Title: Ice Forms Over
Disclaimer: Slash, language, violence, and angst.
POV: Martin
Chapter Two: Falling Towards the Sky
I close my eyes. The pain in my body is too much. My very soul feels like it's on fire. Being shot completely sucks. Why am I the one to suffer? I was just doing my job. I was ordered to move that prisoner. Why did they have to shoot me? They could have just shot the pain in the ass in the back seat. I wouldn't have cared. I still don't care if he dies.
The ceiling of the hospital room is stark white. Is it really the ceiling or is it heaven? Am I dead? The beeping sound of some miscellaneous machine calls my attention to my left. I'm alive. I'm so alive. I close my eyes as the joy hits me full force. A sharp pain cruises up my spin and I clench my teeth. The joy of being alive is quickly washed away.
"Hey, you're awake," a soft voice says.
"My pain medicine is wearing off," I whisper. My voice is raspy from not being used.
"I'll call for a nurse. Where's that little red button thing…"
A hand brushes against mine before the fingers intertwine with mine. My eyes fall on Danny. There's an almost healed cut over his eye. He gives me a soft smile. But I can read the worry in his eyes. The sorrow that lies deep within. There is something else hidden behind the sorrow and worry but I can't quite make out what it is. Before I get the chance to ask him what it is the nurse interrupts us. We both watch as she inserts a needle into the IV drip. Almost instantly the medicine takes effect. The pain moves down my body and disappears completely; for the time being anyway.
When she leaves Danny squeezes my hand. "Is the pain gone now?"
"Yes, thank you." My voice sounds a fraction better. "How long have I been here?"
"It's been about a week now. I was beginning to think that you would never wake up."
A week? I wonder have everyone has been holding up. This is the last thing Jack needed. His life has been shitty since his wife decided to move and leave him alone. I still can't believe that she took their daughters with her, turning them against Jack. And Vivian, she's been having problems with her heart. She needs to worry about spending time with her family. She needs to take care of herself. The sudden urge to cry almost takes me over. I fucked up. Everything is messed up and it's my fault. If only I hadn't been shot.
"What's on your mind, Martin?"
"How bad was it?" I ask. "I remember lying on the pavement with you calling my name. Aside from that, every other moment is like a hole. It's just not there for me to remember it."
A dark cloud passes over Danny's eyes. The memories must haunt him. "You lost a shit load of blood. They didn't think you would make it to the hospital, never mind surviving the surgery. Guess you showed them just how strong you are."
The next question pops up out of the middle of nowhere. "My father, how is he?"
Danny chews his bottom lip before answering. "He lit into Jack at the crime scene, after they had taken you away. That was it. No one has seen him since. He blamed Jack for this, you know."
I shake my head. "That's typical. He was pissed and needed a way to vent. He deals better when he blames someone else. He doesn't want to think bad things can happen. He's a very unstable person."
Danny's watch beeps. He gives it a quick glance. "I have to go. Jack doesn't know I stopped by. I'm supposed to be looking for a missing drug dealer. Why the hell I should bother…"
A side effect of the medicine is making me drowsy. I feel myself slipping away as Danny continues to ramble on. His hand slips from mine. It's the last thing I feel before floating away on a soft white cloud of slumber. My dreams are vivid and filled with blood. Over and over the echo of a gun fills the empty space of darkness. My dream self screams as a bullet rips through my flesh. A voice calls my name. There's urgency in it. Another bullet hits me. The force knocks me back. Then the fatal shot is made. I feel myself floating away into oblivion as someone continues to scream my name.
I feel the bed beneath me. Once again back in the hospital. A presence off to my right gives me an odd sense of comfort. A hand takes mine. The memory of the warmth and the skin against mine tells me that it's Danny.
"Are you sleeping, Martin?" A gentle squeeze to my hand brings even more comfort. For some reason I pretend to sleep. Something tells me that Danny wants it that way. Maybe it has to do with what I saw in his eyes before.
"Good, I need to talk to you. You're probably wondering why I want you to be asleep while I'm talking. It's simple really; I don't want you to look at me. Your eyes give away so much about the thoughts running through your mind. After everything that has happened, I feel the need to just talk. To tell you what has been on my mind.
"The day you got shot a whole new world opened up to me. I thought I was going to lose you forever. There has been this feeling that I've been hiding from the world for fear of rejection. I think I've been hiding it from myself too." I can sense his smile. "We can't hide for long. The feelings force themselves out and we have to deal with them. So I'm dealing."
My curiosity is piqued but I concentrate on faking to sleep.
"Do you remember how happy I was when I saw you with Samantha? That was a false happiness. I was afraid that I would lose you. That our friendship would never be the same. At least, that's what I thought it was. Guess I was wrong. I love you, Martin. Not the way a friend does, and not like family. I love you in ways I probably shouldn't. No one ever wants an office romance. They say it interferes with business. How can they expect people to avoid them? I've been working with you for years. The feelings have been growing.
"I thought love was a myth, Martin. Then I got to know you. There's so much telling me that my love for you is wrong. And yet, every fiber of my body wants you, and the body wants what it wants." He lets his fingers slip away from mine. "You'll never know though. I'm afraid of driving you away. If I can't have you as my lover, I'll keep you as my friend."
Is that the soft touch of his lips on my cheek or the gentle touch of his hand? The sound of his footsteps fades as he leaves me behind. I open my eyes to watch his back. My best friend has fallen in love with me. How am I supposed to deal with it? And what is this feeling growing inside of me?