An Innuendo about Oreos
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Rippon
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Summary:
Spoof: Pre-AC When it came right down to it, he just couldn't put his wants over his hair. He just couldn't. COUGH, COUGH. (Sephiroth-centric) Crack, definite CRACK.
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"Oh come now, it's JUST an Oreo."
Well, that WAS true. It WAS only a cookie.
But couldn't it still crumble all over his hair?
"No."
"Please?"
He DID say please… Did that make it okay?
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
"Forget it."
"Pretty please with sugar on top?"
Ooooooh, sugar.
He liked sugar.
Did that make it okay?
After all, he DID say he'd put sugar on top…
NO! He had to stop that line of thinking immediately!
"I said no."
"Humph! FINE! I'll ask Aerith if she wants one of my homemade Oreos. Maybe when they're all gone THEN you'll be sorry."
Oh NO FAIR!
He wanted one, he REALLY did. But those blasted cookies had gotten their white cream stuck in his beautiful hair the last time he'd tried to eat one. It'd taken him almost all week to get it out afterwards. (cough- he sucks at using hair products-cough)
AND THOSE WERE THE STORE-BOUGHT ONES MADE BY PROS!
God only knows what Zack's HOMEMADE ones would do to him…
He flinched. Good Lord!
But…
He WANTED one soooooooo bad!
And Aerith was a big snacker in the after-life (something about not gaining weight… women).
He watched sadly, as Zack walked off with the plate of Oreos.
His Silvery hair blew in front of him…
Lord, what should he do?
…
"DAMMIT ALL! I CAN'T DO THIS!"
After rushing in blindly, downing the full plate while simultaneously smacking Aerith's hand away, and running to the bathroom to check on his hair, Sephiroth was pleased.
In a week's time, he'd pretended it'd never happened.
Explaining himself to Jenova, he exclaimed he simply COULD NOT put earthly desires over his hair.
The woman had coughed.
Oh well, as long as Cloud never found out.
He'd be damned if THAT ever happened…
Oh shit… there goes Zack again.
MORE COOKIES !
Wait, was that…
A phone with a sticker on it saying- "Heaven-to-Earth-calls, 90 cents a minute"?
"Yeah, hey Cloud it's me! Oh? Yup, in Heaven right now. Hey, as weird as this is, guess what Sephiroth did the other day? Sephi? Of course, he's in HEAVEN! Apparently, the guy had a strange soft spot for turtles… something about rescuing them… No, this isn't a prank phone call! Cloud, I'm SERIOUS here! You're wasting my minutes! So anyways, about Sephi-".
"Zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!"
Owari
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(Authoress coughs) Er… yeah. I'm such a freak. I just love Sephi-chan (hugs stuffed life-sized doll of said SOLDIER) Lol. Anyways, I'm sorry about not updating any of my stories, but since I have major writer's block, they're all on HIATUS for a while okay? Summer's in ONE WEEK! So be patient!
-Rip