Title: Ice Forms Over
Disclaimer: Slash. Violence. Language. Angst.
POV: Martin
Chapter Eight: Lost in the Fog
Three weeks later…
I stand on the first floor in front of the elevator. The day has finally come for me to return to work. It's been so long since I've set foot inside this building. For weeks it has been the only thing I've wanted to do. Now that the time is here I feel a smidge of apprehension. How will the others react to having me back at work? They've probably got a real great thing going. What if my returning to work screws up their flow? Jack will enjoy having his team back in full. Danny hasn't missed me at work because we've seen each other everyday afterward. Will Sam talk to me? Will Vivian be happy to see me return? And what about the new girl; she was due to start in four months but then I got taken out and Vivian had health problems. Jack jumped on the chance to hire her early to take up some of the slack. What if she doesn't like me?
It's now or never. I push the button with the arrow pointing up. The pace of my heartbeat quickens. The only sound in the elevator is the piano dominated elevator music; it's enough to cover up my breathing. This has been my place of work for so many years. Do I have a right to be this nervous? This reminds me of my first day with the team. They all gave me the cold shoulder. That was their idea of an initiation. Lucky for me it only lasted for two days before Danny started taking a liking to me. The elevator comes to a stop and the doors open with a swish.
The floor is busy as is usual. Someone is always going missing. At least we don't have to cover every single missing person. Sure, we get the details and try helping other states track down their missing people, but we go on-location very rarely. Danny had gone to Mexico with Jack not too long ago, and Jack had been to Japan.
I step off the elevator with the help of the cane my physical therapist gave me. The day I got rid of the wheelchair had been a happy day. It gave me one less step until I got to work. Now here I am at work and I feel like I want to go home. These people are my friends. They won't treat me any different. Will they? There's only one way to find out.
"Morning, Martin," Danny greets me. He falls into step beside me.
"Shouldn't you be working?" I ask him out of sheer curiosity.
He flashes a smile. "I should be but I thought I'd walk in with you. Call it friendly intuition, I figured you'd be a little on the nervous side."
I do my best to return his smile. "I think we've been spending too much time together, Danny-boy. Tell me, what is Elena like? You talk about her at home so rarely I don't know what to expect."
"She's an interesting woman. She's of Hispanic decent and talks with an accent, unlike yours truly," he explains. "She's really getting along with Sam and Jack. I'm not sure if Vivian really likes her though they do tolerate each other. You do realize that with the hiring of Elena us guys no longer out number the women."
I stop in my tracks. We're just a few feet from the desks. The fact that I haven't seen these people in months is causing me to worry. Why is it so hard to fall back into old routines? It's time to steel my spine and get this over with. I chase the doubting thoughts from my mind. Danny gives me one last pat on the back before he heads for his desk. I step into the room after him.
I'm not swarmed by my co-workers. In fact, none of them really seem to take notice. As nervous and as apprehensive as I am that still hurts a little. I've been gone for so long you'd think someone would have missed me. I make my way over to my desk and sit in my old familiar chair, leaning my cane against the desk.
"Hey, Martin, glad to see that your back. Finally, someone can pick up the slack around here," Jack says as he perches on the edge of my desk. "These guys just can't cut it."
Danny laughs. "We're too busy taking care of you, Jack."
He smiles. "Seriously, Martin, it's great to have you back at work. We all missed you. I hope you're up for working hard because I'm not going to baby you. I don't care what your dad says."
I grimace. "I really wish he would stay out of my life."
"I hope my son never says that about me," Vivian says as she walks in on the conversation. "Nice to see you again, Marty." I give her a wave and a smile.
"You can all welcome Martin back and catch up but remember, this is a place of work. I expect you guys to be professional. This isn't high school," Jack says before he leaves.
The day progresses on without any problems. I meet Elena and we do the proper introductions. Danny is right; she does have a heavy accent. Sam says hi to me and that's all she says before making herself busy for the rest of the day. A young college student goes missing and Jack sends Vivian out with Danny to see what can be made of it. Meanwhile Jack makes sure to keep me busy. Probably trying to make it seem like they still need me, or he's just trying to keep me busy so I won't have thoughts of that fateful day. Around lunch time I get up to go to the bathroom. When I come back out I find Sam waiting for me.
"Martin, I'm sorry that I haven't been to see you," she says. "I've been asking Danny about you every day."
"Good for you," I reply.
A flash of pain crosses her face. "I missed you. I was so afraid that I would lose you; it kept me from wanting to see you. That's not an excuse and I'm not trying to make one."
"Don't worry about it, Sam."
She steps up closer to me and places a hand on my shoulder. "I don't want to live without you, Marty." She leans in to kiss me and I turn my head to the side. Her lips fall on my cheek.
She backs up with a look of questioning on her face. There's nothing for me to say to her so I walk around her to make my way back to my desk. On my way I pass by Danny, who has returned from the field. I notice the odd look he gives me as he sees Sam left standing behind. The entire time in that wheelchair I thought about Sam and how it would be returning to work with her. I thought I missed her. I thought I wanted to be with her again. But now my feelings have changed. Sam isn't the one I want anymore. As I sit at my desk and pop a pain pill- the bottle has been hiding in my suit jacket pocket- I think about all the time I've been spending with Danny. I think about the things he said to me in the hospital. Is it possible that I feel the same way about him? If I had never been shot none of this would be a problem. Sam and I would continue to share a mutual friendship and Danny would still be my best friend. Why does life have to be so complicated?