1Guys, please don't send me anonymous reviews or messages. It makes me kind of nervous. I'm a very paranoid person.
HAPPY MAY DAY EVERYONE!
Chapter 19: Changes
Panic flashed through Hermione's glorious brown eyes. "W-what are you talking about?" She stuttered. She backed away slightly from her open doorway.
"May! It-it's you! All along, it's been you!" Draco exclaimed, his eyes even more wild than Hermione's.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Hermione exclaimed, pushing the door closed and walking back into her room. Draco caught the door before it had swung completely shut and followed her in.
"Don't walk away from me! And stop lying, I know that it's you. Why?"
"Why what?" Hermione demanded, sitting on her bed.
"Why everything? Why would you lie about who you were? Why was there a May at all?" Draco collapsed backward, leaning against Hermione's wall.
"I don't know," Hermione muttered. "I guess I was just tired of being me. Don't you ever feel that way? Like you wish you were someone else?"
Draco shrugged. "Everyone feels that way sometimes. That doesn't mean that you actually go and become someone else though. That's something a crazy person does!"
"Well then maybe I'm crazy."
"I don't believe that for a second," Draco stared at her intently, catching her eyes in a charged look.
"I was just having some fun," Hermione felt a tear slipping from her eye. "Jule and I were at the club, blowing off steam, and I was dancing. I felt someone dancing with me, behind me, and I closed my eyes and turned around and kissed him. I didn't know it would be you. And I don't know why I kissed you, I just wanted to I guess."
"But why didn't you just tell me who you really were?" Draco asked in agitation. "What's the worst I could have done?"
"What would you do if you were me? I thought you hated me," Hermione angrily swiped away her tears. "Hell, I thought I hated you."
"But why keep it up?" Draco felt himself near to tears, or as near as his pride would let him come. "It must've been some big joke. Leading me on like that, getting me vulnerable so that you could learn things to use against me."
"Of course not!" Hermione stood up in anger. "I felt something for you! I didn't know what, but I knew that I wanted to get close to you, at least for a while. I never thought about where things were going, only how things were. I... I fell in love with you."
There it was, out in the open. Hermione Granger had been in love with him. Draco didn't know what to do. Whatever May had said, it had been impossible to see to the truth; she was always so hard to read. But here it was: they had been in love.
"Do you... still love me?" Draco whispered.
"I don't know," Hermione shrugged. "I guess I always will. But I can't trust you. You cheated on me!"
"With you!" Draco exclaimed in exasperation and wonder. "How could you hold that against me?"
"Because you didn't know that it was me," Hermione shrugged coolly. "For all you knew you really had cheated on me. And it didn't matter enough to you to tell me the truth."
"Don't say that! Don't you dare say that!" Draco took a step forward and pointed his finger at her menacingly. "I loved you back and I lied so that I wouldn't lose you!"
"That's bullshit and you know it. Don't try to defend yourself, what you did was inexcusable."
There was a long silence. "I can't be here right now," Draco breathed at length. "I can't be around you right now." He spun away and left Hermione behind, still sitting on her bed.
Hermione collapsed onto her back and stared at her ceiling. /Well/ she thought. /That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be./
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Draco paced back and forth across the Astronomy Tower. It was so confusing, yet made so much sense. The bizarre events of the morning were circulating throughout his mind. It was about noon and Draco had been wandering aimlessly through the castle for the last few hours. He had ended up here on the Astronomy Tower, the perfect place to be alone and think. But Draco didn't need to think; he had been thinking about the same thing for hours. He needed a distraction.
Suddenly remembering something, Draco smirked and crossed the tower. Pulling up a stone on the far end of the wall circling the platform of the tower, Draco grinned even wider. Inside the stone was an unopened pack of cigarettes and a lighter that he had hidden months ago when he had quit smoking. Draco knew that the cigarettes would be hopelessly stale, but at a time like this a little nicotine was just what he needed.
Packing the small box expertly against his hand, Draco removed the wrapping at the top, opened the pack, pulled out a cigarette, held it between his lips and lit it. Draco sighed in pleasure as he inhaled the smoke. It was so stale, so disgusting, and so delicious. God had he missed this. (A/N: I REALLY want a smoke right now, hehe.)
"Where have you been all my life?" Draco asked the cigarette that he held in his hand.
"Smoking on school grounds, Mr. Malfoy?" An elderly voice asked from the stairs. "My, my, there must be some rule against that."
Draco spun on his heel to face the Headmaster, standing at the top of the stairs and smiling in a slightly admonishing way. Regardlessly, his blue eyes sparkled and he seemed to be in a very good mood.
Draco didn't want to give up his cigarette, but it probably wasn't very smart to smoke in front of Dumbledore like that. So, sighing in regret, Draco took one more drag and tossed the burning stick over the edge of the tower. But he did put the pack and the lighter in his pocket.
"That's a terrible habit, you know," Dumbledore was still smiling. "Clever hiding place, however. Did you know that Salazar Slytherin created that hollow?" Draco shook his head silently. "Oh yes, he used it to hide weapons and the like. He would lure enemies up here with false promises of friendship and peace: no wands of course. Then, once they were relaxed, he would attack them."
"Fascinating," Draco said, not particularly caring.
"So what brings you up here today, Mr. Malfoy? I thought you had quit in October."
Draco started in shock before smiling ruefully. "You really do know everything, don't you Sir?"
"Of course not, Mr. Malfoy. Who can ever know everything? I just like to think that I learn as much as I can. But back to my question: is something wrong?"
Draco shrugged and looked down at his feet, scuffing one toe absentmindedly.
"Come now, you can talk to me," Dumbledore smiled understandingly. "Is the problem with Miss Granger?"
Now Draco was really shocked. "How do you know about that?" Draco demanded, too shocked to be polite.
"As you tried to say, Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "There is very little that goes on in this school that I do not know about. I have been aware of Miss Granger's secret for quite some time. To be honest, I'm a little surprised that it took you so long to find everything out."
"Why'd you let her get away with it, Sir? She must have been breaking tons of school rules."
"Mr. Malfoy, there is a time in every individuals life where he or she starts to see beyond the realm of black and white. You're still young; everything is clearly cut and defined as right and wrong for you. Along with all my years has come the knowledge that, while random rule-breaking is inexcusable, some rules need to be bent for the greater good. There is no black and white, only shades of grey. Rules are no exception."
"I suppose I can understand that, Professor," Draco nodded solemnly. "But what exactly was the greater good in this case? Hermione was just having fun."
"You were, Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore answered blandly. "Not only could any relationship between yourself and Miss Granger bring the Houses closer together, but I knew that an emotional attachment to a muggle-born might very well be the difference between whether you become a Death Eater or not."
Draco nodded again, once more seeing the logic. "That's rather manipulative, Sir."
"Yes, I suppose it is," Dumbledore responded sorrowfully, though his blue eyes still sparkled. "But once again, manipulation lies within the realm of greyness, so you must excuse an old man's meddling for what he hoped would be the best."
Draco shrugged. "You didn't do anything. You just took advantage of a situation Hermione created and used it to benefit your goals. It feels sort of intrusive and controlling, but I can't say I'm particularly angry at you about it."
"You don't know how pleased I am to hear that, Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore replied without the slightest trace of sarcasm. "I hope that you'll be as open-minded with Miss Granger; I know for a fact that she couldn't have planned the way things turned out."
"Still hoping to unite the Houses, Sir?" Draco asked bitterly, and just a little too sharply.
Dumbledore's eyes narrowed ever so slightly, but he continued to smile anyway. "No Mr. Malfoy. While uniting the Houses would be a great accomplishment, I'm thinking more in terms of you and Miss Granger. It would be an awful shame to allow so much love to be lost. The world needs as much love as it can get in these dark times." Dumbledore gave Draco a moment to think that over. "Good-evening, Mr. Malfoy. Try not to burn the castle down." And with that Dumbledore descended the tower once more, leaving Draco with his thoughts and his cigarettes.
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Hermione paced back and forth through her room, thinking about what to say to Draco. She regretted the way she had spoken to him earlier; the past didn't matter, only the present and the future. Hermione had decided to let the past lie and get to improving the future. She could only hope that Draco would agree and would still want to spend his future with her.
Where was Draco? He had been gone all day. It was now almost sunset and Draco had still not returned yet. Hermione had waited in the common room and her own room for most of the day, hoping that Draco would return and afraid to leave in case he did. Sighing in frustration, Hermione kicked her wall, scuffing it slightly. It didn't relieve her boredom or tension. What Hermione needed was to go for a walk.
Pulling on sneakers, Hermione walked briskly from Head's common room and out into the hallway. In no time she was outside, strolling across the green grounds. Spring really had arrived; it was beautiful. Flowers and leaves hung heavily from the trees scattered across the grounds and the Forbidden Forest was a riot of green and bright, flowery colors. The giant squid splashed merrily about the lake, enjoying the warm weather. Hermione even thought she saw a merperson, basking in the fading light of the sun, but whether the merperson had been real or imagined, they were gone in an instant, leaving not so much as a ripple to indicate it had been real.
Hermione breathed deeply. Everything smelled green and fresh. May really was a great month; even the dramatic events of the day couldn't put a damper on Hermione's enjoyment of the weather.
Suddenly feeling inspired, Hermione sat down cross legged and tried to concentrate. In her mind's eye she pictured the image of a lioness, an image she had studied so much that it seemed imprinted on the inside of her eyelids. She could see ever muscle, ever whisker, every strand of fur. The claws were the perfect size and the fur was the correct length. The picture was perfect. A burst of confidence overcame Hermione and she imagined the sensation of changing, of shifting into that other body. The next instant Hermione was a lioness.
Roaring in pleasure, Hermione bounded across the grounds. She would have laughed with joy, but lionesses do no laugh. Instead a deep rumble came from her throat and she rolled cheerfully through the grass.
Hermione had never successfully transformed before. The joy of at last reaching her full potential, of at last becoming all that she could be, was unparalleled. It even took her mind off of Draco. But only for a moment.
After a time, long after the sun had set below the horizon of the lake, Hermione collapsed into the grass and resumed her human body. She was exhausted. The strain of changing shape along withe the exertion of running around the grounds had worn her out. She looked up and gazed at the stars. They were lovely. Then she turned her head to look at the castle. A tiny figure stood atop the Astronomy Tower, watching her. Even though Hermione couldn't see any details, Hermione knew that it was Draco. Warily, she raised her hand to wave him down. After a moment of hesitation, Draco threw something and descended the stairs. Hermione lay back to wait.
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Draco didn't know why he was willing to join her. Maybe it was the sight of her in her animagus form; she had been glorious and majestic. Who would have expected to see a lioness roaming the school grounds? So Draco had thrown away yet another cigarette and climbed down to join her.
Hermione was still laying in the grass when he reached her.
"Tired?" He asked, lying down next to her. She nodded mutely. "You ran around for a while. I was watching."
Again Hermione nodded. Draco pulled out his pack and lit up another cigarette. He had been smoking and pacing across the Astronomy Tower intermittently for the past few hours. He saw no reason to change that now. Hermione, on the other hand, was surprised.
"Since when do you smoke?" She demanded.
"I quit a while ago," he shrugged. "Today's been stressful. I thought it was the time to take it up again. Want one?"
Hermione weighed the offer for a moment before holding out her hand. Draco lit another cigarette in his own mouth and handed it to Hermione. She took a drag, accidentally inhaled, and coughed weakly.
"Heh," Draco smiled in some satisfaction. "Weren't expecting that, were you?"
Hermione shrugged and took another drag, more careful this time. She didn't cough again.
"How'd you finally transform?" Draco asked after a time.
"I just wanted it enough," Hermione exhaled another breath of smoke. "We know the details well enough by now. All we need is to want it. And I wanted to be... something else."
"Sounds like a common occurrence for you," Draco stated dryly.
Hermione didn't bother to respond; she merely kept smoking. "I can understand how this is so addictive," Hermione replied. "These things are fun. Fun and evil."
"Yeah," Draco agreed. Even magic couldn't cure cancer, at least not yet. "You think I could transform?"
"Of course you could," Hermione nodded. "But do you want to?"
"I don't know."
"Well, when you want to, you can."
Draco considered that. Finishing his cigarette, he ground the butt into the dirt. Sitting up, he closed his eyes and thought about his wolf shape. His wolf picture was as ingrained as Hermione's lioness; he could see it without thinking. He concentrated on transformation. Nothing happened.
Draco thought harder. He thought of all the anger and frustration he had gone through in that day. All the confusion he had struggled against. When he opened his eyes he was a wolf. Hermione was in front of him, and he could see that she was smiling broadly.
"You did it!" She cried. Her voice sounded odd. She was louder, for one thing, and everything was slightly distorted. Next thing Draco knew Hermione was a lioness. Her feline grin resembled her human smile extremely closely.
Barking in happiness, Draco ran off a bit. Hermione, seeming to have regained her energy, followed. He howled and she roared as they frolicked through the grass.
This didn't solve anything. It didn't bring them closer or move them further apart. But they were together, and they were happy. And that was enough for now.
TBC...
One more chapter to go! In case you couldn't tell, yes I am one of the mindless nicotine slaves. Forgive my weakness!