Chapter 4

There they were, still on the bench, on the deserted terrace, half hour later. No one had joined them, they knew something was up, but they knew better than to disturb the brothers when they needed to talk privately. So, there they were, silence surounding them.

Neither one tried to speak, afraid to break the calming silence. They were tired. They were more tired than before, but it was refreshing sitting there, just the two of them, as they used to do back home, when they were little. But no anymore. Not since everything.

„Maybe we should get back...", tried Lucas after awhile. „Or, we could just leave. I don't think we can handle a party tonight. Well, not yet anyway", added him, more playfully, with a wink for effect. They would have parties like this or better as soon as the school would start and they knew better than to push it tonight.

„Yeah, maybe we should go. But if you want to stay, I don't mind. I can take care of myself, Luke. Really!"

„No, don't worry, it's not that. I'm just tired. Really tired, actually, so we should just go. No biggie! One down, thousands more to go, right?", teased Lucas.

„Yeah", responded Nathan, with a light smile on his face. He really needed sleep right now, more than anything. But didn't want to drag the others, especially his brother with him. And he didn't want everyone to get the wrong idea. But, in reality, he knew that his brother, too, needed sleep because it wasn't like him to give up a party to go to bed. Not these kind of parties, at Rick's.

Oh, god. Ricky. Mouth. He needed to talk to Mouth.

„I need a sec. I have to talk to Mouth first. Then we'll leave. I'll meet you outside, okey?", added Nathan, now in a real hurry to get up from the bench.

Lucas nodded in agreement and followed Nathan inside. He left his brother to try and find Mouth, while he was heading the gang's headquarter, near the fireplace.

„Hey, guys. Sorry about that. Ah, Nathan and I... we're going to get back to the dorm. We can't keep up with this tonight, our modjo isn't really kicking so...", explained Lucas to the other, playfully.

„Yeah, I know what you mean", replyed JT. „I think I'll take a raincheck too, if you don't mind."

„Okey. Sure. What about you, Biggy?"

„No, I think I'll stay and keep an eye on Mouth there. He needs surveilance at this things, remember?", blurted out Biggy in his parent-mocking voice.

„Yeah, we remember!", both JT and Lucas answered, not trying too much to go down that road again. As long as someone was watching Mouth, especially Biggy – who was indead BIG – nothing bad could come out of it. Unless Biggy needed a eye-watch too.

„Okey, guys. I know what you're thinking, and YES, I will really keep an eye on him tonight. No distractions, promise!", said Biggy with a serious face and making a weird sign in the air, like he was trying to take an oath or something.

„What? Who was thinking what? I don't think, dude. I sleep. In my mind I'm already gone", said jokingly Lucas, as the other two were laughing at him.

---

Haley was still dancing and talking to Ricky at the bar. She was beginning to have fun, and that mostly because of Ricky. She hadn't stopped talking since she arrived. And she didn't mind the talking, nor the joking, nor the dancing. She was actually starting to like this Ricky girl. Oddly, she kind of reminded her of Brooke.

Now they were talking about the bands that were planning on giving small recitals in town or at Duke, actually. Ricky knew most of the bands because some of the members did attend Duke or were from around here. But mostly, because they were always coming back. Needless to say that she was a music addict. Every band, every song, rock, punk, emo, indie, you name it.

„As long as it not commercial, bring it on!", said Ricky louder than usual because the music was becoming a problem if you were trying to make a conversation.

„That's what I'm saying... I mean, c'mon, Susie Suh, Strays Don't Sleep, Athlete, Snow Patrol, how come you don't see this on TV? They have so many fans out there, but still... Britney and Paris make the news, you know? And it's sad. Because that's not the kind of music that I grew up with, that's not the kind of music that inspires me, makes me relax, makes me cry, makes me laugh out loud sometimes, that's just not the kind of music that is actually making me feel alive.", explained Haley in one breath, sounding so passionate about it.

They were still talking about music and bands, while Ricky was serving people at the bar and now Haley was helping her too. Soon, they would be joined by someone else.

„A diet Coke, please. And make it quick", the rusty voice said, but no face was seen. Ricky knew better, though.

„We're out of diet, actually we're out of Coke... wait, make that we're out of drinks for the night. You might want to try McDonald's for that one", said Ricky, tryin to sound serious.

„Yeah, nice try, Ricky. You go to McDonald's if you're that brave, miss I-don't-serve-plain-commercial-drinks-in-my-house!", said Mouth, laughing out loud and heading to the bar, so he could actually see and talk to Ricky.

„You got that right, mister I-don't-drink-sparkled-water-or-anything-remotely-sparkled-because-my-eyes-could-pop-out-off-my-head-at-mear-contact!", Ricky teased back in one breath.

„Hi to you too. Nice party. Oh, and interesting bangs, by the way. What's next, contacts and fake eye-lashes, Jlo style?", joked Mouth.

„Hi, thanks, thanks and you'd wish, pimp daddy.", joked back. „Welcome back, Mouth. Is the gang with you?"

„Yeah, well almost. One's missing, got lost in New York, still. But the school hasn't started yet, so there's still hope that Lassie could come home", moked Mouth in a southern accent.

An hour has passed and Haley was still at the bar serving some girls, while Ricky chated with Mouth.

„Ricky, do you still need me? Cause I think I should get home. I'm not feeling very well.", asked Haley, actually feeling a little flushed and starting to feel dizzy. At first, it started as that familiar nervous tic she would get when she felt watched, but soon it had build up in tinny sweats and nervous heartbits. That's why she started to help Ricky in the first place. If she wouldn't dance to keep herself moving, she would help.

„Oh, I'm so sorry. You didn't have to stay and serve people. God, I'm the worst host ever. Please, forgive me, I didn't mean to leave you like that.", Ricky said, more upset on herself and feeling really bad.

„Oh, don't worry. I wanted too. You're here all alone, serving all these people, you kind of needed my help.", joked Haley with a smirk on her face.

„No, really. I'm really sorry. I hardly know you and that goes for you too, and I you came here to have fun, not work. But I guess I really need an extra hand, as you pointed out. These parties start to get harder to handle when it comes to bar-activity. But, maybe...", she started again, now directing here gaze and speach to Mouth „someone nice, like, I don't know, Mouth here, could help me from time to time."

„Who? What? Who's Mouth?", asked a fakely confused Mouth.

„Well, at least I've tried", said Ricky more to herself than to anyone else and turned back to the bar fridge.

„Sure!", Mouth blurted out, seriously now and searching for a reaction form Ricky.

Nathan was looking for Mouth for several minutes now, and still nothing. Where was he? Yeah, maybe the place was crowded and everyone was moving around. But he knew this place as the back of his hand. And he also knew Mouth and his usual hiding places. But now, non of them could hide Mouth because they were all too crowded.

And he needed Mouth right now. He needed to find him, talk to him and get the hell out of there. Something wasn't right, he was feeling it. He didn't feel at ease and that's why he needed desperatly to run away from there. He was afraid. Of what he could see again, of what he could be reminded again. Of what could be if only that person looked just a little bit like Haley.

He was soon kicked out of his thoughts as he saw Mouth's back at the bar. He was talking to someone. Yeah, bravos, Mouth, keep working on it. But maybe this time you could actually ask her out.

He was now heading to the bar when suddenly, there it was. Again. There she was. Again. No way, this isn't happening again.

„Okey. Great, you guys! I think I'll just head off...", said Haley timidly.

„Haley, you really don't look fine. Are you sure you're good walking back?", asked Ricky, aproaching Haley.

„Yeah, I'm good. I'm just tired and I need to get some sleep, in fact. That's it", she shrugged, fully knowing she wasn't quite true.

„Okey! Thanks for coming! And thank you for keeping me company, I guess."

„No problem, actually, you're the one that kept me company. I guess I'll see next time", joked Haley as she was trying to get to the other side of the bar. „Thanks for the drinks and really nice house".

„You still think that? Wait till you see it in the morning, without the people.", Ricky joked back and waved, as Haley was trying to make her way out through the crowded living/dancefloor.

Nathan was trying to figure out just why exactly his mind was playing tricks on him again. He thought he saw her again. But now she had disappeared. Again. Why was this happening?

„I really need to sleep. I'm getting delusional now too", he mumbled to himself while making his way to the bar where Mouth was still there. And still talking to Ricky. So that part was still real. „Delusional", he breathed the word as trying to put a diagnose to himself.

„Hey, Nate. Here to see your date?", joked Ricky as she saw Nathan headed the bar, obvously looking for Mouth.

„Funny, Ricky. You're a real Jim Carry, without the Jim, or the Carry. Nice party, I see the place still stands this year.", Nathan joked while trying to hug her. But Mouth was already giving him the look. So he stopped trying.

„Yeah, for now. You guys will figure a way to correct that, right? You always try, but still lamelly fail.", she playfully added to both of them. Nathan just laughed.

„Hey, Mouth. Can I talk to you for a sec?"

„Yeah, sure. Be right back, Ricky. I think...", Mouth said eyeing a strange Nathan. He wasn't sure, but something was up with him and he didn't knew how this talk would go.

Walking back a little, to a more quiet area of the room, Mouth was still trying to figure out what was going on, but before he could think, Nathan started talking.

„I'm gonna head back, okey? So I need you to stay out of trouble.", said Nathan with a serious tone.

„Why? Something's wrong? Where are the guys? Is everyone leaving?", Mouth started asking and also panicking.

„Wow, wait a a second. Nothing's wrong, the guys are still here, Lucas is trying to find them, and no, it's just me and Luke that are leaving. We're kind of beat after the road."

„Ah, sorry. Okey! But are you okey? You have that look, like something's wrong...", asked Mouth.

„No, nothing's wrong. Really, I'm just... tired. So I'm gonna see you in the morning, I guess, just don't make too much noise and stay out of trouble."

But Mouth knew better. Considering he knew and lived with Nathan for more than a year. And he defenetly knew the look on his face. But he also knew not to push it with Nathan. Not before morning.

„Okey. Wish me luck, now. Maybe tonight's the night", Mouth said, holding his hands as he was praying.

„Yeah, right. I've heard that line more than enough. But, sure. I'll play along. Good luck!", Nathan laughed and patted Mouth on the back. „I need to go."

---

10 minutes later, Lucas and TJ joined him outside and now they were slowly walking back to their dorm rooms.

„Are you sure you're ok?", asked Lucas as they approached their dorm house. He wasn't sure what was really going on in Nathan's head, but he was sure that everything that almost happened tonight had some effect on his brother's distant behaviour since they left the party.

„Yeah, I'm ok. I'm just tired, that's all. I need my bed and, I don't know, a week to get back on track", joked Nathan to ease the tension that apparently was floating in the air.

Lucas arrived first, he and Jake were the lucky ones that got the best room, right on the first floor. JT and Biggy were on the second one, right next to Nathan and Mouth. So they were all lucky, in a way. To stay connected, to be together in the basketball dorms. Lucas was still alone and was hoping to stay that way at least till Sunday evening, because he needed sleep and he knew that, when Jake would come back, he would want attention and loud music. Especially after New York. So he was praying that he could have his quiet time enough to get him prepared for the hurricane Jake.

JT was soon, too, in his room, while Nathan was still trying to figure out how to unlock his door in the darkness that surrounded the hallway. He just couldn't get that damn key inside the knob. His hands were having a mind of their own and they kept shaking. They haven't stop shaking since the party. He managed to open the door after a couple of minutes and some light curses.

And now, ten minutes later, he just laid there. On his bed. Still dressed, with the lights still off. Only the moonlight was making the big room more visible. He had the large bed by the window, while Mouth's was near the door. That was their arrangement at the beginning of freshman year. Nathan wanted the window as an escape, Mouth wanted the door, they could aford it, their room was big enough to keep an elephant in the middle, they thought back then. Things were weird at first, as roommates. But now, as friends, not anymore.

So there he was, in his room, in his own bed, silence surrounding him, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't close his eyes, he couldn't sleep. He felt tired, that was true, he felt his body heavy and he couldn't move anymore, but, still, the sleep didn't come.

He just laid there, with eyes open, staring at the ceiling, that reflected now the moonlight more clearly. Calmness, peace, silence, was all that he was wishing for, for tonight. Soon, though, they all turned into a restless, shivering feeling at the thought of her. Haley.

Why did it happened tonight? And what was exactly that had happened? His mind began to race again, his heart started skiping beats. Was she really there? Why was she there? Maybe she was just visiting Jake. But Jake didn't came back, so why was she still there?

Or maybe it wasn't her. Maybe Luke was right. He didn't actually saw her really well.

And the fact that almost five years have passed since they last saw each other was a serious prove that Luke was right. She couldn't be there. And at a party. She didn't knew the place or anyone, for that matter, except Jake, so it couldn't be Haley. No, that wasn't her.

But sure as hell looked like her. Even though they haven't seen each other in years, he knew how she looked like, now. She saw her on TV. Yes, it happened once, on a Saturday, last year. Accidentally. He was trying to find something remotly interesting on TV, on a boring Saturday night, while taking a break from studying for his finals, when he reached MTV where they were covering some music awards. And there it got stucked – his gaze – on the TV screen, mostly on something moving on the TV screen.

That was when he saw her, for the first time after all those years, now a really changed person, not the beautiful brown haired girl, but a stunning long honey-colored hair girl, dancing with Justin Timberlake. He could remember that day so well, how she looked, what she was wearing, how she was dancing, the song she was dancing to. Everything.

And now it all came back. Again. All the memories swirling in his head. Memories, faces, moves, smells, colors, they all came back in tinny fragments. Pieces of a dream.

He didn't even knew when it came down on him, but now, almost two in the morning, hours after he'd arrived, he was sound asleep. And dreaming. Or remembering.

Dreaming about a memory. Remembering a dream. A teenage dream. That's all it was.

Hands down, this is the best day I could ever remember... always remember!

---

She arrived before midnight, she changed her clothes, pulling an old, large t-shirt with the Boston Celtics sign on it – her usual pajamas – and went to bed without any other interruption. When she droped on it, it felt like she had just carryed the whole world on her shoulders. She felt beat, drained, powerless. Like her whole life had just been sucked from her.

And now, hours after the falldown, she still laid there, on her bed, in the darkness of the room, eyes wide open. She wasn't sure why she couldn't sleep tonight. She felt tired, but her mind was keeping her – still - awake.

She got up, went to the door, opened it and headed for the small kitchen. Maybe some warm milk with a spoon of honey would do her present condition well. And she did just that. She heated some milk, poured it in her favorite can, put some honey in it and drank it. Yeah, it might have looked weird, even for her, to drink this stuff on such a warm end of summer night, but she really needed this kind of cure. She wouldn't be picky now, just a little desperate.

Unfortunatly for her, an hour later, she was still awake, sitting on the barstool, in the one quarter kitchen/three quarters living room, outside her bedroom. She just sat there, in the silence of the night, this time a little scared.

Why she felt this way? So tired, yet so restless. It didn't look like a cold was coming down on her, she was in perfect shape, just like the doctor said, a few days ago, as she was doing her medical check up for her dorm registration.

So what was it? Maybe it had something to do with her fight with Jake this evening. Yeah, she kept replaying what had happened and it made sense. Fighting with Jake would always affect her, would always consume her physically. Drain her from all energy. In fact fighting in general would always affect her. She couldn't explain exactly why, but she knew it had something to do with the way she would put herself on the line every occasion.

No, that wasn't it. Because she knew Jake, she knew that he was coming back tomorrow, she knew that he was drunk when they argued over the phone, she knew he would do something really, really sweet and corny to make it up to her. She learned that this was the Haley/Jake way to fight/make up, for a few years, now. So that wasn't it. That wasn't the problem.

Wait. Maybe it was the party. Yes, something from the party. But what was it? The drink. Yes, it must have been the drink. Ricky's drink. The one that she served her, calling it her special mix. But, wait, Ricky showed her minutes after just how to do it, even made her serve it to some guys to try it. No one had died. At least not yet. Maybe that was it, a slow, painless death. Yes. And this was the beginning. And everyone else was feeling it too, but just didn't knew who to blaim for it. Well, not yet, they didn't. But soon came tomorrow, and soon everyone will point at her.

Wow, there. Where is this going? Calm down, miss Gilmore, your mind is traveling at the speed of light. Are you really serious? Stop thinking about it. That's the solution. Put a stop to it, go to bed, close you eyes, count purple sheep or elephants, for all I care. Just stop it and go to bed.

Restless. Tired. Nervous. Scared. Playing with her pinky ring, she closed her eyes.

She would eventually fall asleep at four in the morning, peacefully dreaming.

The streets were wide and the gate was locked... you stood at the door with your hands on my waste and you kissed me like you meant it.