Chapter 1: Goats
For Anne. I blame you for this. All of it. You and my rabid love of DAI.
Inquisitor Lavallen and the Inquisition at large had been set up in Skyhold for long enough, now, that she could generally get her bearings. Skyhold, compared to Haven, was almost like a maze and had taken some getting used to. Not simply because various parts of the complex had been torn down and rebuilt almost continuously based on the mad whims of whomever seemed to own it at the time - but fehendis it was cold this far in the mountains. Not just cold - almost sub-zero. One would have to be mad to live here. Or very, very wary of attack.
She crossed the courtyard and tried not to breathe heavily enough to get a faceful of her own stale breath as it crystallised when an unusual sound caught her attention.
Splat.
Uhhh that was never a good noise. A crowd was gathering on the outer wall beside Cullen's Tower. Please, oh please, Creators, let this have nothing to do with Sera.
Suspiciously, Lavallen followed the sound and began to hear the faint murrms of some sort of farm animal.
Dirthra'ma. What was going on? She pushed through the scouts surrounding the scene and caught a flash of Cullen's colourful mantle. He turned as she succeeded in pushing to the head of the crowd and gave her a look of utmost confusion. 'Inquisitor.'
'Cullen.' She acknowledged and looked over the side of the wall. There was a lone man in what looked to be a blue goatskin mask - complete with horns. As she watched, he reached into a cart beside him and wrestled a goat out of the throng.
Splat.
Corpses and concussed goats littered the ground further down the wall. The snow around it looked freshly trodden. He was - what in Creators was he doing? She glanced at Cullen but her Commander just shrugged in complete confusion and watched as the masked man threw his head back and laughed.
'Cullen, correct me if I'm wrong, but is he throwing live goats at my wall?' She asked eventually.
'It - appears so, Inquisitor.' He conceded carefully.
They stood in silence and watched as he grabbed the cart and pulled it laboriously up the hill towards a part of the wall that hadn't yet had the attention of goats.
'Go and stop him, would you?'
Cullen's head snapped to her as the crowd of scouts and onlookers paused. 'Throwing goats is not, strictly speaking-' He began.
'Technically, he's attacking the walls, isn't he?'
Splat.
Cullen squirmed uncomfortably, but she knew she had him there. Just because he didn't want to get close to the crazy person in a mask and trousers (and possibly little else) throwing goats at the wall didn't mean he could duck out of it.
The crowd around them seemed to be getting smaller as people rapidly found something to do - lest their Commander decide to enlist them in the Goat-Man wrangling squad. Cullen took another look at the lunatic hurling goats and back at the Inquisitor. 'Liethe this is insane-!'
She sighed and looked at him sympathetically. 'Cullen, this isn't even the maddest thing I've seen this week. Just - detain him, will you? I'll deal with him later.'
Splat.
'Yes, Inquisitor.' He took another look at the madman and groaned as she moved through the rapidly thinning crowd.
Creators. What fun that would be.