'Is this shape useful? Will it let me know you?'

Darkness. Darkness and sickening green light. The charred remains of people still burning where they succumbed all around her.

She could smell - Creators! It was so strong - the greasy, sickening smell of burning flesh and ash. Like the conclave all over again.

Liethe turned in a circle to grab her bearings, but all she saw were dark trees, burning corpses and pools of that sickening green light wrapped in a thick blanket of fog.

'Everything tells me about you.'

When she turned back, she found Cullen and Josephine stood in front of her, staring at her but seemingly entranced.

Fehendis, what was going on?

She blinked and Leliana suddenly appeared behind Cullen, a knife held to his throat and he was obliging it, his head tipped back to give the blade room.

Her heart clenched suddenly.

Leliana smirked and drew it almost too easily across his throat. Blood immediately sprayed down his armour as Cullen collapsed. She felt like the very air in her lungs had been sucked out as she watched her Commander shudder and collapse onto the ground, watched him bleed out as his eyes rolled up to her, holding her there as he died.

Creators - not Cullen!

She had to look away, had to try and stop showing emotion because whatever that thing was, it was fishing for a reaction.

'I am not your toy! I am Envy and I will know you.' She turned suddenly and there was Cullen, his throat slashed open, skin wobbled as he talked.

'I will become you.'

She screamed and bolted upright, her face flushed, lungs heaved, eyes darted everywhere at once. Her quarters. In Skyhold. She could recognise the windows, the bed and bedding and leaned up against the fireplace - her staff.

Liethe heaved a breath, relieved for the moment that the nightmare was purely that - a nightmare. An arm came up and kneaded her eye as she breathed through the pounding heartbeat.

Outside the windows, dawn was but a hazy line beyond the mountains, it was early. Very early, however right now the last thing she wanted to do was sleep. She didn't want to fall back into that nightmare again.

With a tired huff, Liethe threw back the covers and moved to get dressed. The kitchens probably wouldn't be staffed this early in the morning, but she knew her way around a kitchen. At least enough to make herself a pot of tea to stave off the terror of the nightmare.

Inside the throne room, the lamps had been extinguished, the fire by the main door just crisp embers and in the gloom she saw the hunched, sleeping figure of Varric. Quill in hand and parchment for pillow.

She was quiet as she moved across the great hall to the kitchens but was surprised when she opened the door to find the fire crackling merrily and someone awake at this hour.

The door startled him and he turned. She recognised Barris the Templar in the flickering light. 'Inquisitor.' He greeted. 'Forgive me, I didn't know anyone else was-'

She waved him away. 'I didn't realise anyone else was awake either, ser Barris.' It took her a few minutes to locate the tea and a suitable pot to brew with as Barris added more wood to the fire. 'Why are you awake?'

'I am generally awake before dawn, Inquisitor. There is much to do and my brothers and sisters look to me for guidance these days.'

Of course. Barris had been the one who sent for help in the first place, Barris had been the one to understand that something was very wrong with the officers, and Barris had been the first to react when Liethe uncovered the Envy demon in their midst. It made sense that he would be the one they looked to for guidance.

Creators, she knew that burden all too well.

'May I ask, Inquisitor, what your reasons are?'

That brought her out of her reverie as she moved the pot over the fire. She couldn't tell him that she'd had a nightmare that had scared her so badly she didn't want to go back to sleep. It would be weakness. She was The Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste. Creators forbid that she should be so weak as to be frightened of a nightmare when she'd stared down a corrupted magister and his equally corrupted pet.

A small mercy that she didn't have the fangs dream again, but not by much. The vision of Cullen getting his throat slashed open by Leliana wasn't really any better than the vivid imagination of her being eaten by a blight dragon.

'I couldn't sleep.' She shrugged hopelessly. 'I came down for some tea.'

The pot had begun to boil now but as she reached for a rag to pull it off the fire, Barris intercepted it. 'Allow me, Inquisitor.'

'I have a name, you know.' She joked as he reached in and pulled the pot off the fire. 'It's Liethe.'

She pulled two cups from the shelf as Barris moved the pot onto the table beside them. 'I also have a name, Liethe. It's Delrin.'

She remembered, from when he introduced himself at Therinfal Redoubt. She watched him pour the water into both cups delicately, as though he were afraid to spill it and offend her honour.

She laughed as she picked up one of the steaming mugs. 'Touche,' She agreed and sipped. The tea was delightful. Soothed her jangled nerves almost as much as the conversation.

'I had been meaning to thank you, Liethe.' Barris murmured as he wrapped his hands around the other mug. 'For all your help. For letting us remain as we were.'

Ah. The decision not to force them into the fold of The Inquisition, but allowing them the choice to be allies. Creators, she had got some heated arguments at that. 'Can I tell you a secret, Delrin?' She whispered and looked up at him, a frown creasing her brow.

'Of course, Inq- Liethe.' He coughed.

She stared down at the dark tea because it was easier than watching Barris' face as she talked. Easier to hide the pain on her face. 'That Envy demon, it showed me what it was going to do when it became me. It was going to subjugate everyone, brutalise everyone. Dismantle the Chantry with help from The Templars and kill anyone who got in it's way. The things it showed me-' She reached up and ran a shaking hand through her hair. '-They still haunt me some nights. So, when the deed was done and it was dead I couldn't - Couldn't-'

'Couldn't force us to be bound to The Inquisition because that would be exactly what Envy would have done and you would do anything in Thedas not to feel like that thing.' Barris finished. She looked up at him from under the halo of hair she was hiding behind. She hadn't meant to say that she sometimes still got nightmares, but rather than pity or upset, Delrin seemed understanding.

'Yes.' She admitted shamefully.

'Maker, if I had been forced to see that, I probably would have made the same decision.' Barris mused. 'Thank you, Liethe.'

'For what?' She asked.

'For being honest with me. A lot of Templars experience nightmares after seeing their first demons, you know.'

'Really?'

'Yes. I'm not quite sure what the Dalish have to say about it -' Don't be stupid enough to attract demons was as far as her brethren got. '-But in The Chantry it's almost expected for a Templar - and yes, even mages, to suffer mentally. It's ok not to be ok.' He promised her. 'It helps to talk. It helps to know that other people out there react the same way.'

She hadn't expected Delrin to give her such an impassioned speech on nightmares. Or admit that even Templars had some sort of mental issue with demons. 'Have you ever-'

'Is it my turn to tell you a secret?' He smiled ruefully. 'Truth be told, I didn't often get up so early in the morning, but after Therinfal Redoubt and seeing the lord-seeker become an Envy demon, I myself have had a few nightmares.'

She wanted to ask what his nightmares were about, but he hadn't pried into her own yet, and she did not need to add fuel to the fire for the next nightmare she was undoubtedly going to have.

'Commander Cullen has nightmares, too. Of Kinlock Hold. Of Kirkwall.' Barris added. 'Any Templar past or present you meet will tell you of nightmares, or of people who have nightmares.'

Cullen had nightmares, too? Perhaps she would ask him about them. 'So, Delrin,' She sipped her cooling tea. 'What do you do when the nightmares become too much?'

He smiled ruefully at her. 'I talk about it, Liethe. It gets easier, with time.' He promised her. 'But my door will always be open if you want to talk about them some time.'

She smiled gratefully back at him. 'I'll be sure to bring tea.' She promised.

A/N: Speaking as a depressed non-mage who hasn't been attacked by demons, darkspawn, venatori, dragons, and Orlesians - It's ok not to be ok.

Just a self-indulgent chapter to remind me that we all face demons.