Chapter 10

Legal disclaimer-The following characters, other than Mary Blaine belong to Jonathan Larson's estate. I hold no legal claim to them.

Author's Note-Whew. I'm glad you all are still with me. Dennis Shaw, I think I know you from somewhere…thanks for the comment. My usual reviewers, I love you all. Sweetie-what can I say, thank you. Let me know what you think, Read and Review.

When the morning dawned, Mark was unconscious. The stress of the day before had caught up with him, sleep had demanded his attention and had won. Mary left him sleeping, gently kissing him on the forehead and pulling the down comforter up around him. He had snuggled into it, taking her pillow as she moved from the bed.

She took a moment, watched him, and then gathered her clothes for the day, heading out of the room so she wouldn't disturb him.

In the main room of the loft, she smelled coffee, eggs and found Collins and Roger talking. They stopped as she approached, Roger mirroring her actions of the morning before, handing her a coffee mug filled with the steaming brew.

"Bless you," she said, taking the mug from him, "And good morning."

"Good morning to you," Collins replied, kissed her on the cheek, "You have rehearsal this morning?"

"Yeah, full run-through, followed by full dress," she said, yawning, "I hope to hell the press aren't there. I just want to dance."

"You want someone to go with you? Get you through the press if you need it?" Roger offered.

"You know something, yes, I would like that," Mary replied, downing her coffee, "You okay with it? I thought you had rehearsal of your own to go to?"

"Actually, that's this afternoon, and I offered, Mary," Roger said, "Let me do this for you. I can do the punk bodyguard type thing."

Collins laughed. While Roger talked a good game, he knew that the smaller man could run faster than he could when chased. He did throw a good punch though.

"How about Roger takes you down there, and I meet you guys for the walk back?" Collins offered, handing Mary his scrambled eggs, "Eat. I made these for you."

Mary smiled. It was nice to be a place of friendly people. The ballerinas at the dorms were like sisters, but they had a tendency to drive each other crazy. She ate the eggs quickly, realizing that she had very little time to get moving.

Ten minutes later, Roger and Mary sat on the subway, like all the other New Yorkers, heading downtown. Mary had donned her coat, ballet bag, and cotton hat to keep the winter chill out, while Roger had his own scarf tied around his neck.

"You okay, Mary?" he asked

"Yeah, I'm okay," she said, looking back at him, "So much has happened in the past two days it's a little overwhelming."

"Had a feeling, you're dealing with it well though, did you get any sleep?" he asked, watching her reactions.

She frowned. She hadn't sleep well, it helped when Mark finally crawled into bed, trying hard not to wake her. She had curled up with him, sharing the body warmth and knowing that he loved her, but the closeness had scared her. Roger's reaction had her puzzled though. Had he and Mark talked?

"A little," she said, "Helped when Mark finally crashed, he was beat. He didn't even move when I got up this morning."

"He tends to do that, he was editing when I got in this morning," Roger replied, "He's really worried about you."

"Yeah, I'm pretty damn fortunate to have him around," Mary said, "I know he's worried. I just can't put this all into words, you know?"

"Scared?" Roger asked softly, "I saw you yesterday. And I know how it is. You are walking into a place that seems like home but right now isn't?"

Mary nodded. She was scared. Finding Erin's body had scared her, angered her, warned her and terrified her. She had no clue what to do when she got to rehearsal and realized her friend wasn't going to be there ever again. It hurt too much to think about it.

They traveled in silence for a few minutes then Roger gently placed his hand in hers. Mary looked at him shocked.

"About two and a half years ago," he began quietly, "I found my girlfriend after she committed suicide. She had her blood test come back positive. In her note she said she didn't want to live like this."

Roger's admission was low, only audible to her.

"I had a very hard time believing she was dead at first," he continued, "She and I both used heavily, turns out one of the needles wasn't clean, and here we are. She's gone, because she couldn't handle it. Me, on the other hand, had Mark Cohen in my corner, making sure that I didn't end my life right then and there. He's one of the reasons that I am still here today, Mary. He dragged me kicking and screaming into rehab. He won't admit it, but he saved my life and he's trying to save yours."

Mary breathed in. That was the only thing she could do after so powerful an admission by Roger. He was right, Mark was valiantly trying to help her, and he was doing a great job, but the exhausted look on his face this morning had made her want to run away from him, not from fear, but to make sure that he lived his life as well. It was so confusing.

The subway drew up to a stop.

"Broadway, here we come," Roger said softly, "You okay, Mary?"

Mary nodded, gathering her stuff and quickly heading off the subway, Roger following her.

"Mary, can you answer me?" Roger asked again, following her, "Are you okay?"

Mary turned. The look Roger gave her spoke volumes. She was shaking, fear finally overtaking her. He put an arm around her shoulders.

"It's okay to be alive, Mary," Roger said softly, walking with her.

"I know, I know," Mary said, "It's just so hard. It used to be that all I did was hang out with the girls and dance. That's it. Then I saw Mark with his camera, and had to know what he was doing. Then it all changed. Why does life have to be so damn hard?"

"That I know," Roger said, "Nothing in this life is ever easy."

After making their way into the rehearsal hall, Roger Davis sat in the back of the theater and watched his best friend's girlfriend practice the Nutcracker. She was an amazing ballerina. Not only was her part a featured part of the ballet, she had a way of getting attention when she danced. She simply moved. The rest seemed to come naturally.

Mary had arranged his being able to stay by explaining to the instructors that he was staying with her to keep her calm and steady. The director, knowing Mary's situation was indulgent, inviting Roger to sit with him, but Roger declined, explaining that he would rather see it in the back of the theater.

From his vantage point, it was fantastic. The colors, the costumes, the music rolling through the theater were a visual treat. It didn't matter to him that not all the lights were perfect, if you closed your eyes at certain parts, it made it work.

While they waited for a stage reset, Mary waved at Roger to come down and join her. She was dressed in her usual rehearsal outfit, black leotard, pink tights and toe shoes. The full dress for Nutcracker was going to have her in an exquisite costume, but Mary wanted Roger to see how intense the stage was from her angle. His hand in hers she walked across the stage on her toes, showing Roger the 1500 seat theater from her point of view.

Roger was thrilled to see it from that angle. He dreamed of playing those size theaters with the band, his imagination filling the empty seats. He turned to look at Mary, who on her toes was actually taller than he was.

"That looks like it hurts," he said as they walked off the stage, Mary still on her toes.

"After a while it doesn't hurt anymore," she said, "You like all of this?"

"Yeah, I do," Roger smiled as she stood regularly, "I cannot wait until tomorrow night. It's going to be magical."

"As magical as the ABT can make it," she replied, popping her toes on the stage, "I'm very glad you came down here, Roger. Thank you for being my escort today."

"You're welcome Mary,'" Roger noticed a bit of light coming back into her eyes, "I can see you're feeling better."

"Yeah, I am," she said, "Let me get into a groove here, you have to go rehearse, don't you?"

Roger looked at his pager. She was right.

"You okay without me?" he asked.

She gave him a hug as the director started calling names for places.

"Yes, now go," Mary said, "I'll see you tonight."

Roger grabbed his jacket and left. He watched her on the stage as she ran across to take places. Mark was a lucky man, she was beautiful. While Mark was content behind the camera, Mary had the same content look when she was onstage. Roger hoped and prayed that she could be that calm again.