Ch. 1: Be Like That
If I could be like that,
I would give anything,
Just to live one day here,
In those shoes,
If I could be like that, what would I do?
-Be Like That by Three Doors Down
So what would the most ostracized boy in Hogwarts do upon finding himself in the body of the most popular boy in school, who also happened to be his worst enemy? Yell. Really loudly.
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!" Snape shouted. He also shouted some other things that are rather inappropriate for a K+ rated fic.
"Padfoot, what's up?" James asked, startled by his friends outburst.
"What did you call me?" Snape asked.
"Padfoot. You know, the nickname you've had since fifth year? But if you'd prefer, Sirius what's up?"
"I'm not your bloody Sirius!" Snape growled.
"Well then who are you?" James asked, mildly amused.
But of course Snape, being the smart guy that he was, was beginning to realize that this situation was rather advantageous to him and that no one was going to believe what Sirius said in Snape's body. "Sirius. Sorry, bit disoriented."
"Well, okay," James said cheerily. "Sorry about the potions explosion, but you did ask for it-literally. And a lot of it got on Snape too."
"Good," Snape said with sincerity, because Sirius was Snape now.
0o0
And what does the most popular guy in school do when he suddenly finds that he's suddenly the most ostracized boy in school? Yell. So loudly, you could probably hear him if you strained your ears. So loudly I heard him all the way in over here in America, though that might just have been the neighbors.
"MY SEXY BODY! IT'S GONE! WHAT IS THIS! WHAT IS THIS!" Sirius shouted, kneeling in front of the mirror in the Slytherin Boys' Dormitory. "Oh," he moaned. "My amazing hair! My perfectly amazing hair! Gone, gone…"
"What are you on about, Snape?" Domacles Belby asked, walking into the dormitory with Tiberius McLaggen.
"I'm dying!" Sirius proclaimed.
"Good," Belby said.
Sirius was about to growl at Belbyuntil he realized that he would have said the same thing. However he had to question him, "Because you're of so much greater value than me?"
"Of course I am! I'm going to invent the greatest potions ever!" Belby said with superiority.
Sirius sneered. "You know nothing about potions."
"Oh that's right, I wouldn't be anywhere if I didn't steal your ideas right?"
Sirius wasn't exactly sure what to say to that, but he was saved from answering when Bertram Aubrey came in. "Good evening, boys," he said in his almost cheery, oh-so-superior voice.
"Good evening, Aubrey," McLaggen and Belby chorused. All three boys were unreasonably fond of themselves, but Aubrey, being the most in love, was the leader. He wasn't even smart or good-looking-Sirius and James may be conceited sometimes (cough all the time cough) but they had reason to be.
"I said good evening Snape, I expect an answer," Aubrey said threateningly.
"Go to hell, Aubrey," Sirius replied. Before Aubrey could do him any damage, Sirius left the Dormitory to find his body and demand it back.
0o0
"I'm going to eat the kitchens, want to come?" James asked the Gryffindor Boys' dormitory.
Exercising his great control, Snape didn't sneer at James' odd phrasing and refused, as did Remus and Peter. Ten minutes later, Snape pretended to have changed his mind and went off to find his body, so he could gloat.
In the dungeons, on the way to the Slytherin Common Room, Sirius and Snape met. "What is this, you bloody git? I want my perfect body back!"
"No way," Snape said. "I like things this way. I'm staying in this body until you find your way out."
"You can't do that!" Sirius shouted. "You just can't do that!"
"Of course I can," Snape said calmly. "I can and I will. What you can't do is make me help you find a way out of this. And don't even think about telling people who you are, no one will believe you."
"Well then why are you so worried that I will?"
"I don't want people to think I'm crazy. Besides, I'm going to pretend to be a stuck-up prick for as long as this lasts, you can pretend you're a 'slimy git'"
"I won't!" Sirius said. " Not unless you get me out of here you freak! Do you really expect me to be you until I can figure out how to get out on my own? No way! No -ing way!"
"Fine. Act like I'm insane. Do whatever you want in my body. You're going to suffer the immediate consequences, not me, and you can't possibly make life worse for me."
"Fine! Be like that!" Sirius spat out, walking back to the Slytherin Dormitory, breaking everything possible on his way there. The only reason he didn't hurt Snape, was because he didn't want to hurt his perfect body.
"Oh, don't worry, I will," Snape said, smiling smugly as he watched Sirius retreat.
A/n: About the eating the kitchens thing, it just seemed like something funny James would say and his friends would translate.
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