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Ah, yes. Got that over with eh?! Heh heh heh!
Can't read Norwegian? Good. Neither can I!
Okay. Now. Story time!
Oh crap...dedications!
Okay; Wraithlord, michelle, and all the other kiddies who like it!
Now! Story time!
*bloodthirsty audience* STORY! STORY! STORY!
Okay okay! Jeez!
*sigh*
*Birdie mutters* There are other slave drivers beside Visser Three...
Okay! On with the story!
Aaaaaand...
Chapter...whatever # this is now...9? no...10. Oh! Okay!
L'Aini's POV
I stared, uncomprehending at the andalite who had just spoken, or tried to show us throught thoughtspeak, the conversation he had had between himself and this bizarre creature. This Ellimist.
I had heard of Ellimists in my youth. My childhood, to be precise. Mother would tell us on windy nights as we sat in our scoop, close together, of the tricks of the Ellimist or Ellimists. How many there were was unknown. And I would get delicious jittery shivers, thinking of the Ellimist(s) as I drifted off to sleep, snug and safe, surrounded by my siblings.
I smiled at these precious memories of a time when I didn't understand the universe. When I believed in things more. When stories made more sense that written history and fact did.
I was snapped out of my reverie by Marco's voice.
"So you...you...chose this?"
Aximili nodded slowly, his eyes looking full of pain. (Yes. Of course.)
(Why?) Tobias said.
Aximili put his hands to his ears and seemed to shake almost convulsively for a second. His hands slipped up on top of his head, fingers in his fur, almost pulling at it, as if to rip it out.
(It seemed like the best choice!) He sobbed with a desparate cry of inner agony. Marco went forward and helped him up onto his hooves, as he fell to his knees.
I felt awful deep inside. That I had ever accused this poor, wretched, accursed creature of insanity. The only one who was insane, was me.
He didn't need medicine. There was no treatment for what he had.
But I felt the very verge of insanity in him. He was on the very brink of it. Dangerously close.
I turned to Tobias. (He needs something.) I said softly.
(What?) He snapped. (More medicine?! Drugs?! Don't you see?! You still don't believe him?! Didn't you see the prune looking guy!!!) He raged at me.
(No!) I hissed back. (That's not what I meant! That's not what I was going to say!)
(Oh...) He blushed and looked down. (I...I'm sorry.)
(Yes.)
(You...you didn't exactly come peacefully aboard this ship, you know!) He said, looking a little annoyed.
(Well...I...) I looked down at my hooves. (No. You're...) I sighed. (You're right. Perhaps I was...)
He looked sadly at me. (What were you going to say?)
I sighed, blushed a little, feeling foolish. (I...love...companionship, friendship, support.)
He looked thoughtful. He looked over at Aximili, as though pondering him. Aximili was now in human morph again, enjoying another cinnamon bun. He looked rather relaxed and peaceful now.
What awful things did the One say for Aximili to look so relieved to be rid of him for two hours only?
Or was it the prospect of living forever that frightened Aximili?
I sighed, feeling weary all of a sudden. I needed to go home, and cuddle my daughter, and sleep. Maybe talk to a friend via thought-screen. I rubbed my forehead with one hand.
I noticed Tobias smiling at me. (Tired?)
I laughed a little. (Yes. Very.)
(Life.)
(No. Not normal life, no. Something that happened...not too long ago. To me, anyway.)
(Care to talk about it?)
I smiled. Then felt it disappear. I breathed deeply. (No.)
He nodded. (Okay. Cool.) Then he turned to me.
(I know exactly what would make Ax's life way, way better right now. Maybe, anyway. If we do this right.)
I smiled. (We?)
He laughed. (Yes. I need your help.)
I turned toward him more. (Why me?)
He shrugged his shoulders. A strange gesture I had never seen an andalite do before. (I don't know. You're a doctor, aren't you? You're supposed to help him. So do your job.)
I smiled. Bobbed my eyestalks. (Alright. So what is it you're planning on doing?)
(It involves somebody he knew quite a while ago. A certain...smart aleck...)
My curiousity was picqued. (A female?)
He grinned. (Yep.)
(And you want me to...)
(Help me find her?) He looked imploringly at me. His hands came together in a gesture of plea.
I sighed. (Alright. But why can't someone else help you find her?)
He shrugged. (I have no idea where to even start looking! You're an andalite! Besides, I want to surprise him!) He rubbed his hands together and grinned.
I smiled. There was something oddly consoling about this scruffy young, certainly unorthodox, if at all, andalite. He demorphed to his bird form, and even there, he looked quite pleased with himself and his idea. I had never met a bird capable of emitting such a vibe of smugness and I tried desparately not to giggle.
(Hey! What's so funny?)
I shook my head, hopelessly laughing now. (Oh, me! Nothing!) I turned to leave.
(Hey! Where are you going?!)
(Home!) I said.
He looked for a moment like he wanted to ask if he could come along. I giggled in my head at the idea. And at what my answer to this odd little bird would be...
He looked down. (You'll come back?)
(Yes...) I said, and turned and left.
As I was leaving out the ship's door, Menderash stood in front of me. He grinned suddenly, and I felt my face with my hand where Aximili had left the bruise. Or...the One, anyway. This would take some getting used to!
He pointed and said. (HA!). Though my glare soon changed his smug look to a look of worry.
I knocked him out of my way.
He rolled rather nicely down the ramp and onto the grass. I glared imperiously down at him, and when I felt that I had sufficiently stared him into the dirt with his shame of his own actions, I trotted on towards home.
***
I was glad to get home again. My daughter was there, waiting for me with Giugin. I got there around midday, feeding as I ran. The two were sitting talking and giggling about something. Yani looked up and smiled at me.
"Mother! You're back early today!" She trotted up to me and I embraced her little form.
"So are you!" I said, genuinely surprised. Her little friend left a while later.
I sat thinking, exhausted. Yani came over and sat by me. I wrapped my arms around her little torso and pulled her close.
"How was your little visit?" I asked.
"Fun." She replied. "Mother! I just heard from Giugin that her family is going to the South Coast in a few weeks, and she told me I could come too! Can I please go?!"
I sighed. The idea of her going off leaving me alone...But it wasn't fiar of me. She needed to have fun. I smiled. "Of course love." I said.
She grinned. "Wheee! Thank you Mathi!"
"I love you." I said. "Be careful."
"I love you too."
"You'll have to thought-screen me every night you're there, and tell all about what you're doing!"
She smiled. "Yes Mathi."
I sat cuddling my daughter, and she leaned into me. The heat of the day and the cool shade of the scoop began to lull me to sleep.
"Mathi." She said the Old-Andalite slang for 'mother' affectionately.
"Daughti." I replied, and stroked the fur along the top of her head. I smiled at her sweet little face. She had so much of her father's spunk!
My eyes moved over to the holographic little statues of my husband, Kascherm; and my little Anukili, my five year old son.
I thought of how silent the scoop was now that they were gone!
Usually Kascherm woudl be asking me where something was, and Anukili would be arguing about something with Yani and they would ask 'Fathi' who was right and he would say 'ask your mother' and as they swarmed around me and I glared at him, he would chuckle and go back to his work.
My hearts ached for him now. My body ached for his next to mine at night. My arms longed to hold my little son.
But they were gone now.
And gone forever.
My mind thought back to that first, awful night I slept alone.
When my husband's childhood shorm, Prince Hanike, and his War Prince Zamishar came to tell me.
I had been lying out near the opening of our little scoop, with Yani by my side.
We had been watching the stars.
"Where is the Hork Bajir Home world, Mathi?"
I had smiled. "Billions of light years from here."
"Oh!" She said in awe. "That far?!"
"Yes."
"Why is Fathi so far?"
"The Hork Bajir need Fathi's help."
"Do the Hork Bajir need Anukili too?"
"No. Fathi does." Perhaps there was a tone of anger in my voice. I had never really gotten over Kascherm taking Anukili with him to that planet, but he begged me so that I finally gave in.
Besides, I couldn't stand the thought of my Kascherm all alone on that slug infested planet. I didn't care if the war was over on Earth. I didn't care if the Andalites had won back the Hork Bajir Home world. There was still danger.
But he still took our little son with him.
(Besides,) He had said. (This will be more educational for him than school!)
(No it will not!) I had said.
(It'll train him to be a great warrior!)
I had snuggled my little one and said. (He will NOT be a warrior! He will never have to be! He'll be a great scientist!)
(Ha!)
Anukili had been so excited. He was going to travel on a ship with his father to a whole other planet!
I simply had to protest when Kascherm gave him that toy Shredder that could actually stun people and knock them out unconscious for five whole minutes, but I ended up giving in on that too when they both gave me pleading expressions and Anukili looked about to cry when I said (NO KASCHERM! ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY OUT OF YOUR MIND?!)
Kascherm had his own ship, the 'Star Hoober'. It was a small ship. Kascherm had gone to the Hork Bajir Home world to study the tree growth. The Yeerks had obliterated many trees; nearly ruined whole forest lands. Now that the war was almost over, and the Hork Bajir home world had been liberated, Cassie the human had been speaking with Earth's American president, and the Andalite Military officials guarding the Home world to see about transporting the free Hork Bajir of the free colony, back to their own home world again. They were also setting up a program whereby freed, surviving Hork Bajir could be guaranteed free, safe passage to their home world.
Kascherm had been excited to receive this assignment. He was already a Prince and had fought in near twenty battles during the war, some of which had been directly physical and upfront (as in tailfighting was needed!) And he had survived them all. Now that his infantry years were over, he specialized in botany and biology, and he had been selected from about thirty other officers for this job.
He was to go and study for 10 Andalite months and observe the tree growth, to see if the forest lands and rightful homes of the Hork Bajir could be restored to what they once were.
Teams occassionally went out to see Kascherm and Anukili. But mostly it was just them, and an older Andalite, Dr. Esliers-Alune-Zepshut, a biologist. They often had the whole compound to themselves; just the three of them! I had often taken Yani and gone to see him. It was so beautiful there. The compound was amongst these tall, proud, massive trees. Chadoo scampered about in them. It was wonderful to see that the planet was still alive.
Whenever I saw my little son, my hearts ached for my little family to be back together again.
"Just six more months." He had said, gently. "Just six more months my Ainisha (his affectionate nickname for me.) "We will be together soon, my love."
I trusted in him. I wanted so much to believe him. But I was so scared. So scared for my little baby...and my big baby, all alone and far away on that planet with only a silly old codger for company.
Hanike came, that fateful night. And War-Prince Zamishar.
I sat up as I saw him approaching. I blushed and stood, embarrassed that he should catch me on my back with my belly and four legs in the air. Yani stayed where she was. "Hullo Prince Hanike!" She called. I froze. He only stared sadly at little Yani, who lay trying to count the stars again. He looked at me and seemed unable to speak. I only looked at him, at his eyes, frozen with fear.
Something was wrong...with Kascherm.
Or was it my baby son?!
Oh no...Prince Zamishar was here too!
(W-War Prince Zamishar.) I spoke softly and bobbed my eyestalks.
(It's...it's really...) He seemed to shock. (It's really quite alright m'dear, really. You can...) Again, he was faltering! (You can just call me Zamishar...)
(What?! What is it?!) I cried out desparately.
(I ah,) Hanike sighed, shuddering, breathing deeply. ( I must tell you something L'Aini.)
(What?! Is is Kascherm? Anukili?!)
He said (Yes.) Weakly.
(Both!) I said, feeling shock. (Are they injured?! Oh! Where are they? I've got to go to them!)
Hanike would not look me in the eyes.
(N-no. They...they're not injured...they're fine. I mean,) He sobbed. (They're not fine. I...)
(What?!) I screamed at last. (WHAT?!)
(They...they...)
(They're Yeerk slaves.) I said in shock. (They've been captured!) I gasped. My hearts ached. No! It could not be! Better to be dead!...
He said. (No.) In the smallest, weakest voice yet. He fell to his knees. So did Zamishar.
In the gapping silence, it slowly, horribly dawned on me. Then it struck me, as if the whole universe had suddenly slapped me and ripped my heart out.
(They're dead.) I said weakly, not fully comprehending. Not understanding. Not believing.
He only said. (Y-yes...) He went on. (Some Yeerk rebels got control of a ship. They flew around the surface of the planet, randomly dropping bombs. There was nothing anyone could do. By the time they were stopped, an hour later, hundreds were already dead.)
I shook my head. (No.)
He looked up at me. (L'Ainisha-)
(Nooo!) I wailed, falling to my knees, suddenly weak.
Zamishar spoke (Now L'Ainisha,) He quavered. (You must accept the inevitable. You must be strong. You must-)
(NOOOO!) I screamed in thoughspeak. (THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! THIS CAN'T!) I fell down sobbing.
Little Yani came running over. She had seen us all fall to the ground, one by one. She had heard my thoughtspeak screams.
(Mathi!) She called worriedly. (Mathi! What's happening?!) She ran up to me, put a hand on my shoulder.
No! No! I would have to tell her! No! Never!
(Mathi what is it?)
(It's...your Fathi, your brother...) I broke into weeping. I could not tell her this! I had no strength for this!
(What?! Are they hurt?! We can go to them Mathi, it's okay! We can help them and make them feel better!-)
I snapped. I will never forgive myself for what I did next.
(NO! You don't get it! They're DEAD!) I screamed, grabbing hold of her shoulders and shaking her roughly a few times. (They're DEAD and they're NOT COMING BACK! EVER!) I burst into sobbing and released her and pulled away from her and everyone. She ran off crying, and hid behind the scoop and cried.
I stood on my hooves weakly, and began cutting myself with my own tail blade. Slashing my arms, my wrists, face, legs, back, shoulders, cutting my neck, stalk eyes, ears; anywhere I could reach on my body, I cut. Hanike tackled me and stopped me. So did Zamishar.
And I was put in the pyschiatric wing of the hospital. They kept me locked up. They wouldn't let me see anyone, or anyone see me. They saw me as a danger to myself.
They took Yani away from me. My parents watched over her, while I stayed in the hospital, not responding to anyone.
Kascherm's mother, a spunky, strange little older Andalite came to see me. She did something that changed everything.
She knocked everyone who tried to stop her from seeing me out of the way. Then she marched right in to my room.
And I began to sob, so glad to see her.
(Mathi.) I wept. (Oh, Mathi, I-)
And she...slapped me! Right across the face with the flat of her tail blade!
I remember looking into her face, into her angry eyes, shocked. Why would she do such a thing? Why would she do such a thing when I loved her so much, almost like my own mother?!
(Mathi!) I said, rubbing my cheek with my hand.
(What's wrong with you eh?)
(What?)
(Do you think this is what he'd want you to do?!)
I sighed and groaned. (Mathi, I-)
(You have a DAUGHTER. You should be ASHAMED! She is at your parent's home now, crying because she misses her Fathi and her little brother.)
I wept. (But I can't do anything about that-)
(And she NEEDS her MATHI!) She screamed at me.
I looked at her, shocked, and my sobbing subsided. She was right.
I looked down at the ground and thought, oh Kascherm! I've failed you!
(You haven't failed him yet dear.) She said, as if reading my mind!
I sniffed. (I...I just don't know what to do!) I wept.
And to my surprise, she held me as I wept.
(It's all right.)
(No it is not!) I screamed.
(Shhh...) She said, patting my back. (I remember when I first lost my husband.)
After a while I pulled away and looked at her. Looked into her eyes.
(Thank you.) I said.
She smiled sadly. (What in the world for?!)
I laughed sadly. (For coming here. For...for waking me up.)
She smiled. (Come home, dear.)
So I did.
Little Yani ran into my arms when I left the hospital and arrived home at my mother-in-law's scoop. I wept, and begged little Yani to forgive me for how I'd acted. I felt so awful about it then. I still do. She cried, and said she loved me and forgave me.
(I'm glad you're back, Mathi!) She had said, and I had embraced her with all the strenght of Life.
We were all we had left.
So we stayed at my mother-in-law's for those first few months out of the nice, safe, hospital room.
My first few months of living as a widow.
At age 24.
At first I couldn't work. I couldn't really do anything. Then after a month of doing nothing and sitting around the scoop, thinking about Kascherm and my little Anukili all day, I got up off my rear, and went back to work. Besides, his mother nagged me nearly every day and hounded me with little hints and ideas till I finally got up and went back to work.
I studied harder than ever and went from Nurse to Doctor in one year. I was determined to get my life back. Or at least, get a life to speak of, anyway.
Besides, I wanted Yani to have something to be proud of.
I wanted her to be happy, and to smile and laugh again.
Going back to my own scoop was so hard. I remember just coming back and looking around in it. It felt so cold and empty and dusty and unused. And I just fell down in the doorway and wept, and little Yani cried with me, and begged me to go back to her Grandmother's scoop.
(No, my love. This is our home, where we lived with Fathi and your little brother, and this is where we are going to live forever.) I said, with pure resolve.
And I was.
I was determined to do it. To make it somehow. To make Kascherm proud of me...
And my little Anukili...
I sat, there, in the shade of mine and Kascherm's scoop, thinking of all of this. I smiled as I realized Yani had fallen asleep on my shoulder, snuggled up next to me. Outside the day was hot an oddly bright. Almost too bright for my taste really.
I was content to sleep there by my little daughter for a while.
Suddenly, my thought-screen came on.
(Doctor L'Ainishikaa?)
(Hmm? Huh?! Oh! Hello Prince Galnuit!) I looked at Yani to see if she was still sleeping, and she was. The thought-screen had not disturbed her sleep. Honestly, nothing could really. If a bomb had gone off, that child would have still been asleep and-
I winced at the thought 'bomb'. I shook my head, trying to clear awful thoughts, images, and most of all memories out of my head.
(Report.) The Prince said simply. Galnuit had his usual easygoing smile on his face. He was an older andalite, with nothing to worry about, and had not had too difficult a life, from what I'd heard of. He was a rather simple fellow, and I had worked under him back when Kascherm had been alive. Though now we were partners. Really, I wouldn't rather have had anybody else but Galnuit.
I sighed. It was still going to be a long day, I could see. (Very well.)
***
Okay. Sorry if that was long. Am tired now. Goin' to bed! Goodnightsies! Hope yall like it. *YAWN* Don't really care if you don't at this point...
Love yaz! Nowgoandreview! Uwluwlubluuuh!
Ah, yes. Got that over with eh?! Heh heh heh!
Can't read Norwegian? Good. Neither can I!
Okay. Now. Story time!
Oh crap...dedications!
Okay; Wraithlord, michelle, and all the other kiddies who like it!
Now! Story time!
*bloodthirsty audience* STORY! STORY! STORY!
Okay okay! Jeez!
*sigh*
*Birdie mutters* There are other slave drivers beside Visser Three...
Okay! On with the story!
Aaaaaand...
Chapter...whatever # this is now...9? no...10. Oh! Okay!
L'Aini's POV
I stared, uncomprehending at the andalite who had just spoken, or tried to show us throught thoughtspeak, the conversation he had had between himself and this bizarre creature. This Ellimist.
I had heard of Ellimists in my youth. My childhood, to be precise. Mother would tell us on windy nights as we sat in our scoop, close together, of the tricks of the Ellimist or Ellimists. How many there were was unknown. And I would get delicious jittery shivers, thinking of the Ellimist(s) as I drifted off to sleep, snug and safe, surrounded by my siblings.
I smiled at these precious memories of a time when I didn't understand the universe. When I believed in things more. When stories made more sense that written history and fact did.
I was snapped out of my reverie by Marco's voice.
"So you...you...chose this?"
Aximili nodded slowly, his eyes looking full of pain. (Yes. Of course.)
(Why?) Tobias said.
Aximili put his hands to his ears and seemed to shake almost convulsively for a second. His hands slipped up on top of his head, fingers in his fur, almost pulling at it, as if to rip it out.
(It seemed like the best choice!) He sobbed with a desparate cry of inner agony. Marco went forward and helped him up onto his hooves, as he fell to his knees.
I felt awful deep inside. That I had ever accused this poor, wretched, accursed creature of insanity. The only one who was insane, was me.
He didn't need medicine. There was no treatment for what he had.
But I felt the very verge of insanity in him. He was on the very brink of it. Dangerously close.
I turned to Tobias. (He needs something.) I said softly.
(What?) He snapped. (More medicine?! Drugs?! Don't you see?! You still don't believe him?! Didn't you see the prune looking guy!!!) He raged at me.
(No!) I hissed back. (That's not what I meant! That's not what I was going to say!)
(Oh...) He blushed and looked down. (I...I'm sorry.)
(Yes.)
(You...you didn't exactly come peacefully aboard this ship, you know!) He said, looking a little annoyed.
(Well...I...) I looked down at my hooves. (No. You're...) I sighed. (You're right. Perhaps I was...)
He looked sadly at me. (What were you going to say?)
I sighed, blushed a little, feeling foolish. (I...love...companionship, friendship, support.)
He looked thoughtful. He looked over at Aximili, as though pondering him. Aximili was now in human morph again, enjoying another cinnamon bun. He looked rather relaxed and peaceful now.
What awful things did the One say for Aximili to look so relieved to be rid of him for two hours only?
Or was it the prospect of living forever that frightened Aximili?
I sighed, feeling weary all of a sudden. I needed to go home, and cuddle my daughter, and sleep. Maybe talk to a friend via thought-screen. I rubbed my forehead with one hand.
I noticed Tobias smiling at me. (Tired?)
I laughed a little. (Yes. Very.)
(Life.)
(No. Not normal life, no. Something that happened...not too long ago. To me, anyway.)
(Care to talk about it?)
I smiled. Then felt it disappear. I breathed deeply. (No.)
He nodded. (Okay. Cool.) Then he turned to me.
(I know exactly what would make Ax's life way, way better right now. Maybe, anyway. If we do this right.)
I smiled. (We?)
He laughed. (Yes. I need your help.)
I turned toward him more. (Why me?)
He shrugged his shoulders. A strange gesture I had never seen an andalite do before. (I don't know. You're a doctor, aren't you? You're supposed to help him. So do your job.)
I smiled. Bobbed my eyestalks. (Alright. So what is it you're planning on doing?)
(It involves somebody he knew quite a while ago. A certain...smart aleck...)
My curiousity was picqued. (A female?)
He grinned. (Yep.)
(And you want me to...)
(Help me find her?) He looked imploringly at me. His hands came together in a gesture of plea.
I sighed. (Alright. But why can't someone else help you find her?)
He shrugged. (I have no idea where to even start looking! You're an andalite! Besides, I want to surprise him!) He rubbed his hands together and grinned.
I smiled. There was something oddly consoling about this scruffy young, certainly unorthodox, if at all, andalite. He demorphed to his bird form, and even there, he looked quite pleased with himself and his idea. I had never met a bird capable of emitting such a vibe of smugness and I tried desparately not to giggle.
(Hey! What's so funny?)
I shook my head, hopelessly laughing now. (Oh, me! Nothing!) I turned to leave.
(Hey! Where are you going?!)
(Home!) I said.
He looked for a moment like he wanted to ask if he could come along. I giggled in my head at the idea. And at what my answer to this odd little bird would be...
He looked down. (You'll come back?)
(Yes...) I said, and turned and left.
As I was leaving out the ship's door, Menderash stood in front of me. He grinned suddenly, and I felt my face with my hand where Aximili had left the bruise. Or...the One, anyway. This would take some getting used to!
He pointed and said. (HA!). Though my glare soon changed his smug look to a look of worry.
I knocked him out of my way.
He rolled rather nicely down the ramp and onto the grass. I glared imperiously down at him, and when I felt that I had sufficiently stared him into the dirt with his shame of his own actions, I trotted on towards home.
***
I was glad to get home again. My daughter was there, waiting for me with Giugin. I got there around midday, feeding as I ran. The two were sitting talking and giggling about something. Yani looked up and smiled at me.
"Mother! You're back early today!" She trotted up to me and I embraced her little form.
"So are you!" I said, genuinely surprised. Her little friend left a while later.
I sat thinking, exhausted. Yani came over and sat by me. I wrapped my arms around her little torso and pulled her close.
"How was your little visit?" I asked.
"Fun." She replied. "Mother! I just heard from Giugin that her family is going to the South Coast in a few weeks, and she told me I could come too! Can I please go?!"
I sighed. The idea of her going off leaving me alone...But it wasn't fiar of me. She needed to have fun. I smiled. "Of course love." I said.
She grinned. "Wheee! Thank you Mathi!"
"I love you." I said. "Be careful."
"I love you too."
"You'll have to thought-screen me every night you're there, and tell all about what you're doing!"
She smiled. "Yes Mathi."
I sat cuddling my daughter, and she leaned into me. The heat of the day and the cool shade of the scoop began to lull me to sleep.
"Mathi." She said the Old-Andalite slang for 'mother' affectionately.
"Daughti." I replied, and stroked the fur along the top of her head. I smiled at her sweet little face. She had so much of her father's spunk!
My eyes moved over to the holographic little statues of my husband, Kascherm; and my little Anukili, my five year old son.
I thought of how silent the scoop was now that they were gone!
Usually Kascherm woudl be asking me where something was, and Anukili would be arguing about something with Yani and they would ask 'Fathi' who was right and he would say 'ask your mother' and as they swarmed around me and I glared at him, he would chuckle and go back to his work.
My hearts ached for him now. My body ached for his next to mine at night. My arms longed to hold my little son.
But they were gone now.
And gone forever.
My mind thought back to that first, awful night I slept alone.
When my husband's childhood shorm, Prince Hanike, and his War Prince Zamishar came to tell me.
I had been lying out near the opening of our little scoop, with Yani by my side.
We had been watching the stars.
"Where is the Hork Bajir Home world, Mathi?"
I had smiled. "Billions of light years from here."
"Oh!" She said in awe. "That far?!"
"Yes."
"Why is Fathi so far?"
"The Hork Bajir need Fathi's help."
"Do the Hork Bajir need Anukili too?"
"No. Fathi does." Perhaps there was a tone of anger in my voice. I had never really gotten over Kascherm taking Anukili with him to that planet, but he begged me so that I finally gave in.
Besides, I couldn't stand the thought of my Kascherm all alone on that slug infested planet. I didn't care if the war was over on Earth. I didn't care if the Andalites had won back the Hork Bajir Home world. There was still danger.
But he still took our little son with him.
(Besides,) He had said. (This will be more educational for him than school!)
(No it will not!) I had said.
(It'll train him to be a great warrior!)
I had snuggled my little one and said. (He will NOT be a warrior! He will never have to be! He'll be a great scientist!)
(Ha!)
Anukili had been so excited. He was going to travel on a ship with his father to a whole other planet!
I simply had to protest when Kascherm gave him that toy Shredder that could actually stun people and knock them out unconscious for five whole minutes, but I ended up giving in on that too when they both gave me pleading expressions and Anukili looked about to cry when I said (NO KASCHERM! ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY OUT OF YOUR MIND?!)
Kascherm had his own ship, the 'Star Hoober'. It was a small ship. Kascherm had gone to the Hork Bajir Home world to study the tree growth. The Yeerks had obliterated many trees; nearly ruined whole forest lands. Now that the war was almost over, and the Hork Bajir home world had been liberated, Cassie the human had been speaking with Earth's American president, and the Andalite Military officials guarding the Home world to see about transporting the free Hork Bajir of the free colony, back to their own home world again. They were also setting up a program whereby freed, surviving Hork Bajir could be guaranteed free, safe passage to their home world.
Kascherm had been excited to receive this assignment. He was already a Prince and had fought in near twenty battles during the war, some of which had been directly physical and upfront (as in tailfighting was needed!) And he had survived them all. Now that his infantry years were over, he specialized in botany and biology, and he had been selected from about thirty other officers for this job.
He was to go and study for 10 Andalite months and observe the tree growth, to see if the forest lands and rightful homes of the Hork Bajir could be restored to what they once were.
Teams occassionally went out to see Kascherm and Anukili. But mostly it was just them, and an older Andalite, Dr. Esliers-Alune-Zepshut, a biologist. They often had the whole compound to themselves; just the three of them! I had often taken Yani and gone to see him. It was so beautiful there. The compound was amongst these tall, proud, massive trees. Chadoo scampered about in them. It was wonderful to see that the planet was still alive.
Whenever I saw my little son, my hearts ached for my little family to be back together again.
"Just six more months." He had said, gently. "Just six more months my Ainisha (his affectionate nickname for me.) "We will be together soon, my love."
I trusted in him. I wanted so much to believe him. But I was so scared. So scared for my little baby...and my big baby, all alone and far away on that planet with only a silly old codger for company.
Hanike came, that fateful night. And War-Prince Zamishar.
I sat up as I saw him approaching. I blushed and stood, embarrassed that he should catch me on my back with my belly and four legs in the air. Yani stayed where she was. "Hullo Prince Hanike!" She called. I froze. He only stared sadly at little Yani, who lay trying to count the stars again. He looked at me and seemed unable to speak. I only looked at him, at his eyes, frozen with fear.
Something was wrong...with Kascherm.
Or was it my baby son?!
Oh no...Prince Zamishar was here too!
(W-War Prince Zamishar.) I spoke softly and bobbed my eyestalks.
(It's...it's really...) He seemed to shock. (It's really quite alright m'dear, really. You can...) Again, he was faltering! (You can just call me Zamishar...)
(What?! What is it?!) I cried out desparately.
(I ah,) Hanike sighed, shuddering, breathing deeply. ( I must tell you something L'Aini.)
(What?! Is is Kascherm? Anukili?!)
He said (Yes.) Weakly.
(Both!) I said, feeling shock. (Are they injured?! Oh! Where are they? I've got to go to them!)
Hanike would not look me in the eyes.
(N-no. They...they're not injured...they're fine. I mean,) He sobbed. (They're not fine. I...)
(What?!) I screamed at last. (WHAT?!)
(They...they...)
(They're Yeerk slaves.) I said in shock. (They've been captured!) I gasped. My hearts ached. No! It could not be! Better to be dead!...
He said. (No.) In the smallest, weakest voice yet. He fell to his knees. So did Zamishar.
In the gapping silence, it slowly, horribly dawned on me. Then it struck me, as if the whole universe had suddenly slapped me and ripped my heart out.
(They're dead.) I said weakly, not fully comprehending. Not understanding. Not believing.
He only said. (Y-yes...) He went on. (Some Yeerk rebels got control of a ship. They flew around the surface of the planet, randomly dropping bombs. There was nothing anyone could do. By the time they were stopped, an hour later, hundreds were already dead.)
I shook my head. (No.)
He looked up at me. (L'Ainisha-)
(Nooo!) I wailed, falling to my knees, suddenly weak.
Zamishar spoke (Now L'Ainisha,) He quavered. (You must accept the inevitable. You must be strong. You must-)
(NOOOO!) I screamed in thoughspeak. (THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! THIS CAN'T!) I fell down sobbing.
Little Yani came running over. She had seen us all fall to the ground, one by one. She had heard my thoughtspeak screams.
(Mathi!) She called worriedly. (Mathi! What's happening?!) She ran up to me, put a hand on my shoulder.
No! No! I would have to tell her! No! Never!
(Mathi what is it?)
(It's...your Fathi, your brother...) I broke into weeping. I could not tell her this! I had no strength for this!
(What?! Are they hurt?! We can go to them Mathi, it's okay! We can help them and make them feel better!-)
I snapped. I will never forgive myself for what I did next.
(NO! You don't get it! They're DEAD!) I screamed, grabbing hold of her shoulders and shaking her roughly a few times. (They're DEAD and they're NOT COMING BACK! EVER!) I burst into sobbing and released her and pulled away from her and everyone. She ran off crying, and hid behind the scoop and cried.
I stood on my hooves weakly, and began cutting myself with my own tail blade. Slashing my arms, my wrists, face, legs, back, shoulders, cutting my neck, stalk eyes, ears; anywhere I could reach on my body, I cut. Hanike tackled me and stopped me. So did Zamishar.
And I was put in the pyschiatric wing of the hospital. They kept me locked up. They wouldn't let me see anyone, or anyone see me. They saw me as a danger to myself.
They took Yani away from me. My parents watched over her, while I stayed in the hospital, not responding to anyone.
Kascherm's mother, a spunky, strange little older Andalite came to see me. She did something that changed everything.
She knocked everyone who tried to stop her from seeing me out of the way. Then she marched right in to my room.
And I began to sob, so glad to see her.
(Mathi.) I wept. (Oh, Mathi, I-)
And she...slapped me! Right across the face with the flat of her tail blade!
I remember looking into her face, into her angry eyes, shocked. Why would she do such a thing? Why would she do such a thing when I loved her so much, almost like my own mother?!
(Mathi!) I said, rubbing my cheek with my hand.
(What's wrong with you eh?)
(What?)
(Do you think this is what he'd want you to do?!)
I sighed and groaned. (Mathi, I-)
(You have a DAUGHTER. You should be ASHAMED! She is at your parent's home now, crying because she misses her Fathi and her little brother.)
I wept. (But I can't do anything about that-)
(And she NEEDS her MATHI!) She screamed at me.
I looked at her, shocked, and my sobbing subsided. She was right.
I looked down at the ground and thought, oh Kascherm! I've failed you!
(You haven't failed him yet dear.) She said, as if reading my mind!
I sniffed. (I...I just don't know what to do!) I wept.
And to my surprise, she held me as I wept.
(It's all right.)
(No it is not!) I screamed.
(Shhh...) She said, patting my back. (I remember when I first lost my husband.)
After a while I pulled away and looked at her. Looked into her eyes.
(Thank you.) I said.
She smiled sadly. (What in the world for?!)
I laughed sadly. (For coming here. For...for waking me up.)
She smiled. (Come home, dear.)
So I did.
Little Yani ran into my arms when I left the hospital and arrived home at my mother-in-law's scoop. I wept, and begged little Yani to forgive me for how I'd acted. I felt so awful about it then. I still do. She cried, and said she loved me and forgave me.
(I'm glad you're back, Mathi!) She had said, and I had embraced her with all the strenght of Life.
We were all we had left.
So we stayed at my mother-in-law's for those first few months out of the nice, safe, hospital room.
My first few months of living as a widow.
At age 24.
At first I couldn't work. I couldn't really do anything. Then after a month of doing nothing and sitting around the scoop, thinking about Kascherm and my little Anukili all day, I got up off my rear, and went back to work. Besides, his mother nagged me nearly every day and hounded me with little hints and ideas till I finally got up and went back to work.
I studied harder than ever and went from Nurse to Doctor in one year. I was determined to get my life back. Or at least, get a life to speak of, anyway.
Besides, I wanted Yani to have something to be proud of.
I wanted her to be happy, and to smile and laugh again.
Going back to my own scoop was so hard. I remember just coming back and looking around in it. It felt so cold and empty and dusty and unused. And I just fell down in the doorway and wept, and little Yani cried with me, and begged me to go back to her Grandmother's scoop.
(No, my love. This is our home, where we lived with Fathi and your little brother, and this is where we are going to live forever.) I said, with pure resolve.
And I was.
I was determined to do it. To make it somehow. To make Kascherm proud of me...
And my little Anukili...
I sat, there, in the shade of mine and Kascherm's scoop, thinking of all of this. I smiled as I realized Yani had fallen asleep on my shoulder, snuggled up next to me. Outside the day was hot an oddly bright. Almost too bright for my taste really.
I was content to sleep there by my little daughter for a while.
Suddenly, my thought-screen came on.
(Doctor L'Ainishikaa?)
(Hmm? Huh?! Oh! Hello Prince Galnuit!) I looked at Yani to see if she was still sleeping, and she was. The thought-screen had not disturbed her sleep. Honestly, nothing could really. If a bomb had gone off, that child would have still been asleep and-
I winced at the thought 'bomb'. I shook my head, trying to clear awful thoughts, images, and most of all memories out of my head.
(Report.) The Prince said simply. Galnuit had his usual easygoing smile on his face. He was an older andalite, with nothing to worry about, and had not had too difficult a life, from what I'd heard of. He was a rather simple fellow, and I had worked under him back when Kascherm had been alive. Though now we were partners. Really, I wouldn't rather have had anybody else but Galnuit.
I sighed. It was still going to be a long day, I could see. (Very well.)
***
Okay. Sorry if that was long. Am tired now. Goin' to bed! Goodnightsies! Hope yall like it. *YAWN* Don't really care if you don't at this point...
Love yaz! Nowgoandreview! Uwluwlubluuuh!