Chapter Twelve: Humanoid Trash
"So . . . " Avocato leaned far back on the bench, stretching his long legs out before him. "Can I safely assume you gentlemen had an enjoyable time?"
Nikos dropped onto the seat beside him, smiling. "A very safe assumption. I can't believe I met two princesses. And the future king and queen."
"You actually met four princesses and three princes," corrected Avocato with a dismissive wave. "But nobody can count that high."
From Avocato's other side came a love-struck sigh as Kedi said, "I danced with the most beautiful woman in the world."
Nikos leaned forward to fix Kedi with a playful glare. "Correction, Kotik. I did."
"No," insisted Avocato, "I did."
"Cordata?" wondered Nikos innocently, begging for trouble.
Avocato gave a cry of horror and shoved him away. They all laughed, Avocato most of all as he surged to his feet to face them. They were at the railway station, waiting on the outdoor platform for their transport. The place was deserted at the moment since they were quite early for their return trip to Ventrex City. Silaff had been dropping off a few final wedding guests who needed a few days to recover and they had opted to wait at the station versus making him take another round trip. They had said their good-byes early, Avocato got in a last few swipes at his brothers, and the cooks had given them enough food for three times their number, which they ate as soon as they arrived. Nikos and Kedi still had a great deal to process from the whole trip, and the cool quiet of the station and full bellies were exactly what they needed to unwind before returning to the rigors of the academy.
"So, Alfatrix's ballroom has been conquered. Next up, we invade the spice farms of Vel Pitten!" exclaimed Avocato.
"And learn to swim!" vowed Nikos.
"Do we have to go in the summer?" asked Kedi with a groan.
Nikos laughed. "There's no winter at the equator, Kedi!"
"Well, there's almost no summer in the Far Reaches!"
It was Nikos' turn to groan. Avocato laughed at the pair of them, and was about to carry on when a blinding-bright flash of light appeared at the far end of the platform. Startled, they turned and squinted, but the light was gone before they could tell what had caused it. A moment later, two humanoids, both topped with yellow hair and openly carrying blasters, came rushing out of where the light had been. Both looked behind them in alarm, and it was obvious they expected to be chased.
The three young Ventrexians, having no idea of what was happening, stared in speechless astonishment.
"Mom, come on!" shouted the one in the lead.
"What's it look like I'm doing?" she snapped right back, keeping her weapon trained behind them as she ran. It was no easy maneuver. Having learned to cover his rear at a dead run, Avocato couldn't help but admire her form.
The first one – Avocato was presuming it was a male by the stockier build, though he wasn't overly familiar with primates – was almost upon them before he looked forward. Instantly he spotted Avocato standing almost directly in front of him, and he practically skidded to a halt just a step or two away, his arms windmilling as he stumbled the last few steps. His eyes were large, strangely shaped, and colored white and black and brownish-green, and wide with shock. His skin was smooth and mostly hairless, with an odd pinkish hue. The teeth Avocato glimpsed in the primate's mouth looked fairly useless, but it was possible they were herbivores. The other humanoid – a female, he guessed by the smaller size – slammed full-force into the first one, almost knocking both of them to the ground at Avocato's boots.
"Gary, what the hell are you –"
Then she stopped, and staggering upright, she joined her companion in gaping at Avocato.
Really? Had they never seen a Ventrexian before? On Ventrexia?
"Oh, my god," breathed the male – Gary? Was that a name? Or was his species a Gary? "It's you. Avocato!"
Avocato frowned. Bad enough the whole Royal Academy knew his name. Now the primates were getting in on it?
"Well, we knew this day was coming," said the female with a wry smile. She hefted her gun and looked Avocato up and down in open pleasure. "Looks damn good in a uniform, that's for sure." She gave the Gary a sideways glance and added, "Not bad."
The Gary took a step forward, one hand – a robotic one – reaching toward Avocato. Unwilling to be touched by this very strange stranger, Avocato slapped the hand away, snapping,
"Piss off, you humanoid trash! How the hell do you know who I am?"
Unexpectedly, the Gary-thing laughed, seemingly delighted to have insults hurled at him. The sound was infectious, though Avocato had no desire to join in.
"That's my Cato." He looked beyond Avocato to where Nikos and Kedi sat in stunned silence, and he broke into a wide grin. "Nikos! Good to see you again! Oh, hey, you must be Kedi. We haven't met, but I've heard the stories. Hi!" He waved.
Numbly, Kedi waved back. Nikos swatted at him to stop.
"Who the hell are you and how do you know who we are?" demanded Avocato fiercely, his hackles rising as he took a step in, putting himself between this alien and his friends. Even though he wasn't armed, if it came to it, Avocato was sure he'd be able to do some major damage. These primates looked pretty soft in comparison to a Ventrexian, though the Gary was a little taller than Avocato. Gods knew those square teeth must be completely ineffective in a fight. Surprisingly, the male wasn't intimidated by a snarling Ventrexian in his face. Actually, he seemed more excited than alarmed at being faced by Avocato's wrath.
"I'm Gary Goodspeed," he said with a goofy smile. "Believe it or not, you and I are going to be very good friends in a few years, Avocato."
"I highly doubt that," Avocato growled, then glared when the female snorted.
"You wouldn't be you if you didn't," said Gary, looking and sounding positively affectionate. "I know you, Avocato. I've lived and worked with you. God, you're - you're so young! Cato, you and I are –" He stopped himself, gave his head a little shake, ran his robotic hand through his thatch of hair, and continued. "You're – you're on your way back from your brother's wedding, right? I can tell you all three of you danced with your future wives at that wedding. You taught Nikos how to dance, he taught you how to swim."
Despite himself, Avocato took a step back, astonished. He glanced at his companions, then demanded, "How do you know that?"
"Like I said. I know you. Older you. You're my friend."
A growl rose up in his throat. "Why the hell would I be friends with you?"
Another laugh, and Gary said, "Because I didn't give you a choice!"
"Gary, we have to move," said the woman, looking back the way they'd come.
"Yeah, okay, Mom." He nodded. "Cato, listen. You too, Nikos. This is mega-super imperative! I'm going to meet you again in the future. A few times, actually, but this one time, I'll be waiting outside a vault, and I'll ask you to play cards. You're going to give me a key. Once I leave, you must wait at the vault, Avocato. Your life will depend on it. Please."
"What?" he asked, lost.
"Nikos!" Gary rounded on the hapless cadet, who jumped at being noticed. "Nikos, you need to remember, too!" He pointed to himself, saying, "Look at my face. Remember my hair! My hand! I know you all think I'm bat shit crazy right now, but you're going to see me again, I promise! How else could I know who you all are?"
"He has a point," Kedi granted.
"Don't encourage him," hissed Nikos in Ventrexian.
"Wait at the vault," Gary repeated, letting the woman tug him away a few steps. He paused as she ran on, and smiled at Avocato with a silly, almost tender smile. "Nikos was right; you really are adorable."
Avocato frowned and drew himself even straighter, completely taken aback. His astonished reaction made Gary's grin widen further. Setting off behind the woman, he called back,
"See you in about fifteen years!"
Then they were gone, vanished down the steps. Before a word could be said, another commotion – running, whooping, and the slap of big feet on a hard surface – caught their attention. They looked back to where Gary and the female had originally appeared, and their eyes were assaulted by a trio of hideous and hairy beings with blank eyes and faces locked in a grinning rictus like no species Avocato had ever heard about before. Their oblong heads, topped by a single antenna with a gold charm dangling off it, were too large and their limbs were unnaturally long and scrawny beneath what was clearly synthetic fur in a garish purple color. They were armed with pathetically cheap-looking weapons, and Avocato couldn't imagine how they could even see through all that hair to aim them.
"Now what?" wondered Avocato, not really curious as to how they ended up ground zero for a circus.
Looming behind the purple hairy things was a taller, heavier red version that was clearly in charge.
"After them!" yelled the red one in Galactic Standard, pointed at the far end of the platform. "I want Goodspeed's head!"
"What . . . the . . . hell?" breathed Nikos, cursing for perhaps the first time in his life.
Slappy feet in white boots headed their way as the purple minions, hampered by their ridiculous garb, bundled onward, making a ruckus with every step. Avocato frowned and watched them race past where he stood, but as the red leader approached, he shifted his stance oh-so-slightly, turned his heel, and very subtly tripped the crimson nightmare flat on his face. The gun slipped from his hairy costume hands and slid over towards Kedi, who planted one big, booted foot atop the weapon and dragged it closer.
"Oooph!"
Synthetic red fur sprawled in a heap at Avocato's feet as the purple copies ran on, unsupervised. Avocato looked down his nose distastefully at the mess before him.
"You miserable Ventrexian snafflegag! You did that on pur – YOU!"
Still on the ground, the red one rolled over and pushed its head back and off, revealing a scruffy, haggard primate that ticked every box for repulsiveness. While Gary had been merely odd, this specimen was grotesque. He was dirty, smelly, unkempt, and – most damning of all for a Ventrexian nobleman – uncouth. His brown hair was flattened with sweat and there was bristly fur sprouting on his jaw. Now that Avocato had a basis for comparison, he could appreciate Gary's relative appeal. At least he hadn't reeked as if he was a day or two away from death like this one did.
"Avocato! I left you on my ship! How did you escape?" demanded the primate, his features twisting in confusion and fury and – fear?
Avocato arched an eyebrow at him with enough disdain as to make the man flinch. He looked for his blaster, then snarled when he saw Kedi casually pick up the rifle and balance it butt-end on his knee. The gray Ventrexian fixed him with a very threatening glare.
"What is that, even?" wondered Nikos, standing beside Avocato.
"Just another primate," Avocato replied, following Nikos' example and speaking in Ventrexian. "It's like an infestation today."
"Shall I call for the constables?"
"Good idea."
The primate looked between them nervously, clearly unable to follow the conversation. His agitation increased as Nikos spoke into his comm unit.
"What – what are you doing?" demanded the man on the ground. He tried to edge away, but Avocato stepped on his oversized boot, pinning him, and fear turned to anger. "You're helping him, aren't you? Gary Goodspeed! Of course you'd do something like this! Monsters like you stick together. I don't know how you escaped, but it's not for long!"
Avocato just stared, disgusted and hoping the constables would arrive soon to get this madman safely locked away.
"I've already used up plenty of this on you, but let's see how you like another dose of -"
He tried to swing his clenched fist into Avocato's leg, but not only was he telegraphing every move, he'd announced his intent. Avocato's claws were out and swiping before the primate knew what was happening. Neatly sidestepping the attack, his claws sliced through fake fur and flesh, knocking the blow aside. A howl of pain rose up and an old-fashioned syringe flew wide from the man's grasp and shattered as it hit the ground. There was a shout and a flash of motion and tiny Nikos launched himself at the mass of red fur with the speed of a cracking whip. A booted heel landed hard in the man's midsection, knocking the wind out of him as he landed flat on his back. Standing atop the primate with a savage growl, Nikos planted his other foot on the man's throat, pinning him in place, teeth and claws on full display.
And now Kedi, still seated and comfortable, took aim at the man's head with his own rifle. "Move and I kill you," he promised in Standard, accompanied by a thoroughly unpleasant smile. Accomplished hunter that he was, they knew he'd do it.
"Ugh," muttered Avocato, seeing blood and wisps of red hair on his claws. "I need to wash my hands."
"Are you harmed, Cato?" demanded Nikos, all his focus on the man he was standing upon. He hissed when the humanoid shifted beneath him, and the primate whimpered.
Avocato snorted at the notion, but held his befouled hand well away from his uniform. "Not at all. I think he's more dangerous to himself."
Yet another commotion interrupted their wait as half a dozen armored constables came walking up the stairs from the street, escorting the three purple minions. One of the minions was dripping wet, and the other two had bits of twigs and leaves snagged in their hair as if they'd run headlong into a shrubbery. By the look of things, the two humanoids with yellow hair had escaped.
The three cadets gave the constables statements, though it seemed they weren't alone in reporting a disturbance. Kedi and Nikos followed Avocato's lead and were deliberately vague about Gary and completely failed to mention the conversation they'd had. It wasn't anything they really wanted to explain, especially back at the academy. Kedi handed over the rifle, Nikos pointed out the broken syringe, and they assured the officers they were unharmed, though Avocato had defended himself when the humanoid attacked and the man's arm was clawed. None of the officers appeared overly concerned at that. For a few moments it seemed as if the constables might want them to come to the station, which would make them miss their transport, prompting Avocato to pull out the stops and give his full name and title and those of his parents. House Cato was well known and highly respected in Alfatrix, not to mention immensely powerful, and the constables were reassured they had the whole story and could gloss over the cadets' participation.
The raving man and his dejected minions were hauled off and Avocato was fairly certain their answers in the investigation combined with a general dislike of primates would land them in a ward for many years to come. His hand washed and free of all traces of synthetic hair and primate blood, Avocato was glad to sit down with his friends once again and wait. For a very long while, none of them spoke. Finally, Nikos looked at Avocato and said,
"You know some highly unusual people, Little Cato."
"Mmm," agreed Kedi.
Avocato shook his head, helpless to explain any of this. "Actually . . . they know me."
Kedi chuckled. "And here I thought this holiday couldn't get any better."
With a sigh, Avocato leaned his head against the back of the bench, suddenly tired. "Let's hope we've peaked."
Their quiet snorts of disbelief were not in any way assuring. Another prolonged silence fell, broken by Kedi.
"That man, Gary. He has a crush on you, Cato."
"Mmm," agreed Nikos.
He groaned, rolling his head to give his beloved friends the foulest look he could muster. "I hate you."