44. - - Dirty Nails
Rain.
Rain again, cold, torturing rain whose drops she felt as if the million needles were pricking her bare skin - pricks that hurt as much as his comments - rain whose smell was so - strong she dreamed it - heavy in the air that she could almost identify it with the smell of death.
Rain.
And coldness - those two always came together in tow, because you could walk in the rain on a nice summers day when all was warm and soft and sacred - just not you ... but if you were the one that called the rain to come - then it came, happy she had someone to fall for, to cry instead of someone else who already poured out all their tears in the dark nights - because she can't cry at day anymore and not in front of him - in the deepness of her soul, in the darkest corner of her room - she hated him.
Usagi suddenly loved the rain.
She felt exhausted to the last borders of her strength, that little bundles of energy she had reserved were barely swimming through her blood - loneliness swam in her blood and the sorrow only encouraged her. Tired to the bones she lowered her eyes to her lap seeing her skirt ripped and dirty.
She was dirty, from head to toes. Everything was so dirty.
Until it rained and the dirtiness was slowly washed away in the falls of water from the sky, creating muddy little creeks that went sliding down her legs and arms, even face. With her eyes closed now, Usagi rose her head, her hair heavy with water dragging it even more down but she didn't care because - everything was heavy... She let the rain wash her face, to clean her - maybe make her pure again, she wasn't even sure herself what was what and why.
Flash of light broke her out of her stupor and she opened her blue eyes in haste, that old fear of - of running, of refusal, of .. him - of thunder slowly creeping up and back into the very core of her being. She raised her hands in a try to hug herself, to feel just a bit protected and her nails caught her vision.
The rain washed away the mud, the grass, all the little scratches, but the soil underneath her fingernails remained. She remained - he stayed. Her hands almost as clean as the sun, and her nails dirty as hell itself.
With a smile so lost Usagi waved her arms around her small figure and got up to head home.
In truth, she hated the rain with passion, she hated Mamoru even more, she hated all the love she felt for him - and she loved him in the same time.