Eventually...

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Chapter Sixteen: Just some dead, big thing

The dead, big thing eructated again and started to rouse. Link was getting worried now, although he was trying not to show it. As explained before, the dead, big thing was not actually dead.

When it had fully awoken it stood up, revealing its full height of about ten feet and its genitalia. It looked similar to a black tortoise with a spiny flattened shell. There were however some differences, the most obvious being the size. Also in place of forelegs it had two long arms with three nasty looking claws on each hand. It also had a scorpionic tail with a crustaceous claw on the end. From Samus' scans, this was its vulnerable area.

The creature had not seen them so Link decided to make this permanent. He got out his bow and fired an arrow into each of the creature's eyes.

"Good idea, Connection" derided Samus, "I'm sure he'll just carry on as if nothing had happened."

What struck her as odd after saying that was that the creature actually didn't seem to notice to two arrows pronging its eyes.

Having survived one really stupid idea, Link tried another. He removed his sword, crept up unnecessarily to the creature and castrated it.

Again, the creature appeared to feel no pain.

"Just out of interest, it that knife of yours strong enough to remove this things tail?" asked Samus.

It was.

The tail fell onto the floor and crumbled into ash.

"How about the head?"

Link swiped at the head. Just as the sword was about to make contact with flesh, the creature lifted its arm and swiped back. Link only just managed to raise his shield in defence as he was hit by the arm. He hit the ground at approximately the same speed he would hit the ground if he had jumped from the top of a two storey house from early 21st century Earth.

"Ok, bad idea!" shouted Samus.

With Link lying on the floor, the creature advanced. It raised its right paw and went to slam it straight down through Link.

Link was unconscious on the floor. Suddenly and inexplicably, time once again decided to go extremely slowly, allowing for more description and increased reaction times.

The paw was about two metres from Link.

For about ten relative seconds (1.5m of paw movement, ¼ actual seconds) Samus did nothing. If she was going to do something, she had 3.33 relative seconds to do it in. Used to the pressures of a race against time, Samus let another three of these pass by.

The paw was almost touching Link as Samus activated her grapple beam and switched to zero-point energy mode. She pulled Link out from under the creature and its paw slammed into the ground.

The beast turned round to look at Samus. Samus noticed that it also had a third concealed eye which was now open. It recognised her as the bigger threat and focused all its energy on defeating her. However, the beast was weak; with only one eye it had no sense of distance. It was also bleeding where its tail once was.

Then all of a sudden, the creature grew another tail in place of its old one. Samus charged up an ice beam shot and froze the creature in order to consider her options for a few seconds. The tail had grown back. This was also its weakest area. Therefore, the tail must be protecting something.

She decided that the best course of action was to remove the tail and plant a power bomb or two. She tried to pick up Link's Master Sword, with which she planned to slice the tail off the beast, but found it too heavy to pick up and found that zero-point energy had no effect on it. She would have to wake up Link. The creature broke out of its ice coating.

It ran towards her, like a lion chasing a metaphor as if it were a gazelle or something. It pounced. Samus rolled into her morph ball and dodged it, causing it to hit the wall and flash red, which in Samus' experience meant that it was in pain. After years of bounty hunting, she still did not understand why every single creature she fought had evolved to do that.

Samus noticed that her suit had put a health bar for the creature near the top of her visor. She noted that when the beast hit the wall it lost about 1/3 of its health. Samus still did not understand how her suit could predict how many hits that really big creatures could take worked either.

She fired another ice beam at it so that she could think of a plan for awaking Link, but the creature hit the beam with its tail, causing the beam to bounce off and hit the ceiling above Link. Samus fired a plasma beam near the huge puddle of ice on the ceiling, the heat of which melted it and drenched Link, awakening him.

"What was that for bitch?" shouted Link, who suddenly saw the beast turn round and act as if Link was a metaphor as mentioned before. Link jumped to the right and the creature jumped past him. He turned round and saw that the tail had mysteriously grown back. Instinctively he sliced it off to the sound of a loud shriek of pain. Link removed one of the λ45s that Samus gave him from his bottomless pocket and pressed a button. He then threw it into the hole where the tail of the beast once was, just before a new tail grew over it, implanting the explosive.

"What the hell d'you do that for?" shouted Samus.

"You said they were like my bombs, so I thought that an explosion from within it would kill it."

Just as Link said those words the creature exploded, creating a large crater in the surprisingly thick floor and sending the two flying across the room.

"That is why the plan was to use my bomb." said Samus.

"I got to get me some more of those." said Link.

"Doors unlocked." said a voice played through hidden speakers in the room.

"Why is it always the same woman?" asked Samus while wiping intestine off of her suit.

The door, that was once grey, started to glow blue. Samus fired a power beam at it to open it and they entered the next room. This is the point where the narrator gets locked in the room the two left and calls the next narrator, who is waiting in the next room, to start narrating.