasure of seeing, where Milly's true part in the partnership of vampire hunting shone true. The tall woman led Meryl to a door just out of the kitchen, and upon opening it, revealed a set of stairs leading down into the darkness. Milly turned to smile at Meryl with a sheepish expression.

"Sorry, sempai. I haven't been down here in a while. Could you grab the candle for me?"

Meryl rolled her eyes, thankful for the woman's unique ability to break unbearable restraints of tension.

--

Vash paced Meryl's living room with a step equivalent of an animal on the prowl. He had dressed not long ago, had managed to spike his unruly blonde hair into his usual style, just to get a sense of what he had once been. He had cleaned himself up, determined over something, what he wasn't quite sure, and hadn't stopped his constant walking since then.

Maybe he was worried.

Yes, he was worried. He was worried over the short girl, over her fiery disposition and stubborn nature. That it was going to get her in trouble—as if she already wasn't in any!

For the tenth time since she had left in a rush that morning, he glanced out the front window and onto the dreary London streets. The shadows were plentiful today…daylight had long since ceased its fight against the rain clouds, and the afternoon was dripping wet and ominous. The city lay in silence this day.

And not for the last time, Vash felt a familiar tug at his chest, urging him not to dawdle any longer despite the petite woman's threat.

Why had he listened, anyway? Wasn't he the one who could dodge anything that was thrown at him, the one who could defeat five vampires with little trouble, the one who had saved countless people over and over from the grips of his very own people? Wasn't he the betrayer, who had actually found a purpose in his life, if not a bleak one? Wasn't he Vash? Vash Saverem, brother to Knives. The very man who was after the short girl at this very moment?

Wasn't he the one to stop it all? Why couldn't he?

Why wasn't he?

The question wasn't answered, as the tall blonde man was out the front door before it had the proper time to form in his mind.

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Meryl watched in slight awe as she watched her partner work her magic once more. She had lit the ten candles throughout the basement room, revealing a dank place bordered on every side by dark stone walls. There was a window peeking up to the ground level, and on sunny days when they were younger there had been no need for candles.

Bookshelves of every size balanced on three of the four walls, a ladder propped up against one. Every shelf was packed unmercifully with books thick and thin, old ones and newer editions. In the centre of the basement, several tables littered with documents and manuscripts. Several odd beakers were lined up, too, and a large collection of jars sat silently with their labels, waiting to be used.

On the one bare wall left, where the stairs interrupted the perfect surface of the stones, an assortment of weapons ranging from crossbows to stakes to swords and guns were hung for display.

A thin layer of dust seemed to coat the whole room, a testament to the time that hadn't been spent there. An indication that the place hadn't been used for a long while.

Currently Milly was sorting through a bunch of old papers, and Meryl stood with a candle at her side.

"I haven't been down here since that new addition, the silver coated bullets, made their way into you're derringers, sempai. I guess there hasn't been a real need…" she pushed a roll of papers away and a smile brightened her face. "Ahah! Here it is, sempai. Just what I was looking for, although I'm not sure if it will work. The man who wrote this section never got to test the serum out."

Meryl peered down at the book, looking at it's worn pages. "Why not?" she questioned slowly.

Milly turned to regard her with wide blue eyes. "Well, a vampire killed him before he ever completed it. Apparently, they had gotten wind of his experiments and had decided to stop it. It wasn't natural, after all." She stated knowingly.

The petite woman regarded her sceptically. "And being a vampire is natural?"

Milly laughed lightly. "Good point, sempai." She picked up the volume and moved it to a non-cluttered section of the table. Meryl followed diligently with the candle held close to her.

"What's it say?" Meryl tried to peer over her tall friend's shoulder, but to no avail.

Milly tapped the page lightly. "Sodium, potassium, phosphorus, calcium, copper and zinc mixed at a moderately high temperature with the element hydrogen form a compound not unlike blood…that should satisfy the craving of a vampire for at least three days…" she paused slightly, a light smile on her face. "And with Mr. Vash, is should last twice as long because he's only half-breed!"

Meryl arched an eyebrow at Milly's back, clearly confused. This was one of the reasons she left the "chemistry" of vampire hunting to Milly. Her whole family had a sort of history with science.

Now Milly was browsing through the many jars collected on the table, muttering lightly. "Now…if my big, big brother was right, this should be zinc, and big sister said that sodium was the white one…"

The petite woman set the candle down and peered through the dirtied window to the outside. It looked dark and dreary, typical of England in spring. She couldn't shale the ominous feeling, however, and pulled up a chair to sort her thoughts and feelings out. Leave the chemistry to the chemists and leave the thinking to the thinkers…

Can't say I like the feeling today… she thought idly to herself, her mind wandering.

Milly began to gather the ingredients to her so called "serum" while Meryl swayed in and out of daydream land.

Outside, shadows were gathering.

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--Cayenne Pepper Powder