The Winner Takes it All
I was listening to some Abba this morning (yes, I'm old enough to enjoy it) and this song came on. Now I know it could be used for many different characters in BSG (and probably many other shows) but for some reason I envisioned Dee being the one at the centre of this story. So I decided to write one from her point of view. Please bear with me, even if you don't like Lee/Dee - she IS a person too, and likely one who will end up getting hurt, given the situation between them. I just wanted to show that she has feelings too, and to show Lee from her perspective instead of the 'godlike' one he's usually written as.
oooooooooooooooo
I don't wanna talk about the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me, now it's history
I've played all my cards and that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say, no more ace to play
oooooooooooooooo
"I'm leaving Galactica, not you," Lee said, pulling her close and kissing her deeply.
"I certainly hope so, We've only just begun - I'd hate to think it's ending already," she murmured, kissing him back. She stood in his arms, basking in the warmth and strength of his god-like body, knowing she'd made the right decision. This was the man for her - the one who would be her protector, her champion, her knight in shining armour. All the things Billy couldn't be to her. He'd been sweet, but she'd known right from the beginning that their relationship wasn't the stuff that forever was made of. She needed more of a ... man than Billy was. So she'd turned to Lee. He was the talk of both ships - a virile, strong man, a leader among the military. Someone any woman would have given her eyeteeth to be with. And he'd chosen her - Dee, Anastasia Dualla. A virtual nobody among the crew.
"I'll come back to visit as often as I can." Lee leaned down and kissed her forehead. "But I can't promise anything."
"As long as you promise to love me, that's all I need," she said, smiling sweetly at him. He smiled back but didn't answer.
ooooooooooooooooo
The winner takes it all, the loser standing small
Beside the victory, that's her destiny
oooooooooooooooo
She saw them standing together - close together - beside her Viper. They were talking and laughing as if nothing had ever been wrong between them. How could that be though? She was the one who hurt people - used them and tossed them aside. She'd even shot him, and then had had the gall not to come and visit to apologize. Dee knew - she'd been at Lee's bedside almost every moment and Starbuck had never shown up. Not once.
How could Lee forgive her? How could he still be friends with her? She knew that if Billy had lived, he would never have spoken to her again. Her betrayal would have been the one thing he couldn't take. Maybe it was better that he didn't have to.
She put her hand on his arm, standing even closer - flirting with him for the gods sake! How dare she! Did she not know that Lee Adama was hers now? They'd been caught in bed enough times for the rumours to be circulating both ships - she HAD to know that Lee was with her now and out of bounds as another notch in Starbuck's belt. Anger rose in her. She was generally very even-tempered, but there were some things no one could take without seeing red.
Lee pulled himself away and came over to her, taking her in his arms and kissing her, as if to prove to Starbuck that he was hers. Dee smiled into his mouth. Mine, she thought, as she pulled him harder towards her, hoping that Starbuck was watching. He's mine now - out of reach for you. You're just too late.
oooooooooooooooo
I was in your arms thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense, building me a fence
Building me a home thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool playing by the rules
oooooooooooooooo
The gods be damned! She'd prayed to them every night, thanking them for sending her such a wonderful man as Lee Adama. Well, now that was all blown to hell and back. She was never going to speak to them again - not as long as she lived. Those gods that demanded worship and prayers and yet gave nothing useful back.
She'd seen them together, on the flight deck the night before. Lee had come to Galactica to meet with his father, and had said he didn't think he'd have time to be with her. That was okay, she was used to being second to the Admiral. She didn't mind - he was family after all, and she was glad that Lee and his old man had patched things up, the way she'd never been able to do with her father. And now never would since he was nothing but ashes back home.
Lee and Starbuck. They'd been walking and talking, seemingly just friends, but Dee had fortunately gotten someone to cover the end of her shift and had gone to seek him out, in the hopes they could have a few minutes together before he'd had to go. But she'd found them together, acting as though they were just friends, until Lee had suddenly pulled her close against his body and began to kiss her passionately. The room, huge though it was, had seemed to heat up at least ten degrees as their bodies fused and their hands roamed, even unzipping flight suits and exploring each other.
She felt dead inside. She'd put all her hopes and trust in him. She'd given him her heart. And he'd just stepped all over it, and didn't even seem to care. She turned away, tears spilling down her cheeks and returned to her quarters, hoping she'd never have to see him again.
oooooooooooooooooo
The gods may throw a dice, their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here loses someone dear
The winner takes it all, the loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
why should I complain?
ooooooooooooooooo
Why me? Why does it have to be me? Why couldn't he just love me the way I love him?
She was going crazy - found it almost impossible to concentrate anytime, especially when she was working. Thoughts of him kept swirling around in her brain, wondering where things had gone wrong, why it was over between them, and how it had happened without her even noticing.
Now he was coming here - she'd taken the transmission herself. He'd sounded enthusiastic about seeing her, even asking if she had some free time. Bastard. She'd lied and said she was glad to see him and would love to spend some time together once he was free. He obviously thought she didn't know. Probably thought nobody knew about him and Starbuck. It wasn't like the rumours about them hadn't circulated months ago when he'd first come aboard, but nothing had ever come of it and people had given up, assuming they were just friends. Well, friends with benefits obviously, as the old saying on her homeworld had been. She'd thought it crude back then but now she was beginning to understand.
"Dee, it's been too long, hasn't it?" Lee moved towards her, holding out his arms for a hug.
She walked up close to him but didn't melt into them like she usually did. Instead she stared at him for a few seconds, then raised her hand and slapped him hard across the face.
"What the hell was that for?" Lee demanded angrily.
"Starbuck."
ooooooooooooooooooo
But tell me, does she kiss like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same when she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside you must know I miss you
But what can I say, rules must be obeyed
ooooooooooooooooooo
"Oh."
"Yes. 'Oh'," she repeated nastily. "I saw you two together the last time you were here. How could you do this to me? To us? I thought I meant something to you?"
"You do," he began but she interrupted him.
"Like hell! When you care about someone you don't do things to hurt them."
Lee flushed, unable to think of the right words to say. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
"You never meant to hurt me? That's a good one! Have you been frakking her this whole time we were together? Huh? Because it wouldn't surprise me at all to learn that I'm just 'the other woman' here." Her voice shook with anger and a few tears escaped down her cheeks.
"There's just something between me and Kara ... I can't even begin to explain it ..." he tried, stammering slightly as he worked to find a way to make her understand.
"No, and no one else can explain it either, so don't even bother trying! You two are a real pair, you know that? Did I even mean anything at all to you? Did you actually enjoy it when we kissed and made love? You said you did, but were you just lying to me then too?" she demanded.
"I never lied to you ..." Lee began.
Dee just laughed scornfully. "Not in words."
oooooooooooooooooooo
The judges will decide, the likes of me abide
Spectators of the show always staying low
The game is on again, a lover or a friend
A big thing or a small, the winner takes it all
ooooooooooooooooooo
It's so unfair, she thought. Now that Lee and Starbuck are together, everyone's happy. Why is it a mean, foul-mouthed slut is good enough for him but I'm not? When he and I were together, people gave us weird looks, like there was something wrong with him. Now he's with her, and the world is right again. I'll never understand. Never.
And she steeled her heart, deciding she would never love anyone again. All it did was lead to pain. Billy had loved her and she'd hurt him. She'd loved Lee and he'd hurt her. Maybe there was some sense of fairness in that, but she certainly couldn't see it. All she knew was that she'd finally found the man of her dreams and he'd turned out to be a nightmare. With her anyway. Alone he was sweet and caring, but with Starbuck he became a totally different person. One she hardly knew, and didn't really want to know either.
It was unfair how Starbuck always seemed to win. The woman was the most insubordinate, dirty, disgusting person on the ship, and yet she was revered like she was a god. Not a goddess - that would imply femininity, and Starbuck was nowhere near feminine. What the hell did Lee see in her anyway? Was she a good frak? Was that all there was between them? Because Dee certainly couldn't see that there was anything else, and given Starbuck's reputation as a wildcat in bed, maybe that was the only thing that bound her and Lee together.
No matter, Dee had lost him now, and there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't fight Starbuck even if she'd wanted to. She didn't though - Lee obviously wasn't worth fighting for.
ooooooooooooooooooo
I don't wanna talk if it makes you feel sad
And I understand you've come to shake my hand
I apologize if it makes you feel bad
Seeing my so tense, no self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
ooooooooooooooooooo
The End