50,000 Volts in 5 Seconds
Summary: Booth plays a practical joke at the lab involving, you guessed it, something that emits 50,000 volts of electricity.
A/N: This is the first Bones fanfic I've posted and the first fic I've ever posted on this site. It's just a goofy little one-shot idea I got from my dad. He's a cop and yes, they have to get maced and tased once a year. And yeah, there is a picture of this. Please review if you can. It lets me know that my posting is not in vain. Much love! pagan-seijou
-B-
Dr. Temperance Brennan was sitting at her computer in her office. Her FBI partner, Special Agent Seeley Booth, sauntered in. She didn't even look up as she said, "I don't have time for a new case."
"It's not a case, Bones. It's field training."
"Field training?" She perked up.
"Yeah. And a practical joke."
"Practical joke?"
"Like playing a trick on someone."
"Oh. That's not funny."
"So, are you in?"
"Not until I know what I'm agreeing to."
"You've definitely earned your PhD," he snarked. She resisted the urge to throw a paperweight at him and simply glared at him. "Okay, okay. Sorry. But I really want to play a practical joke on Zack and Hodgins."
"For pitting us against each other?"
"Yes."
Brennan smiled. "What kind of practical joke?"
"I haven't figured that out yet, but I know it'll involve a taser!"
"Okay," Brennan said firmly. Booth looked at her and braced himself for a lot of yelling. "Why don't I at least get one of those?"
Her reply was laughter. "Oh, Bones." He wandered out of the lab.
"No, really. I want one of those!"
"Come with me to the training grounds. I'll show you what I got to do this morning."
-B-
Brennan stared in shock, yes that was the only word she could think of, as one agent after another voluntarily got tased. "What is wrong with these people?" she whispered.
"It's called training, Bones."
"Training? Booth, they're stepping in front of that thing. And having fun with it!" She looked back over the training grounds. "Although I do understand the anthropological need for one male to outdo another... this is... I can't... fathom this."
"It's a competition, Bones. To see who gets tased the longest! So far, I'm the man to beat!"
"You?"
"Yes, me. Have you no faith in me, Bones?"
"How long?" she asked, changing the subject.
"Seven seconds."
"And you didn't lose control of your bodily functions? Good for you."
"Did you just make a joke?"
"Maybe?"
"Oh my god. Get me one of those tasers. We need to restart your brain."
"If you get that thing near me, you'll be in a world of hurt, Seeley Booth."
"Ooh!" the eight guys within earshot chorused. Booth and Brennan both rolled their eyes.
"Anyway," Brennan said. "How does this involve the lab?"
"It doesn't. Just Zack and Hodgins. And maybe Angela."
"Huh?"
"You haven't noticed that they eavesdrop on our conversations?"
"I did." Booth let a look of surprise cross over his face.
"And they moved those bones last night and blamed it on me."
"We wouldn't know if Angela hadn't told us."
"You'd be screaming across the lab for your bones by now."
She glared at him but continued on. "They must have forgotten that you wouldn't know how to put them away properly. They put the bones away in order. Upside down, but in order. You wouldn't be that stupid."
"Gee, thanks, Bones."
"They set themselves up to fail."
"Well, I'm getting tired of them. It's annoying. Even Angela is annoyed with them, Bones." He gave her an exasperated look.
"Yes, and when Ange gets annoyed with something involving us, it does not bode well. So, what do you suggest?" She smirked.
"Well, it goes like this..."
-B-
They walked back into the lab arguing, as usual. This time it was loud. They didn't seem to notice their little entourage as they stalked after each other to Brennan's office. "Dammit, Booth, I told you not to mess with the remains!" Everyone gasped. The federal agent had committed medico-legal lab sacrilege.
"I just moved them, Bones," he pleaded after her.
"And don't call me Bones!" Her yell echoed throughout the lab. Even Dr. Goodman looked up from his paperwork to give their general direction a sigh.
"I'll keep calling you Bones if I want," he shot back.
"And you don't just move remains! I was working on those bones!"
"No, you were asleep on the slab next to those bones!" They stomped into her office. "Forgive me for caring enough about you to pack up your work and take you home!"
"You shouldn't have cared!"
"Fine! Next time, I won't! You're more at home with the dead than me, anyway!" She gave him a look, and he just realized that he had let that juicy little tidbit slip loud enough to garner the interest of this half of the building.
"Well, then, if that's how you feel...!"
Zack and Hodgins, who were conducting a little social experiment, had been the ones to move the aforementioned bones. They wanted to see just how far they could push the pair. They also had money on the line. Angela had torn them each a new one upon learning their plan. They had no idea that they were being played, too.
Angela came skittering up to the office door. "You two are doing great," she hissed. Then she said louder, "Calm down, you two! There's no need to fight!"
"Stay out of it!" Booth and Brennan yelled at her. She backed out of the office, after winking at them to let them know that Zack and Hodgins were sneaking their way down the hall, and doing a bad job of it.
"Fine," Angela said, walking away.
The two nerds were just outside Brennan's office door when they heard sounds of a slight scuffle. "Bones! Tempe, how'd you get that...?" Then they heard Booth's equivalent to yelling in pain.
"No!" Hodgins yelled.
"Wait!" Zack added. "It was us!"
The two squints dashed into Brennan's office, only to be grabbed by Booth, who had two lead wires of a taser stuck in his abdomen. They felt 50,000 volts of electricity go through them. "Take that," Brennan said. Angela ran into the office with a camera and snapped a picture of the three men getting tased. Then Brennan turned the thing off.
"Got it," Angela said with a grin.
"Woo hoo!" Booth grinned. "Eight seconds!"
"Think they've learned their lesson?" Booth asked.
"I hope they did. Or I'm gonna use this again!" She held up the taser.
"Gah!" Hodgins picked Zack up off the floor.
"Dr. Brennan...!" Zack was terrified, and vowed to never, ever eavesdrop on their conversations or conspire against them again.
The two underhanded squints bolted from the office of their head forensic anthropologist. Dr. Goodman sauntered down the hall. They barreled past him. He walked to Brennan's office. "However did you get them to behave and stop plotting against you?"
"50,000 volts," Booth said.
"In... five seconds," Brennan added with a smile.
-B-
Hope y'all liked it! pagan-seijou