1Chapter 17: Good-bye Kisses
As soon as Hermione had entered the Hospital Wing she was already regretting it a little. Jule lay in bed, paler than she had ever been before. Her face was sunken and she looked like she was dying and dark hair framed her face, greasy and tangled looking. The scars on her wrists were clearly visible, having been healed clumsily and not particularly well. Her eyes flittered slightly beneath closed lids.
Hermione hesitated and seriously considered turning around and leaving. But Jule whimpered quietly and all thoughts of abandonment were forgotten. Hermione rushed to Jule's side and clasped one of her hands. It felt tiny and frail.
"It's alright Jule," Hermione whispered. "I'm here."
"Hermione?" Jule moaned in her sleep, face contorted in pain.
"I'm here."
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Movement of the hand she held in hers woke Hermione. She had dozed off in the chair next to Jule's bed, still holding the fragile little hand. Jule had withdrawn her hand from Hermione's desperate clutch and was sitting upright in bed, dark eyes unreadable.
"Hey," Hermione said lamely.
"Hey." Jule's voice was as unreadable as her eyes.
"Are you feeling any better?" Hermione immediately regretted her question. It was clearly a dumb one.
But Jule smiled a little. "Not particularly, but thanks for asking."
"Jule, I–"
"I'm sorry." Jule interrupted her. "I was stupid. I shouldn't have done that to you."
"You shouldn't have had to. I should have been paying more attention."
"How could you have? It's not like I was talking to you."
"So what? I should have followed you around. I can be very persistent after all."
"What human being would, given the choice between leaving well enough alone and assuming I would be careful or stalking me into submission would chose stalking? You left me alone because it was easier."
Hermione frowned and opened her mouth to protest, but Jule cut her off. "I'm not calling you lazy. I'm just saying it was natural for you to assume I would be fine."
Hermione sighed heavily. "I wish I could justify myself to McGonagle nearly as well as you can justify me to me."
"She have a bitch-fit then?"
"Yup."
"Think of it from her perspective," Jule offered. "A student in her house tried to kill herself. That's gonna make McGonagle look very bad. Add to that the fact that she was completely unaware that there was even something wrong with me and she thinks she looks downright negligent. So, rather than blame herself, she got angry and decided to blame you. But don't worry, McGonagle's reasonable and once she calms down she'll probably even apologize to you for yelling."
"You sound so philosophical," Hermione half-joked.
"Almost dying does that," Jule shrugged, smiling. Hermione tried to smile back, but she could feel her eyes filling with tears which Jule, of course, could see. "Oh, don't be that way," Jule rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I didn't actually die, after all. Why cry if I'm still here?"
"You can't just let this one go," Hermione yelled. "You can't just shrug it off and move on. You have to actually acknowledge your actions this time and try to get some help."
"I don't need any help," Jule flared, eyes flashing in anger, and voice rising to meet Hermione's. "I can take care of myself, just like I always have!"
"If you didn't need help you wouldn't be in a hospital bed right now!"
The two glared at each other in sullen anger as Madame Pomfrey came running in. "Miss Granger!" She scolded. "Fighting with a patient! Miss McKay needs her rest right now. I thought you knew better!" She then bustled Hermione out of the Hospital Wing and into the empty hallway beyond. "Come back when you've gained some common sense!"
With that Hermione had the door slammed in her face. She fumed at the door for a short moment before setting off down the hall, stomping her feet loudly in irritation. Hermione even went so far as to kick a set of armor in the shin, but all she succeeded in doing was bruising her foot. The armor had not taken the abuse well, either, grunting, "Grouch," through it's armor after she had passed.
Hermione didn't know where to go. She needed to vent, but knew that if she spoke to Harry and Ron she would only end up yelling at them and hurting their feelings. So she went to talk to Draco.
She found him very easily. He was in the library, thumbing through a giant tome of poisons. He looked up in surprise when she tapped his shoulder.
"Can I help you?" He asked slowly, one eyebrow raised. It was generally their custom to act indifferently towards one another in public. "I need to talk to you," Hermione responded flatly, through clenched teeth. Draco's raised brow shot up even higher, but he obeyed mutely, nodding his head and putting his book back on it's shelf.
As they walked towards the common room Hermione caught a whiff of something foul-smelling. "Ugh," she grunted, using her hand to cover her nose. "Dungbomb."
"Really?" Draco responded casually, seemingly unaffected by the stink.
"Doesn't it bother you?" Hermione demanded; the smell upset her so much she was feeling rather nauseous.
"I don't smell things very well," Draco shrugged. "My father broke my nose for me when I was thirteen. Mother wasn't much of a healer, so she could only heal to look normal, but I've pretty much lost my sense of smell."
Hermione nodded, remembering that he couldn't recognize her scent and realizing why. Well, at least she was safe from him discovering the truth.
They arrived at the common room without further discussion.
"So, what's so important that you dragged me all the way back here to talk about?" Draco asked lazily, flopping down on the couch and propping himself up with one arm.
"Jule tried to kill herself."
Draco's arm slipped and he crashed down onto the couch. "She what?" He demanded.
"She slit her wrists," Hermione continued pacing back and forth. "And now she's acting like it was no big deal."
"So she's alive?" Draco asked carefully.
"Of course she's alive, are you out of your mind?" Hermione yelled. Draco looked taken aback and slightly offended. "And, like the idiot she is, she's trying to tell me that she doesn't need help. People don't just slit their wrists if they're perfectly alright, do they?" This last was directed at Draco.
"None that I know," he supplied unhelpfully.
"Exactly," Hermione stormed on. "But Jule, like the idiot she is, thinks she's exempt from that rule. She avoids me for months, she bursts into tears when I talk to her, she threatens to hurt herself to Harry, and now tries to kill herself and tells me there's nothing wrong with her!"
"Might one ask why she killed herself?" Draco interjected as Hermione paused for breath.
"Because she's in love with me!" Hermione burst incredulously. "And now that she's survived it's as if none of that ever happened! Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to flatter myself, but you don't just get over love like that," she snapped her fingers. "And yet she's talking to me again! Why? Why does she suddenly not care that I don't love her back, when yesterday she was ready to die over me. It just doesn't make sense?"
"And have you ever been in love, to talk about it with so much certainty?" Draco asked caustically.
Hermione froze, stopped pacing, stopped talking to turn wide brown eyes upon Draco. "Of course I have," she said softly.
"Doesn't sound that way to me," Draco replied. "You sound heartless."
Hermione was taken aback. Where was this coming from? "What are you talking about?"
"You claim to know so much about everything," Draco responded slowly. "But it seems to me that you don't have any idea of what you're talking about. Jule doesn't need you to convince her that she needs help right now, she needs you to make her feel better. Getting her help is McGonagle's job, not yours. Calling her an idiot won't help. And maybe she does still love you. Maybe this is just how she has to deal with her feelings; burying them like this."
Hermione thought that over. "I'm a fool," she concluded.
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Jule was still lying in her bed in the Hospital Wing. She had more color in her cheeks but was still pale and her hair was still messy and tangled looking. But she did look much more alive than she had, anger livening her up.
"Oh, you're back?" She asked Hermione. "Here to yell at me again?"
"No," Hermione bit her lip. "I'm here to apologize. I'm sorry I yelled at you."
Jule relaxed visibly. "I forgive you. You're a lot like McGonagle, did you know that? You felines are all the same; you'd much rather yell at others than feel guilty."
"Am I that transparent?"
"Only to me," Jule glanced quickly into Hermione's eyes before looking down at her hands, clenched on top of her blankets.
Hermione could feel the tension, thick in the air. It had been easier for Jule to treat Hermione normally earlier, when she had just woken up and was feeling rather honest about everything. No she felt awkward and unsure, something Jule hated.
"I guess we really won't ever be best friends again then?" Hermione asked frankly, sadness tinting her voice.
"I highly doubt it," Jule answered just as honestly.
"I'll miss you," Hermione offered.
"I know. I'll miss you too."
Hermione leaned forward uncertainly, pulling Jule into an awkward hug. As Jule put her arms around Hermione the hug became less forced and more natural. As Hermione pulled back to leave Jule caught her eyes in a charged look. Leaning forward Jule brushed her lips against Hermione's and pulled her into a kiss. Hermione let the kiss last for a long moment before gently extricating herself from Jule's arms. The look they shared told Jule that the kiss had been platonic and Hermione that there were no hard feelings. Smiling slightly, Hermione waved good-bye and left the Hospital Wing. Had she realized that Jule would not be there when she returned Hermione might have said something, but then again maybe not. The moment had been perfect; the proper end for the whirlwind friendship Hermione had shared with the wild, troubled girl that was Jule. Words would have only cheapened things.
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Jule left Hogwarts early the next morning. There was no announcement made, no good-byes; Jule was simply gone. McGonagle did inform the Gryffindors that Jule had left to be with her family, but Hermione knew better. From what Jule had said of her parents she would be in no rush to see them. Because it was so close to the end of the year Dumbledore had granted Jule a diploma and allowed her to graduate early; she did well enough in all her classes that there was no question of her ability to pass.
Hermione didn't know how to feel. Leaving the meeting McGonagle had called in Gryffindor Tower. She was relieved certainly, which in turn made her sad. Jule was gone, taking her problems with her, but Hermione hated herself for feeling that way. Then there was grief: for all Jule's shit Hermione had cared about her' she had been one of the closest friends that Hermione had ever had.
Hermione slowly walked back to her own common room, the one she shared with Draco. She would miss Jule, that was for sure, but wherever Jule was Hermione hoped that she was happy.
TBC...
A/C: OK, so I'm sorry that this chapter is so short. It is short for two reasons: I haven't had much time to work on it and this seemed like a good place to stop. I work more for quality than length and this seems like a logical place to stop to me, artistically. Anyway, longer chapter next time I hope. Only three more to go!
Preview: Draco gazed into her eyes for the first time since they had been sleeping together and almost jumped with surprise. He knew those eyes.