Originally posted on Wattpad with slight differences as this version contains corrections and word changes. Feel free to use this in a Multiverse/Dekuverse reaction fic.
BNHA belongs to Kohei Horikoshi and Top Gear belongs to the British Broadcasting Company(BBC).
*Insert Jessica*
The camera starts with Katsuki "Kacchan" Bakugo, wearing a loose blue shirt with plants decorating it and dark jeans and sitting on an armchair made from the front seat of a 1983 Porsche 928.
"Now, lorry drivers," begins Katsuki, "they're always telling us they have got a very hard job. But as far as we can work out, they go to work, sit down, and then go home again.
The camera changes to a wide-angle shot, showing a platform with Katsuki sitting on the Porsche armchair, a small TV with the words "Top Gear" as the screensaver, a coffee table made from the 928's V8 engine, and two other people sitting on a couch made from the Porsche's rear seat.
One is leaning forward with a particularly messy but trimmed green hair and wearing a white buttoned shirt that says 'Jeans' and light blue jeans, and the other, not leaning as forward with near shoulder-length heterochromatic white and red hair, wearing a white and blue decorated shirt below a brown leather jacket and also light blue jeans. They are Izuku "Deku" Midoryia and Shoto "IcyHot" Todoroki respectively.
"How hard can that be?", asks Bakugo.
"Well", begins Midoryia, camera now facing him, "to find out, the producers gave us each 5,000 and told us to use our extensive...knowledge...of lorries and lorrying...t-to try and buy the best trucks we can find.", he finishes nervously.
"Then we're told to report to our test track", continues Todoroki, the camera now facing him, "where we would find out what's actually like to be a lorryist.", he finishes, with the audience in the background laughing at his wording.
The screen fades out to black and fades back in to show a runway with a white broken centerline, then a white and red line curving to the right, and then a runway light on a patch of grass beside the runway, under a cloudy white day.
Then the shot changes to the three men, all wearing outdoor clothing and standing next to each other, discussing something.
"No," says Bakugo, wearing a brown leather jacket over a grey sweater and light blue jeans, "the purple one is biscuit and raisin."
"No.", quickly Todoroki replies, wearing a cream leather jacket over a white and black swirled shirt and greyish-blue jeans.
"Yes, it had little bits of biscuits in it." Midoryia backs up Bakugo, wearing a dark brown leather jacket over a white buttoned shirt that says 'Jacket' and dark blue jeans.
"Blue was the original," says Bakugo, his left hand in an open gesture.
"Yes, blue has nothing extra.", Midoryia further clarifies, his left hand pointing, "Yes, that was. Just chocolate."
"And then they did the pink one", continues Bakugo, "which was only..."
"Eh?!", exclaims Todoroki, his face basically saying 'Excuse me, what?!'.
"They never did a pink one!", interrupts Midoryia.
"They did!", the blond insisted, hands now flat and palm facing up, "It's for girls and they only sold it at the Isle of Man. Not a lot of people know that.", he concludes.
The scene changes to 3 large vehicles turning and driving towards the camera, with "Parades Of The Charioteers" playing in the background.
"At exactly 14 minutes past 9, the lorries turn up.", says Katsuki in voiceover.
"Damn!", exclaims Katsuki.
"Brilliant!", calls out Izuku.
"Good."
The 3 lorries proceed to park just in front of their respective new owners.
K: "Then using our massive knowledge of HGVs, we set about explaining what we bought, why we bought."
"So, Todoroki, which one's yours?", Bakugo asks, facing Shoto.
"Scania P94.", answers Todoroki, pointing at a blue truck in a 4x2 configuration with apparently a white driver's door. "It's, umm...this is the sleeper cab, which has got the extras bits on the back where you can sleep. They also did it as a day cab, which didn't have that bit...so you couldn't sleep in it. Um...it's the ehhh..."
Bakugo then sniggers much to Todoroki's misfortune, and whispers to his green friend, "He doesn't know anything!", and proceeds to snigger harder.
"What colour is it, Shoto?", asks Midoryia, and when Shoto fails to respond, Katsuki breaks into laughter.
Shoto, desperate to save his dignity, retorted back, "What have you got then?"
"A lorry!", Bakugo quickly responds.
"What sort?"
"A big one.", answers the spiky-haired blonde, gesturing to a Renault Magnum, a blue lorry much bigger than Todoroki's and in a 6x2 configuration.
"Well, clearly!", calls out Midoryia.
"Ah, it's a Renault.", Katsuki begins to explain, "And uhh...what makes this one...interesting," camera shows a questionable looking window sticker, "is that the cab sits on top of the engine, so it has a flat floor. And that means..."
"The floor's flat?", suggests Midoryia, while Todoroki is testing his white driver's side door.
"...It's easier to fit the carpet.", finishes Katsuki. "Come on then, Midoryia! Show me what you got!"
"I have this!", says Izuku, his truck, an Erf EC11, with white paint and is a smaller size than Shoto's in a 6x2 configuration.
"What is it?"
"It's uh...it's an Erf!..."
K: "This is hopeless. So we resorted to our lorry crib sheets."
All three men were given stapled papers with information about their respective lorries.
"Has yours got...?", begins Katsuki, as all three men flip through their papers.
"Is all this just my lorry?!", exclaims Izuku, as his sheet is thicker than both the other two men's combined.
"...12L straight 6. Go.", finished Katsuki, then points at his shorter greenette colleague.
"11L!", Izuku answers back. "It's not as big, but it's still pretty big!", he optimistically continues.
"9L...", says Shoto, his voice and face sullen. Again, he tries to save face, "Bu-whe- The thing is..."
The other two men laugh at his misfortune, again.
"Did you just buy a shed?!", Izuku asks.
"...yours is tiny.", Shoto points towards Midoryia's Erf.
"It is ridiculously small.", Katsuki adds.
"That's a Caterham of the lorry world.", Midoryia defended.
"Right, and the point of that is?"
"Well, there's bound to be a speed test."
A person in a while lab-like suit is now seen walking towards the three men, holding an envelope. This is a producer.
"You think your lightweight, 11L lorry...", Bakugo is handed the envelope.
"It's a Lotus lorry. Yeah!"
Katsuki opens the envelope and reads the contents as his colleagues listen.
"No not that.", he says then proceeds to read out loud the letter, "In less developed countries such as Australia and America, people like to decorate and personalize their lorries. You will now go away and do the same.", as he finishes, he turns around to face his lorry and gets an idea.
"I'm gonna need a hell a lot of paint."
Many months later...
A zoom shot of a large crescent-shaped building comes into view, with 2 domes and a platform placed between them.
K: "Once our lorries have been redecorated, we were told to meet at Hero Gear's secret alpine test location, in Bedfordshire."
As soon as it zooms to the Hero Gear flag, it quickly zooms out and the scene changes to track on a foggy, misty day.
K: "Izuku had tried to make his lorry look more American by fitting a bonnet...which is actually a dog kennel,"
Izuku's truck comes into view, now painted in a glossy cyan and fitted with a pathetic looking "bonnet", that looks like it's going to fall off any second, covering the front.
"Shoto had gone for a gay and friendly Indian look,"
Shoto's truck follows after Izuku's, covered in bright colourful fabric and stickers and decorative attachments.
"And I hadn't".
Katsuki's truck comes in last, painted completely black top to bottom with only a thin strip of windscreen visible to look out.
The 3 trucks park next to each other, with Bakugo calling out "Dammit!" as he brakes too hard and his cab lurches forward.
K: "So it's time for the next challenge."
The camera points at a scandalous looking vinyl cover's artwork fitted to Midoryia's lorry.
Bakugo opens another envelope he's been given, his two colleagues next to him.
"What matters to lorry drivers?", asks Katsuki. "Murdering prostitutes..."
"And fuel economy," Izuku added in.
"Load. Breakfast." Shoto finishes.
" "You must demonstrate your lorry driving skills by.." Katsuki begins, "...power sliding your trucks around..", I presume it's that skidpad." He points at a clear area of tarmac, barricaded with traffic cones.
"What's the point?", complains Shoto, "You can't power slide lorries anyway."
"Technically, you can't power slide anything.", roasts Midoryia, with the recipient's face going red in embarrassment and Bakugo sniggers before quickly recomposing himself.
" "To prove that it's possible, you'll now watch a demonstration by our tame racing driver", the ash-blonde continued reading, "Some say that his all-time favourite tune is Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward, and that he has the worlds largest collection of pornographical material."
"All we know is, he's not Ingenium, but he is Ingenium's lorry-driving cousin!"
Another lorry, a white MAN, drives to the trio and parks in front of them, with "Highway To Hell" blaring from the truck's stereo.
The driver, Ingenium's lorry-driving cousin, has his right arm resting out on the window and his sleeve clearly painted with fake suntan spray.
"Look, he's got the lorry driver's suntan" comments Katsuki.
"Oh, sunburn. I see, yes.", replies Izuku.
As lorry Ingenium climbed down from his vehicle, we see his physique. He is a portly man wearing an oversized version of the standard metallic white Ingenium racing outfit with the sprayed right sleeve and a normal white knightly visored helmet.
Both Bakugo and Midoryia laugh at Ingenium's physique, to which Bakugo points out, "He's really as big as American Ingenium!".
"RigGenium!", Midoryia quickly dubs him.
Scene changes to RigGenium, driving a modified MAN truck with roll cages and rally racing window nets, skidding on the skid ring with smoke belching from the tyres.
K: "RigGenium climbed into his tuned MAN and set off."
The 3 man-child's viewed in awe as the driver worked his magic.
"Look at that!", Katsuki points out with amazement in his voice, "That's just fantastic!"
"I love the smell of burning rubber in the morning when it's coming off that!", he goes on as the truck continues to spill smoke and Izuku does a turning the wheel motion, "That is power sliding now!"
The scene cuts again, now the truck is spinning in a circle.
"Look at that!"
"He's doing the doughnut!"
As RigGenium continues to amaze the 3 children-disguised-as-men with his skills, the rear tyres suddenly disintegrates and spit chunks of rubber onto the tarmac.
"His tyre's gone!", calls out Bakugo, "his tyre's-RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!", crying out in fear as he runs away from the skid pen.
The other two followed suit, with Midoryia having an amazed/shocked face as he leaves the frame.
The truck stopped safely, but not without destroyed rear tyres.
"So Shoto, what do you reckon?", asks Katsuki once they're at a safe distance, "You can do that?"
"Piece of cake.", the red-white man confidently replies.
The 3 men are now in their lorries, each of them slowly entering the skid pen.
K: "Gingerly, we hit the skid pen."
The inside of the Renault's cab is shown, quite dark with limited outside visibility with its owner sitting on the driver's seat as he comments, "Now this strip I've put here, I can't really see where I'm going."
The Erf's cab is shown with Midoryia getting to familiarize himself with the truck's gearbox as it groans and grinds.
"Take the outside lane, second gear, high range," says Todoroki in his Scania.
"Now power sliding is easy in a car.", claims Bakugo as he turns his wheel, "Turning in, no power on!"
Suspenseful cymbals play before it quickly changes scene to show...
.
.
.
.
.
The Renault just driving along, diesel engine rumbling.
"No, that's not gone as well as I hoped", Bakugo commented.
"Here we go, slide!", Midoryia attempts to do a slide himself, which fails miserably.
"Come on, you're a racing truck! This is what you should be good at!", he berated his Erf, and as if the vehicle wants to pay him back the favour, the "bonnet" detaches and falls.
"Oh, my bonnet!...I've driven over my own bonnet."
The 3 lorries are still attempting, and failing, at making at least one successful power slide.
"Left foot braking, that's the answer." Says Bakugo, who's just inches away from falling off his seat.
K: "That didn't work, so I gave it more welly. And that REALLY didn't work."
"No. NOOOO! Ah-!", cried out Bakugo, his rear leaving his seat and unintentionally pressed the horn.
HOOOOONNNNKKKKKK*
Izuku, who heard the horn blaring, then honks his horn, unaware of the disaster his poor colleague is in, "Yeah, I'll do some of that!"
HONK HOONNNKKKK*
"It doesn't work!" Shoto said, his lorry losing a piece of decoration.
S: "Meanwhile, in the Renault..."
"COME OONNN! Spin!", Katsuki desperately cried out, but alas, centrifugal force finally causes him to lose his grip with the wheel and he falls, ass first, onto the central column, "Ow! Shit! Ah! Ow!"
Izuku and Shoto, upon seeing their friend's truck hitting traffic cones and slowing down, quickly slow their trucks to a halt.
Katsuki quickly gets out of the Renault, and we see his rear side bloody and grazed as the camera zooms in.
"It's this lorry driving, as it turns out, is quite a lot harder than I thought", he says as paramedics walk up and escort him to a waiting medical van.
"Have you got something in your leg as well?", a paramedic asks, to which Katsuki responds, "Yeah, the gear lever's gone up my ass."
"Right, okay."
The scene then cuts to the pen littered with rubber bits and debris from the trucks.
S: "After the gear lever had been removed from Katsuki's bottom, we move on to the next challenge."
Shoto, standing beside Katsuki and Izuku, is handed another envelope and he opens it while the other two discussed the damage.
"I've lost the suspension linkages", said Katsuki.
"On your leg?", asked Izuku.
"No, on the lorry."
"You'll now drive to Millbrook's High-Speed Bowl", reads out Shoto.
"YAH, you see!", excitedly cried out Izuku, "I told you there'd be a speed test!"
" "But first, you must hitch up a trailer and get there via the Alpine handling course" ", finishes Shoto, "That's hundreds of miles!", he complains.
"No, it's here./It's here, you idiot. It's just over there.", both men clarified, with Bakugo pointing in a direction off frame.
Scene change to dynamic drone shots of a track with winding tight turns, in lush greenery.
K: "This is where carmakers test out the handling of their new models"
A white sports car is driving on the track
K: "It's also where James Bond rolled his Aston Martin in Casino Royale"
The sports car accelerates up a gradient, gets some air time, before landing on its front wheels.
K: "In a car, it is huge fun."
The car turns around a corner and passes a speed sign that says 20.
K: "In a lorry..."
It then turns another corner and drives off to the distance.
"...it probably isn't."
"From the moment you arrive at the Alpine course, you have 3 minutes to get around", Shoto continues reading, "you'll also need to drive smoothly because your trailers are filled with valuables"
"Valuables?" "Valuables?", the other two men ask.
S: "They weren't kidding."
Three trailers are shown, one green, one red, and one white with a green and yellow underside.
S: "Izuku's trailer contained a car...that hadn't been fastened down."
Izuku's white trailer is shown, with a red second-generation Nissan Micra K11 inside.
S: "Mine contained an enormous wedding cake."
Shoto's green trailer shows an enormous stacked white cake with a cockroach feasting on it, and other confectionery desserts on the floor.
S: "And in Katsuki's, there was some straw, which doesn't seem so bad..."
Katsuki's red trailer has straw bales placed, unassumingly, at the front end of the trailer.
"...but at the other end, there was an electric fire."
The reason for this is explained as the camera zooms out to show a household electric fire unit at the rear end of the trailer, plugged in and its heating elements glowing brightly.
S: "First though, we have to get our trailers attached to our lorries."
The 3 trucks are now reversing to their respective trailers, with Bakugo leaning out to try and navigate. "Now where's my truck?"
Having that method failed, he tried the conventional way, by using the rearview window.
"There's no back window!"
Oh, right.
His rear window is painted over.
"Right, I don't see this why needs to be all that difficult", commented Midoryia, as his truck's "fifth wheel" coupling lines up with his trailer.
Meanwhile, Todoroki is still figuring out how to manoeuvre his truck to his trailer.
"Which way is that now?", he tries to figure out, using his hands to help him, "So I need to get that..."
S: "Midoryia, being familiar with farmyard machinery, was confident of a quick hitch up."
"Easy", says Izuku as he observes the underside of his trailer.
S: "Us two, however..."
Bakugo is working out which gladhand connector pipe to connect to which port on his trailer, "Where does that go?"
Todoroki, meanwhile, is struggling to get his pipe to fit correctly.
Midoryia gets his pipe fitted, "Didn't think this will be difficult and it's not."
Todoroki got one pipe fitted successfully, but as he begins to connect another one, the other pipe comes loose and falls off.
Midoryia proceeds to raise his trailer's landing gear and enters his cab, "It's done."
"The space between the cab-Yours is done?", asked Bakugo in disbelief.
"Yeah"
"If a lorry driver can do that, why isn't he a brain surgeon?"
"...scale."
"You know how he's finished.", Katsuki tells Shoto who point at the greenette, who has a smug expression.
"You're looking smug!"
K: "Eventually, some men came to help Shoto and I, which gave me a chance to fix my window."
"Why are you doing that?", asked the red-white haired man as he approaches Bakugo's lorry.
"Because I can't see where I'm going!", replies the blond, as he scrapes the black paint off his windscreen.
"Didn't you think of that when you put it on?"
"No"
Scene changes again, with all 3 lorries successfully connected to their trailers.
K: "Finally, we were ready to go."
However, Katsuki and Shoto are having difficulty in getting their lorries to move.
Meanwhile, Midoriya gets his lorry to move successfully, "Right, away we go."
As he drives his lorry, his trailer remains stationary and soon drops onto its landing gear.
Todoroki does his iconic smokers duck laugh as he witnessed his friend's unfortunate predicament.
Midoryia quickly stops, and because the trailer is now at a gradient, the unsecured Nissan inside rolls to the front of the trailer, crashing with a bang.
"You know the, "I've done it, I've finished!"- you know that bit?", Bakugo mocked his short friend, as he leaves his cab to try and reattach his trailer.
"Maybe the pin's broken.", reasoned Izuku.
"No"
"It could just be a faulty bracket that holds the...?"
"No!"
A forklift arrives to lift Izuku's trailer, its landing gear lowered, and the truck reversing with Katsuki guiding it in, "Ok, you're in there!", he called out.
K: "Eventually, we were ready to go again."
"Sorry about that!", apologized Izuku as he gets into his cab.
"Right, we're off!"
As Todoroki and Bakugo walk away to their trucks, Midoryia's truck accelerates and his trailer...
.
.
.
.
.
.
... remains stationary, and drops onto its landing gear, again.
Bakugo leaned onto his truck in exasperation, and the unsecured Nissan rolls and crashes in the trailer...again.
"Forgive me for saying this, but how hard can it be?", asked Bakugo before turning around and calling out:
"CAN SOMEBODY BRING THE FORKLIFT BACK!?"
Eventually, all three lorries have successfully coupled their trailers.
K: "So, third time lucky."
"Oh, this is brilliant.", complemented Bakugo as he drives off, and in doing so, his trailer collided with Todoroki's truck, damaging it's left mirror.
"OI!", cried out Todoroki.
The 3 lorries, now left the test location in Bedfordshire, are now driving on their way to Millbrook.
K: "It was just over a mile from the hitching point to the Alpine course, but that was enough to give us a taste of what's like to be a real lorry driver."
Camera changes to show several cars beginning to pile up behind them.
K: "For starters, there's the sheer number of gears."
"First, into first and a half,", said Bakugo as he shifts gears.
"Second,", said Todoroki, also shifting.
"2 and a half,", said Midoryia.
"In a car, you can go from 1000rpm to seven or 8000.", Bakugo explains, "In this, it's 1200 to 1500, and then you have to change gear. 300 revs.", he finishes with his thumb and index finger close together for emphasis.
"Get in!", Midoryia berates his gear stick.
"Get in!", Todoroki also berates his gear stick.
K: "And when you finally reach 18th gear, you get carved up and you have to start all over again."
A blue car overtakes Bakugo's Renault, and promptly slows down.
"Now I've just been overtaken by someone who has now slowed down!", the blond cried.
"Don't stop!", Todoroki shouted out to the car in front, and once it stopped, he scratches his hair in frustration.
Midoryia promptly braked behind Todoroki, and the sound of his load crashing can be heard, "Ooh! That's the car."
"Why can't it just be...!", cried Bakugo, hands shaking.
"Somebody get a move on up there! If I have to start from the beginning of my gears again, I'll kill myself!", called out Izuku on the radio, then sighs.
"First,", Katsuki shifts gears, "first and a half."
"Just let the lorry go," Shoto calms himself, "always let the lorry go."
"Because this is a hard job and I'm not just saying this to win favour with lorry drivers, it's a hard job.", rants the blonde with finger gestures for emphasis, "Change gear, change gear, change gear, check your mirrors, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. Check your mirr-that's a lot of effort in a day."
K: "Still, because I removed some of my stealth paint, I could at least see where I was going..."
The top half of the paint on the Renault's driver-side windscreen is now gone, improving visibility.
"...sort of."
However, that improvement wasn't enough as Katsuki turns a corner and hears a scraping noise, "What's that noise?", as his truck scrapes and runs over a car parked on the hard shoulder.
"Kat is making a right hash of that.", quipped Shoto as he witnessed the incident.
"You clipped a car.", calls Izuku to Katsuki over the radio.
"Whose car?", asks Bakugo.
"Don't know but they will notice."
K: "We then took a wrong turn and ended up on a road where they test vehicle suspensions."
All three lorries exit a roundabout and enter a road marked "No Entry", and then proceed to drive on an uneven and very bumpy road.
K: "That wasn't much of a problem in my sprung cab."
Bakugo is gently, yet comically swaying around in his seat as he drives.
K: "But as for Midoryia..."
"I'm worried I may be bounced out of the cab.", Midoryia is bouncing up and down in his seat uncontrollably and uncomfortably, his head barely hitting the roof.
I: "Eventually, we arrived at the start of the Alpine course, which also meant our first encounter on a hill."
All three trucks stop at the base of the steep incline, with Katsuki in the front and slowly going backwards as he released and applied the brakes to try and drive up.
"Katsuki, you only got two feet!", Shoto cried out in fear over the radio, the front of his truck just arm's length of reaching Katsuki's trailer.
"Every time I come off the brake in order to get to the throttle, which you have to do, it goes backwards," explains Bakugo, releasing the brakes once more.
The trailer is now inches from touching Todoroki's cab.
"About eight inches!", calculated Shoto over the radio. "Try using the handbrake like you would in, oh I don't know, a car!", he sarcastically suggested.
Katsuki releases the brakes again, and his trailer collides with Shoto's truck.
Todoroki sighs in exasperation.
With its tight turns and steep climbs, the Alpine course is shown, and "Masadas, Main Titles" playing in the background.
I: "The turns and twists of the Alpine handling course wait for us and eventually, we got our trucks lined up on the start line."
All 3 lorries are now parked, side by side, at the start of the Alpine track with a producer standing on the sidelines holding a checkered flag.
The producer waves down the flag, signalling the start of the race, and the 3 lorries remain fixed, its drivers trying to get in gear.
"Get in gear!", the ash haired blond cried in frustration, "Come on!"
"No. No.", said the white-redhead, unsuccessfully trying to get his truck to move.
The producer waves down the flag again, and the black Renault lurches forward before stopping again.
Eventually, Todoroki gets his Scania moving first and leads away from his rivals with a triumphant expression, "Yes!"
"It's a drag race between me and Captain IcyHot!", Katsuki's truck very soon starts moving behind Shoto's, "Come on, Magnum!", he encourages.
"Oh god!", cried Izuku as he's still not moving and now getting left behind.
I: "Plainly, in the heat of battle, Shoto and Katsuki had completely forgot about their delicate cargoes."
Up ahead, the Renaut and the Scania are now neck in neck with the Renault slowly pulling ahead and forcing its opponent onto the grass.
"Bakugou's got the inside line.", said Todoroki as he's forced to the side.
"It's getting a bit narrow here.", commented Bakugo.
"NO!"
The Scania eventually gets its wheels onto the grass and slows down while the Renault pulls ahead while hitting some low lying branches.
"Yes, I got IcyHot!"
Bakugo collides with Todoroki and is now forced between the road's guardrail and Bakugo's trailer.
While that is happening, Midoryia now got his truck moving and is speeding along, trying to make up lost time.
I: "After my poor start, I too had little concern for my precious load."
"It sounds like a charging rhino running up and down the trailer behind me.", comments Midoryia as he hears noises behind him, his trailer's door failing and his load threatening to come out.
Up ahead, Todoroki is now catching up to his opponent.
K: "Back at the front, IcyHot was refusing to give in."
"Oh, that's close", he exclaimed as he very nearly hits Bakugo's truck on a turn.
"I'm going to take him here!", quipped Katsuki as he pulls ahead on the inside lane, "I've got a plan!"
As they approach a U-turn, Katsuki pulls into a secondary bend, tighter than the main one, giving him a lead in advantage. And since Shoto is behind Katsuki on the outside lane, he must either slow down to use the tighter bend and risk putting himself further behind, or use the main bend but keeping his speed.
In the end, Todoroki chose the main bend, "I can't-I can't turn in that!"
"Aha, you weren't ready for that, IcyHot!", mocked back Bakugo.
Now, Midoriya is rapidly approaching the tight turn his friends were at earlier, speeding along downhill.
"Down a bit of a hill.", as he speeds along, "Carry some-WOAH! WOAH!"
Unfortunately, because he was going at a high speed, he failed to slow down in time for the turn and braked too hard, locking up his wheels, causing him to skid and almost jackknife on the road, before regaining control and continuing .
"T-That was...", stuttered the greenette, traumatized by the ordeal, "I d-didn't want t-to what I just did..."
Further along, Katuski is pulling ahead by a margin, "I'm in the lead!"
K: "Unfortunately in all the excitement, I forgot to change down for the steep hill.
"No! It's dying on me. No! No! No!", he cried out as his truck approaches and slows down to a halt on a hill, to which Todoroki takes advantage of this by overtaking him.
And maybe pay him back by colliding on the right-side of his lorry.
"You Fu-"
"It does understeer, this lorry.", quipped the candy cane head, leaving his opponent in the dust.
Midoriya, meanwhile, is now approaching a hill.
"Right, got to change ratios.", he downshifts to a lower gear, "Next box, there you go."
"Get a go in these things and suddenly you start to feel just how much power they've got to give.", Izuku points out as his lorry climbs up the gradient.
Unfortunately, at that moment the trailer's doors finally gave away and his load drops out.
"Yeah! Snap gear changes!", Midoryia reaches the summit and drives away, oblivious to his load not being present anymore.
Back to Bakugo, still stuck at the hill he's in, his Magnum's front bumper damaged and now fixing his wing mirror.
K: "Captain Clumsy had severed my air lines and all the brakes were jammed on."
"I absolutely hope Shoto Todoroki wakes up in the morning and 10,000 insects were in his underpants!", threatened the blond.
Izuku then passes by, laughing at his friends predicament.
Cut to Todoroki, who has reached the end of the track and is now exiting it.
S: "In just over 3 minutes, I was the first to finish."
After parking his truck, he exits his cab, laughing in victory as he goes to check his load, "Hehehehehe! Now let's have a look at me cake!"
Shoto opens his trailer door, and his happy mood immediately drops as he sees his cake ruined and leaning towards one side onto the trailer wall.
"Ah..."
Back at the hill, Bakugo's Magnum is now being taken care of by a mechanic as he tries to troubleshoot the brakes.
"That's what he hit.", he points to the damage, "He is the clumsiest man in the known world."
At the finishing line, Todoroki is trying to downplay the damage on his cake by straightening it, "I'll just straighten it up a bit."
However, he made the situation worse as he accidentally knocked down the very top layer of the cake, destroying it as it tumbled down and lands with a splat.
S: "Midoryia, meanwhile, has just reached the finishing line."
Scene cuts to Izuku and Shoto, walking towards Izuku's trailer as he figures out the damages.
"I'll be honest, I think the headlamps, the tail lamps, because I heard a clunk at that end," he explains to Shoto, pointing at the opposite ends of his trailer, "and then a clunk at that end, then a lot more clunks, and then it stopped and got smoother and smoother."
"Headlights are going to be smashed to bits, I daren't look.", he continues as Todoroki opens the door and looks inside, "Yes, I know, it's bad. I'm sorry."
"Well, it's worse then that.", observed the other man.
Back to Bakugo, his truck now fixed, speeding his way onto the finishing line.
K: "I was now on the move again, and flying."
"Now come on, up the hill!", he downshifts, not repeating the same mistakes again as he climbs a hill.
Now to Midoryia's trailer, devoid of life.
"Is that bad for my points?", asks the short green bushman, as if it wasn't obvious enough.
"Yeah", answers the Captain, "Well more to the point, where is it?"
"...I don't know!", Izuku replied, shaking his head and smiling nervously.
I: "Then Katsuki arrived."
Katsuki's truck comes into view, with his trailer on fire.
"Fire!/You're on fire!", the two men cry out in worry to their colleague.
Bakugo then pulls his lorry over, oblivious to the danger he's in, "Have we got the next challenge, lads?", he asks then exits his cab.
"How can we be this rubbish?", comments Midoryia as he and Todoroki witnesses the burning wreck.
"This is...", says Katsuki as the three men see firemen putting out the trailer, "So anyway, how's your car?", he addressed to the shortest member, changing topic.
"Car's-", begins Shoto before Midoryia interrupts him, "-stolen! That's what that it is, I've just thought of it now, stolen! The damnedest thing!"
"Oh that's actually quite bad now.", observed Bakugo as more firemen arrived to help.
"Yeah, that's on fire.", Todoroki bluntly points out.
"Yeah"
Screen fades to black and and back in, showing Bakugo standing beside a wrecked Toyota Hilux fixed on a ramp, surrounded by audience members clapping and cheering while in the Hero Gear studio.
"Ok, we're going to put that out, and pick it up later on."
Time Skippu no Jutsu
Camera now zooms to Midoryia, standing beside the Hilux, with the audience cheering.
"Now, earlier, the three of us had used our extensive knowledge of HGVs,", he begins as the cheering and clapping dies down, "and it wasn't going well. Especially Katsuki, who'd ended up with a gear lever in his bottom and his truck on fire.", the audience laugh at that.
"Still, we rejoin the action after we'd addressed these issues", he finishes as the scene cuts to Bakugo's trailer, charred in the rear and the fire put out but still smoking.
K: "My lorry is in a pretty poor state."
Firemen are still hosing the trailer with water, to ensure the fire doesn't restart again.
K: "Despite this, the producers threw us straight into the next challenge."
"Since you now had some practice in lorrying..." Bakugo reads from a letter he's given.
"Yes.", Midoryia quipped.
"..and you're coming along well..", the pomeranian continues, bemused.
"I think we are."
"...I'm not.", denied Bakugo before reading on, "We shall now see who's lorry is the fastest. To do this, you will have to take your limiters off.", he finishes.
"I was going to say, they are all limited to 56, aren't they?"
Later, a birds eye shot of the 3 lorries are seen entering Millbrook's High Speed Circuit, with dramatic music playing in the background.
S: "Half an hour later, the limiters have been deactivated."
Katsuki's truck goes first with his trailer completely put out, followed by Todoroki's then Midoryia's.
"I'm going to drive this ruined, ancient, burnt lorry around here faster then Her Majesty's government deem to be safe," says Bakugo as he prepares to accelerate.
Very soon, all three trucks line up next to each other, already at speed.
K: "The venue for this hairbrain test was the fearsome two-mile bowl."
Camera then shows the circuit in its entirety, the 3 lorries being tiny specks moving along.
K: "But Midoryia, in his Caterer, is relishing the challenge."
"Ah, this is my sports truck's territory!", Izuku exclaims as he pulls ahead of the others.
K: "However, my lightened convertible Magnum wasn't hanging around either."
Bakugo's Magnum speeds close behind, with bits of charred and burnt wreckage falling off the trailer as it speeds along.
"The 12L Magnum has splashed the 9L Scania, and splashed it enormously!", the blonde cried in excitement as he speeds past Todoroki's truck.
"I'm doing 60.", observed the green man before suddenly the Magnum overtook him.
"EAT MY MAGNUM!," cried out Bakugo, "YEAH!"
K: "Things were less exciting in Shoto's world."
The Scania is now left far behind by the more powerful trucks, all alone.
"59 and a half miles an hour.", said Shoto, barely any excitement in his voice.
K: "I was staggered at the speed of my Magnum..."
Katsuki races ahead, his face positively beaming with his mouth open towards the camera before looking ahead.
"I'm doing 70 miles an hour in a lorry!", he cried.
Camera zooms to show the Renault and the Erf are now neck in neck.
K: "But then, Midoryia found another gear."
Inside the Erf, Izuku shifts into a higher gear and promptly speeds up, pulling ahead of the Renault.
"YE-HAH!", he excitedly called out over the radio, "Oh, I'm on my way to 75 now!", he then bragged.
"So my lorry is, what's the word?", he asked to the Magnum now behind him in his rearview mirror.
"...It's faster, your GTI lorry is quick!", the blonde replied in surrender, and the greenette honked his horn in triumph.
*HONK HOOOONNNNNKKKKKK*
K: "We continued to pound round until eventually we hit our top speeds."
"80 MILES AN HOUR!", cried out Bakugo.
"64.6.", said Todoroki.
K: "Midoryia, though, is touching 90!"
"Yeah, thank you!", thanked Izuku as if an audience is cheering at him.
K: "But then we received instructions that we have to stop."
"Oh cock!", Todoroki exclaimed as he sees a producer holding an envelope on the side of the track.
K: "The cameramen retreated to a safe distance."
"Brake too gently, you won't pull up.", half warned, half instructed Katsuki to the other lorries, "Brake too hard, you'll lock up the trailer's rear wheels, you'll jackknife and roll."
"Well, I'd rather not do any of those.", Shoto commented back over the radio.
K: "In fact, Shoto discovered there is a terrifying third way of stopping a big lorry."
Todoroki starts to slow down his truck, but his brakes suddenly lock up, causing him to skid with smoke coming out and leaving skid marks, almost doing a jackknife.
"AHH!"
Now, camera cuts to a roadside public restroom, with Todoroki sitting in the only stall and his pants down. The floor is flooded with water/urine as the toilet overflowed.
"Was it really that frightening?", asked his pomeranian friend, leaning on a wall outside his stall.
"...yes.", he hesitantly answered.
"We got another challenge.", said the cinnamon roll, holding an envelope and letter, trying to bring up the candy cane's mood.
"I'm not interested.", the red-whitehead sullenly replied.
"No, you will be.", insisted Izuku, now reading out the letter, "It says "You now have to do a hill start. This is a test of driving precision."".
"It is Shoto, you've got to balance your handbrakes, your clutch, your throttles.", Katsuki points out while gesturing with his hands, "You love all that stuff!"
"Yeah, precision!", added the bush, "And it says "The winner will receive a year's supply of gentlemen's literature"!", he further convinces.
After a moment of silence, the sound of toilet flushing can be heard with Bakugo doing a double thumbs up in victory, and Todoroki comes out of the stall.
"We're back. We're back as a team!"
I: "The literature in question was all very exciting..."
Many huge and tall stacks of pornographic magazines as the prize is shown before transitioning to the Magnum and it's burnt trailer, parked in the middle of a steep gradient.
"...but the hill start was even better! Our trucks would be placed on a slope and then, to focus our minds, items close to our hearts would be placed behind them."
Several producers, each holding a rather expensive-looking piece of drum kit, walk towards the rear of the trailer, before placing them down.
I: "In Katsuki's case, we went for his beloved drum kit."
"Are you sacred?", asks Izuku to Katsuki as he walks to his lorry.
"On the drums, Katsuki...'s lorry!", taunts Shoto.
"Very much on the drums!"
"I'm very fond of my drum kit," murmured Bakugo fondly while the two men laugh behind his back.
"Drum roll...backwards down the hill!", Midoryia continues to poke the bear. Or in this case, the pomeranian.
Bakugo, having enough of the two, turns around, cups his mouth and shouts out:
"SHUT UP!"
He then enters his lorry and mentally prepares himself, "Mirror."
"I think he's taking it very seriously.", said Shoto.
"Come on.", whined Izuku, "Get on with it, Bakugo!", he ordered out.
K: "The fate of my drum kit rested on me being strong enough to engage the Renault's crawler gear."
Katsuki's now shown, struggling and lightly panting as he pulls up the gear lever.
Eventually he succeeds and starts his engine.
"This is it! The moment!", Midoryia said excitedly, he and Todoroki are looking forward to see the drum kit getting runned over.
As Bakugo depressed the accelerator, the truck moved forward and climbed up the gradient, leaving his drum kit intact, much to the other two men's disappointment.
"The one thing the Renault Magnum can to is a hill start!," Katsuki cried in relief, slapping his steering wheel.
I: "Now, we're not petty, but..."
The two men below, in order to satisfy themselves, proceeds to destroy the drum-kit anyway, kicking and knocking over the snares, toms and the cymbals.
"Drum roll, please!", announced Izuku as he grabs a cymbal still standing and slams it to the bass drum, knocking it over.
"He's just clipped it on the way back!", the bushman says as both men run back to their places before turning around and feigning sadness for Bakugo's drum kit.
"Ohh mate, so close!"
"I know you must have.."
Katsuki exited his truck, his mood furious as he points at his ruined drums, "It never moved an inch!"
"You smashed my drum kit up!", he yells as the other two men try and defend themselves, "YOU SMASHED MY DRUM KIT UP!"
K: "Never mind, Midoryia was next and I would strike down upon him with great vengeance and furious anger."
Midoryia's lorry then drives and parks up the hill while Bakugo and Todoroki are pushing something to put behind his lorry.
"I think he's going to be quite cross with us.", whispers Kacchan to Shoto, before a loud "NOOO!" is heard in the distance.
The camera zooms out to show the two men pushing Izuku's 1963 Opel Kadett.
"Have you seen what he's done to the number plate?", Katsuki asks, before the camera zooms out again to show the plate with the wording "T05H1" engraved on it.
"Oh for god's sake.", Todoroki exasperatedly voiced out.
"Personal plates. He's such a pikey."
"NO!", Izuku cries in anguish over his precious Kadett.
"Well, it was your dog or that!", reasoned Katsuki.
"Oh. Evil fuckers!", swore the cinnamon roll as he selects a gear.
I: "My lorry didn't have a crawler gear."
As Midoryia releases the brakes to try and get his truck to climb uphill, it slowly reverses to the Opal behind instead.
"Ooh!", Katsuki's mood brightening as the trailer inches closer to Toshi.
"Ahh!" Izuku cries in distress as his wheels spin in place with his lorry inching backwards again before braking.
Bakugo laughs at seeing his friend suffer emotionally, and to add insult to injury, he suggested: "Do you want to use it as a chock?!"
"NO!", the greenette cries in defeat, "I can't do it!"
"Do you want to give in?"
"Yes!"
"OK, he's giving in! Todoroki, it's your turn!"
The Scania then proceeds to park on the slope once more.
K: "Thanks to Shoto's extended lavatory break, it was now getting dark. But there was no way we're going to stop."
"We've been to Shoto's house and we relieved him of his prized grand piano.", says Katsuki as behind him, a forklift and 2 producers are lifting a massive piano.
"Are you joking?!", called out Todoroki in disbelief.
"No!"
K: "Sadly though, before the test even began, there was an issue.
As the two producers are leading the forklift to place down the piano, one of the legs suddenly gave away.
The 2 man-children laugh before Bakugo spreads his body to cover the piano.
"Don't film that, just don't film. Let's go film something here.", he points the camera away.
K: "What's more, our repair job wasn't perfect."
Two producers, each holding a large stack of the pornographic magazines, walk up and place the magazines down in order to level the piano.
"When he finds that his precious piano is propped up by a mountain of pornography," Katsuki whispers, "he's going to go ape."
"OK TODOROKI! Let it rock!", he calls out to start the challenge.
Todoroki then selects a gear and hits the throttle.
"He'll be very good at this, he likes this sort of thing.", commented Izuku as he and Katsuki look ahead, "See look, feeling the power."
However, the truck is now slipping backwards and failing to stop.
"Katsuki...", Midoryia calls out in alarm.
The trailer collided with the piano, knocking it over to its back, the piano resonating from the impact.
Shoto, while heard something crashing, remains unaware that he destroyed his own piano.
"Run.", suggests Bakugo before he begins to run away from the scene, laughing.
"Yes, run away.", his colleague follows suit, but not without calling out, "Keep the porn! You can have that!", while laughing alongside his friend.
I: "We'd hoped that would be the end of that, but no."
Scene fades to show the Hero Gear test track, with the 3 lorries arriving under a blue cloudy sky.
I: "The producers said we had to meet up at the Hero Gear test track the next day for one final challenge."
"It says "This is a test of speed, braking and toughness all in one."", Bakugo reads out the card in his hand, "You must accelerate up to 56 miles an hour, drive through an obstacle and then stop as quickly as possible. Whoever does that in the shortest amount of time will win a year's supply of pies."", he finishes reading.
"What do they mean by obstacles?", asks the shortest member.
.
.
"Doesn't say.", answers the tallest while showing the card.
.
.
.
.
"What sort of pies?", asks the middle member.
I: "We really don't know what sort of obstacles we'll be driving through, but we can see the windscreen were being heavily fortified with mesh, so it probably wouldn't be balloons."
The scene cuts to the 3 lorries in a garage with the producers fitting thin wire mesh frames onto the windscreens, before cutting to Midoryia, sitting in his Erf and wearing a safety helmet and neck braces, biting nervously on his gloved fingers.
I: "And so, with a sense of trepidation, I lined up on the start line and set off."
The Erf then starts to accelerate off the start line.
"30, 35," Izuku counts on his speedometer, "come on!"
"Bet Midoryia is pissing himself, but think of his book's sales. They're massive!", casually said Bakugo, unconcerned of his friend's wellbeing.
"Come on, build, build, build!"
"He hasn't got long to write it.", Todoroki pointed out.
The Erf, now accelerated up to speed of 56mph, is now rapidly approaching its target obstacle: a prefabricated office unit, with suspenseful music playing.
"Here we go. This might hurt.", says Izuku as he braced himself with the imminent crash.
*POW!*
The Erf crashes to the building, ploughing straight through and sending debris everywhere while knocking out the mini cameras fitted onto the truck and shattering its "reinforced" windscreen, though fortunately nothing came through. It travels forwards for a bit before braking and stopping to a halt while emergency personnel arrive.
I: "My truck had taken a wallop, but the distance covered was extremely short. This annoyed my colleagues."
Bakugo is now at the crash site, observing the damage.
"I don't think that's fair.", he said as he turns around with an annoyed expression.
"What?", Todoroki asked off-screen.
"Well, he had a huge structure that would have slowed him down, so therefore his stopping distance would have been less."
"So if my obstacle is very solid, I'll just stop."
"Exactly. And you'll win. Well, you'll be killed, but you'll win!"
The two men then walk up to Izuku in his truck.
"It hardly slowed me.", Izuku claimed.
"Rubbish!", Katsuki denied.
"I needed.."
"Rubbish, you were barely moving coming out of the other side of that.", exaggerates Katsuki, before the scene changes again to show the Scania now accelerating on the tarmac.
S: "Hoping for a more solid impact then Midoryia's, I began to roll."
"Oh my lord.", said Izuku as both he and Katsuki viewed from the side, "I'm glad I'm not in his lorry now."
"Here it comes!", says Todoroki as he approaches his obstacle: a huge stack full of water coolers propped up by a wooden frame.
"Bracing, bracing!"
*POW!*
Todoroki then crashes into the coolers with a heavier impact, spraying water and containers everywhere with the two other men grimacing before the Scania slows down and emergency personnel attend to the driver.
S: "After the crash, my friends are deeply concerned."
(Un)fortunately, his friends were anything but concerned.
"He's woken up stuck in a lorry cab with five firemen.", said Midoriya to Bakugo before they both burst into laughter.
S: "Sadly, my lorry had travelled 40 yards further than the Erf, even though I've taken out 600 office water coolers."
"So there you go, if you were going to have a meeting in an office somewhere, I'm sorry, I just spoiled it for you.", apologised Todoroki to the camera.
Finally, Katsuki's Magnum is shown at the start line.
"Here we go. ", he said, now accelerating.
K: "So now, only the mighty Magnum could beat Midoriya."
"This isn't fair.", voiced out the greenette, "That'll slow him down much better them my stupid building.", he stated.
As the Magnum picks up speed, Bakugo looks ahead and gasps as he's surprised to see his obstacle: a solid brick wall.
"Have we had lunch?", commented Izuku offhandedly.
"My foot's hard down there!", called out the Ash blond, as he braced for impact.
"Here we go!"
*BOOOOOM!*
The Renault hits the brick wall violently with a loud crash while emphasizing it by showing different camera angles, throwing bricks everywhere and whipping Katsuki's head around just as violently as he clutches his helmet and cries out in pain, debris getting into the cab as he slows the truck down, face contorting as he breathed through his teeth.
K: "The impact was a bit nasty, but before seeking medical attention, there was some arguing to be done."
"You may have beaten me there, and if you did that's just because you had a better obstacle than I had.", stated Midoriya as Bakugo gets out and looks at his lorry's damage.
"Rubbish.", denied Bakugo once more and walking towards the shrub head.
"You had a brick wall, I had wooden walls."
"Somebody start measuring it."
"Measure it. Let's measure it.", Todoroki calms down the other two.
"I tell you-I promise you... ", Katsuki starts saying, before he succumbed to the pain in his neck and walks away, "Ow, this actually really hurts."
Screen fades to black and back in as all three men are in the studio with their lorries behind, with a scoreboard beside them and audience cheering.
"See, how many lorries are trashed on that Strictly Come Dancing thing?", asked Shoto before answering with a "None."
"Now, we should explain, the impact that I had was pretty severe.", Katsuki explained to the audience, "My ankle burst where the clutch pedal went through it, my head was dislodged from my spine. ", he gestures to his head, "And really, we went with a Top Gear Top Tip."
"If you are a lorryist and you're going to have an accident and there's a choice of something to hit, avoid anything with bricks in it."
"Yeah, always swerve and go for the pile of mineral water.", Shoto added in.
"Yes, that's a safer bet."
"Anyway, we have done a scoreboard.", Todoroki points at the board with a marker, "It's hopeless to be honest, and massively complicated, BUT the upshot of it is this...
I got 60 points.", he writes down 60.
"Midoriya, you got minus 25."
"And Katsuki, you got..."
"A gear lever in his bottom!", quipped Midoriya, with the audience laughing and Bakugo looking away smiling embarrassingly.
"A gear lever in his bottom and minus 3,560."
The audience laugh again at this score.
"Why did I get that?" , Katsuki asks why.
"You just did.", Shoto simply explained, smiling smugly and the audience laugh once more.
"Whatever.", Bakugo waves off, "We have proved... we have proved that the Scania P94D is the best truck in Britain today."
"And next week we have more lorries on, in fact, because we've been to America to test out some muscle cars.", he continues, "So we'll see you then, unless of course you're watching the sequinned has-beens on the other side.", he finishes in a lower voice before breaking out to a grin and raising his arm.
"Take care, good night!"
*Insert Jessica*